IndigoRabbit
New Kit
Both of my rabbits were taken from me on Tuesday. I woke up proud owner of two beautiful bunnies planning our first Christmas together and at night I didn't have either of them. I've not been very well at all this year and so for my birthday, my parents said I could get my rabbits. They've helped me through so much. There were lots of professionals who all said they could help, but at the end of the day, it was my two rabbits who couldn't even speak that got me through the most difficult of times. And all of a sudden, they're completely gone and I hadn't finished needing them.
What makes it worse was I was in hospital when the first went and I wasn't there with her when she left. She was all alone in the corner of her enclosure feeling scared and probably unloved. But she was always, always loved. And she was always, always happy. She never even considered the fact that she may not have been there the next day.
When I came home I cried for an hour or two but then thought 'No, I have to be strong for the second rabbit'. I cuddled him and kissed his ears and told him that I loved him and that he couldn't leave me because I really, really needed him. But he got worse and worse and he started fitting just before we could get into the vet's for the second time that day. The vet put him down. The thing that really hurts is every time I got bad, they always made it better for me and this was the one time they needed me to do the same for them and I just couldn't. It was the second strain of VHD and I was stupid, stupid and didn't know it existed. I thought the VHD/myxo vaccine covered everything. I couldn't help them. And Ziggy (the second rabbit to go) looked at me and I said to my dad, 'he's telling me', and I knew he was. He was asking me to help him and I couldn't do anything.
I feel so empty and unloved. And I haven't even got Ziggy to be strong for. I cry every time it rains because I'm inside in the warm and their little bodies are under the ground being rained upon. I don't want their fur to be damp and cold, I want it to be warm and in my arms.
I plan my whole life around them because they were the only happiness left for me. Everything else was taken by my illness. I was just beginning to renovate my room around them so they could run free all the time. But that never happened. And I was looking forward to Christmas with them because it was just another chance for me to show them how special they were to me, but that will never happen and I can't bear it.
And I just know that when I wake up, they won't be there, and when I go back to school, I won't have the thought of them to get me through the day.
The thing that really hurts is I did absolutely everything to make sure they were as happy and protected, loved and well looked-after as possible. I always listened to them and what they needed and never forced them to cuddle when they didn't want to. I researched illness so thoroughly, but when I got them, they VHD2 vaccine wasn't available and when it became available, I just did not know because I was too ill to go online.
They were just so, so perfect. I can't bear that in the last month of their lives I was in hospital almost all of the time without them. I tried to make it so my parents did everything they needed, but I know that it just wasn't as much as I always did.
They're gone and I needed them so much. I go through periods of thinking, 'I will get a bonded pair of rabbits from a rescue because they need love and I have love to give,' but then I think of how selfish I am - sitting inside thinking about new pets when my babies are outside in the cold and they can't come back to me. They'll never bite the bars or binky ever again. They'll never grind their teeth when I stroke them.
I don't know if I'd even like another rabbits. What if I don't actually like rabbits? What if I just like MY rabbits. Because they were so different and special.
I don't know how to get through my grief, or how to make it so that I can think of happy memories without the stain of them being gone.
I don't think anybody understands that rabbits mean just as much to some people as dogs and cats, if not - more. It feels to me like they are all of the world's good. They are just sentient enough to love and care, but they would never do anything to hurt anyone. They're quiet and anxious and just want to love and be happy. I feel like the world's gone mad this year and everything has bad in it apart from rabbits.
Moth was small and beautiful with a massive character. She liked to sit up on her hammock and go through her tunnel. She loved, loved, loved to be stroked, but she didn't like to be picked up (and that was okay). She loved her food and I'll always remember her charging at her food bowl when I put food in her enclosure. She had bright button eyes and was so, so soft. There was a look of something wild about her, though. She didn't just sit and be stroked, she raced around and did things and I loved that! I thought I just wanted a rabbit to stroke, but actually, my favourite thing was just watching her hopping around enjoying herself and discovering new things. I remember once when I got her out on the landing and thought I'd do sudoku while she was rushing around and she came up to me, started chewing my pen and then took it out of my hand. I decided I'd give her my full attention after that (haha).
Ziggy was larger and just as beautiful. He was a little more timid, but loved to explore just as much as Moth. His favourite place was on his sand bowl. I always put sand in the bowl when I cleaned him out and then as soon as he got back in, he would kick it all out. He went from rushing around like crazy grunting when I wanted to pick him up, to walking up to a certain space that he knew we used as a "launch-pad" so that I could easily pick him up and give him a cuddle. His ears were so soft and I loved to kiss them. Every time I put him back in his enclosure, I lifted him up and kissed his nose and told him I loved him. I did that on the last day. I remember one day when I was playing the guitar and his nose stopped twitching and he just went to sleep! I loved him then. He had bright blue eyes that were incredible, and he was all black apart from a little white spot on his nose that went up and down when it twitched.
RIP Moth & Ziggy. You are perfect and I love you both so, so much.
Everyone, please, if you haven't already, find some way of vaccinating your rabbits against VHD2. It's indescribable how much it's ruined my happiness and I don't want that to happen to anyone else.
What makes it worse was I was in hospital when the first went and I wasn't there with her when she left. She was all alone in the corner of her enclosure feeling scared and probably unloved. But she was always, always loved. And she was always, always happy. She never even considered the fact that she may not have been there the next day.
When I came home I cried for an hour or two but then thought 'No, I have to be strong for the second rabbit'. I cuddled him and kissed his ears and told him that I loved him and that he couldn't leave me because I really, really needed him. But he got worse and worse and he started fitting just before we could get into the vet's for the second time that day. The vet put him down. The thing that really hurts is every time I got bad, they always made it better for me and this was the one time they needed me to do the same for them and I just couldn't. It was the second strain of VHD and I was stupid, stupid and didn't know it existed. I thought the VHD/myxo vaccine covered everything. I couldn't help them. And Ziggy (the second rabbit to go) looked at me and I said to my dad, 'he's telling me', and I knew he was. He was asking me to help him and I couldn't do anything.
I feel so empty and unloved. And I haven't even got Ziggy to be strong for. I cry every time it rains because I'm inside in the warm and their little bodies are under the ground being rained upon. I don't want their fur to be damp and cold, I want it to be warm and in my arms.
I plan my whole life around them because they were the only happiness left for me. Everything else was taken by my illness. I was just beginning to renovate my room around them so they could run free all the time. But that never happened. And I was looking forward to Christmas with them because it was just another chance for me to show them how special they were to me, but that will never happen and I can't bear it.
And I just know that when I wake up, they won't be there, and when I go back to school, I won't have the thought of them to get me through the day.
The thing that really hurts is I did absolutely everything to make sure they were as happy and protected, loved and well looked-after as possible. I always listened to them and what they needed and never forced them to cuddle when they didn't want to. I researched illness so thoroughly, but when I got them, they VHD2 vaccine wasn't available and when it became available, I just did not know because I was too ill to go online.
They were just so, so perfect. I can't bear that in the last month of their lives I was in hospital almost all of the time without them. I tried to make it so my parents did everything they needed, but I know that it just wasn't as much as I always did.
They're gone and I needed them so much. I go through periods of thinking, 'I will get a bonded pair of rabbits from a rescue because they need love and I have love to give,' but then I think of how selfish I am - sitting inside thinking about new pets when my babies are outside in the cold and they can't come back to me. They'll never bite the bars or binky ever again. They'll never grind their teeth when I stroke them.
I don't know if I'd even like another rabbits. What if I don't actually like rabbits? What if I just like MY rabbits. Because they were so different and special.
I don't know how to get through my grief, or how to make it so that I can think of happy memories without the stain of them being gone.
I don't think anybody understands that rabbits mean just as much to some people as dogs and cats, if not - more. It feels to me like they are all of the world's good. They are just sentient enough to love and care, but they would never do anything to hurt anyone. They're quiet and anxious and just want to love and be happy. I feel like the world's gone mad this year and everything has bad in it apart from rabbits.
Moth was small and beautiful with a massive character. She liked to sit up on her hammock and go through her tunnel. She loved, loved, loved to be stroked, but she didn't like to be picked up (and that was okay). She loved her food and I'll always remember her charging at her food bowl when I put food in her enclosure. She had bright button eyes and was so, so soft. There was a look of something wild about her, though. She didn't just sit and be stroked, she raced around and did things and I loved that! I thought I just wanted a rabbit to stroke, but actually, my favourite thing was just watching her hopping around enjoying herself and discovering new things. I remember once when I got her out on the landing and thought I'd do sudoku while she was rushing around and she came up to me, started chewing my pen and then took it out of my hand. I decided I'd give her my full attention after that (haha).
Ziggy was larger and just as beautiful. He was a little more timid, but loved to explore just as much as Moth. His favourite place was on his sand bowl. I always put sand in the bowl when I cleaned him out and then as soon as he got back in, he would kick it all out. He went from rushing around like crazy grunting when I wanted to pick him up, to walking up to a certain space that he knew we used as a "launch-pad" so that I could easily pick him up and give him a cuddle. His ears were so soft and I loved to kiss them. Every time I put him back in his enclosure, I lifted him up and kissed his nose and told him I loved him. I did that on the last day. I remember one day when I was playing the guitar and his nose stopped twitching and he just went to sleep! I loved him then. He had bright blue eyes that were incredible, and he was all black apart from a little white spot on his nose that went up and down when it twitched.
RIP Moth & Ziggy. You are perfect and I love you both so, so much.
Everyone, please, if you haven't already, find some way of vaccinating your rabbits against VHD2. It's indescribable how much it's ruined my happiness and I don't want that to happen to anyone else.
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The love you have for them will always live on, but I know that it is so, so hard to cope with no longer being able to see and touch special Rabbit friends. 
