bumblicious
Warren Veteran
I'm so sorry. I can feel your pain from your words. I don't know what to say. we are here xx
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Pip is gone...my fault
- Thread starter MimzMum
- Start date
TheThreeB's
Mama Doe
I'm so sorry this has happened. Please don't be hard on yourself, it's obvious from your posts how much you love all your pets. Thinking of you x
You don't understand. I was syringe feeding her and giving her water. I picked her up and cradled her and was jiggling her a bit trying to get things to move in her stomach. She started looking even more lethargic and then when I put her down started lifting her nose to breathe. Then she began scrambling around the floor. I tried using the bunny Heimlich but it didn't seem to be working, she was trying to spit out fluid but she was flailing all over, I thought I was hurting her. I tried calling the local vet but she's off today. I then called the vet we're with and while I was talking to them she began rolling and I think she seized up...I picked her up but she went all floppy and then she was gone.
I drowned her. I thought I was so slick, doing the whole thing right and I choked her to death trying to get her to eat. I should've just taken her in to the vet in town instead of screwing around. It's all my fault and now my poor daughter is distraught. I'm in bits and somehow I have to drive her down there so they can send her for cremation. I didn't even want to walk Jenna, what if I do something to hurt her next? Poor Pip. Sweet gentle soul, who never did me any harm and I murdered her!
I'm sorry. I know the British don't delve into huge displays of emotion or say stuff like this, but I am furious with myself and dammit, I know better! What the hell was I thinking? I've ruined everything.
Absolutely destroyed. She should still be alive. I killed her. No other way to look at it.
Big big big hugs. We always blame ourselves, if you didn't syringe Pip you would have blamed yourself. Sunshine died in my arms while I waited for a cab, I blamed myself for not going earlier. I also howled for two weeks after my first bunny died, my son said I was a psycho. Many people don't understand the emotions and the self loathing and self blame we suffer. In time you will know it wasn't your fault.
My sincere condolences Mary. Xxx
Beau Belle
Mama Doe
I'm so, so sorry... (((Hugs)))
Scrappy's Little Helper
Mama Doe
I'm so sorry you've lost Pip 
You are a devoted carer to all your pets and you don't deserve this
The horrible burden of guilt we suffer when we lose a beloved pet is awful. We all think "if only I'd done x, y or z the outcome would have been different". You were in an impossible situation. It would have been incredibly risky to drive in such treacherous conditions, especially on little sleep. So I think you made the right decision to care for Pip at home until it was safe to go to the vet. You also made the right decision to syringe feed her the meds and CC as we all know how vital it is to keep their GI tract moving.
I feel really distraught for you because I truly believe you did nothing wrong yet you've had this awful thing happen to you.
Sleep tight Pip xxx
You are a devoted carer to all your pets and you don't deserve this The horrible burden of guilt we suffer when we lose a beloved pet is awful. We all think "if only I'd done x, y or z the outcome would have been different". You were in an impossible situation. It would have been incredibly risky to drive in such treacherous conditions, especially on little sleep. So I think you made the right decision to care for Pip at home until it was safe to go to the vet. You also made the right decision to syringe feed her the meds and CC as we all know how vital it is to keep their GI tract moving.
I feel really distraught for you because I truly believe you did nothing wrong yet you've had this awful thing happen to you.
Sleep tight Pip xxx
Roly Poly
Warren Veteran
I've only just seen this, I am so so sorry you've lost Pip
I know that there is nothing I can say right now that will make you feel better, but you are most certainly not a bad person. You love and care so much for your animals, anyone can see that.
Sending all my love and (((((((((( hugs ))))))))))
Sweet dreams Pip xx
I know that there is nothing I can say right now that will make you feel better, but you are most certainly not a bad person. You love and care so much for your animals, anyone can see that.
Sending all my love and (((((((((( hugs ))))))))))
Sweet dreams Pip xx
roxyroller88
Mama Doe
I'm so sorry
Sending all the love in the world to you.
Xxxx
Sending all the love in the world to you.
Xxxx
jerseygirl
Warren Scout
MM, I wish I could walk up and give you a big hug and unburden you, just for a while. I left a message on the other forum but want to add to my condolences here also. I couldn't agree more with what the lovely members here have said and so very grateful they know you SO well. They say it so well, better then I ever could.
I truly don't know what else to say, as I know you will struggle with this. It is the flip-side of being someone who cares SO MUCH and feels a huge sense of responsibility for those in her care. Please, please be kinder to yourself.
Here for you always, MM <3
Binky Free Miss Pip! She was a fortunate rabbit to have been found in that small cage by you and your daughter. Taken into your home and hearts where she thrived.
I truly don't know what else to say, as I know you will struggle with this. It is the flip-side of being someone who cares SO MUCH and feels a huge sense of responsibility for those in her care. Please, please be kinder to yourself.
Here for you always, MM <3
Binky Free Miss Pip! She was a fortunate rabbit to have been found in that small cage by you and your daughter. Taken into your home and hearts where she thrived.
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William
Wise Old Thumper
I'm so sorry
My mom went through something very similar. A couple of years ago we had a 5 week old kitten that was sick and my mom was syringe feeding her as she'd done many times before and she'd also syringe fed in the past 3 orphaned kittens and baby birds so she felt she knew what she was doing. But little Prim suddenly started dying when she was being syringe fed and my mom blames herself, thinking she aspirated her or just caused her to have a heart attack because Prim was fighting, not wanting to eat right then.
We don't actually know if that's the case since we don't know why she was ill - she could have been born with organ issues, maybe even a weak heart. And she was more ill that day than she had been. But my mom is convinced she killed her I've tried to convince her that she doesn't know that but to no avail...
I know there's probably nothing I can say now either that will make you feel better. Whether she aspirated or not you were trying to get water and food in her stomach which is obviously essential to a rabbit in stasis. There's no reason for you to have thought it was the wrong thing to do at the time. There's always those what ifs and feeling like you should have done something different but that's because we can't see the future.
Take care of yourself xx
My mom went through something very similar. A couple of years ago we had a 5 week old kitten that was sick and my mom was syringe feeding her as she'd done many times before and she'd also syringe fed in the past 3 orphaned kittens and baby birds so she felt she knew what she was doing. But little Prim suddenly started dying when she was being syringe fed and my mom blames herself, thinking she aspirated her or just caused her to have a heart attack because Prim was fighting, not wanting to eat right then.
We don't actually know if that's the case since we don't know why she was ill - she could have been born with organ issues, maybe even a weak heart. And she was more ill that day than she had been. But my mom is convinced she killed her
I've tried to convince her that she doesn't know that but to no avail... I know there's probably nothing I can say now either that will make you feel better. Whether she aspirated or not you were trying to get water and food in her stomach which is obviously essential to a rabbit in stasis. There's no reason for you to have thought it was the wrong thing to do at the time. There's always those what ifs and feeling like you should have done something different but that's because we can't see the future.
Take care of yourself xx
Jack's-Jane
Wise Old Thumper
I don't know how I can live without her
I don't know how to live with the guilt.
Please forgive me, sweetheart, I was stupid and you paid the ultimate price.
If any forgiveness is needed it is for you to forgive yourself. But I know all too well that doing that can be a goal to keep trying to achieve rather than something that we can actually do. It is far too soon for you to be able to do more than try to keep breathing, to do what needs to be done for your family (both human and animal) and to take care of the arrangements for little Pip.
As I said in my last PM last night, if there was anything I could do or say to make things seem just a little more bearable for you I'd do it in a heart-beat. But from first hand experience I know that in situations like this nothing anyone says can take away the crippling guilt and despair we feel.
I am sending both you and C many many more hugs xx
MimzMum
Wise Old Thumper
Oh Jerz, I am so thankful for you! Your kindness is so very needed. This has been the day from hell. I don't have words for how lost I am and how angry.
I did manage to drive Pip down to the surgery.Worst trip of my entire life, I almost lost consciousness several times and every time I thought of her in the carrier behind me I wanted to burst into tears afresh. My heart is also having missed beats again to the point that I feel like it's going to stop this time.
She will be in their storage now so they can send her with the crem people next Friday. Due to the terrible storms we've had (I think we brought it all down from Alaska with us ) there is no power in the city where the facility is, so they do not have even this week's losses processed. It will take time to have that restored and then they will return to pick up this week and next week's on the 13th.
Hardest thing in the world I have ever had to do was hand her carrier over to the receptionist. I was also a little miffed at the girl who took my payment, she was a bit rude and dismissive. Neither lady seemed particularly sympathetic or even kind. I guess to folks here, it's just a rabbit.
She'll be there all this week. The urge to go get her and bring her home and pretend this all hasn't happened is almost irresistible. But I know it's not her in that body anymore. It just doesn't feel real at all.
ETA: William, thank you, just saw your post as I was ready to submit this. I am sorry your mom had this experience too. You know, it's not just that I feel I was not attending properly, but that this was my daughter's rabbit that I was not attending and I screwed up majorly for her as well as me. I always loved Pip, as did she, but until we realized she was a girl, I often thought of her as BigWig, the ex-owsla rabbit from Watership Down. Had I named her that and Mimzy Hazel I'd have done a proper tribute to Richard Adams. I always saw Pip as her bunny, but kept that special thought of how I first was impressed by her when she came home; December of 2007. I don't know exactly how old she was, but I suppose there cold have been other health issues I wasn't seeing. They do hide them well. She was flapping her ears about the night before and I thought I saw her having trouble keeping her balance, but then she recovered quickly so I figured I imagined it. What I didn't imagine was the pain she was in for the whole night and today, and I do wonder if it even might have been bloat that took her in the end, even if it didn't look like she was swollen much.
Whatever the cause, she is gone, I was the last to handle her and I will bear the responsibility. I just wish she hadn't gone hard like that. She should've been peacefully flopped in her enclosure, stretched out and maybe having a sprig of hay in her cheek, like a farmer. Giving me the evil eye that I was late with brekky again. :roll:
I'm trying to load pix, but even tinypic is giving my laptop fits. I can't use Photobucket anymore, their ads are legion. Google Photo won't let me post publicly...it's going to be impossible to do a tribute and I really need to make one. I won't process this without it.
Your kindness is so very needed. This has been the day from hell. I don't have words for how lost I am and how angry. I did manage to drive Pip down to the surgery.Worst trip of my entire life, I almost lost consciousness several times and every time I thought of her in the carrier behind me I wanted to burst into tears afresh. My heart is also having missed beats again to the point that I feel like it's going to stop this time.
She will be in their storage now so they can send her with the crem people next Friday. Due to the terrible storms we've had (I think we brought it all down from Alaska with us
) there is no power in the city where the facility is, so they do not have even this week's losses processed. It will take time to have that restored and then they will return to pick up this week and next week's on the 13th.Hardest thing in the world I have ever had to do was hand her carrier over to the receptionist. I was also a little miffed at the girl who took my payment, she was a bit rude and dismissive. Neither lady seemed particularly sympathetic or even kind. I guess to folks here, it's just a rabbit.
She'll be there all this week. The urge to go get her and bring her home and pretend this all hasn't happened is almost irresistible. But I know it's not her in that body anymore. It just doesn't feel real at all.
ETA: William, thank you, just saw your post as I was ready to submit this. I am sorry your mom had this experience too. You know, it's not just that I feel I was not attending properly, but that this was my daughter's rabbit that I was not attending and I screwed up majorly for her as well as me. I always loved Pip, as did she, but until we realized she was a girl, I often thought of her as BigWig, the ex-owsla rabbit from Watership Down. Had I named her that and Mimzy Hazel I'd have done a proper tribute to Richard Adams. I always saw Pip as her bunny, but kept that special thought of how I first was impressed by her when she came home; December of 2007. I don't know exactly how old she was, but I suppose there cold have been other health issues I wasn't seeing. They do hide them well. She was flapping her ears about the night before and I thought I saw her having trouble keeping her balance, but then she recovered quickly so I figured I imagined it. What I didn't imagine was the pain she was in for the whole night and today, and I do wonder if it even might have been bloat that took her in the end, even if it didn't look like she was swollen much.
Whatever the cause, she is gone, I was the last to handle her and I will bear the responsibility. I just wish she hadn't gone hard like that. She should've been peacefully flopped in her enclosure, stretched out and maybe having a sprig of hay in her cheek, like a farmer. Giving me the evil eye that I was late with brekky again. :roll:
I'm trying to load pix, but even tinypic is giving my laptop fits. I can't use Photobucket anymore, their ads are legion. Google Photo won't let me post publicly...it's going to be impossible to do a tribute and I really need to make one. I won't process this without it.
MimzMum
Wise Old Thumper
Thank you Jane, your kind thoughts are so helpful, you have no idea. I know you've been through some rough losses of your own over the years, truly , I don't know how you've gotten through them but that you are the strongest lady I know. I just want to run away screaming. This day has been a complete nightmare.
Jack's-Jane
Wise Old Thumper
I'm trying to load pix, but even tinypic is giving my laptop fits. I can't use Photobucket anymore, their ads are legion. Google Photo won't let me post publicly...it's going to be impossible to do a tribute and I really need to make one. I won't process this without it.
If you email me some photos I can upload them to my PB account and either post them on here or send you the PB links xx
jerseygirl
Warren Scout
I knew there was some Watership Down connection with Pip but I couldn't recall it. I do hope you can get the photo tribute put together of gorgeous Pip. Could you take screenshots of the particular images you want in your Google album? Then save just those o the laptop? I sometimes just screen shot things, open in Paint, resize and crop there. A bit finicky, but it works for me.
Reading over your posts again, I would not be surprised if Pip did have something like pneumonia (as Jane mentioned) or congestive heart failure or something else under the radar. I'm speculating of course, but it's entirely possible. As you know, stasis is often not a stand alone condition. But it is often the first one we become aware of due to the rabbit not wanting to eat.
The way she went reminds me both of Jersey and Maple. Jersey didn't have the seizure but Maple did. And both struggled for breath in the last moments. It stays with you, watching them go. It is hard to process...But if we were somehow told they were not long for this Earth, wouldn't we want to be right there with them. Pip had you. Pip always had you in her corner. Whether you believe you are responsible for the way she went or not, your intention was always in her best interest. Guilt and blame is wasted energy and prolongs the pain of loss. But I get it! I've been there and I can bet a whole lot of other RU-ers have too. So everytime those useless thoughts pass through your mind, do follow them with thoughts of all you gave Pip.
I truly think your daughter would not be placing blame at your feet. She would perhaps be feeling helpless that you feel the way you do though. You certainly have not let her down, nor Pip. You've even ventured out in bad weather on little sleep for Pip. btw, I don't quite know what to say about that...*tapping my foot, shaking my head, giving you a Pip-style disapproval face* Please be careful and get some rest! <3
Reading over your posts again, I would not be surprised if Pip did have something like pneumonia (as Jane mentioned) or congestive heart failure or something else under the radar. I'm speculating of course, but it's entirely possible. As you know, stasis is often not a stand alone condition. But it is often the first one we become aware of due to the rabbit not wanting to eat.
The way she went reminds me both of Jersey and Maple. Jersey didn't have the seizure but Maple did. And both struggled for breath in the last moments. It stays with you, watching them go. It is hard to process...But if we were somehow told they were not long for this Earth, wouldn't we want to be right there with them. Pip had you. Pip always had you in her corner. Whether you believe you are responsible for the way she went or not, your intention was always in her best interest. Guilt and blame is wasted energy and prolongs the pain of loss. But I get it! I've been there and I can bet a whole lot of other RU-ers have too. So everytime those useless thoughts pass through your mind, do follow them with thoughts of all you gave Pip.
I truly think your daughter would not be placing blame at your feet. She would perhaps be feeling helpless that you feel the way you do though. You certainly have not let her down, nor Pip. You've even ventured out in bad weather on little sleep for Pip. btw, I don't quite know what to say about that...*tapping my foot, shaking my head, giving you a Pip-style disapproval face* Please be careful and get some rest! <3
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jerseygirl
Warren Scout
Sorry, I hadn't seen Janes offer about the photos before I posted. That sounds like a good option!
weedug
Mama Doe
Oh no! I'm so sorry you lost little Pip, MM .
Reading through all the posts, I really don't believe it was anything that you did or didn't do. You did everything you could to help in an awful situation.
I really hope you get a chance to rest today. My thoughts are with you and your daughter x
. Reading through all the posts, I really don't believe it was anything that you did or didn't do. You did everything you could to help in an awful situation.
I really hope you get a chance to rest today. My thoughts are with you and your daughter x
