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Flame- 23-04-2010 - 16-11-2020

Sky-O

Wise Old Thumper
Dear Flameyface,

I’m so, so sorry it’s taken me so long. I haven’t been able to cope or think about doing this, but I go back to work next week, and I have to, otherwise I’ll never do it, and you deserve to be honoured, the same way as everyone else- a broken heart shouldn’t change that.

I don’t even know where to start. I never imagined I’d have the privilege of your company for so many years after such a crappy start.

You came to me at just under six weeks old (so we counted back and use the 23rd April as your birthday) at the start of June 2010, with your four litter mates. You were at a rescue who needed some help with you all, because they also had your younger siblings. Your poor mum had died of heart failure and you five, and the two remaining from the younger litter (Gray’s Ginger, and Scrappy) were taken to the rescue.

I bought all five of you home, and, I must say, you were all just the nicest bunch of bunnies I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet- well, except Wish. She was a diva, and had to be, but the rest of you were super friendly, super licky, came for cuddles, for everything. I have no ideas how bunnies with such a tragic start were just so nice. Socks and Gizmo got their names super quick, and Wish came next (being half the size of the rest of you), you and Flare remained without your names for several days. You were similar to each other, but he was lighter, longer and pointier and you were brighter and rounder. On a spontaneous moment I just decided Flame and Flare, and they stuck.

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As you grew, you were an absolute delight, and details of this can be seen in this post. I loved you all and, even to this day, wish I’d kept you all. Things may have been different for your siblings then too. http://forums.rabbitrehome.org.uk/showthread.php?231881-My-fosters!-More-pics-post-233-(1st-August)

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Socks and Gizmo (who became Fizz) founds homes quickly, I decided to keep Wish, and then Flare found a home too. No one wanted you, so I decided to keep you (because I wanted you all) and that was a smart move. You’ve brightened our home for ten and a half years.

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You turned out to be intersex. You had testicles but no penis- and the four orange siblings also had equally different anatomy. The theory was that something disrupted your mum when she pregnant with you and this impacted your development in her uterus. They were, however, able to neuter you. You never showed any hormonal behaviours- you just stayed super sweet, all the way throughout.

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Once you were done, I was able to bond you with Autumn and Wish, and you become the 'Loppy Trio'.

You were an absolutely wonderful nuisance and got into everything and went everywhere. Autumn was the peacekeeper and you and Wish were definitely like siblings and would bicker. He would put one of you in one room and one of you in the other room and sit between you, to keep the peace- particularly at meal times. It was so funny to watch. Aside from food times, you all got on really well. You would groom both of them and Autumn would groom you.

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When you were a bit over a year, you hurt your back somehow, and you never properly recovered. You stayed on pain medication for the rest of your life after that. Every time we tried to bring you off it, you started walking funny again. One hypothesis was that your injury wasn’t actually an injury, but was a further part of the developmental issues that we suspect caused the difference to your anatomy.

So we just medicated you.
 
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You kept on being our cute little Flameyface, with the cute little paw you’d put on me if you wanted a stroke, and just generally enjoying life.

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Life changed over the years as I had less bunnies, and your quality of life increased as you all got more space to run around, and you loved it and caused chaos wherever you went. Along the way we lost all your siblings (Hazel-Flare and Fizz- Socks never had a tribute thread done for him). You and Wish survived them all.

You got sick with a respiratory infection. We gave you Depocillin but I’ve NEVER had a bunny harder to inject than you. In fact, you were so hard, that one time you managed to flick the needle out of your back (bearing in mind I’ve been injecting bunnies for years, and having done hundreds of injections by this point), it shot straight into my foot and a vein, so I ended up in A&E with a needle stick injury. Thankfully, after a couple of weeks, you were better. No more injections.

You got sick again. This time your teeth. You had often had dentals, but then I figured they were the micro-abscesses so back on the Depocillin and I dreaded it. I dreaded every single injection, but you tolerated well and were definitely less stressed by it than I was. You were still hard, but we persevered and figured it out. That stopped the need for the dentals (same way it did with all the others) and you brightened up again.

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There were times where you had to be rebonded as a trio, and this was stressful for all of us, but we always managed it in the end.

And there you stayed, from October 2010, to June 2019, living a happy life as a trio, all of whom had major health problems, but you bumbled about together and were luscious. By point, you were the remaining three bunnies, and were living an absolutely life of luxury all over the house.

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And then Autumn died. It devastated us all- including the two of you. And it left you as the finickity sibling pair you were.

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You lasted a month, just the two of you, then it all went wrong and you started to fight. Without Autumn there to separate you, you couldn’t be trusted, so I had to split you and Wish up.

I divided my bedroom again, and you lived in a side each, swapping over. I tried to rebond, but it always ended in fighting, so you lived the last 16 months of your life on separate sides of a divide, yet you still groomed each other, you still laid together- you just couldn’t fight. It was sad, but it was the only way I could make it work.

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You became super sweet at this point. I made sure to give you a fuss and spend more time with you, because you loved it. You loved cuddles and strokes, and the fact that I always arrived with food meant you always came. You’d stand on your little back legs and tippy toe on those to get the food the instant it was available. You were super cute and also super chilled.

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I couldn’t believe when you and Wish turned 10 and you were STILL going strong.

But then, a few months later, I noticed you were holding your leg funny. First I thought you’d injured it, but you would walk ok, so I gave it a feel, and felt a lump.

Straight to the vets and x-rays and it was in your muscle, and it was a tumour and also, it was inoperable. You were in a lot of pain so we maxed you out. I was privileged enough that this didn’t happen during the first lockdown (although it was within the second), but I was allowed in the practice, with a mask, and could have those conversations with your vet. We agreed to review after the weekend (that was a Saturday). It caught me so much off guard. For an ancient bunny, you were in really pretty good health. Trying to process such a severe and devastating prognosis, was tough.

I gave you as much pain relief as I could. You kept eating but I knew you were hurting- I could see it in your eyes-, and I could feel the lump was growing.

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On Monday we made that decision to let you go.

My vets were amazing. I was allowed in the room with you, and the vet said I could remove my mask. I was allowed to kiss you one last time. I put my lips on your nose, closed my eyes, and kissed you as you went. It was so peaceful, and you let go so quickly. But I was totally heartbroken.

Even after losing Sky, who was my everything, I wasn’t as knocked sideways as I have been by losing you. You and Wish were my two reasons left. Now there is Wish. I’m lost.
 
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I desperately, desperately miss your cute little face greeting me from every direction. I miss the cuddles. I miss the little paw on my leg to tell me you want a stroke. I miss the long licks on my trousers. I miss your mooshy face. I miss everything you were and everything you are to me.

Wish now has the run of the whole of the upstairs and also comes downstairs, but she’s alone. I can’t be as good a friend to her as you were and I’m so sad about that too. I can’t get a her a new friend and risk bringing in the viruses that she can’t be vaccinated against. I’m alone and she’s alone, so we’re alone together. She follows me around and that tells me that she misses you just as much as I miss you.

The warmth of your Flame has gone, and my room feels cold.

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Wish is the last one standing now, and no one would have believed that. I’m so blessed to have had you for so, so many years, but I could have had you for fifty years, and it would still never be enough. You were a very sweet, heart of gold, cheeky, foody of a bunny, and the hole you have left in my home is indescribable.

You’re back with Autumn now, in a shared photobox casket in my room. One day, Wish will join you in there too.

Thank you so much for sharing your life with me and being in my home for so long.

I love you and I will always miss you. Words and photos can never do you justice.

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Flame
23-04-2010 – 16-11-2020
 
What a life :love: Like all your tributes this is beautiful though has me in tears. Sweet dreams Flame xx
 
A beautiful tribute, read with tears in my eyes. What a wonderful life you gave her, and all your bunnies. Sweet dreams Flame xxx
 
Such a tender and moving tribute sparkling with love, devotion, care and dedication and such an immense bond of strength with amazing bunnies. Flame certainly deserved such a warm and loving family and I’m in floods of tears reading such soft and tender words.
Sweet dreams and binkey free Flame. Xx
 
Such a lovely and moving memorial to your dear Flame. :cry: I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your bunnies have all been so blessed to be cared for by you. I hope you and Wish can continue to comfort one another and will have many days yet to make memories.

Sleep peacefully and sweet dreams, Flame. xxxxx
 
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, even though I’m posting this two months after the event. I really appreciate all your replies.
 
I'm so sorry. Even when a rabbit lives to a good age, especially with health issues, it is still heartbreaking when they leave us. Sending you love and supportive thoughts. You gave Flame the very best of lives and I hope that memories will be a comfort. Sorry if this sounds a bit cliched, but I do find my own memories of my late bunny Spenser make him still part of my life.
 
After reading your lovely tribute it is easy to understand why your heart is aching so much from losing your beautiful Flame. Sending lots of hugs.
 
I don't often venture onto Rainbow Bridge but read your tribute and it made me cry. Flame sounds such an amazing bunny and clearly had a wonderful home with you. I hope that Wish will cope alone and that you can both help each other heal.

Binky free Flame xxxx
 
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