Loss & Bonding

Hi all,

I posted in the health forum a few weeks ago about my beautiful girl Dolly having a bad reaction to Vetergesic. Soon after I started the thread, she passed away. The comfort and support I received was truly appreciated and I vowed to keep using the site as I don't have any bunny loving friends in real life.

Dolly's passing really shook my world, she was a small with the biggest personality and the entire ground floor of our house was set up to her liking. When she left, everything just felt quiet. She left behind a wonderful little man called Pumpkin, he was smitten with her and quickly entered into a depressive state.

A couple of days later we agreed to take in a rescue bun on a foster basis. She's around 7 months & spayed. Pumpkin (he's 2 and neutered) spied her through the glass door and she immediately perked him up. We decided to let them meet and it was an instant bond. Of course we couldn't let her go so she is now our Molly.

Just a couple of days later, my big hunk of a bun Ted (3) went off his food and became lethargic. We took him to the vets and treated for stasis after he hadn't pooped for 24 hours. We then thought he was coming round as he had started to eat for himself. The next day I awoke to find him in a bad way, he was rushed to the vets where they found a huge mass at the top of his stomach that had compromised the surround blood vessels and organs. He died whilst they were performing the ultrasound.

I can't even explain what this did to me, the pain is just unbearable. My buns are my world, they're my love, my hobby and my escape. Ted lived in my bedroom and some nights would choose to sleep on my bed, we ate breakfast together every morning and he helped me through a lot.

Ted has left behind his bonded bun Bloo (spayed and 4). She's very much a bun's bun. She tolerates hoomins but would much rather spend her time with a bun. She coped incredibly with his passing, she's dealt with loss once before and is extremely hardy. She is, though, clearly lonely and a little lost.

I'm going to attempt to make a trio with Pumpkin, Molly and Bloo. I don't think I can get through anymore loss & I would like to offer some security to my buns in that if one does go, the others will have each other.

I thought I'd come back on here and document how we're getting on. This is my first trio bond so any input is greatly welcomed.

Pumpkin on the left and Dolly on the right.



Pumpkin with his new love, Molly.



My beautiful boy, Ted, sharing my breakfast.



And lastly, my little lady and Ted's partner Bloo.

I am so sorry to hear of your tragic losses What an absolutely awful time you have had I hope that your remaining 3 Rabbits will be of some comfort to you. Good luck with bonding a trio, it would be lovely for all of you if it worked out.

RIP Ted and Dolly x

PatchMagic said:

Pumpkin on the left and Dolly on the right.



Pumpkin with his new love, Molly.



My beautiful boy, Ted, sharing my breakfast.



And lastly, my little lady and Ted's partner Bloo.

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What absolutely beautiful rabbits

I am so sorry for your losses. Run free Ted and Dolly

Good luck with the bonding - I have just bonded a trio, and there are loads of folk on here who can advise so please post away xx

Thank you both, I appreciate your kind words.

I'm worried that my grief might interfere with the bond, for example I might be overly keen or not as patient so I hope it'll help to document it on here in case I am a bit blind to things.

I watched Molly and Pumpkin playing in the garden yesterday and she seems to have taken years off him, he's like a kit again just acting daft and exploring like everything is brand new to him as it is to Molly. I just really hope the bond is successful and Bloo can join them in being carefree.

I'm glad to hear you've had a successful trio bond, Max. Did you have a pair and a single to start or all brand new to each other?

I'm going to start with a play date this afternoon. Pumpkin & Molly tend to spend there days playing in the barn so I'll put a fence up and have Bloo play outside.

We had an odd set up. Bloo & Ted lived upstairs and would be taken downstairs on alternate days to play out. Pumpkin & Dolly, now him and Molly, live mainly downstairs but have a bedroom upstairs (the spare room) and played out on alternate days. Ted was a sensitive bun who liked his quiet time so we never really tried bonding him and Bloo with Dolly & Pumpkin. Although,they were always able to see each other through a fence and there has never been aggression just disinterest.

I am so sorry you lost Dolly and Ted. Sadly they are sometimes so fragile Binky free bunnies xx RU really is amazing and a great source of support through sad times thinking of you and sending hugs xx

I really hope your trio bond goes well. Do you have a neutral area where none of them have been before for the bonding? In the bonding sticky in behaviour and bonding there is a brilliant video by mischief and tinkers mum of a trio bond, it might help reassure you to watch :thumb:

Thank you. Boots is beautiful, I'm sorry for your loss too.

The trouble with my buns is that nothing is really off limits so they all own every single room in the house. If two are playing out, the other two will own their room. They're used to each other's smells so hopefully that's a good start. I think the kitchen may be the best bet for a bonding session as they don't spend much time in there (except for circling my feet for treats).

I will have a look at that video and a have a good browse through the sticky before I start, thank you.

PatchMagic said:

Thank you. Boots is beautiful, I'm sorry for your loss too.

The trouble with my buns is that nothing is really off limits so they all own every single room in the house. If two are playing out, the other two will own their room. They're used to each other's smells so hopefully that's a good start. I think the kitchen may be the best bet for a bonding session as they don't spend much time in there (except for circling my feet for treats).

I will have a look at that video and a have a good browse through the sticky before I start, thank you.

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Thankyou the kitchen does sound like the best place, you could neutralise it with a mix of vinegar and water which might help :thumb:

So the first day has ended with me in tears :roll:

We fenced off the kitchen and set up in there for what was supposed to be an hour long play date. Bloo had her safe corner with her blanket in and Pumpkin & Molly had there's with their blanket in. Food in the middle.

Molly immediately made her way over to Bloo and snuggled behind her, Bloo wasn't at all bothered and happily let her.

Next, Pumpkin charged at Bloo nipping her fur. Bloo made her scared noise (like a groan) and hid behind me. Molly then seemed to take pumpkin's lead and charged Bloo too, Moll had her tail up and was being aggressive for the first time ever.

That's how it continued really. Bloo was unbelievably calm and patient but terrified by the end as they were essentially ganging up on her. She had been charged and had her fur pulled a few times yet still sat with her back to them and cleaned, she also ate and settled down too.

I kept them separate for a bit just by stopping them going near her with my hands but Pumpkin especially wouldn't let up so it ended with her being terrified but not retaliating. She would kind of back up and attempt to slap but from far away so more of a warning if she couldn't get away.

I decided she'd had enough and removed her. She went back to her room and it just broke my heart to have seen her try so hard to join their bond and be refused. I know I'm being far too sentimental about all of this, I just feel so bad for her.

Molly & Pumpkin then spent the rest of the hour zooming and binkying in the garden :roll:

I'm sorry its not gone as you had hoped i would suggest neutralising again, and not having anything that belongs to any of them in there, otherwise they might claim areas as territory. can you use something like puppy pens to make a small area, and have hay and forage in the middle?

Thank you, Zoo. Yes I think that's the best way forward, I'll neutralise the space, reduce its size and remove their personal items.

I'm giving Bloo a break now but it's raining here and the gruesome twosome have come in so I think I'll fence off Bloo's room for the evening and allow them to see each other then start afresh with a long stint tomorrow. Must try not to be such a sop!

Good luck for tomorrow, bonding is stressful I know!

PatchMagic said:

Thank you, Zoo. Yes I think that's the best way forward, I'll neutralise the space, reduce its size and remove their personal items.

I'm giving Bloo a break now but it's raining here and the gruesome twosome have come in so I think I'll fence off Bloo's room for the evening and allow them to see each other then start afresh with a long stint tomorrow. Must try not to be such a sop!

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Good luck for tomorrow

Sending loads of positive vibes your way xx

Today has ended already



I had a neutral smaller space with fresh hay and a new toilet. I tried just Pumpkin and Bloo as Molly seemed to just copy Pumpkin yesterday so I thought if Pump could relax around Bloo then that would allow Molly to.

He just went crazy! I've never seen such aggression from a bun before. He charged her a few times and I stopped it then the last time he got her and took a chunk out of the base of her back. Not sure if you can see on the photo but there is blood on that fur. Bloo then reacted and sunk her teeth into my glove thinking it was him and she held on as I lifted my hand.

It was far too heated with them both just wanting to dart at each other with tails in the air and grunting so I stopped it. It lasted all of about 4 minutes.

I just don't know what to do now. When Bloo first came to us she had been rescued from an awful situation where she'd basically been stuck in a cage with her mother who repeatedly attacked her. She was badly injured when she was taken away then we bonded her with our softest boy who really built her confidence and trust. At first though she was petrified of everything and aggressive thinking she had to defend herself. It took probably 2 years for her to relax and soften. She's now fully bunny-dependent but after today and yesterday's session she seems to be going back to her old terrified defensive self (understandably).

I don't know if it's worth forcing her through this when she was so accepting to a new mate at first but through Pumpkin and Molly's aggression she's retreating back to being a scared bun.

Pumpkin isn't normally such an angry rabbit, he's obviously lost Dolly recently and is now very protective over Molly. I don't know if this is what's best for him either as it's obviously stressful for him.

My options are to keep forcing the bond or to get Bloo a new friend of her own to bond with. Perhaps down the line I could try a 4 bond but gradually over time (or not).

What would you guys do please?

Oh dear sorry it has turned out badly personally I wouldn't force things, you don't want to cause your pairs bond to break. If I were you I would look for a new friend for Bloo, if you try a rescue they might have a few rabbits to try.

Thank you, Zoo.

We only ever have rescue buns as we used to be foster parents for our brilliant local rescue. I'm sure they'll have someone perfect for Bloo, I just really wanted this trio bond to work.

I've left the fence up against her room and she's still keen on seeing the two buns, Pumpkin is also lying next to the fence and she's watching him but settled down. Yet I know if I put them together the exact same thing will happen again. I wish they'd just make things easy for themselves!

Mixed signals!!

So I had put the fence up against Bloo's room and decided to stop the bonding and get her a new friend. I was moving the fence and Pumpkin & Molly hopped in (still behind the fence but in Bloo's room), Bloo seemed really pleased with this and joined them sitting next to the fence (but the other side).

They then all stayed there for hours. I moved their belongings in and they all settled. They've been eating, sleeping & grooming with zero aggression.

Does this mean anything?? I feel like I can't think straight anymore, between losing Dolly & Ted and Pumpkin playing mind games :lol: I just don't know what's best.

Bloo is bottom left of that photo, she just started to leave as I took it.

So Pumpkin & Molly spent the night in Bloo's room with only a few fence charges from Pumpkin.

Today I decided to have one last attempt at it so the trio have been on a car journey and had come back to brand new space.

So far we've had hours of this...



Nothing but this. I have no idea how to read these bunnies anymore - is this good? Bad? Do I have to wait until it gets bad before I separate?

So I decided to separate them as Pumpkin had begun testing Bloo and she was getting very upset & made her little groan noise that makes me do anything she wants!

It was an improvement on yesterday though. Yesterday he couldn't go more than 30 seconds without charging at her and trying to hurt her. Today, they had gone a long time in the same area before he tried anything and when he did, it was much more of a dominance test than purely trying to hurt her. For example, she'd nibble some hay and he'd lunge at her so she moved then he'd eat the hay. She was sat in a toilet and he slapped at her so she'd move.

She gave in every time but she is very nervous about getting hurt so is on guard to strike back.

This is progress but I'm still torn between carrying on and putting her through this or just giving her an easier life in the short term and getting her a friend.

Molly tried to test Bloo a few times too and Bloo gave her a very simply grunt/lunge which made her stop so I think they would be easy to bond.

I would appreciate any thoughts on this as I am at my wits end.

Are you trying to bond 2 females with a male? If so the boy must be the dominant one so if he is stopping one of the girls from eating etc then this is normal when bonding. The males sometimes won't let the female eat for 3 days (obviously I scatter food everywhere so she doesn't miss out). After 3 days of the female being kept in submission he relaxes his dominant behaviour and they can start to bond.