Edited Title: Think before you post.

[prettylupin]

Contentious maybe but I also feel that those posting for advice should also think before they post just in case they don't like what they hear and then get offended by it. You can't just ask for advice that suits you and what you want to hear - which i'm afraid DOES happen on here just as much as the other way around - so I think it applies to both the poster and the respondent!

 

[Pebblesetc]

100% agree. I know people get frustrated, but do they know how frustrating it is to read their comments? It's incredibly frustrating to see people getting so nasty. If you're frustrated about what someone is doing, step away from your computer, go make a cup of tea, take some deep breaths and come back when you can say what you want to say in a constructive manner.
It isn't hard. And it is much more helpful than just blowing up at people who don't 100% understand everything rabbit-y. I know I didn't even though I thought I'd done loads of research. Nothing could've prepared me for Buckley and how much work goes into keeping a bunny health and happy :lol:
I think we need to step away from the situation if we begin to get to a stage where our comments are veering away from constructive. Like I say, take a break, have a cup of tea and evaluate the situation calmly and rationally before posting.
(Gosh I sound like my mother)

 

[BecksH]

I agree with the OP.

Maybe some folks don't have 'perfect' set ups, but by being allowed to ask questions, have polite and helpful answers (rather than just being slated and criticised) then more people will stick around rather than go elsewhere for info.

This is a great place for info, but it doesn't need large numbers of members ramming the same thing down a new members throat. Especially if they don't know that the new member is a child (although everybody should be treated with respect, whatever their age)

I also agree and I think the OPs post was well worded and considered. A rant it may have been, but it was a valid one.

I daresay she put the word "everyone" in bold initially because that's how it can feel, it really is large numbers saying the same thing, often in a way which seems patronising and makes people feel inadequate.

I'm newish here and I've lurked long enough to see what goes on. So I use the search function to find out what I need to know, I dread not being able to find out something and having to ask a question. It's a shame really because some people do seem lovely and friendly.

 

[SarahP]

Yes, I think there is sometimes a fine line between being bombarded with unsolicited advice and asking for advice that then turns out to not be what the person wants to hear sometimes.

 

[Sky-O]

I think what is key to remember is that this forum exists and communicates only in writing. So you miss a lot of other communication, like body language, speed, volume, tone, intonation, etc.

So anyone typing fast, passionately, emotively, or who doesn't check their posts can be easily misunderstood. The majority of people on here are not deliberately nasty, and mistakes are made.

I was recently told I was 'out of order' for something that I hadn't said, but it was just bad wording and my error so had been misinterpreted. As a result, I now make every effort to avoid putting myself or anyone else, in that situation again. To avoid any issues of miscommunication.

It all comes down to everyone trying to take a step back before they post, and taking time to read and reread what you've written and see it from all different angles and how it might be received and perceived.

Also, sometimes posts can move so fast you can press 'reply' as the first one to say something, and then find when you've posted it, you're like tenth or eleventh, so it can happen by accident.


(also, just so you know, I have spent the last 15 mins trying to word this post appropriately :lol: so at least I'm trying to take my own advice).

 

[helennnnnn]

I also agree and I think the OPs post was well worded and considered. A rant it may have been, but it was a valid one.

I daresay she put the word "everyone" in bold initially because that's how it can feel, it really is large numbers saying the same thing, often in a way which seems patronising and makes people feel inadequate.

I'm newish here and I've lurked long enough to see what goes on. So I use the search function to find out what I need to know, I dread not being able to find out something and having to ask a question. It's a shame really because some people do seem lovely and friendly.

It's awful that members on here feel like that

 

[Sky-O]

Contentious maybe but I also feel that those posting for advice should also think before they post just in case they don't like what they hear and then get offended by it. You can't just ask for advice that suits you and what you want to hear - which i'm afraid DOES happen on here just as much as the other way around - so I think it applies to both the poster and the respondent!

:thumb: I agree with this too

 

[BecksH]

Mind you, just to balance things out a little with a good point: I've noticed that here, people don't seem to get jumped on for asking something that maybe could have been found by using the search function, people are still happy to answer all the same.

On another forum I'm on (not animal related) you'd get a sharp "we discussed that 3 years ago, go find it" and your thread gets locked :shock:, so I dread asking anything there too. New members = fair game for shooting practise. Sooo relieved I've not seen that particular problem here

 

[GrahamL]

I think you have to look at both sides. Whilst yes, it can really come across as almost aggressive that we say "go to a vet NOW" etc etc, theres a reason we are all saying that.

It's called experience. We KNOW what can happen in certain situations. We've seen what happens if you leave a bun suffering from a GI slowdown/Stasis without veterinary attention.

Unfortunately, and i see this a lot...and its not just RU.

Situation (and yes, im using RU as an example, as its a discussion on here):

Joe Bloggs: "My rabbit isn't eating, she hasn't done for 2 days. She just sits in the corner of her hutch in the garden and doesn't move. What should i do?"

RU Member: "you need to get her to a veterinary surgery immediately. This could be caused by many things, such as dental issues (teeth hurt too much to eat), pain from soemwhere else, or some unknown, unseen issue, underlying, causing what is known as GI Stasis/Slowdown"

Joe Bloggs: "i can't afford to take her to a vet, and even if i could, i can't drive, and its 9pm and i live on my own in the middle of the countryside".

The issue is then forced by the unwillingness to provide one of the 'Five Freedoms' by the owner.

People come looking for one answer sometimes (note, i said SOMETIMES). They don't want advice, or someone telling them they need to see a vet. They want someone to tell them that it'll all be alright. That bunny will be fine.

This then becomes an argument between the OP and the people who know how this situation could end. Everyone gets on the defensive.

There's only one loser in this whole situation....

The Rabbit. Who is sat in her hutch. In Pain. Suffering.

I don't think i need to say much more.

You all know how i feel now.

Say what you will, its the truth.

 

[SarahP]

Mind you, just to balance things out a little with a good point: I've noticed that here, people don't seem to get jumped on for asking something that maybe could have been found by using the search function, people are still happy to answer all the same.

On another forum I'm on (not animal related) you'd get a sharp "we discussed that 3 years ago, go find it" and your thread gets locked :shock:, so I dread asking anything there too. New members = fair game for shooting practise. Sooo relieved I've not seen that particular problem here

That's a really good point. In fact, sometimes people on here even do the searching for them to find a relevant thread. There are far less friendly forums than RU out there.

 

[Kittykat23uk]

Well said Gray but obviously that is rerlated to someone poting a health question where urgency is paramount as a bunny's life could be in danger. I think Mich was getting more at people posting about accommodation issues mainly.

 

[KarenM]

It's very frustrating to give what you feel is good advice and have it ignored. But turning the thread into an argument doesn't help either..... it's not likely to make somebody suddenly sit up and take notice; if anything, it's just going to make them more likely to not listen to ANY advice at all, on any subject.

If the poster doesn't want to listen to 5 people telling them nicely to seek veterinary help, they're certainly not going to listen to 10 people ranting at them to do so.

I think there's also a huge difference between asking for advice and getting advice that wasn't asked for - somebody posts a photo to show off their bunny for example and all the replies are along the lines of "You shouldn't be using sawdust" etc etc.

 

[GrahamL]

Well said Gray but obviously that is rerlated to someone poting a health question where urgency is paramount as a bunny's life could be in danger. I think Mich was getting more at people posting about accommodation issues mainly.

THe same applies, as far as im concerned.

The answer may well be the same. "My hutch + setup- PICS!" "That hutch is too small im afraid" "no its not, shut up!" etc etc.

MichG - not attacking you btw

 

[SarahP]

It's very frustrating to give what you feel is good advice and have it ignored. But turning the thread into an argument doesn't help either..... it's not likely to make somebody suddenly sit up and take notice; if anything, it's just going to make them more likely to not listen to ANY advice at all, on any subject.

If the poster doesn't want to listen to 5 people telling them nicely to seek veterinary help, they're certainly not going to listen to 10 people ranting at them to do so.

I think there's also a huge difference between asking for advice and getting advice that wasn't asked for - somebody posts a photo to show off their bunny for example and all the replies are along the lines of "You shouldn't be using sawdust" etc etc.

I totally agree. Great post. :thumb:

 

[VickiP]

I think you have to look at both sides. Whilst yes, it can really come across as almost aggressive that we say "go to a vet NOW" etc etc, theres a reason we are all saying that.

It's called experience. We KNOW what can happen in certain situations. We've seen what happens if you leave a bun suffering from a GI slowdown/Stasis without veterinary attention.

Unfortunately, and i see this a lot...and its not just RU.

Situation (and yes, im using RU as an example, as its a discussion on here):

Joe Bloggs: "My rabbit isn't eating, she hasn't done for 2 days. She just sits in the corner of her hutch in the garden and doesn't move. What should i do?"

RU Member: "you need to get her to a veterinary surgery immediately. This could be caused by many things, such as dental issues (teeth hurt too much to eat), pain from soemwhere else, or some unknown, unseen issue, underlying, causing what is known as GI Stasis/Slowdown"

Joe Bloggs: "i can't afford to take her to a vet, and even if i could, i can't drive, and its 9pm and i live on my own in the middle of the countryside".

The issue is then forced by the unwillingness to provide one of the 'Five Freedoms' by the owner.

People come looking for one answer sometimes (note, i said SOMETIMES). They don't want advice, or someone telling them they need to see a vet. They want someone to tell them that it'll all be alright. That bunny will be fine.

This then becomes an argument between the OP and the people who know how this situation could end. Everyone gets on the defensive.

There's only one loser in this whole situation....

The Rabbit. Who is sat in her hutch. In Pain. Suffering.

I don't think i need to say much more.

You all know how i feel now.

Say what you will, its the truth.

There are some younger people who are under the control of their parents and there are no laws regarding getting a rabbit that has stopped eating to a vet, it's the right thing to do but if it's not possible then it's better to offer constructive advice about other things that can be done to help the rabbit, there are a lot of things you can do at home to help a rabbit that may or may not be in stasis - repeating GET TO THE VET NOW to a minor who has said several times they can't, isn't constructive really IMO, the forum already advises people that this is not a replacement for veterinary advice or treatment and that you should not rely on what your told on here, as with any pet that is behaving out of character your best option is always the vet, however if someone is unable to do that whilst it might not be ideal/right then I think the point the OP is making it's better if we can at least offer some support/advice that might just make the difference :wave:

 

[Blackberry & Co]

It's very frustrating to give what you feel is good advice and have it ignored. But turning the thread into an argument doesn't help either..... it's not likely to make somebody suddenly sit up and take notice; if anything, it's just going to make them more likely to not listen to ANY advice at all, on any subject.

If the poster doesn't want to listen to 5 people telling them nicely to seek veterinary help, they're certainly not going to listen to 10 people ranting at them to do so.

I think there's also a huge difference between asking for advice and getting advice that wasn't asked for - somebody posts a photo to show off their bunny for example and all the replies are along the lines of "You shouldn't be using sawdust" etc etc.

I think the OP was thinking of this rather than urgent medical questions.

So many people won't show photos in case fault is picked with their care/set up. Some folks go so far as putting 'disclaimers' on their threads with a full explanation of why a thing is done to avoid getting all the negative comments, which IMO they shouldn't have to do.

I was lucky when I joined here that the posting was far less aggressive. I posted pics of my boys with hutches full if sawdust. Fortunately no one ranted at me about it, and because the forum felt friendly I soon found out through reading through threads that sawdust is not a good idea.

If I had been treated like some new members have lately I wouldn't have come back (I would still have researched the sawdust issue by myself, but I wouldn't have wanted to be a part of this community).

 

[Pie]

I agree that some people will down right ignore constructive advice but so many times have I read with shock the amount of people getting all high and mighty and usually down-right rude. Thats the reason why I stay out of those threads unless I have something purely constructive to say. If the OP takes that advice - great. If not - it happens. I feel sick at the thought of any animals suffering but ultimately we cannot control it, but it would be nice if we had a hand in stopping it.

But this is what you get on large forums - cliques of people thinking they are right, their way or the highway and have no room for anything else. We are all guilty of it, and I am point no fingers whatsoever. But it does annoy me.

Ergh, why did I even bother typing this I don't know. I am bad at explaining my feeling via the keyboard. I'll just retreat into the background and go comment on some nice bunny pictures and leave the arguments to other members.

ETA: oh just been reminded - When I joined everyone was a lot more helpful and would not jump down your throat. This forum has gotten really tense since last Christmas I have noticed. Such a shame.

 

[William]

Yeah, I think people here sometimes make ridiculous arguments. There were ridiculous arguments made back when I was a new member here, for no reason. It was all just to start a fight. That was one reason why I left. Some people :roll:

 

[SarahP]

I can definitely understand people not wanting to post pictures of their set up for fear of criticism. I think that's the case on most animal forums though, to be honest.

 

[Blackberry & Co]

I agree that some people will down right ignore constructive advice but so many times have I read with shock the amount of people getting all high and mighty and usually down-right rude. Thats the reason why I stay out of those threads unless I have something purely constructive to say. If the OP takes that advice - great. If not - it happens. I feel sick at the thought of any animals suffering but ultimately we cannot control it, but it would be nice if we had a hand in stopping it.

But this is what you get on large forums - cliques of people thinking they are right, their way or the highway and have no room for anything else. We are all guilty of it, and I am point no fingers whatsoever. But it does annoy me.

Ergh, why did I even bother typing this I don't know. I am bad at explaining my feeling via the keyboard. I'll just retreat into the background and go comment on some nice bunny pictures and leave the arguments to other members.

Glad you posted this - it's a very valid point.

Sometimes you know that as soon as one person posts a negative comment a whole truckload of people will shout out to agree with them, and others are too scared to post a positive comment.

However, if you can get in first with a friendly, positive comment, and maybe a gentle note of something that could be improved, then others will follow suit.

I guess it's down to luck as to what type of comment you get early on in the thread as to how the whole tone of the thread ends up.