SOAD
Wise Old Thumper
This is not a post for attention, I'm not that sort of person, but I need to write down my thoughts while I'm thinking of them, because I need to know how low I've got.
I can't cope with the upset anymore, Dusty and now Joey, I have screwed up twice now and I can't feel any lower than I do right now. I have done more harm then good and I can't cope with the guilt. I do my best but my best isn't good enough. My life has been taken over, I don't do the things I use to do. I spend 1000's upon 1000's on vet bills, I spend all my free time house checking collecting rabbits, dealing with sick buns, I've got to the point where I think enough is enough, something has got to give and unfortunately it's me, I have given everything I have to give. I am sitting here crying at work, this is not normal my life should not be like this, trying to do a good thing should not make me this miserable. I can't explain how I feel but I think it can't be healthy to feel this way. I have buns still in and I have a couple on my waiting list that are desperate, but other than that Underhill Rabbit Rescue needs to close, I can not put myself through this and only to mess things up. The people I deal with are horrible, nobody cares and you can't make people care, it's got too much now. If I don't walk away I will damage my own sanity and that helps nothing.
I would never post this if I wasn't 100% serious, I've got to the stage where I think I can't do no more. My Dad said to me a few months back, that he spent 30 years trying to make people care about animal welfare and all it does is make you depressed and I've got to be honest I agree.
I would like to thank everyone that has supported me and I would like to thank Steph for fostering and being such a great help.
Some comments have tipped me over the edge, I really can not put up with condemnation on top of guilt, totally had enough.
I can't cope with the upset anymore, Dusty and now Joey, I have screwed up twice now and I can't feel any lower than I do right now. I have done more harm then good and I can't cope with the guilt. I do my best but my best isn't good enough. My life has been taken over, I don't do the things I use to do. I spend 1000's upon 1000's on vet bills, I spend all my free time house checking collecting rabbits, dealing with sick buns, I've got to the point where I think enough is enough, something has got to give and unfortunately it's me, I have given everything I have to give. I am sitting here crying at work, this is not normal my life should not be like this, trying to do a good thing should not make me this miserable. I can't explain how I feel but I think it can't be healthy to feel this way. I have buns still in and I have a couple on my waiting list that are desperate, but other than that Underhill Rabbit Rescue needs to close, I can not put myself through this and only to mess things up. The people I deal with are horrible, nobody cares and you can't make people care, it's got too much now. If I don't walk away I will damage my own sanity and that helps nothing.
I would never post this if I wasn't 100% serious, I've got to the stage where I think I can't do no more. My Dad said to me a few months back, that he spent 30 years trying to make people care about animal welfare and all it does is make you depressed and I've got to be honest I agree.
I would like to thank everyone that has supported me and I would like to thank Steph for fostering and being such a great help.
Some comments have tipped me over the edge, I really can not put up with condemnation on top of guilt, totally had enough.