I'm devastated

[pigsforlife]

I am really sorry. What a horrible situation to be in.

As selfish as it sounds, the rabbits are a huge help with coping with my illness. In a depressive episode the only think keeping me going is my rabbits, knowing they need me no matter what. When I'm in a manic episode, the rabbits are my anchor to reality. I need them almost as much as they need me, they're my priority. I can't risk them living in a garden and shed that could kill them! There's no compromise either way, if at least I could rabbitify the shed I might be able to handle it, but no, I'm not allowed. There's nowhere in the garden I can put a fold-up run to keep them away from the plants either (The garden is full of ivy, wisteria, and we keep getting neighbour's cats in and there's even foxes around now)

I totally get where you are coming from here. In 07/08 I suffered from depression and an anxiety disorder. Not bipolar but still crippling. So many people didn't think I had anything wrong with me because it wasn't something they could see visibly, yet inside I was suffering. It was in late 07 that I got the guinea pigs, and they were seriously my rock. No-one else cared for them, they were mine and if I did something stupid - they would have no-one to care for them (I am very particular with how my animals are cared for). At one of the lowest points in my life, I got a bub Ella - she was my saviour. She was sickly so needed around the clock care, I KNEW she needed me so made myself get out of bed and take her to vet appointments etc. When she was better, it was the yearn to see her grow up that helped. I didn't want to do something to myself and then not be able to see her blossom.

During this time, I had to move back in with the parents for numerous reason. Dad was totally against the guinea pigs being indoors and originally forced me to put them outdoors. This only made my anxiety disorder worse as I would totally stress myself out about their safety. In the end I moved them into my room. It was my room, with the door shut and no-one could ever tell they were in there so he didn't have a problem (but he did when they out visibly in the family room -- fair enough I spose). It was also my money, and so I was also therefore entitled to spend it on whatever I wanted - this was something I had to point out to him on several occasions.

Anyway, I really sympathise with your situation. Hopefully you can work out something

 

[Tillybunny]

This is an awful situation for you, surely she will listen to reason, its totally unreasonable what she is suggesting, you will just worry yourself sick about the
rabbitsif they are left outside. Really hope she will change her mind, sending my best wishes to you for a good sensible outcome.

 

[LoopyLouie]

I'm no pychologist, but she sounds very controlling, and the problem probably goes deeper than anything to do with your rabbit ( still bossing her son around aged 23? I never go into my son's rooms, never have done- what they do in there is their own business!!!!)

Can your therapist intervene in a tactful, clever way, to make her feel she would be involved in your recovery if she relented on this issue?? Makes me feel mad to hear how nicely you are looking after your bun, and trying to get better. Wished my son had a nice GF like you (and bun too!!!)

If the move outside is forced, how about a nice wendy house?? Waltons do one for about £130 5x4 , more expensive for bigger ones, you could add a run that collapses away perhaps?? Might get a bigger one on ebay, paint it nice colours etc, pots of plants outside......

But at the end of the day if you're 23 and still at home you're asking for mum to be over-protective/controlling. I'm not saying its right, but I don't think you can really blame her in this either, she's obviously just stuck in her ways. I know lots of people who don't like the idea of bunnies in the house.

 

[raine]

deleted

 

[Zara]

But at the end of the day if you're 23 and still at home you're asking for mum to be over-protective/controlling. I'm not saying its right, but I don't think you can really blame her in this either, she's obviously just stuck in her ways. I know lots of people who don't like the idea of bunnies in the house.

It's not my decision to stay here, it's his. Trust me I'd love to have my job and independance back to get my own place, but my head is too scrambled right now, and all my money goes on rent, so I'm stuck, Sean is technically my carer, which I HATE as it makes the relationship seems ridiculous to me.

 

[thumps_]

:wave:Hi Zara.
I wish I had some answers for you but don't.

I'm beginning to wonder whether if push comes to shove, someone would foster your buns for you until you can get back on your feet?
Your buns will never forget you. They're funny creatures, they may give you the cold shoulder a bit after a period of separation like they do to their own kind, but we're big enough to take it.

I'm wondering if it's a bigger issue than the buns. I hope to goodness your psychiatric workers will see if they can help to resolve matters. You really don't need this when you are ill.

 

[Jenova]

Perhaps if you make a big enough point to your mental health workers as this is so important to you they could help you get your own little place by Christmas. Say you can't live there any more, think of as many reasons as you can and explain them as best as you can. Say that being with him mum and her having problems to keeps setting you back and you can't cope there any more...?

Sucks so much.

 

[Evangeline]

But at the end of the day if you're 23 and still at home you're asking for mum to be over-protective/controlling. I'm not saying its right, but I don't think you can really blame her in this either, she's obviously just stuck in her ways. I know lots of people who don't like the idea of bunnies in the house.

Ways can be broken
Regardless of whether its her house (bunnies aside) a mother should not be disturbing privacy of their sons rooms when they are an adult.

 

[KoShiatar]

When I complain about anything it's always put down as irrational and due to my mental illness >:/ she'll talk to me in a child-like voice as if I'm a confused child, so it's all up to Sean now.

A kind but firm "I have problems, but that doesn't make me stupid" is in order. I have probems too and it's no secret for anyone, but sure I still retain my faculties and don't let anyone treat me as if I were mad.
As for the rabbits, there is no ready solution available, but you need indipendence and privacy. Not just because of pets, but in general it's not a good idea to live with your OH's parents as it brings along so many peculiar problems.
Perhaps speaking to your therapists and trying to get some help in having your own place might be useful. Having someone who invades your private spaces is not going to help you get better and I talk by experience. I live apart from my and OH's parents and I can't stay home with them long now, or I'll go crazy.

 

[thumps_]

Perhaps if you make a big enough point to your mental health workers as this is so important to you they could help you get your own little place by Christmas. Say you can't live there any more, think of as many reasons as you can and explain them as best as you can. Say that being with him mum and her having problems to keeps setting you back and you can't cope there any more...?

Sucks so much.

Thanks for being more outspoken that I could be Jenova.
It's not just the buns, it's the whole way of relating that needs to be looked at.

 

[prettylupin]

I agree, from what you describe and your OH's mother's binge drinking - I don't feel that living with her is any good for your own mental health at all, it sounds terribly destructive and she is clearly acting out a lot of her own stuff with you which is the 'last' thing you need whilst you are getting back on your feet. I really hope you can sort something out, even if it means getting a room in a shared house that is paid for by housing benefit etc.
If you are struggling dealing with the necessary people on this please go to your nearest CAB if you can and they will help you with this and talking to the right people, and give you a bit of back-up and support. There are housing options for those with diagnosed bi-polar, it is considered a sufficient disability normally. Good luck x

 

[Jaysmonkey]

I have a question. If Rascal has only been inside for 3 months, surely you still have the facilities you had prior to moving him inside?

If you had them once surely you can get them again. Independent of how she is with you, you're living under her roof so I can completely understand her PoV. When I go back to my parents for holidays my bunnies are only allowed in certain rooms etc and my mum will have a bad day and complain about them at the some point or other, but I know she loves the buns regardless of how she acts.

You say she has 3 cats and 1 is elderly and allowed to do her business all over the place, I actually think this is ok. Why? Well if the cat is 'elderly' it would suggest she's been in your boyfriends family for a significant period of time, thus they'll be a strong bond between her and this cat. Of course she's not going to chuck it out, you wouldn't throw an old man/woman outside for being incontinent . The fact she has 3 cats and has allowed you to bring the buns into her home in the first place, doesn't suggest she's a bad person. I think she just wants her home back and she's quite happy to share it with her cats.

If the bunnies have to go outside you will have to do something, because if you don't have accommodation for them, it's fairly inevitable what will happen.

It also would seem from what you've written that she doesn't think so much of you, but of course every mother has a strong bond with her own child. She probably wishes her son would need her more, but he doesn't anymore because he has you. I don't think she dislikes you, just wants to make a point that whilst you're under her roof it is her way.

Do you have any of your own relatives you could rely on to help you out? Give you shelter whilst you try find your own place? x

 

[dizzyg]

Hiya,

Couldn't read and run but can't offer too much advice as I don't know what to offer.

I think someone earlier mentioned finding a foster mummy for your buns? This might be a good interim measure until you can sort out your housing. I'm sure the rescues listed here have databases of foster homes who might be able to help. You could probably find one close to you and still go and visit for cuddles. At least then you know they'd be in good hands

As for your housing, you could try contacting the charity Shelter: www.shelter.org.uk. They will have experience of working with people in a similar situation to yours and will be able to advise you properly. They have a freephone number too: 0808 800 4444

I hope that your situation gets better soon. Keep us posted.

Love and hugs

 

[Heather&Bart-MyLittleBuns]

Oh dear,

Well regardless of whether you have accomadation or not for the buns, they can't go outside now, its far too late for them to develop a winter coat.

Accomadation wise, if money wasn't an issue would she allow you to buy a shed/playhouse for them? If you keep an eye out on ebay cheap ones do pop up, I got my one for a buy it now for £60

I don't really know what else to suggest :? do you still have your old housing from when your rabbits were still outside?

((Hugs))