Is side by side living long term an option?

Apologies for seeking yet more advice but I’m really struggling to know what’s best.

We’ve two bunny brothers - 8 months old - who we had to separate back in November following a falling out immediately after both were neutered.

I am struggling to re-bond them and am making myself ill with worry that even if we do manage to get them to bond a fight could happen at some point in the future. I have other health issues so sadly this extra anxiety is all too much. Despite doing what I thought was a good amount of research before we got our bunnies I had no idea that fighting was something that ever happened. Had I known we would have realised we wouldn't be the right home for bunnies.

For my own physical & emotional health I now need to accept that while they are with our family they are unlikely to be able to live as a bonded pair and instead try to give them the best option for a happy future. I feel terrible saying this as we really love them & they are part of the family.

Please could experienced bunny humans let me know whether they think our buns could be happy if they were housed in separate runs/houses side by side long term? (If this isn't an option, although it would be incredibly difficult as they are both lovely, friendly bunnies we would have to try and rehome them to enable them to have proper bunny love.)

Thank you in advance and apologies if I offend anyone by asking this. I have truly tried and feeling sick with worry that Ive let our bunny boys down.

I'm so sorry their bond didn't work out and that you now worry so much about them them fighting in the future if you ever try to bond them again. It's really understandable that the anxiety this causes you is too much when you have other health issues as well. To be honest, and this is just my opinion and others might disagree, I don't think living side by side like this would be the best life they could have. There's no way for them to play and cuddle with another bunny in this way, to groom each other and explore together and share a life. I think, and again, this is just my opinion, that in a situation like this it would be best to rehome one of the boys to a good home where he'd get a bunny friend of his own, and try to bond the remaining boy with a new girl bunny. Bonds between a boy and a girl are often much easier. This way they'll both have a friend to share their life with, and it'll be easier for you, too, to have a bonded pair, instead of having to worry about them ever escaping and getting into a fight.

You haven't let them down, though, honestly. It's not your fault that they didn't bond. Some bunnies just don't along, and there's nothing you could do to change that. You've been trying, and you still want to give them a good life, even thinking of rehoming them if that would be best for them. You clearly care a lot about them and have done the best you can.

Thank you readerofbooks - reading your reply has left me all teary.
I had a sad feeling side by side would be a human solution rather than a happy bunny one.
Unless others are able to tell me different I will try & focus on next steps and locating some local female bunnies in need of a gorgeous suitor ��

I agree with everything ReaderofBooks has said. I think I'd reach out to some rescues. I bet they are in contact with a lot of people who end up in this situation. I know you'd miss the boy that left but I think rehoming one & adopting a well matched girl in his place would be the happiest situation for everybun . I appreciate this must be really, really stressful for you

I think you have tried so hard, and you would in no way be letting them down by potentially rehoming one in exchange for a nice female for the other - then both will have the chance to have their own lady friend and a happy bond. Maybe speak to a few rescues and see how they can help, as you'll need to find a safe way to rehome the one who leaves too. Or - and this is a big or but it sounds like you might be considering it from a comment above - keep them both and find new ladies for both, but more knowledgable people than me would need to help with whether this is do-able with your setup, as I know not all bunnies can live side by side even with their own bond, and it can cause problems with the bond. But if you want to keep them both, ths might be an option, even if it took a bit of thought to keep them happy?

Thank you for your supportive comments Joey&Boo and Dollyanna. Really appreciate your thoughts.

I have hardly slept as feel so mixed up as what we should do. With time to think I have hit a massive wall. We unfortunately don’t have space for more than one pair of bunnies and the thought of choosing one of our boys to stay and one to go is an impossible task. With my ‘sensible adult head’ on I can understand that it is to give them a better quality of life but my heart and the thought of explaining to my children that we need to choose one over the other just feels so wrong.

I can see that keeping them close but separately is not optimal for our buns but would it be bad for them?
Our buns are truly loved in all other ways. My daughters spend time petting them daily and both boys immediately come to us to be stroked when we go into their pens or when they are in the room with us. They have a good diet and I try my best to provide plenty of toys and space. Both are healthy and seem happy.

My head (well probably my heart) is just not able to cope with the choosing element so if we can’t keep them both we would most likely need to rehome both. Also with keeping one there would still be the need to bond with a female bun and I’m really not strong enough to put myself & family through that anxiety again.

I will try researching rescues over the next week and see if there is anyone local that might be able to advise/suggest an option I cant see.

I just wish this website and better information had come up when i did my initial internet searches prior to getting our buns. Until recently I had no idea rescues were even a thing and even now Ive no idea if there are any local-ish to me. I really am very angry that the pet shop I went into for help really didn’t explain bunny ownership at all. Our buns were from a local family’s accidental litter but it is only now I realise they didn’t really know about rabbits either. And now Im left feeling emotionally torn as struggling to fix this part of my family.

Have you considered approaching a bonder to try to bond them together for you? A pair of two bucks is not an impossible bond and with an experienced person, they might be able to live together. When you say there was a falling out after neutering, did this lead to a nasty fight?

I am really sorry you are in this predicament. I fully understand how you are feeling as I have been in a similar position myself. If you decide to keep both Boys they can still be happy side by side. The main point is you and your family love them and are doing all you can to keep them healthy and happy. None of us can have everything we would like sadly! Many people buy what they think is a boy and a girl only to discover they have 2 boys or 2 girls. It's no-one's fault really. The only point to mention, although I expect you already know, is to make sure they cannot get to one another as Rabbits are good at jumping over barriers or pushing wires.

If you want a different viewpoint on the need to choose when it comes to talking to your children - see it as an opportunity to teach them that the welfare of the animals comes before us, that we have to consider their needs over ours, chance to help them become truly empathic animal keepers. It is not easy, but it is also chance to explore the idea of making mistakes, and correcting them. Obviously this depends a little on the age of the children, but you can turn it into a positive experience all round, even though it won't be an easy thing to do.
If you can find a good rescue then you could have a win-win situation - one of their females finds a lovely home and pair bond, and you can feel assured that one of your males will be found an equally good home with his own pair bond. And many rescues will help with bonding, or do speed dating to find the best potential match before you even take one home (though this might need to wait a while longer). Another chance to talk to children about allowing animals to choose who they like, rather than going by what we like the look of
If you decide to keep them, maybe save up to try a professional bonder at some point in the future, when they have had chance to cool off and just live alongside for a good while?
Keeping them together but apart is a kind of middle ground - better than a lone bun, not as good as a pair bond - but then it is also up to you to make up the gaps, spending lots of time offering grooming, enrichment, companionship to each of them. Maybe do this for a while, and you might find that a natural favourite in the family develops and makes a potential choice easier too!

I'm really sorry you're in this position. I understand completely how you feel as it would absolutely break my heart if I had to give up one of my buns because of a failed bond.

I think Omi's suggestion of giving it one last shot with an experienced bonder is a good one. I understand that some rescues, if there is one near you, can help in exchange for a small fee. It might also be worth starting a new thread asking for bonder recommendations in your area. At least then you will know you have tried everything to get them into a happily bonded pair before you've made any big decisions.

Another thing I would add is that it wouldn't be the end of the world if they end up living side by side rather than as a bonded pair. It sounds like they both have a really good life with you, a much better life than a lot of bunnies get. In an ideal world we would all be giving our bunnies the perfect life but we all fall short in one way or another. For instance, in the perfect world bunnies would have an area the size of a football pitch to run around in, but how many of us have that much space?!

My bunnies were side by side for 10 months, covid travel restrictions etc meant that I could not take to the bonder. I tried to do it myself and I failed - the bunnies didnt I did as I could not relax and they picked it up from me. They were then to a bonder and have been together since. However the difference is my bunnies are an older female and young male and all fault was mine as I got to stressed.

I have two male buns. Not related. One will be 6 year old in july the other turned one year in february. They have different energy level and they both like to be the boss....So far not boneded yet. One has living room, the other has hallway/kitchen. We do plan on bonding. But First was-neutering for junior...and waiting for hormones to settle...then the "oldie" had health problems on and off. and they can be side by side-with mesh betwin. They had a scuffle once when doors were not shut propperly.

We do plan on trying to bond them in the future. neutral ground. slowly. sleeping with them...If it does not work. They will still have each their own kingdom. (bunny room in progress). Thing is that I got so attached to the juniroa nd we are his third home. And we finnaly make huge progress in handling, petting. I like youtube rabbits 101 latest three videos on bonding. Thing is in the nutral ground things go better. The old ground, with smell of them both...it is hard, harder. You will need to wash/clean/spray (the walls, furniture) with white vinegar.

The thing is that both buns seem to be happy chappy as I can see. I divide time to each. I stil hope that this time next year they will be able to live together though.

Thank you, thank you - amazing people x
I was so low this morning when I woke after a really fretful night. Your replies have made me feel so much better and less of a total failure.

I am lacking bunny experience & confidence which I think, alongside two lively boy buns, has made my attempts at bonding them not get very far. Their original fallout lasted only a minute or two but went from them snuggling up together to a crazy whirlwind of fluff so fast it shook me up more than them. Neither were physically hurt but that’s probably because myself & husband were in the room with them and could pretty immediately step in to stop things progressing. Trouble is now as soon as they do anything other than lie together Im a total bundle of nerves which obviously isn’t helping them bond effectively.

Reassurance that keeping them side by side is an ok plan compared to having to give them up completely is a huge relief. In the longer term once ‘normal life’ is back on track the suggestion of finding a bonding service is definitely something I will investigate. We got the two of them rather than just one so that they had bunny company and unfortunately it wasn't until a few weeks later (as Tonibun mentioned seems to happen) that the vet informed us they were both boys not one of each flavour that we’d thought.

Thank you again for being so supportive and patient with me.

Anjasanja - bonding is crazy hard and just finding a neutral space can be challenging enough in a normal sized home! Our boys are in a big 2x3m pen in the same room but with a double mesh between. They spend a lot of time mirroring each other and genuinely look a bit sad when the other is having roaming time & isn't the other side of the mesh.
Fingers crossed that by this time next year we will both have a bunny pair not just two bunnies x

You are doing great, this world of bunny owning is tough and there is always more to learn - and you didn't choose to be in this situation. I think yur plan to continue side by side with the longterm aim of bonding again is a good one, play the slow game and hopefully it can work out for you all
In the meantime, when your nerves have settled a bit, you could read and watch everything you can about bonding and body language, so that you are in a better position to help them out when the time comes too! I always feel that the more I know and can recognise, the better I can bet for them. But a pro would probably be a good choice for you to minimise the stress on you. Bonding can be very hard to watch as a human! They are still young, maybe when they are a bit more mature they will be more comfortable with each other too. Good luck!

dollyanna said:

You are doing great, this world of bunny owning is tough and there is always more to learn - and you didn't choose to be in this situation. I think yur plan to continue side by side with the longterm aim of bonding again is a good one, play the slow game and hopefully it can work out for you all
In the meantime, when your nerves have settled a bit, you could read and watch everything you can about bonding and body language, so that you are in a better position to help them out when the time comes too! I always feel that the more I know and can recognise, the better I can bet for them. But a pro would probably be a good choice for you to minimise the stress on you. Bonding can be very hard to watch as a human! They are still young, maybe when they are a bit more mature they will be more comfortable with each other too. Good luck!

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Thank you - definitely lots to learn and hopefully. as you say, as I get more confident I will find it easier too.