Did I make the right choice?

[gemmaloveslugs]

Hi,
I had my little bun put to sleep last week and I'm feeling so devastated and also guilty that I made a mistake.

Id had my little bunny Lugs from a baby, from the age of around 4 she began having reoccurring stasis several times a year which i
nursed her through every time ( with medication and care ) this was exhausting for her and emotionally exhausting for me, always
waiting and worrying for the next time, knowing how many buns lose their life to this.
Once she was around 9 she started peeing outside her litter tray so i registered her at All Creatures in Norfolk where after blood tests
was advised she had probable kidney failure, she was given extra fluids etc to help, a while later she began sneezing a lot, had watery
eyes and white nasal discharge, I took her back and the vet we usually saw had left so saw a different vet who said she needed a dental
but as she was quite old there's obviously risk.
I had heard good things about Toll Barn at this point and decided I wanted to see Faye there, she was very kind and I felt reassured
so I went ahead and had blood tests, an X ray etc there where Faye advised she had elongated tooth roots which was causing the
sneezing and discharge and had arthritis, she could find no signs of kidney failure.
Lugs had the dental and although she still had stasis it was much less frequent. A year later she had another dental, I had given birth a
month prior.

during the year she started to show her ago a lot more, stopped coming out of her enclosure and sat all day in her hidey house but
did eat she was 12 1/2 at this point
about a month ago she stopped eating again and I took her for a check up and she needed dental again, she had it and i was told by
a nurse after surgery that she had an abscess and wobbly teeth, I was given antibiotics but she didn't seem to go back to normal, wasn't so
interested in food anymore no matter what i offered. Last Saturday she stamped very loud, I thought my baby's noise had stressed
her out so we left the room so Lugs could have some peace but she had stopped eating and I thought it was stasis again so
I gave her meds and syringe fed again hoping I could get her through but she wasn't perking up at all so I got her a vet appointment
for Wednesday but ended up missing my appointment due to a road closure on the way there and I got completely lost but they
advised someone would see me when they could.
I saw a different vet who said she thought Lugs was experiencing heart failure and looked very unwell so she did an X ray and said
Lugs had a mass on her heart which was either heart disease or a tumour, both were fatal and that her teeth were quite long so
she would need another dental which she said she wouldn't survive, I was absolutely devastated and in utter shock all I could think about was
how i didn't want Lugs to suffer so I agreed to have her put to sleep.
Once I got home i felt so full of guilt that I agreed without a second opinion, that I should have just made a new appointment
with Faye, maybe she would have given a different opinion to the vet i saw, its like i was so in shock i didn't think about that in
that moment I just was overwhelmed with grief and thought an X ray couldn't be wrong, none of which is helped when you have to have a car park consultation and I wasn't
allowed to be with her when she was put to sleep which saddens me so much, after nursing her through so many rough
times I couldn't be with her at the end.

Are these feelings normal? Does everyone who decides to have their pet put to sleep struggle with this guilt? she was such
a huge part of my life, she was 12 1/2 so she had a very long life for a bunny but I feel like i failed her by listening to a vet i had never
seen before even though she seemed a nice vet.

Thank you for reading
Gemma x

 

[AnjaSanja]

All the feelings are normal. Grieving is some sort of art. In a tragic way. It depends. I felt much worse and much more guilt when we were too late for vets and stasis due to hair blocage has progressed to the point of no recovery.

But when I do my best, when I opt that euthanasia is te best optin for the animal. I sleed better. I am sad, I cry, I miss...But I know it was the kindest solution for the animal. And sometimes I stell se them in their favorite spots untill my brain gets used of them not being there.

 

[InspectorMorse]

I think you gave her the ultimate gift of love, a peaceful passing with no more pain that her aged and tired body could no longer cope with. I wish someone would be able to do the same for me when the time comes.

RIP Lugs x

 

[KCG]

Veterinarians don't say this unless they have to. So you had no other choice. This feeling will be easier to deal with if you change your perspective. But all the emotional difficulties you experience are very normal. Everyone's process of pain and grief is different. It's very normal to feel this way.

You lived a very good life with your bunny. If your rabbit was born again, it would choose you as its owner again.

 

[joey&boo]

I'd say what you are feeling is totally normal. In my view you definitely did the right thing by Lugs. Sweet dreams little one xx

 

[Craig 1965]

Gemma,
I am so terribly sorry to read your post - it resonates very much with how I personally feel at the moment although my situation is on a slight parallell to yours. My own view is that what you are feeling, whilst you are questioning it, is absolutely normal because, like all of us on here, you hold a deep and unwaving love for your rabbits. You are seeking answers to emotions and trying to work out why they are as they are. The grieving process for everyone has to follow a specific pattern which is very well identified with the Kubler Ross curve. What differs for everyone is the length of time we all take to pass those various stages. Each and everyone of us on the forum have gone through loss and we all share the pain and anguish that you are experiencing.
As hard as it is, you have had the depth of strength to make the decision for Lugs - as decision she could not make herself. This adds to the emotional burdon that you now carry and is why the guilt you feel is so strong. But in that situation, your decision was also weighted by those from the vets, who do not make those decisions lightly, and as hard as that decision is, it meant Lugs could pass without pain and her spirit is now shining because of your unselfish act.
As owners and carers, we always treasure each day we are blessed with our loved pets, and we enjoy each and every special day with them. But we are rarely prepared for the emotional weight that sometimes has to fall on us and we end up having to make such difficult decsions. We can never prepare ourselves for that, and sometimes we feel very isolated in the world when we do make those decisions.
But you are not alone and we are all here for support for you.
Binkey free beautiful Lugs xx And huge hugs to you Gemma. xx

 

[Omi]

I'm so very sorry that you had to make this heartbreaking decision for Lugs

I think how you are feeling now is very similar to how I've felt when in the same situation. I also think that Lugs had a wonderful long life with you and in my view your decision was one based on care and compassion.

Sending you lots of hugs.

 

[kattymieoww]

I think you did right by her,she was a wonderful age and going peacefully and pain free was the best way,rather than struggling on for at best a few weeks or so in discomfort.We all feel did I do right ? You did ,you gave your friend the ultimate gift .Binky free Lugs,whole again at the bridge. X

 

[Cuthbert&Dillon]

It was with kindness and love you gave her the ultimate gift of dignified passing. I understand your feelings though. RIP Lugs x

 

[twistedtiggerz69]

I felt the same when I had my little Bonnie put to sleep. She had lost the use of her back legs and we had tried all we could. I found it very hard and lay awake every night questionning if I had done the right thing. But deep down I know she was suffering.

You have given her a wonderful life surrounded by love and knowing when to ease her suffering was purely love on your part. I'm sure you will come to terms with it in time but it is all part of the grieving process.

I'm sorry for your loss [emoji22]
Hop freely in bunny heaven little Lugs [emoji175]

Sent from my SM-G361F using Tapatalk

 

[bunny momma]

Your guilt was the result of you taking an action so your bunny would not suffer. Several years ago I had an elderly bunny who was becoming disabled and I have the opposite guilt because I concentrated on her good days and held out hope when I should have let go sooner.
You cared so much for Lugs that you allowed her a peaceful passing. Sending you lots of hugs.