Mr Cookie
Banned
I am sorry for posting more than the average Joe.
Well it's been a busy weekend. Police detained me on Sunday. I am not going to discuss my health here or what I may or may not be doing that isn't right or healthy. I am devastated. My house is so empty without him. I keep looking over to where he liked to sit, and I keep calling for him, convincing myself that somehow he will miraculously appear.
I would like to post some pictures here, but at the moment it is too painful to look at the few pictures I took. I have never been a big taker of pictures but I have a few.
I feel like an idiot. I spend far too much time on the net, reading this and that.. but why didn't I read more about teeth problems when I was told 2 years ago by a vet that it was a 50/50 chance of dying from GA? Why did I not replenish his water for a few days before his passing, the water had sat there for about 7 days.. I know I did change it very frequently most of the time, but last week I somehow forgot to for 7 days.. why did I not phone an emergency vet, I didn't even know I could have got a vet to him late Thursday night/Friday morning when I noticed he wasn't right? Why did I let him beg little pieces of bread crust.. why did I not act straight away and phone the vets number to see if there was such a thing as an emergency call out? Why did I not know you can get a vet late at night? Why did I not know these basics?
I cannot even begin to explain how empty or alone I feel. He was my best friend and every day I kissed him, and told him how much I loved him, and every day he licked/kissed my hand.. he had full run of the house whenever I was home.. which nowadays is most of the time. This house does not feel the same. He was tiny but he filled this house and he was always there when I cam home.. his little footsteps.. running to the kitchen for food.. then back to the front room.. most nights, since about 2 years ago, he slept with me, either under my bed, or at the end of the sofa if I felt like sleeping there...
The pain and guilt I am feeling is impossible to describe.
Yeah yeah pull yourself together Gary, but I can't. I am used to seeing him in his box, in his cage, in the middle room, on the arm of my settee.. on the windowsill looking outside.. under my bed..
His molt had gone on for weeks.. I was brushing him as much as I could but it just kept coming and coming, and in recent weeks I noticed he was less active...
I failed him because I am stupid. I never tranced him when he was alive, he wouldn't let me.. but I tranced him many times as I tried to massage his belly.. maybe if I hadn't fussed so much, kneeding him, massaging him, picking him up, syringe feeding, maybe he would have got better... his belly was so tight.
Why was he so stiff when he died but then so floppy after a few hours? I buried him in his box he liked to sit in that used to sit on top of his cage.. I put him in with an old Ralph Lauren woollen jumper he liked to sit on, lots of fresh hay, dandelions, and some flowers from the garden, and a note telling him how I loved him and how sorry I was if I did anything wrong.
When I read that dutch dwarfs can live for 10, 11, 12 years I feel even worse that my baby passed aged 8. I loved him, but I killed him or hastened his passing. I am to blame. I am stupid.
Well it's been a busy weekend. Police detained me on Sunday. I am not going to discuss my health here or what I may or may not be doing that isn't right or healthy. I am devastated. My house is so empty without him. I keep looking over to where he liked to sit, and I keep calling for him, convincing myself that somehow he will miraculously appear.
I would like to post some pictures here, but at the moment it is too painful to look at the few pictures I took. I have never been a big taker of pictures but I have a few.
I feel like an idiot. I spend far too much time on the net, reading this and that.. but why didn't I read more about teeth problems when I was told 2 years ago by a vet that it was a 50/50 chance of dying from GA? Why did I not replenish his water for a few days before his passing, the water had sat there for about 7 days.. I know I did change it very frequently most of the time, but last week I somehow forgot to for 7 days.. why did I not phone an emergency vet, I didn't even know I could have got a vet to him late Thursday night/Friday morning when I noticed he wasn't right? Why did I let him beg little pieces of bread crust.. why did I not act straight away and phone the vets number to see if there was such a thing as an emergency call out? Why did I not know you can get a vet late at night? Why did I not know these basics?
I cannot even begin to explain how empty or alone I feel. He was my best friend and every day I kissed him, and told him how much I loved him, and every day he licked/kissed my hand.. he had full run of the house whenever I was home.. which nowadays is most of the time. This house does not feel the same. He was tiny but he filled this house and he was always there when I cam home.. his little footsteps.. running to the kitchen for food.. then back to the front room.. most nights, since about 2 years ago, he slept with me, either under my bed, or at the end of the sofa if I felt like sleeping there...
The pain and guilt I am feeling is impossible to describe.
Yeah yeah pull yourself together Gary, but I can't. I am used to seeing him in his box, in his cage, in the middle room, on the arm of my settee.. on the windowsill looking outside.. under my bed..
His molt had gone on for weeks.. I was brushing him as much as I could but it just kept coming and coming, and in recent weeks I noticed he was less active...
I failed him because I am stupid. I never tranced him when he was alive, he wouldn't let me.. but I tranced him many times as I tried to massage his belly.. maybe if I hadn't fussed so much, kneeding him, massaging him, picking him up, syringe feeding, maybe he would have got better... his belly was so tight.
Why was he so stiff when he died but then so floppy after a few hours? I buried him in his box he liked to sit in that used to sit on top of his cage.. I put him in with an old Ralph Lauren woollen jumper he liked to sit on, lots of fresh hay, dandelions, and some flowers from the garden, and a note telling him how I loved him and how sorry I was if I did anything wrong.
When I read that dutch dwarfs can live for 10, 11, 12 years I feel even worse that my baby passed aged 8. I loved him, but I killed him or hastened his passing. I am to blame. I am stupid.
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