Unsure death of best friend, racked with guilt, lesson is don't ever just let it be

[Runningheart]

Hi all. So I had a bunny named jerzey, little lionhead, he was my best friend, he went everywhere with me,. He had his own spot in my car even. I loved him so much. He hated being picked up tho, he liked to be touching me, not necessarily pet either, just with me. But recently, I've been really sick, struggling with a fibromyalgia diagnoses. And about three weeks ago, I smelt something really bad coming from jerzey and his cage area. I just chalked it up to it being his cage, and I must have missed a spot cleaning it. I didn't pay to much attention to it. I then got the stomach flu, and that triggered an episode, and I was so sick. When I was recovering, I noticed jerzey was not using his back legs. Upon further examination, he had a huge ball of poop under him, I mean so big it was obstructing his legs from moving, I was mortified I didn't notice sooner. So I worked on cutting it all out, it was terrible, underneath was wet, and soggy, and it had to have been growing for weeks, and I didn't notice. I got his hind leg and I decided to let him be, as I put him under enough stress picking him up and cutting this out. It looked red and infected, and I was calling the vet in the am to make an apt to check him out. I let him go, he was not moving alot, but I thought he was just recovering. I swear now looking back, he was showing me he was not okay tho, probably was the whole few weeks leading up, he seemed off and I just shrugged it off, just ignored his pleads for help. I went to work that night and when I came home, he had died, I'm not sure if it was from maggots that may have been there that I didn't see, definitely the right environment for it, or an infection, or what, but I do now it was my fault. I have cried daily sense he died, I miss him so much, my house doesent feel like a home without him, and I feel so much guilt it's all consuming. I killed him, my neglecence killed him, I ignored things I should not have ignored, and due to that I have lost my best friend, and it is my fault! Please don't ignore ur bunny if they seem off, even if your not well, cause it could be life Or death and it's not worth it to take the gamble and not check. I'm so sorry jerzey, I let you down in the most horrific way, amd you deserved so much better

 

[Jaelyn]

I am so sorry that happened to you! you were sick and you couldn't do anything about it. I am sure Jerzey had a great life with you.

 

[William]

I'm so sorry I've had best friends die who I'm not sure if I could've saved if I'd done something different, so I know what you mean.

It's awful to feel so guilty, and that they can't vocalize when something's wrong makes it really tough. It's difficult to always get it right or be 100% attentive. Instinctively they try to hide their illness and act like everything's fine because predators very easily pick up on it and target them.

 

[tonibun]

I am so sorry you lost Jerzey. I think it's true to say we have probably all been in that position and understand how you feel.

 

[InspectorMorse]

I am sorry for your loss. I think what you can do for Jerzey now is to learn from the events of recent weeks. We all make mistakes, no-one is perfect. The important thing is that we take responsibility for our mistakes and do everything possible never to repeat them. Decades ago a very poor decision on my part caused the death of a baby Rabbit. Even though it was an accident it would not have happened had I not been so careless.

I doubt you will ever fully forgive yourself, I haven’t forgiven myself and the loss happened over 20 years ago. But I haven’t made the same mistake again .

RIP Jerzey x