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Snoopy.. 1 year and 5 months ago..

binkyCodie

Mama Doe
dunno if it's my lack of sleep, or just hormones, but I'm really missing Snoopy tonight/today.

I've often found myself these past few hours wandering around the living room lost, walking over to his box, touching it, and walking off again.

or perhaps because Orion's 1st birthday is next week, and I still miss Snoopy so.

he's been in my dreams a lot, which really feels like ripping off a scab. sometimes I wake up confused and dazed, I think he's still with me, but then I remember he's not. it hurts.

I keep reliving that moment we parted. at companion care with his favourite vet, and his favourite vet nurse. they all loved him so much, my chunky little grey bean. it has been a long time coming. his dental disease, his stasis. either he got stasis, his dental got worse, he got stasis because of his dental, or his dental got worse and he got stasis. whatever way around, I don't think I could have solved it. he was on permanent metacam, ranitidine, emeprid and zantac. we thought we could get him on an even keel.

I woke up that morning, and he looked so miserable. he was in a tight little ball, Luna near him keeping him warm. he didn't want his pellet. he didn't want anything. he even refused a strawberry. his face was utter misery. I tried my usual of infacol and critical care and banana, but no success. so I called the vet and I was booked in.

every time we went there, my stomach was filled with dread that this would be the time we wouldn't come back home with him. this time, it was.

he was miserable. he was gone. we couldn't save him. i got one last night as he had a steroid injection. he didn't eat anything. no strawberries. no banana. no smoothie. nothing. he couldn't. he looked at me, pleading in his eyes, asking me to let this be over with.

I didn't cry at the vets, I felt empty. totally empty.

all the nights of staying up late, then passing out almost in school due to a lack of sleep. it felt like it was for nothing eventually.

he had the catheter in his ear. I held him, his vet looked at me with tears in her eyes. I told him how much I loved him, how much I'll miss him, how he was the best boy ever, how he made me so happy and gave me hope and a reason to continue when I felt I had none. as he slipped away.

I broke when Luna looked for him. I placed him on the table. she knew something was wrong. she knew I was upset. she came towards me. gently nuzzling me. she turned to her brother, now lifeless, she thought they were going home. only she was. she nudged and licked him, for no response. she looked utterly terrified. she tried to keep him warm and cling onto him as I tried to pick her up to take her home. I broke. I cried with the vet, the vet nurse, the receptionist.

I picked him up in a box two weeks later, I cried some more. I made him his own box, for his ashes, and its on my shelf in my room. its where it belongs.

I miss him. I miss him so. and I want it to ease. but it doesn't.

I didn't think grief for such a chunky grey bean could be so great.

I try to remember him as who he was, but its so hard. it feels distant. he was sick for so long, its all I remember.

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this was his last garden visit/night with me
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he loved his little harness
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he also loved innocent smoothies
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he always used to charge my camera and try and throw it on the floor, Orion does the same..
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this was easter.. 2016? I don't remember
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this was christmas 2016
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and here is him just being a big chunky boy
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I’m so sorry:cry: he was a very special bunny. Thinking of you as you remember him, and sending hugs xx
 
What a beautiful bunny BC. Sending you lots of love today xxxxx

Sent from my GT-I9195 using Tapatalk
 
This is a very beautiful tribute to a very special and very well loved bunny who was part of your soul. Snoopy will always be a special part of you and Luna and you made sure he lived his life to the very best. Binkey free Snoopy - you gorgeous boy.xx
 
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