~ILoveMyBunny~
Alpha Buck
This is has turned into a bit of rant. Sorry..
Utterly heartbroken right now and I have no one else to confide in. Since losing our Mum a year and a half ago I've noticed how little anyone else cares about rabbits. Even those who try to be sympathetic don't realise just how important they are to my brother and me, as they also were to our Mum. And nothing hurts more than a loss that's come too soon and out of nowhere. Especially when it's your fault..
This Monday I took our beautiful teddy bear boy Cody in for surgery on an ear abscess. We'd known it would need doing for a few months but it wasn't immediately urgent and he had no symptoms from it. It took a long time to scrape the money together too as it was a very expensive surgery for us but we finally did it. It was with our most amazing exotics specialist (in no way was any of this their fault, they have been truly exceptional) but it meant having to get into the city without a car. Neither my brother nor I can drive. To go by taxi would have been about £140+ so I chose a middle ground. The plan was taxi to the train station, train to the city then taxi from there.. Except it went wrong. When we got off the train, which Cody managed remarkably well overall considering, it turned out there were no taxi's at all that could take us the rest of the way. I called so many companies and only one out of them even picked up after multiple calls. I was told there would be nothing all morning. I tried to find a bus route but couldn't find one that seemed to go that way (I've never used a bus so I dont' know if I did it wrong).
Google maps said it was 16 mins so I thought okay, that's not terrible, I'm not great at walking (I have endometriosis and suffer from severe pain daily) but I can do that if I take it slow.
I got it wrong.
It was 16 minutes by car. The whole walk took just over 2hrs. I was virtually collapsing in agony and had to go slow and take breaks. I was nearly passing out and extremely nauseous. It didn't help that I went wrong twice. It was still dark (I'd left at 5am).
The biggest problem of it all though was that it was a very loud city road that we were walking along. Had it only been a short distance I don't think it would have been too bad, but Cody had to listen to that for 2hrs.
After dropping him off at the clinic I went to the supermarket and sat there for a few hours before getting a call. Cody had gone into cardiac arrest after they'd put him under (apparently he had been stressed but had calmed enough to be eating before the surgery). They'd managed to get his heart going again but he wasn't breathing without the ventilator. I think they said they worked on him for 40 minutes but it just didn't work. They never even got started on the surgery.
I feel wholeheartedly responsible. If I'd found another way to get him there he might have been less stressed and this may never have happened. I feel like I killed him.
I wasn't keen on taking the train but couldn't see how else to do it. I should have just taken a taxi all the way even if it was £140.
They did say he had different anaesthetic drugs this week to last week when he had his x-ray and dental (very brief, just a mild spur) but I don't think that was the cause.
He was healthy, happy and bouncy before. I should never have taken him in.
I truly can't believe he's gone. He was so incredibly healthy and bouncy and full of life. I genuinely never thought there was a chance of him not making it as he was too healthy. He was only 7 1/2 and full of life.
I really feel like I've killed him.
To make things worse we only lost our beloved Snowflake back in September. She's fought very long and hard through severely advanced dental disease (far more dentals in the last year than I could count, she'd lost a good amount of her teeth to extractions in the end) and renal failure from EC. Right up until the end she was so happy and had such a passion for life. I've never known a rabbit fight so hard as she did. She had such a will to live right up to the end. She was only 7 herself.
Then back in February we lost our precious Honey in the most traumatic way. We never did find out what happened. I'd had laparascopic surgery for endo 2 days before so hadn't been able to spend much time with the buns. I just went to see her and she collapsed right next to me. I panicked and called for a taxi to take us to the vet and the stupid taxi never arrived. It must have been the better part of an hour. Her breathing was getting worse in that time and she suddenly threw her head back and gasped and her heart stopped. I tried for ages to do cpr whilst frantically trying to find a friend to give us a lift but ultimately it came to nothing. We never knew what happened and still haven't processed it. Aside from her getting a cataract about a month or so before there was no indication she was sick. She was even younger, only 6.
In less than 11 months we've lost three of our most precious family. All not long after losing our Mum too. No one seems to really care. I was branded 'self centered' for being upset two days after losing Honey by a family member. I was also in agony at the time from surgery but he still felt it was a good time to pull me apart and tell me to 'deal with it as I chose to have the rabbits and animals die'. He said many other nasty things to me downplaying my illness and pain I was in.
On top of that we're now facing potentially being thrown out of our home due to the same family member who will be inheriting 1/4 of the house suddenly deciding he wants us out so he can either sell it or rent it out for profit. He has the money to buy our portion out. We barely have enough money to even survive. We only have one meal a day and can't afford heating at all. Our share would not be anywhere near enough to buy another home.
Everything is going wrong and I don't know how to hold it together. We've gone from having our 9 rabbits to having 6 in less than a year. They are my entire world and only reason to live.
It's one thing if they're old and they've had a long life. If they've been declining for a while and you know that it's coming.
But Honey and Cody were entirely out of nowhere and such a shock. As far as I knew both were healthy and had many years ahead of them.
Out gorgeous Cody
Precious Snowflake (old photo top, 2 months before losing her below)
Sweet fluffy Honey
Utterly heartbroken right now and I have no one else to confide in. Since losing our Mum a year and a half ago I've noticed how little anyone else cares about rabbits. Even those who try to be sympathetic don't realise just how important they are to my brother and me, as they also were to our Mum. And nothing hurts more than a loss that's come too soon and out of nowhere. Especially when it's your fault..
This Monday I took our beautiful teddy bear boy Cody in for surgery on an ear abscess. We'd known it would need doing for a few months but it wasn't immediately urgent and he had no symptoms from it. It took a long time to scrape the money together too as it was a very expensive surgery for us but we finally did it. It was with our most amazing exotics specialist (in no way was any of this their fault, they have been truly exceptional) but it meant having to get into the city without a car. Neither my brother nor I can drive. To go by taxi would have been about £140+ so I chose a middle ground. The plan was taxi to the train station, train to the city then taxi from there.. Except it went wrong. When we got off the train, which Cody managed remarkably well overall considering, it turned out there were no taxi's at all that could take us the rest of the way. I called so many companies and only one out of them even picked up after multiple calls. I was told there would be nothing all morning. I tried to find a bus route but couldn't find one that seemed to go that way (I've never used a bus so I dont' know if I did it wrong).
Google maps said it was 16 mins so I thought okay, that's not terrible, I'm not great at walking (I have endometriosis and suffer from severe pain daily) but I can do that if I take it slow.
I got it wrong.
It was 16 minutes by car. The whole walk took just over 2hrs. I was virtually collapsing in agony and had to go slow and take breaks. I was nearly passing out and extremely nauseous. It didn't help that I went wrong twice. It was still dark (I'd left at 5am).
The biggest problem of it all though was that it was a very loud city road that we were walking along. Had it only been a short distance I don't think it would have been too bad, but Cody had to listen to that for 2hrs.
After dropping him off at the clinic I went to the supermarket and sat there for a few hours before getting a call. Cody had gone into cardiac arrest after they'd put him under (apparently he had been stressed but had calmed enough to be eating before the surgery). They'd managed to get his heart going again but he wasn't breathing without the ventilator. I think they said they worked on him for 40 minutes but it just didn't work. They never even got started on the surgery.
I feel wholeheartedly responsible. If I'd found another way to get him there he might have been less stressed and this may never have happened. I feel like I killed him.
I wasn't keen on taking the train but couldn't see how else to do it. I should have just taken a taxi all the way even if it was £140.
They did say he had different anaesthetic drugs this week to last week when he had his x-ray and dental (very brief, just a mild spur) but I don't think that was the cause.
He was healthy, happy and bouncy before. I should never have taken him in.
I truly can't believe he's gone. He was so incredibly healthy and bouncy and full of life. I genuinely never thought there was a chance of him not making it as he was too healthy. He was only 7 1/2 and full of life.
I really feel like I've killed him.
To make things worse we only lost our beloved Snowflake back in September. She's fought very long and hard through severely advanced dental disease (far more dentals in the last year than I could count, she'd lost a good amount of her teeth to extractions in the end) and renal failure from EC. Right up until the end she was so happy and had such a passion for life. I've never known a rabbit fight so hard as she did. She had such a will to live right up to the end. She was only 7 herself.
Then back in February we lost our precious Honey in the most traumatic way. We never did find out what happened. I'd had laparascopic surgery for endo 2 days before so hadn't been able to spend much time with the buns. I just went to see her and she collapsed right next to me. I panicked and called for a taxi to take us to the vet and the stupid taxi never arrived. It must have been the better part of an hour. Her breathing was getting worse in that time and she suddenly threw her head back and gasped and her heart stopped. I tried for ages to do cpr whilst frantically trying to find a friend to give us a lift but ultimately it came to nothing. We never knew what happened and still haven't processed it. Aside from her getting a cataract about a month or so before there was no indication she was sick. She was even younger, only 6.
In less than 11 months we've lost three of our most precious family. All not long after losing our Mum too. No one seems to really care. I was branded 'self centered' for being upset two days after losing Honey by a family member. I was also in agony at the time from surgery but he still felt it was a good time to pull me apart and tell me to 'deal with it as I chose to have the rabbits and animals die'. He said many other nasty things to me downplaying my illness and pain I was in.
On top of that we're now facing potentially being thrown out of our home due to the same family member who will be inheriting 1/4 of the house suddenly deciding he wants us out so he can either sell it or rent it out for profit. He has the money to buy our portion out. We barely have enough money to even survive. We only have one meal a day and can't afford heating at all. Our share would not be anywhere near enough to buy another home.
Everything is going wrong and I don't know how to hold it together. We've gone from having our 9 rabbits to having 6 in less than a year. They are my entire world and only reason to live.
It's one thing if they're old and they've had a long life. If they've been declining for a while and you know that it's coming.
But Honey and Cody were entirely out of nowhere and such a shock. As far as I knew both were healthy and had many years ahead of them.
Out gorgeous Cody
Precious Snowflake (old photo top, 2 months before losing her below)
Sweet fluffy Honey
