Pip is gone...my fault

MimzMum said:

Thank you everyone. I think it's going to take me a very long time to ever feel good about myself over this, if I ever do.

As I was cleaning up the boys tonight and clearing out Pip's pen (I couldn't find a place to put it, but cleaned up the hay and stained mat and water bottle, etc.) I realized a few things that could've gone wrong; like how the cat's litter boxes were too close to her pen...but the central heating sends the dust from these all through the house, so I discounted that as a reason that Pip was having trouble breathing...although I doubt it did her any favors.

I then looked at her litterbox. It had been changed the previous evening, very late, about 3 AM. There were no signs of any elimination at all. Nothing. When Pip got stasis in the past at least she could urinate. My great fear now is that she was actually a victim of bloat, and I just didn't realize it in time. Had I done so, I kind of doubt they could've saved her even if I'd risked the trip to town, but at least they could've put her out of her misery. As it is, I treated her from 3-9 am (approximately when she died) as if she was just in ileus. I tried massage and force feeding, and making her move around...the exact things you DON'T want to do with a rabbit in bloat. It's the only explanation for her lethargy this morning and the suddenness of her death, plus the minimal fluid draining from her mouth as she tried to cough and breathe, and my clumsy attempt to do the pendulum maneuver to bring whatever she was choking on out of her windpipe.

I feel terrible because that means she was in horrific pain all night last night and until I got up this morning. Perhaps she held on till she saw me again, but my poor girl. I still let her down. I should recognize these signs as I saw them in my two dogs. Not being able to eliminate and yet not vomiting either...of course rabbits can't, but she didn't look significantly swollen in the stomach area...just that there was nothing in her lower GI from a mild palpation of her abdomen. I should've just run her in one way or other, if only for her comfort.

No, not likely to get over this any time soon. Extra vigilant now with the boys. But most likely she didn't do well with the hay I'd gotten to span them until their regular stuff came in, which I was late ordering again. Pip could only manage 3rd cut timothy or orchard grass. They had second/first cut timothy and botanical hay as a topper, which has too many different hays in it that she probably couldn't digest well. Plus all the extra fur and she wasn't drinking much water. It was just a recipe for disaster.

I've long since decided I would never keep bunnies again, but this tears it for me. I know the boys don't have much time left themselves, Fiver is very arthritic and Mimzy's leg, while it looks better again tonight, is going to erupt again if he strains it and at some point it's going to be a question of amputation (impossible in his case) or euthanasia.

Honestly, I need to be done with pets. I just don't have the brainpower anymore to think clearly, I have to hope I put the right doses in the boys' metacam droppers as it is tonight, my head was so scrambled. Fiver finally ran round to Pip's empty enclosure and it broke my heart. He was looking for her, I'm sure. Had we still lived in Alaska and she were still in my room with him, I'd have noticed trouble sooner. Still hard to get to a vet, but I had ones that were more aware of her issues there.

I know I can't make it right and I can't rationalize it to myself, nor can I say there was definitively something I could have done other than catch this sooner. But to know she suffered this way is just another nail in the coffin of my self assurance.
Just as well, I think I can do with a bit less pride. Too late for her though.

Thanks for reading all my diatribe here, everyone. Sorry to keep banging on. I may take a break from the forum for awhile if I can't pull myself out of the nosedive I'm in right now. And of course, things will all come to a head when we get her ashes back. That alone has it's issues...like how reliable these people are, etc. But I owed it to my daughter to give her bunny back to her with respect and dignity. This is the only way I can do this now.

I hope to find someone who does those plexiglass pendants that hold animal fur and sometimes a tiny flower or something like a mini photo to get for her with the little bit of fur I took from Pip. I think there's someone in the UK actually that makes heart shaped ones with lovely sentiments written on the backs, but I'll have to look up my Etsy bookmarks to find her. Would hate to send this tiny amount of precious cargo that far but I'd be rubbish at trying to make one of these myself.

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MimzMum said:

Thank you everyone. I think it's going to take me a very long time to ever feel good about myself over this, if I ever do.

As I was cleaning up the boys tonight and clearing out Pip's pen (I couldn't find a place to put it, but cleaned up the hay and stained mat and water bottle, etc.) I realized a few things that could've gone wrong; like how the cat's litter boxes were too close to her pen...but the central heating sends the dust from these all through the house, so I discounted that as a reason that Pip was having trouble breathing...although I doubt it did her any favors.

I then looked at her litterbox. It had been changed the previous evening, very late, about 3 AM. There were no signs of any elimination at all. Nothing. When Pip got stasis in the past at least she could urinate. My great fear now is that she was actually a victim of bloat, and I just didn't realize it in time. Had I done so, I kind of doubt they could've saved her even if I'd risked the trip to town, but at least they could've put her out of her misery. As it is, I treated her from 3-9 am (approximately when she died) as if she was just in ileus. I tried massage and force feeding, and making her move around...the exact things you DON'T want to do with a rabbit in bloat. It's the only explanation for her lethargy this morning and the suddenness of her death, plus the minimal fluid draining from her mouth as she tried to cough and breathe, and my clumsy attempt to do the pendulum maneuver to bring whatever she was choking on out of her windpipe.

I feel terrible because that means she was in horrific pain all night last night and until I got up this morning. Perhaps she held on till she saw me again, but my poor girl. I still let her down. I should recognize these signs as I saw them in my two dogs. Not being able to eliminate and yet not vomiting either...of course rabbits can't, but she didn't look significantly swollen in the stomach area...just that there was nothing in her lower GI from a mild palpation of her abdomen. I should've just run her in one way or other, if only for her comfort.

No, not likely to get over this any time soon. Extra vigilant now with the boys. But most likely she didn't do well with the hay I'd gotten to span them until their regular stuff came in, which I was late ordering again. Pip could only manage 3rd cut timothy or orchard grass. They had second/first cut timothy and botanical hay as a topper, which has too many different hays in it that she probably couldn't digest well. Plus all the extra fur and she wasn't drinking much water. It was just a recipe for disaster.

I've long since decided I would never keep bunnies again, but this tears it for me. I know the boys don't have much time left themselves, Fiver is very arthritic and Mimzy's leg, while it looks better again tonight, is going to erupt again if he strains it and at some point it's going to be a question of amputation (impossible in his case) or euthanasia.

Honestly, I need to be done with pets. I just don't have the brainpower anymore to think clearly, I have to hope I put the right doses in the boys' metacam droppers as it is tonight, my head was so scrambled. Fiver finally ran round to Pip's empty enclosure and it broke my heart. He was looking for her, I'm sure. Had we still lived in Alaska and she were still in my room with him, I'd have noticed trouble sooner. Still hard to get to a vet, but I had ones that were more aware of her issues there.

I know I can't make it right and I can't rationalize it to myself, nor can I say there was definitively something I could have done other than catch this sooner. But to know she suffered this way is just another nail in the coffin of my self assurance.
Just as well, I think I can do with a bit less pride. Too late for her though.

Thanks for reading all my diatribe here, everyone. Sorry to keep banging on. I may take a break from the forum for awhile if I can't pull myself out of the nosedive I'm in right now. And of course, things will all come to a head when we get her ashes back. That alone has it's issues...like how reliable these people are, etc. But I owed it to my daughter to give her bunny back to her with respect and dignity. This is the only way I can do this now.

I hope to find someone who does those plexiglass pendants that hold animal fur and sometimes a tiny flower or something like a mini photo to get for her with the little bit of fur I took from Pip. I think there's someone in the UK actually that makes heart shaped ones with lovely sentiments written on the backs, but I'll have to look up my Etsy bookmarks to find her. Would hate to send this tiny amount of precious cargo that far but I'd be rubbish at trying to make one of these myself.

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MimzMum said:

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts. It really means a lot that a bunny I hardly posted pictures of or spoke much of on here is so kindly remembered now and given such honor in the community. Other members are better known and as such it takes a toll on the entire forum when we lose them. Pip was kind of on the periphery.

I've been going through pictures trying to find ones suitable for her tribute. I've received so many nice comments on my new sig file and avatar. I want to thank everyone who has complimented them. Of course, I wish I hadn't had to make them, but....

loobers, thank you for letting me know that bunnies don't 'drown' from syringe feedings. I just hope I didn't hold her incorrectly and push stomach contents into her windpipe. I have to admit that although she was still being feisty and ornery up until she fell ill, that she had been looking a bit 'tired' in recent days. I'm hoping it was a heart issue because that meant her quick passing was due to that and not to my feeble attempts to care for her or my more panicked ones to evacuate her airway. If she had bloat, I did everything wrong. But she didn't present to me that way, although my only experience with that is dogs so I'm not sure I'd have picked up on it.

Where we lived in Alaska, the house was old. There was frequently cases of dust or mold in the windows and along cracks in door frames. This could have something to do with all my animals' various health conditions. Or there could be something new here that was affecting her in particular. We'll never know for sure.

All that is pointless now. She is gone and all I can see are those last images of her. Such a vibrant soul, she disappeared in a wink. I can only hope she is raising Cain at the bridge, there are bound to be some bunnies up there she's making step lively.

Fiver is concerning me, he seems very depressed. He took a box at Mimzy as he went by while I was cleaning them out last night after trying to groom him only a moment before. Her pen is still nearby as a kind of shrine and her linens washed and hanging on the side, but the empty litterbox may be giving off enough remaining scent to spark some referred aggression. I think this is hitting the poor little guy pretty hard. They weren't 'bonded' but they lived in the same room most of their lives and he was next to her while they were here. I had so many plans for them all. All gone with her.

Thank you if you've read this far. I'm a bit of a broken record at the moment...sorry.

Click to expand...

MimzMum said:

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts. It really means a lot that a bunny I hardly posted pictures of or spoke much of on here is so kindly remembered now and given such honor in the community. Other members are better known and as such it takes a toll on the entire forum when we lose them. Pip was kind of on the periphery.

I've been going through pictures trying to find ones suitable for her tribute. I've received so many nice comments on my new sig file and avatar. I want to thank everyone who has complimented them. Of course, I wish I hadn't had to make them, but....

loobers, thank you for letting me know that bunnies don't 'drown' from syringe feedings. I just hope I didn't hold her incorrectly and push stomach contents into her windpipe. I have to admit that although she was still being feisty and ornery up until she fell ill, that she had been looking a bit 'tired' in recent days. I'm hoping it was a heart issue because that meant her quick passing was due to that and not to my feeble attempts to care for her or my more panicked ones to evacuate her airway. If she had bloat, I did everything wrong. But she didn't present to me that way, although my only experience with that is dogs so I'm not sure I'd have picked up on it.

Where we lived in Alaska, the house was old. There was frequently cases of dust or mold in the windows and along cracks in door frames. This could have something to do with all my animals' various health conditions. Or there could be something new here that was affecting her in particular. We'll never know for sure.

All that is pointless now. She is gone and all I can see are those last images of her. Such a vibrant soul, she disappeared in a wink. I can only hope she is raising Cain at the bridge, there are bound to be some bunnies up there she's making step lively.

Fiver is concerning me, he seems very depressed. He took a box at Mimzy as he went by while I was cleaning them out last night after trying to groom him only a moment before. Her pen is still nearby as a kind of shrine and her linens washed and hanging on the side, but the empty litterbox may be giving off enough remaining scent to spark some referred aggression. I think this is hitting the poor little guy pretty hard. They weren't 'bonded' but they lived in the same room most of their lives and he was next to her while they were here. I had so many plans for them all. All gone with her.

Thank you if you've read this far. I'm a bit of a broken record at the moment...sorry.

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Jack's-Jane said:

Pip's physical being may have gone but her soul will never leave you. It will remain in your heart and although the final memory you have of her is one no-one would wish to carry, there will be times when the good memories come to the forefront of your mind. You will never forget how she passed, but the acute pain will subside to a dull ache. It will be a bruise that you will tolerate but it will hurt like hell again at times when something (a thought, a trigger of some sort) touches the 'bruise'.

Please pass on more hugs to C from me and I am of course sending you many hugs too xx

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