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Thread: Thinking About Failed Bond is So Upsetting

  1. #1

    Default Thinking About Failed Bond is So Upsetting

    I tried to bond my gentle, sweet 7.5 year old petite little lop Oliver with a lovely rex about 2 months before he passed away. It started ok and Oliver was soo gently hoping over to her and she kept hoping away. All bonding done neutral territory, in a pen etc. Eventually she viciously attacked him but thankfully no injuries. We tried a few more times bur same thing. We had to give up and return her. My bonding of my 4 had never been vicious.

    Oliver so wanted a friend and he had been in rabbit company all his life until Cody passed away 9 months before.

    After the rex left Oliver keeping going into the neutral living room, I think waiting for her. It broke my heart seeing him like this ashubby and I had agreed after many many discussions we would get Oliver a friend and if it didn't work out then that would be it .

    I feel so guilty that we could not get a friend for him, I told Oliver how sorry I was, cried into his fur telling him I loved him so much but I think he decided to leave us for the bridge as he could not bear to be alone (he was , free range house bun) . I keep seeing him on his own and all he wanted was a friend. I feel I was cruel. I tried but I couldn't cope with the stress of trying again and I feel terrible and overwhelming guilt for it. The only thing OIiver wanted was a friend and I failed him. He was such a good boy, no bother, so gentle. I just wish all my babies were here. I can't bear it.

    Sorry , I just needed to post
    Last edited by nickybunny1; 04-02-2018 at 01:27 PM.
    Lance got your wings 31/7/13. I will never forget u my gentle sensitive soul x x x Rosie my beautiful baby girl. . Said goodbye on 6/7/15. Brave Code, u made us so proud my gentle boy. Hope all of you is working now my snuffler,
    22 August 2016. Oliver my gentle baby boy, hope you have found the others, 30th July 2017. Will never forget you all my angels.

  2. #2
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    Nicky, after being in a similar situation to you this past week, I can understand a little of what you are feeling. However, what I do not accept is the belief that Oliver left because he couldn't bear to be alone. He was most certainly not alone as he had you both to love and care for him. Think of a different outcome. How would you have felt if one of the failed bondings had resulted in Oliver being badly injured? I know I could never have forgiven myself if that had been the outcome of my recent failed bonding.

    We really all can only do what we feel to be best for the rabbits in our care. Don't forget you are the person who knew Oliver best and you made your decisions based on that knowledge. Please try not to be so hard on yourself

    Sending you lots of hugs.

  3. #3
    Wise Old Thumper MightyMax's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nickybunny1 View Post
    I tried to bond my gentle, sweet 7.5 year old petite little lop Oliver with a lovely rex about 2 months before he passed away. It started ok and Oliver was soo gently hoping over to her and she kept hoping away. All bonding done neutral territory, in a pen etc. Eventually she viciously attacked him but thankfully no injuries. We tried a few more times bur same thing. We had to give up and return her. My bonding of my 4 had never been vicious.

    Oliver so wanted a friend and he had been in rabbit company all his life until Cody passed away 9 months before.

    After the rex left Oliver keeping going into the neutral living room, I think waiting for her. It broke my heart seeing him like this ashubby and I had agreed after many many discussions we would get Oliver a friend and if it didn't work out then that would be it .

    I feel so guilty that we could not get a friend for him, I told Oliver how sorry I was, cried into his fur telling him I loved him so much but I think he decided to leave us for the bridge as he could not bear to be alone (he was , free range house bun) . I keep seeing him on his own and all he wanted was a friend. I feel I was cruel. I tried but I couldn't cope with the stress of trying again and I feel terrible and overwhelming guilt for it. The only thing OIiver wanted was a friend and I failed him. He was such a good boy, no bother, so gentle. I just wish all my babies were here. I can't bear it.

    Sorry , I just needed to post


    My dear Nicky

    I shed a tear for you as I know how you are feeling

    One thing I do know though. I know he didn't leave you because he was lonely. That little chap had issues and he fought on with his various illnesses and troubles until they got the better of him. He was a very strong lad

    It's natural to feel guilty that we didn't give them the life we feel was best for them. But his life was good, and your best was more than good enough.

    I have had rabbits who have lost a partner and are depressed beyond measure, or panicking for company, and Oliver wasn't those things. He was comfortable in your company.

    Sending you huge hugs. Has something brought this back to mind? Is there anything I can do? xx
    In order for you to insult me, first I have to value your opinion!
    Its not just about whos being real to your face, its also about whos being real behind your back ..

  4. #4

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    Thank you MightyMax for your reply x no nothing in particular has brought this on. It's just I miss them so much and the house seems so empty still. I suffer from anxiety and hate that it makes it very difficult to deal with stressful situations like bonding or bunny sickness. Other people on this forum are able to cope better than me and it's not fair. If it wasn't for the anxiety I could have tried another bun for Oliver. The anxiety is even holding me back from trying out rabbit boarding as I am terrified of them taking sick even though I know what to do. Everything seems to overwhelme me. I wish I could be calmer like other people then it would mean I could perhaps have another bunny in my life at some point . Thank you for your kind words, it's just all still so raw.

  5. #5
    Wise Old Thumper Jack's-Jane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nickybunny1 View Post
    Thank you MightyMax for your reply x no nothing in particular has brought this on. It's just I miss them so much and the house seems so empty still. I suffer from anxiety and hate that it makes it very difficult to deal with stressful situations like bonding or bunny sickness. Other people on this forum are able to cope better than me and it's not fair. If it wasn't for the anxiety I could have tried another bun for Oliver. The anxiety is even holding me back from trying out rabbit boarding as I am terrified of them taking sick even though I know what to do. Everything seems to overwhelme me. I wish I could be calmer like other people then it would mean I could perhaps have another bunny in my life at some point . Thank you for your kind words, it's just all still so raw.
    But how many people seem to be may be very far from reality as far as 'coping' goes. When feeling very low it can be all too easy to see ourselves in a negative light, to compare ourselves to all those out there who appear to be coping with all life can throw at them far better than we ever could.

    But the reality is most of us are like swans swimming on a pond. All serene on the surface whilst paddling for dear life under the water and out of sight.

    For what it's worth I dont think you let Oliver down at all. I dont think he would have coped with all his health problems for as long as he did if it were not for you and all you did for him x
    Last edited by KarenM; 04-02-2018 at 02:50 PM. Reason: To edit quoted post



    Can you make a donation to ARC (Animal Rescue & Care) to help with the cost of urgent Veterinary Treatment for some badly injured Rabbits ? Every penny donated helps


    http://forums.rabbitrehome.org.uk/sh...00#post6983900

    https://animalrescueandcare.org.uk/donate/

  6. #6
    Wise Old Thumper MightyMax's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nickybunny1 View Post
    Thank you MightyMax for your reply x no nothing in particular has brought this on. It's just I miss them so much and the house seems so empty still. I suffer from anxiety and hate that it makes it very difficult to deal with stressful situations like bonding or bunny sickness. Other people on this forum are able to cope better than me and it's not fair. If it wasn't for the anxiety I could have tried another bun for Oliver. The anxiety is even holding me back from trying out rabbit boarding as I am terrified of them taking sick even though I know what to do. Everything seems to overwhelme me. I wish I could be calmer like other people then it would mean I could perhaps have another bunny in my life at some point . Thank you for your kind words, it's just all still so raw.

    I think I will write you an email. And I have a card that has your name on it too.

    You are just perfect as you are Nicky. Loads of hugs xxx
    In order for you to insult me, first I have to value your opinion!
    Its not just about whos being real to your face, its also about whos being real behind your back ..

  7. #7

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    Thank you Jane, your words are very comforting, it's hard for me not to just see the calm swan in people's posts. I'm just having a bad day today. But thank you for taking time to reply, I know you have your own worries so much appreciated x
    Lance got your wings 31/7/13. I will never forget u my gentle sensitive soul x x x Rosie my beautiful baby girl. . Said goodbye on 6/7/15. Brave Code, u made us so proud my gentle boy. Hope all of you is working now my snuffler,
    22 August 2016. Oliver my gentle baby boy, hope you have found the others, 30th July 2017. Will never forget you all my angels.

  8. #8

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    Thanks MightyMax, that very kind of you to say xx
    Lance got your wings 31/7/13. I will never forget u my gentle sensitive soul x x x Rosie my beautiful baby girl. . Said goodbye on 6/7/15. Brave Code, u made us so proud my gentle boy. Hope all of you is working now my snuffler,
    22 August 2016. Oliver my gentle baby boy, hope you have found the others, 30th July 2017. Will never forget you all my angels.

  9. #9
    Warren Scout Craig 1965's Avatar
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    Nicky, As caring, loving owners, we very quickly turn to blame ourselves when our loved ones part. Having been there recently myself, I still beat myself up each and every day when I think about my bun, Ben who lost his bun-wife Georgina 3 weeks before he left us for the bridge. We tried to re-bond him with Lillian and it didn't work. We kept Lillian on, as it was not fair on her, and Ben sadly slipped away over the bridge. What you are feeling is natural and you feel it because you are full of care and love for Oliver. Oliver will not have left you because of anything you did. His world was filled with your love and that of his wife-bun and you gave him a life full of happiness and joy, safety and security. The fact the bonding didn't work is not any fault of yours and sometimes, just like people, friendships just don't work out. I don't believe that rabbits dislike each other - it's just that sometimes they have different characteristics and they can't work them out so the bonding isn't successful. Strength lies in how you handled it and allowing Oliver the time and space with you until he chose to leave you. You gave him everything he could have wanted - and more from life so you can draw comfort from giving him the love and care that he deserved. Loosing a loved rabbit is never easy and we treasure the memories we gain from their lives. They become part of our heart and soul and they live on, within us.

  10. #10
    Wise Old Thumper MightyMax's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nickybunny1 View Post
    Thanks MightyMax, that very kind of you to say xx

    Email written. Card posted. Hugs being sent over right now
    In order for you to insult me, first I have to value your opinion!
    Its not just about whos being real to your face, its also about whos being real behind your back ..

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