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I miss them more than anything *Don't Read If Easily Upset*

Gem

Wise Old Thumper
In the world :cry:

It's every owners worst nightmare that one of their animals should get ill whilst they are away, it's even worse to come home to find one had been PTS without your knowledge :cry:

Originally all 13 of my buns had been due to go into boarding whilst I was in New Zealand over Christmas and the New Year, but I took pity on the lovely lady having them and only took the six. The remaining seven stayed at home :(

December 22nd 2006 I got the message that every owner dreads, one of my boys was seriously ill, just from a description of his eyes and his breathing I knew instantly it was Mxyi, my vets were reluctant to confirm it, preferring to think of it as a Lymph Node infection, then possibly Cancer but I knew all along there was nothing else it could be :cry:

I had at least three weeks of what should have been the holiday of a lifetime left, but all I wanted to do was be at home with my boy, I tried my hardest but being Christmas time and with the time difference there were no flights I could get on and by the time I'd have got home he may have been gone anyway.

A few days later I get another message, Smokey's sister has come down with it as well :cry: Magic their cage mate had remained well and against my wishes was moved in with the other two bonded buns from their group :x

I had specified that no bunny be on their own whilst ill even if it meant the chance of somebun else catching it

In time Magic also came down with it :cry: By now it was getting serious and Magic could have put Minstrel and Spookie's lives in danger too :(

Unknown to me Smokey was PTS on the 3rd January 2007 :cry: And Magic and Poppet were reunited :love:

I finally made it back to them on the 15th January 2007, desperate to see Smokey only to be told they'd had him PTS against my wishes and without telling me :cry:

Still heartbroken as I was, I couldn't let Magic and Poppy see me in tears- I had to be strong for them

I couldn't believe what I saw, instantly getting down on the floor to talk to them, Magic ran away and hid from me believing I was going to grab him for his meds.

That moment shattered my already broken heart, my wonderfully sweet confident boy had been replaced by a scruffy terrified mess :cry:

The next week was spent living each minute of every hour of every day, constantly on my nerves, dreading what I'd find everytime I went into my kitchen, dreading getting up in the morning. Every noise they made I'd rush out to check on them, every sneeze, cough, thump my heart would stop.

We were ruled by their meds three times a day which meant four meals a day each three hours apart, in between times were spent playing, stroking, talking to them and constantly melting bowls of Vicks to try and ease their airways. Any thing to try and get them better, I wasn't going to loose these two.

Vet's visits terrified me as they coped so badly with the stress of being handled and put into their carriers, sweet Poppy would mouth breathe and drool like a dog, Magic would shake uncontrollably.

My vet was brilliant though, he understood that I saw them through every good patch and every bad patch, just because they were a mess when he saw them it didn't mean they were like it all the time.

He gave me complete control over their treatment, it was all done by what I wanted according to how each of them was coping with their routines, he understood I'd have moved heaven and earth to save those two. I would have sold my soul to save the five we lost :cry:

We had good days when I'd feel we'd turned the corner and had a better chance at recovery then we had bad days when I felt like I'd failed them.

When Magic had a fit after being bitten by another bun in the garden and it took him four hours to come back fully I really thought I'd lost him.

We saw the vet and he was pleased with their progress said the lesions were beginning to recede and it was thanks to my dedication, I couldn't have been happier :D

But something changed that day in the vets, the life just seemed to leave Magic.

His little body was giving up on him and on me :cry:

Our last day was a Thursday, I wanted to let them out into the garden again but I was terrified Magic would have another fit and he'd die before I was ready.

I spent the day pampurring them and lying nose to nose on the kitchen floor.

I knew the end was near for Magic when he refused his dinner :cry: And then he refused his Grape, he used to go mad for a Grape. That confirmed he didn't want to fight anymore and I had to be strong for him and Poppy.

We got to the vets and I was a complete mess, I couldn't see for the tears, I couldn't even speak to the vet, it took me ten minutes before I could even breathe enough to say 'It's time'

My vet then asked me what I was going to do with Poppy, that was heartbreaking, I knew she wouldn't cope without Magic and I wasn't going to keep her going for me, I couldn't be that selfish.

I knew I would survive without them but Poppy wouldn't have made it without Magic.

I made the painful decision to let them both go, Magic first while the vet prepared things and got the consent forms we had our final cuddle and I told him what I say to everyone of my animals that I have to set free;

'It's your time little man, Smokey is waiting for you up at the Bridge along with Peaches, Runty and all our other friends. I love you so very very much Magic, you'll be free again, free from everything'

I couldn't let him go not even to set him free so he was set free in my arms with all the love his mum could ever have given him :cry:

Poppy was set free shortly after in my arms after having her last rights to meet her birth mum, brother and sister Treasure and Diamond, brother Smokey and cousin Snowflake.

When she had gone I began to doubt myself, had I made the right choice in letting her go? Could she have recovered? If she had of done, would I be forever looking at her and thinking about her twin Smokey?

They were buried together just as they had always been in life :love:

Finally it was over, now just the memories left to deal with or so I thought.

A couple of week later, I returned home leaving the buns in the care of my other family again, I left early Saturday morning and everybun was fine, no signs of anything being wrong.

I got back late Sunday evening to find Minstrel had come down with it too, I couldn't believe it, really felt like I was cursed.

I was just beginning to rebuild my life without three of my babies and it was happening all over again :cry:

We didn't even try to fight with Minty, she was set free in my arms after a day of pampurring and her last rights.

I began rebuilding my life yet again but it was shattered a week later when Minty's cage mate and sister Spookie was struck down too, I wasn't going to let her suffer so after a couple of hours of pampurring she too was set free in my arms after her last rights :cry:

They both struggled when being set free causing me to severely question whether I was doing the right thing deep in my heart IT was the right thing for both of them, neither of them liked being held so wouldn't have taken to nursing, affection was very much on their own terms but all they wanted at the end was their mum to hold them and tell them it was going to be alright :(

Yes they were all vaccinated, but I still blame myself, if they'd have gone on holiday as they were meant to, they'd all still be alive today :cry:

I look at some of my other buns, there are parents and brothers and sisters and cousins still with me and think why them and not you?

Why young Minty and Spookie why not their mother?
Why Poppet & Smokey when their brother and sister Lucky & Hazel were here at the time of the horror?
Why Magic and not his sister Bandit?

I've seen and had some truely terrible things happen to me in my life but this is the one thing I'll never recover from, the feeling of powerlessness when you're on the other side of the world is something I'll never forget, just like I'll never forget the pain nursing Magic and Poppy caused.

I'll never forget them despite the fact its still to painful to think or write about them.

I'll never forget the love & devotion they gave me in our years together, I'll never forget the pleasure watching them binky gave me.

Smokey, Magic, Poppet, Minstrel & Spookie I'll never ever forget you guys and I'll :love: you for eternity

http://forums.rabbitrehome.org.uk/viewtopic.php?t=39837

http://forums.rabbitrehome.org.uk/viewtopic.php?t=38910

http://forums.rabbitrehome.org.uk/viewtopic.php?t=38114

Magic
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Poppy
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Minstrel
Mintyedit2.jpg


Spookie
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Smokey
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That is such a heartbreaking story. I feel so much sympathy for you that I can't express it.

I lost one of my precious buns a week ago and I am devastated. I burst into tears at least once a day. To lose that many of your bunny family and in such horrible circumstances must have been terrible.

I hope you soon feel better and be happy that you did the best you could for them all.

xxxxx
 
What a lovely tribute to them Gem, I cant imagine what you must have went through and reading your post was so sorrowing, no one should have to go through that. hugs to you x
 
So sorry. I just hadn't pieced toegther how many you had lost.

Binky free brave bunnies and help your mum feel better about things

Fiona x
 
Oh Gem,

That was so hard to read but must have been a million times harder for you to write :cry: :cry: :cry:
But it is a lovely tribute to your precious babies & is so obvious how much you cared/care for them. You did everything you possibly could for them & letting them go was a totally selfless act, you had their best interests at heart & i know they will always love you for that.

I really feel i can understand how you`re feeling due to my present situation & the unbearable pain i`m feeling after losing three of my babies, but please remember atleast yours were conventionally vaccinated which proves you gave them the best chance possible & were therefore extremely unlucky with what happened.

I know how much you must hurt right now Gem & nothing i can say will make it feel any better but I, like many others are here for you through good & bad & if you ever want to chat you know where i am.

Big Hugs,
Su.x
 
Oh Gem, what a heartbreaking story. I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Thank you for sharing the story with us - it must have been really hard for you to write it all down. You absolutely did your best for all your buns.

Helen x
 
gem i am so sorry to hear about your babies :cry:

it is such a sad story and i can't even imagine what you must be going through.

Binky free little bunnies :love: :cry:
 
Don't think you didn't do the right thing. I too nursed my Fergus for over 6 weeks with Myxi and, as you said, just as the vet thought he had turned the corner and his lesions were drying up, he just lost the will to live - I wonder whether I did the right thing keeping him going for all that time, whether it was for him or for me as I couldn't bear to lose him. I think whatever you do, you always question your actions after.
Jane
 
Oh Sweetheart, You let me go on about me all day and didnt mention how you were feeling?!! :cry: I've told you before and I'll tell you again, Those bunsters had THE most AMAZING Mummy in the entire world hun, they really did!!! Its such a cruel world we live in, and that is the reason your babies were taken :cry: ...... It was NOT your fault :cry: Your sheer devotion to your little ones was something to be truly proud of. I have no idea what to say - I'll text you :cry: Xx
 
That was a wonderful tribute to them.

I wish I could say or do something that would help but I know there is nothing. I am so so sorry :cry:
 
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