parsnipbun
Wise Old Thumper
Parsley Interviews . . ..The Nethies (but not Blackthorn)
After a summer ‘staycation’ - spent mainly sleeping in the conservatory, trial testing this years forage crops, and encouraging Albus into wild extravagances at the vets . . . our intrepid journalist has returned once more to his (very) part-time job as a celebrity interviewer: Today he interviews ‘The Nethies’:
Parsley: (springing forward with a purposeful ‘start of the new term’ bound and landing a bit heavily due to excess summer weight . . ) Ummphhhh. . . . errr . . that is Hello! Hello all of you! I am here on behalf of our readership to interview you all!
Aubretia, Raspberry Ripple, Blackthorn and Thistle [Thistle with a lisp]: Hello Parsley /Parthley!
[muffled squeek]
Parsley: Well hello all of you, and by the way thats Sir Parsley to you - or in Thistle’s case I guess Thir Parthley . . as mama says one should always respect different abilities and being a gummy bunny is a bit of a disability in the speech department.
Thistle: [a bit grumpily] Thank you Thir Parthley . . .
Parsley: Mmmmmm . .. Well now [looking around] gosh you certainly are tiddly aren’t you!!! I mean its positively Lilliputian in here . . . small tables and small bowls . . . . and small . . . . errrr [catches sight of Blackberry who is xDutch and getting crosser] well . . that is to say . . gosh I must have put on weight this summer I really am feeling very BIG!!!
[muffled squeek]
Parsley: Now . . Mama tells me there are 5 of you in here . . thats Thistle . . . or Thithle I guess . . , Blackberry . .. ‘How do you do Old Chap?’ . . . No insult meant just then . .. , Aubretia . . My you ARE pretty . . . , and Raspberry Ripple . . . gosh thats a very very very white coat you have on there . . .
So that makes . . errmmm . . . four . . . there appears to be one missing.
[Muffled Squeek]
Thithle: I think you are thitting on Crab Apple . . .
Parsley: Oh my . . oh gosh . . well yes now you come to mention it I did land rather heavily on something soft . . .(gets up and looks around and spots very very small brown indignant face with tiny ears) . . oh yes and here he is. . . apologies all round. How could I be so clumsy . . [catches Aubretia’s eye and blushes]
Parsley: So I guess, as mama has sent me out to do five at once [mutters about Impossible Mission] I am going to have to ask for ‘highlights’ of your histories . . .
Aubretia . . perhaps we could start with you as you really are so very very . . . . [suddenly recalls the look Peaches can give him when annoyed . . ] errmm so very very . . . . . Interesting . . . I expect.
Aubretia: [flutters eyelashes and looks cute] well really there’s not that much to say . . I mean my original family is a mystery of course, though there are rumours of aristocracy [flutters eyelashes again and starts to talk slightly breathlesly], I had an unhappy adolesence and became a bit of a wild child, became a single mum and was heading for the dark side . . . . [Parsley starts forward to console her but catches sight of Blackthorn and thinks better of it] . . when suddenly I was rescued and came here and met all of you and you are all SO kind. . . [looks up charmingly . . four boy rabbits swoon and Thithle looks cross]. I have been approached for film work recently but I would like to devote more of my time to rabbit rescue . . .
Parsley: Well . . . that really was SO interesting . . I am sure there is so much more and perhaps we could meet again in private to have a longer more personal interview at some time?
Now . . . how about you Crab Apple? and by the way I really am so sorry about the squashing.
Crab Apple: [nervously and in a high pitched voice]. No really its ok, everyone does it all the time. I am used to it now. I was one of 6, my parents must have been very poor as we were all in one tiny hutch together, mother and father and the six of us (including Raspberry Ripple here) and there was no food or hay or nothing . . . . It was really awful but one day a nice lady came and demanded we be rehomed - and my sisters and brothers went to live with her - but because I was the very tiddliest and she was worried about me I came here - and a day or so later so did Raspberry Ripple . We were all little and brown - except RR - and unfortunately most of us have bad teeth . . . except RR of course . . and we all have trouble with being underweight . . except RR of course . . .
(I call him RR for short as he is my brother . . well I think he is . . . )
Parsley: [Looking down kindly] and do you have any special secrets you would like to share with our readers?
Crab Apple: Well . . . only that I am secretly in love with Thithle . . I mean Thistle . . .
Parsley: [Notes to self . . well thats one less in the competition for Aubretia!]. Now Raspberry Ripple . . we have just heard from your brother about your poverty stricken childhood . . but you do seem to have overcome these sad circumstances . . .is this a rags to riches tale for our readers . . how did you get this film star looks??
Raspberry Ripple: [startling pure white nethie with pink eyes in superb proportion and with immaculately bearing] My personal philosophy is that I always feel one should take good care of oneself whatever circumstances one finds oneself in . . . for a rabbit with good bearing and manners and an immaculate wardrobe of tasteful clothing I think you will find there is always room at the very top regardless of his origins . . .
Parsley: [suddenly feeling rather underdressed for this mornings interview . . . ] Ah yes . . well no doubt an excellent philosophy for our readers . . . . though a rabbit can have other qualities . . . [tries to wink at Aubretia and fails due to half paralysed face . . . ]
Now must get on . . still two of you to do and brunch is calling me . . . .
So Thithle . . oops I mean Thistle . . . . I understand you are the venerable and oldest member of the group . . unlike our young and lithsesome Aubretia here . . . . is it true that you were once described as the ‘Anne of Cleves’ of the rabbit world?
Thistle: That wath a very unkind moment in my relathionship with the vet . . . Ath a matter of fact I find age and intelligenthe much more important than lookth. and it'th hardly my fault if I looked better in the rethcue photograph than in real life! I will have you know I have had at least 5 hthsbandth thince I arrived here - so it'th more Henry VIII than Anne of Cleveth to you! And a young bun like you should have more rethpect for the elderly . . . where are your mannerth ? I’ve a good mind to chathe you . . I’m not to old for that you know . . . and I can still thuck a hay stalk quicker than any other bun in thith run! Coming in here thitting on my Crab Apple . . how dare you young fellow me lad . . . .
Parsley: Oooops . . oh dear . . . seemed to have slightly fluffed that one . . . I think I can hear a mid morning snack calling . . would you excuse me Blackthorn? I will pop back for you . . [looks at Thistle who is still ranting] or perhaps we could meet somewhere else . . . . . and why not bring that lovely Aubretia with you ????
PARSLEY EXITS . . . . much to relief of Crab Apple . . .
NOTE: for any of our readers that do not know: Anne of Cleves was due to marry Henry VIII - he had never met her and sent the court painter Holbein to paint her portrait so Henry could see what she looked like. Holbein painted a very flattering portrait and Henry promised to marry her. However when she actually arrived at court she was said to be ugly with a face like a horse. He called her his ‘Flanders Mare’ and divorced her.
After a summer ‘staycation’ - spent mainly sleeping in the conservatory, trial testing this years forage crops, and encouraging Albus into wild extravagances at the vets . . . our intrepid journalist has returned once more to his (very) part-time job as a celebrity interviewer: Today he interviews ‘The Nethies’:
Parsley: (springing forward with a purposeful ‘start of the new term’ bound and landing a bit heavily due to excess summer weight . . ) Ummphhhh. . . . errr . . that is Hello! Hello all of you! I am here on behalf of our readership to interview you all!
Aubretia, Raspberry Ripple, Blackthorn and Thistle [Thistle with a lisp]: Hello Parsley /Parthley!
[muffled squeek]
Parsley: Well hello all of you, and by the way thats Sir Parsley to you - or in Thistle’s case I guess Thir Parthley . . as mama says one should always respect different abilities and being a gummy bunny is a bit of a disability in the speech department.
Thistle: [a bit grumpily] Thank you Thir Parthley . . .
Parsley: Mmmmmm . .. Well now [looking around] gosh you certainly are tiddly aren’t you!!! I mean its positively Lilliputian in here . . . small tables and small bowls . . . . and small . . . . errrr [catches sight of Blackberry who is xDutch and getting crosser] well . . that is to say . . gosh I must have put on weight this summer I really am feeling very BIG!!!
[muffled squeek]
Parsley: Now . . Mama tells me there are 5 of you in here . . thats Thistle . . . or Thithle I guess . . , Blackberry . .. ‘How do you do Old Chap?’ . . . No insult meant just then . .. , Aubretia . . My you ARE pretty . . . , and Raspberry Ripple . . . gosh thats a very very very white coat you have on there . . .
So that makes . . errmmm . . . four . . . there appears to be one missing.
[Muffled Squeek]
Thithle: I think you are thitting on Crab Apple . . .
Parsley: Oh my . . oh gosh . . well yes now you come to mention it I did land rather heavily on something soft . . .(gets up and looks around and spots very very small brown indignant face with tiny ears) . . oh yes and here he is. . . apologies all round. How could I be so clumsy . . [catches Aubretia’s eye and blushes]
Parsley: So I guess, as mama has sent me out to do five at once [mutters about Impossible Mission] I am going to have to ask for ‘highlights’ of your histories . . .
Aubretia . . perhaps we could start with you as you really are so very very . . . . [suddenly recalls the look Peaches can give him when annoyed . . ] errmm so very very . . . . . Interesting . . . I expect.
Aubretia: [flutters eyelashes and looks cute] well really there’s not that much to say . . I mean my original family is a mystery of course, though there are rumours of aristocracy [flutters eyelashes again and starts to talk slightly breathlesly], I had an unhappy adolesence and became a bit of a wild child, became a single mum and was heading for the dark side . . . . [Parsley starts forward to console her but catches sight of Blackthorn and thinks better of it] . . when suddenly I was rescued and came here and met all of you and you are all SO kind. . . [looks up charmingly . . four boy rabbits swoon and Thithle looks cross]. I have been approached for film work recently but I would like to devote more of my time to rabbit rescue . . .
Parsley: Well . . . that really was SO interesting . . I am sure there is so much more and perhaps we could meet again in private to have a longer more personal interview at some time?
Now . . . how about you Crab Apple? and by the way I really am so sorry about the squashing.
Crab Apple: [nervously and in a high pitched voice]. No really its ok, everyone does it all the time. I am used to it now. I was one of 6, my parents must have been very poor as we were all in one tiny hutch together, mother and father and the six of us (including Raspberry Ripple here) and there was no food or hay or nothing . . . . It was really awful but one day a nice lady came and demanded we be rehomed - and my sisters and brothers went to live with her - but because I was the very tiddliest and she was worried about me I came here - and a day or so later so did Raspberry Ripple . We were all little and brown - except RR - and unfortunately most of us have bad teeth . . . except RR of course . . and we all have trouble with being underweight . . except RR of course . . .
(I call him RR for short as he is my brother . . well I think he is . . . )
Parsley: [Looking down kindly] and do you have any special secrets you would like to share with our readers?
Crab Apple: Well . . . only that I am secretly in love with Thithle . . I mean Thistle . . .
Parsley: [Notes to self . . well thats one less in the competition for Aubretia!]. Now Raspberry Ripple . . we have just heard from your brother about your poverty stricken childhood . . but you do seem to have overcome these sad circumstances . . .is this a rags to riches tale for our readers . . how did you get this film star looks??
Raspberry Ripple: [startling pure white nethie with pink eyes in superb proportion and with immaculately bearing] My personal philosophy is that I always feel one should take good care of oneself whatever circumstances one finds oneself in . . . for a rabbit with good bearing and manners and an immaculate wardrobe of tasteful clothing I think you will find there is always room at the very top regardless of his origins . . .
Parsley: [suddenly feeling rather underdressed for this mornings interview . . . ] Ah yes . . well no doubt an excellent philosophy for our readers . . . . though a rabbit can have other qualities . . . [tries to wink at Aubretia and fails due to half paralysed face . . . ]
Now must get on . . still two of you to do and brunch is calling me . . . .
So Thithle . . oops I mean Thistle . . . . I understand you are the venerable and oldest member of the group . . unlike our young and lithsesome Aubretia here . . . . is it true that you were once described as the ‘Anne of Cleves’ of the rabbit world?
Thistle: That wath a very unkind moment in my relathionship with the vet . . . Ath a matter of fact I find age and intelligenthe much more important than lookth. and it'th hardly my fault if I looked better in the rethcue photograph than in real life! I will have you know I have had at least 5 hthsbandth thince I arrived here - so it'th more Henry VIII than Anne of Cleveth to you! And a young bun like you should have more rethpect for the elderly . . . where are your mannerth ? I’ve a good mind to chathe you . . I’m not to old for that you know . . . and I can still thuck a hay stalk quicker than any other bun in thith run! Coming in here thitting on my Crab Apple . . how dare you young fellow me lad . . . .
Parsley: Oooops . . oh dear . . . seemed to have slightly fluffed that one . . . I think I can hear a mid morning snack calling . . would you excuse me Blackthorn? I will pop back for you . . [looks at Thistle who is still ranting] or perhaps we could meet somewhere else . . . . . and why not bring that lovely Aubretia with you ????
PARSLEY EXITS . . . . much to relief of Crab Apple . . .
NOTE: for any of our readers that do not know: Anne of Cleves was due to marry Henry VIII - he had never met her and sent the court painter Holbein to paint her portrait so Henry could see what she looked like. Holbein painted a very flattering portrait and Henry promised to marry her. However when she actually arrived at court she was said to be ugly with a face like a horse. He called her his ‘Flanders Mare’ and divorced her.
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