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Grief and guilt over loss of my rabbit Ebony

liz99

New Kit
Hi all
I have never posted on any chat forum before but I really need to get this off my chest as I feel like I am going crazy.
So my lovely rescue lionhead Ebony had been not herself for a couple of days and not eating or drinking for a day. She is 9 and bonded with another rescue domestic Nimbus who's 8. The thing is I knew in my heart she was dying but instead of letting nature take it's course I took her to the vet this morning as I had to be sure she couldn't be made better. So the vet was very kind and said she was an old rabbit who had had a long healthy life but she didn't have long left so he strongly advised putting her to sleep. I was just floored, broke down in the vets, seriously couldn't quite believe how upset I was. I did question whether I shouldn't bring her home to Nimbus to die but he again advised it was best to leave her at the vets. So having gone outside the vets to get fresh air my husband was just pulling up to meet me and I let him go back in to arrange it. But of course now I realise it was the worse thing to do and Nimbus is just running around looking for her and I am just doubly heartbroken. I am giving him lots of attention, treats and a cuddly toy but I can't now get the guilt out of my head. To be honest my family think I have gone a bit mad.
Does anyone understand?
Thanks for your time
Liz
 
Hi all
I have never posted on any chat forum before but I really need to get this off my chest as I feel like I am going crazy.
So my lovely rescue lionhead Ebony had been not herself for a couple of days and not eating or drinking for a day. She is 9 and bonded with another rescue domestic Nimbus who's 8. The thing is I knew in my heart she was dying but instead of letting nature take it's course I took her to the vet this morning as I had to be sure she couldn't be made better. So the vet was very kind and said she was an old rabbit who had had a long healthy life but she didn't have long left so he strongly advised putting her to sleep. I was just floored, broke down in the vets, seriously couldn't quite believe how upset I was. I did question whether I shouldn't bring her home to Nimbus to die but he again advised it was best to leave her at the vets. So having gone outside the vets to get fresh air my husband was just pulling up to meet me and I let him go back in to arrange it. But of course now I realise it was the worse thing to do and Nimbus is just running around looking for her and I am just doubly heartbroken. I am giving him lots of attention, treats and a cuddly toy but I can't now get the guilt out of my head. To be honest my family think I have gone a bit mad.
Does anyone understand?
Thanks for your time
Liz

Hello Liz

I am so very sorry to read of your loss of Ebony. Having her PTS will have spared her potential suffering as her major organs closed down. I know that guilt often comes with the territory when we lose a much loved Pet. After all we are the ones totally responsible for them. I recently lost one of my Rabbits and I too feel guilty and that I must have gotten something wrong. But I am sure that any decisions you made were made with Ebony's best interests at heart. You sought professional Veterinary advice. None of us can do any more than our best at any given time. Do try to be kind to yourself.

With regards to Nimbus, it may help to make a few subtle changes to his living environment. New things to investigate. Is he a house Rabbit or does he live outdoors ? If the latter would it be possible to bring him in to live amongst his human family ?

Once again. I am so very sorry for your loss xx
 
Hi Liz. It's so hard not to feel guilty when faced with this decision not just for Ebony but for Nimbus too. It is the hardest, kindest, decision to make. You took your vet's advice and you knew in your heart she was not going to get better. It's still very new and of course you will be grieving. Try and focus on Nimbus and to make this transition as easy as possible for him. Spend lots of time with him, distract him with treats. It sounds like Ebony had a long and happy life and that she was loved. I hope things get easier for you soon. I do know how this feels as will many others on this forum. X

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Thank you both for replying so soon and your kind words. I think that's what I was looking for really someone to tell me I had done the right thing at the time.
Nimbus is an outdoor rabbit and I have just been out in the garden with him and he is now sitting in the sun in his run. I'm not sure if bringing him indoors would be ideal (we have a cat). I will get him some new toys and in the meantime he has a good old cardboard box to chew. Once again thank you - you have really made me feel better. x
 
I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand & I'm sure pretty much everyone on here will too. Its normal to doubt every action we take & guilt is a normal part of grieving. It sounds like Ebony was a well cared for bunny & you allowed her the dignity of passing peacefully. Sweet dreams little one
 
Hi there, I’m so sorry for your loss. I think you made the best, very hard, very selfless decision under veterinary guidance and it’s only natural to think ‘what if’ and that’s normal and part of the healing process. X

I had to do the same a few months back and I questioned myself too, but in my heart I believe it was the right thing to do and I don’t regret it now. I feel these decisions are based on so many factors, degree of suffering to come, ability to manage treatments, quality of life, finances.. Please be kind to yourself, 9 Years is amazing! Big hugs xx
 
Hi all
I have never posted on any chat forum before but I really need to get this off my chest as I feel like I am going crazy.
So my lovely rescue lionhead Ebony had been not herself for a couple of days and not eating or drinking for a day. She is 9 and bonded with another rescue domestic Nimbus who's 8. The thing is I knew in my heart she was dying but instead of letting nature take it's course I took her to the vet this morning as I had to be sure she couldn't be made better. So the vet was very kind and said she was an old rabbit who had had a long healthy life but she didn't have long left so he strongly advised putting her to sleep. I was just floored, broke down in the vets, seriously couldn't quite believe how upset I was. I did question whether I shouldn't bring her home to Nimbus to die but he again advised it was best to leave her at the vets. So having gone outside the vets to get fresh air my husband was just pulling up to meet me and I let him go back in to arrange it. But of course now I realise it was the worse thing to do and Nimbus is just running around looking for her and I am just doubly heartbroken. I am giving him lots of attention, treats and a cuddly toy but I can't now get the guilt out of my head. To be honest my family think I have gone a bit mad.
Does anyone understand?
Thanks for your time
Liz


Welcome to the Forum liz, and it's lovely to have you here.

But I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Ebony. I totally understand and it's a heartbreaking decision.

Your instinct was a good one, as you wanted Nimbus to know what was going on. The vet might have suggested that after she was put to sleep in the surgery that you brought the body home for Nimbus to see. It's something to think about for the future, if it's at all possible, as then it becomes clear to the one left behind that their little friend won't be playing with them any more.

We can only take the advice of veterinary professionals, as although we see our rabbits day in and day out, a vet can assess what needs to be done and advise. You spared her any significant suffering, but it was at a cost to yourself. A selfless decision on your part.

Regards Nimbus, I think giving him some human attention is the best thing you can do. He will be craving attention and reassurance and I am sure you will give him whatever he needs until he realises that his darling Ebony isn't coming home.

Loads of hugs xx
 
Thank you I know now I did the right thing and the questioning comes with the grief. It's just hard seeing Nimbus on his own but I do take comfort that they had a long happy life together.
 
I am very sorry to read about your loss of Ebony :cry: Most of us will completely understand how you are feeling. Sending nose rubs to Nimbus. They certainly had a long and happy life together.
 
Liz, This is a very sad way to join the forum and firstly I am so deeply sorry to hear of the sad loss of Ebony. As many others have said in previous posts, the grief you feel is natural and is painful because you are a loving, caring owner who only wanted the best for your rabbits. Sadly we must accept as guardians, that our bunny companions will sadly have to leave us and none of us here will wish that they would. We all have stories similar and all of us share the same pain. That might be little comfort to you now, but perhaps knowing what you are going through is what others have gone through, might help you feel as though you are not alone. A bonded relationship is a special one and it will be hard seeing Nimbus looking for Ebony. I share Mighty Max's view that perhaps if the vet had released Ebony to bring home, you could have let Nimbus see Ebony and share some time. As strange as that sounds, it helps with grieving pets to see. I had a bonded pair and the female, Georgina, passed one evening. We left her with her hus-bun Ben so he could try to make some understanding. There is quite a belief in that. Inmy opinion you were right to take Ebony to the vet and as has been said, the vet looks objectively at the medical situation and to aleviate any suffering, PTS was deemed the appropriate action. It is never ever easy to take that decision and I have lost pets that way. I am sure we all have and we will also feel the same. But you gave Ebony a wonderful happy and fulfilled life with Nimbus. Her memory will live on in your heart and also that of Nimbus. To help Numbus, perhaps look to get a small cuddle toy for him to snuggle up with. Make sure he gets extra cuddles and oodles of love in much the same way as we would do with grieving friends and relations. He needs your love and it will help him very much. Once again, so sorry to hear of the loss and I hope that Nimbus, in time, comes to terms with the situation and maybe at some point find a new partner for him.
 
I think this was my real guilt that if I had been more together at the vets I would have asked to bring Ebony back home to Nimbus after being pts so he could understand as it's only natural that he would be confused and surely animals grieve like humans. The vet was kind but maybe more used to dogs and cats then bonded rabbits. I have given Nimbus lots of attention and a cuddly toy to sleep with which I hope helps him a little. I know I will be so sad in the morning seeing just Nimbus but I will concentrate on looking after him now and try to forget the 'what ifs'. It has been lovely to hear from people who understand my grief - it has really helped me get through today. Bless you all x
 
I think this was my real guilt that if I had been more together at the vets I would have asked to bring Ebony back home to Nimbus after being pts so he could understand as it's only natural that he would be confused and surely animals grieve like humans. The vet was kind but maybe more used to dogs and cats then bonded rabbits. I have given Nimbus lots of attention and a cuddly toy to sleep with which I hope helps him a little. I know I will be so sad in the morning seeing just Nimbus but I will concentrate on looking after him now and try to forget the 'what ifs'. It has been lovely to hear from people who understand my grief - it has really helped me get through today. Bless you all x


And bless you too, you've done so well and as you say, you have got through today.

We learn through these experiences. I wish I had emerged as an all-knowing fully-fledged bunny owner but it didn't happen like that. I think we've all got regrets and what ifs. But we learn and that's the important thing :)

I'm so glad you're here. Vets try to do the best thing. Often they think that rabbit owners don't have the same attachment to their pets as cats and dogs. And also they try and protect you from pain, but on this occasion didn't think it through for Nimbus.

He will be OK. Lots of love for him, and a cuddly toy is good ... xx
 
Stasis is pretty common - sometimes rabbits can stop eating and drinking for random or unknown reasons and then have to be nursed back to health. But given Ebony's age, it's probable she had something more serious wrong with her that she wouldn't recover from, in which case being pts is the kindest thing. It wouldn't have been nice to let her slowly die and that would have been more awful for you as well - try to think of that to assuage the guilt. xx I think everyone usually feels some amount of guilt when a beloved pet dies no matter how it happens,it's part of the grieving process.

If your vet is more used to seeing cats and dogs you might consider asking on this forum for a rabbit savvy vet in your area. Since Nimbus is also older, you'll want to make sure you have a knowledgeable vet that can deal with illnesses related to old age etc.
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your Ebony!! Big hugs to you, your family and little Nimbus

please don't feel guilty was you've done nothing wrong, you've given them a wonderful life! xxx
 
Hi all
I have never posted on any chat forum before but I really need to get this off my chest as I feel like I am going crazy.
So my lovely rescue lionhead Ebony had been not herself for a couple of days and not eating or drinking for a day. She is 9 and bonded with another rescue domestic Nimbus who's 8. The thing is I knew in my heart she was dying but instead of letting nature take it's course I took her to the vet this morning as I had to be sure she couldn't be made better. So the vet was very kind and said she was an old rabbit who had had a long healthy life but she didn't have long left so he strongly advised putting her to sleep. I was just floored, broke down in the vets, seriously couldn't quite believe how upset I was. I did question whether I shouldn't bring her home to Nimbus to die but he again advised it was best to leave her at the vets. So having gone outside the vets to get fresh air my husband was just pulling up to meet me and I let him go back in to arrange it. But of course now I realise it was the worse thing to do and Nimbus is just running around looking for her and I am just doubly heartbroken. I am giving him lots of attention, treats and a cuddly toy but I can't now get the guilt out of my head. To be honest my family think I have gone a bit mad.
Does anyone understand?
Thanks for your time
Liz

I don't think your crazy and I get it but I have the opposite guilt. My vet said I had to think about putting my rabbit to sleep and I was allowed to take him home for the night to syringe feed water every 20 minutes rather than him be in the vets all night alone, 20 minutes later he died at home with me snuggled on my lap and I feel awful. I feel like I should have had him put to sleep. He was 7/8 and I'd only got him a new friend 10 days before so again I feel guilty that it was my fault he got sick. Reality is he was probably just old but the timing of the new rabbit and his death are just to much of a confidence for me.

Now I have my fluff ball who died and I don't want to replace and a rabbit I have no connection with (who's pretty mean) that o feel guilty about sending back to the rescue place even though it's probably best for her so she's not living alone!

I'm sure everyone thinks I'm nuts with how sad and guilty I feel but they are a big part of your life, especially if they live in your lounge like my Waff did! X
 
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