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Bonding - Grooming then fight :(

Max, I wouldn't be comfortable leaving Oliver with strangers, he makes strange, even people coming into our house he hides. I couldn't do it to him plus he is on depocillian for his ear twice a week and ear drops. Gosh this is soo sad :( we r sitting in thd living room now with Darcy and she us snuggled on her mat all content :( :( why do rabbits break my heart :(
 
Max, I wouldn't be comfortable leaving Oliver with strangers, he makes strange, even people coming into our house he hides. I couldn't do it to him plus he is on depocillian for his ear twice a week and ear drops. Gosh this is soo sad :( we r sitting in thd living room now with Darcy and she us snuggled on her mat all content :( :( why do rabbits break my heart :(


Oh I understand completely :)

It's a long shot, but maybe Oliver smells different to Darcy because of his meds and ear drops? It can happen, but of course may not be the case for your two.

Rabbits break my heart too. All the time and in so many places.

Are you going to take a breather and decide what to do?
What does your OH think you should do?
 
It sounds like Darcy has bonded with you and vice versa. Sending you positive vibes that you will be able to find peace with whatever decision you make.
 
Perhaps Max it is the meds, long shot but possible. My husband has fallen for her too and suggested we could keep her in the living room - she us so good already, litter trained herself and I can already open her pen for an hour for a run round before I go to work and she doesn't nibble anything. She will come running to me as well :( :( but we r spending more time with her at the moment than with Oliver and he is aware of it for sure. We went into this with the view of getting a frind for Oliver not for us and that if it didn't work out she would be returned but I didn't expect to feel so much love for her so soon. I am too scared to put Oliver back in with her again, what if he got really baday injured? They went straight to locked on when fighting, no nips. I know it's early days but I don't feel I have the strength within me any more to commit to a long slow bonding process - ,maybe due to the stress of bun sickness this past few years. That sounds such a cop out and I hate myself that I can't be laid back and not anxious about the whole thing :( hubby thinks it's best if she is returned though but he admits he will miss her too. She is so happy with us too but from last night's bond attempt they both hate each other right now.
 
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Nickybunny, this is so hard for you, I'm sorry to hear it doesn't work. It does happen that people take on rabbits for bonding and then hav to return them. You were trying to do a great thing giving your Oliver a friend and a home for another bunny.
Whatever you decide will be the right thing, but sometimes taking a breather helps decide. Can you keep them both for a few days to give some time to decide? Could you keep Darcy outside and get her a friend ?
At the end of the day, it needs to work for your family so don't feel bad about making the difficult decision to return her if that's what you do. Xx
 
Perhaps Max it is the meds, long shot but possible. My husband has fallen for her too and suggested we could keep her in the living room - she us so good already, litter trained herself and I can already open her pen for an hour for a run round before I go to work and she doesn't nibble anything. She will come running to me as well :( :( but we r spending more time with her at the moment than with Oliver and he is aware of it for sure. We went into this with the view of getting a frind for Oliver not for us and that if it didn't work out she would be returned but I didn't expect to feel so much love for her so soon. I am too scared to put Oliver back in with her again, what if he got really baday injured? They went straight to locked on when fighting, no nips. I know it's early days but I don't feel I have the strength within me any more to commit to a long slow bonding process - ,maybe due to the stress of bun sickness this past few years. That sounds such a cop out and I hate myself that I can't be laid back and not anxious about the whole thing :( hubby thinks it's best if she is returned though but he admits he will miss her too. She is so happy with us too but from last night's bond attempt they both hate each other right now.


Nicky ((( hugs )))

It really wears you down, looking after bunnies who aren't well and then losing them. It's traumatic and takes quite a while to recover from. Sometimes I feel I never quite recover, so I have stored up experiences that seem to cumulate when something goes awry.

If your gut (and OH) says to return her, then sadly that does seem to be the best course of action. It's no way a failure on your part - with bunny bonding it's all about the personalities. You can't foresee what will happen when you put two random bunnies together.

Getting fond of bunnies is the hardest part. I truly believe that when this kind of thing happens, you lose a little piece of your heart and it goes away with the bunny when they leave. It's the heartbreak in the situation :(

But I also believe that you and your OH *must* be kind on yourselves. You have gone out of your way for your bunnies, and then some, ever since I have known you.

Take a breather. Noting has to be done right now. Perhaps in a few days you can make a decision? xxx
 
Thank you so much CometLucy and Max for you comforting words and understanding. We do deep down think it is best to return her but I have been crying all morning with the thought of it. She binkied when I went in to see her this morning too :( :( Max thanks for understanding about my past experiences. Perhaps I haven't recovered enough from them. I just feel so guilty seeing Darcy so happy, I don't think I will recover if I say goodbye :( but whilst we r in the living room with her Oliver doesnt get as much attention and this was supposed to be for him. I also dont want to risk injury. She won't be going anywhere until next week if she is, so have time to spend with her and decide more. Xx
 
I haven't had time to read the whole thread but I'm sorry that it's not going to plan.
Have you tried putting them in a much smaller space? We had a few issues with Bea & Henry. They started off in a bonding cage for a few hours and then we popped them in an empty 2ft x 4ft pen. It just had a bowl of water and a litter tray. Xx
 
Roxy we tried on Monday with the smaller pen, and they were actually side by side in it and within a few seconds of realising the other was there they went for each other. I think I have lost my nerve for bonding ! Thanks for u advice x
 
Roxy we tried on Monday with the smaller pen, and they were actually side by side in it and within a few seconds of realising the other was there they went for each other. I think I have lost my nerve for bonding ! Thanks for u advice x
I'm sorry things don't seem to be working out :cry: I know you don't want to send Oliver away for bonding, but maybe there are some RU members nearby who might be able to come to lend a hand. I don't mean for a minute that you aren't capable of bonding at all, but you have a lot riding on this and there are bound to be lots of emotions involved, and someone uninvolved might be able to think of ideas and provide support. I know DaphnePhoebe posted to say she was willing to lend a hand bonding. Might be worth a try before you have to give up, and maybe think of a plan B.
Hugs xx
 
Thank you so much CometLucy and Max for you comforting words and understanding. We do deep down think it is best to return her but I have been crying all morning with the thought of it. She binkied when I went in to see her this morning too :( :( Max thanks for understanding about my past experiences. Perhaps I haven't recovered enough from them. I just feel so guilty seeing Darcy so happy, I don't think I will recover if I say goodbye :( but whilst we r in the living room with her Oliver doesnt get as much attention and this was supposed to be for him. I also dont want to risk injury. She won't be going anywhere until next week if she is, so have time to spend with her and decide more. Xx


Oh, I've had that too, and it really does pull on the heart strings :love:

However, remember that the Rescue will be looking out for a really good home for her. It's not like you're abandoning her to an unknown fate. She will be happy again and so will you and OH :)

Yes, Oliver is your priority here, and you would only feel bad if you put her welfare above his right now. Perhaps ask the Rescue if there's a doe who's really quiet and submissive? I know it's not always easy for Rescues to get the full measure of a rabbit's personality. They tend to blossom once in a home situation, but perhaps maybe a start ...?

Sending love and hugs xx
 
This happened to me and it is really difficult. Stakki was supposed to be bonded with an older doe, but they loathed each other and used to go straight into locked on, biting ferocity. Our older rabbit had been tightly bonded to a bun who died, and was never interested in another bond. We just kept them as separate buns. We loved Stakk too much to give him away.
 
Thanks Max and Zarla. But it's with a very heavy heart and many many tears we have decided to return Darcy :( even if we kept her it would mean less time spent with Oliver and that's not fair plus we have noticed when we r in the living room with Darcy Olicer his hiding away and he would never have hid away as much before so to me he knows we r in there with her. So keeping 2 separate buns isnt fair on Oliver. Oluver is my baby who I love and adore and his happiness and safety must come first. Had it been an easier bonding, like my previous three my husband and I agreed that we would obviously have kept her for Oliver but the agression is just too much . Today after them not having seen each other for several days I let Oliver into the living room and Darcy was trying to get at him through the bars so that reinforced my decision. When we r not in the living room her pen is open and she has had free range this past 4 days and is so very well behaved.

After this experience I don't think I could try bonding again. Oliver will be getting even more hugs, kisses (if that's possible ) and a new maze and castle from small paws playtime. Not the same as a mate I know. Thanks for all the support and advice everyone x
 
Thanks Max and Zarla. But it's with a very heavy heart and many many tears we have decided to return Darcy :( even if we kept her it would mean less time spent with Oliver and that's not fair plus we have noticed when we r in the living room with Darcy Olicer his hiding away and he would never have hid away as much before so to me he knows we r in there with her. So keeping 2 separate buns isnt fair on Oliver. Oluver is my baby who I love and adore and his happiness and safety must come first. Had it been an easier bonding, like my previous three my husband and I agreed that we would obviously have kept her for Oliver but the agression is just too much . Today after them not having seen each other for several days I let Oliver into the living room and Darcy was trying to get at him through the bars so that reinforced my decision. When we r not in the living room her pen is open and she has had free range this past 4 days and is so very well behaved.

After this experience I don't think I could try bonding again. Oliver will be getting even more hugs, kisses (if that's possible ) and a new maze and castle from small paws playtime. Not the same as a mate I know. Thanks for all the support and advice everyone x


Nicky, I think you've done the very best thing for you, OH and Oliver.

It's a very very hard decision, I know, but you can say to yourself that you tried, and saw the result. If it was meant to work, then it would have, but sadly it didn't.

Oliver will be a happy little chap in your world, with his bits and bobs and also peace.

I hope you all have a quiet Easter time, and I'm sending you lots of love and hugs :love:
 
Thank you Max . It's been a very difficult decision, one of the hardest things ive ever had to do :( we r meeting her owner on Tuesday afternoon . I am going to get lots more fresh hawthorn to send with her as she loves it - never had if before. I hope she can forgive me one day and hope she gets a great forever home. I will never forget her. I cant believe I am going to have to betray her trust she has given me in such a short time. Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts x
 
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