Bunny Loss and Grief

Sorry, bit of a depressing topic

I have loved and lost many Bunnies over the years and usually find that I try to keep myself VERY busy with the other Buns when I have a bereavement. I sort of feel like I have to 'keep running' as if I stop and think it will be too painful
Trouble is I am finding it harder to do now. I think it was after losing my dear Jack that I became less able to 'go into auto-pilot' Then with the loss of Orlaith, Uncle Albert and Lord Lopsley in quick succession I really have started to feel jaded. Then yesterday we had to say farewell to Major Tom I cried a lot yesterday, but was also 'on remote' for much of the time. Today I just seem to feel more sad as each hour passes
Maybe trying to keep busy and not 'think' is no longer the way for me to cope with the loss of a Rabbit :?

How do those of you who have had to go through it 'manage'?
I know we are all very different and what is right for one person may not be right for another. I guess I'd just like to know if anyone else goes into 'keep busy' mode and if anyone can suggest why, for me, its no longer as 'effective'......

Janex

Whenever I lose a bunny I end up crying for pretty much the next week + I'm always really sad + depressed! I know that this stage will pass so I just let all the grief out. The worst one was def Pippa in Jan - even now I cry if I think about her, I'm def not over it. I think losing any more bunnies in the future will be harder as I put so much into them now (not that I didn't look after them when I first started out!) but I see so much more oftheir characters now.

I guess I just cope by letting it all out + letting time heal. I find that it is getting harder for me at work too if we have to have any dogs or cats put to sleep - I cry for them as if they were my own, especially ones that we have all got very attached to. Perhaps these things just get harder instead of easier!

Nicola

Jane we all deal with grief in different ways. I think the reason you are finding it harder at the moment is you have lost a few bunnies in a short space of time...you have also had other major worries to deal with.
Sadly anything others can say does not make a big difference to our personal sadness but there is always some comfort in knowing others care and are thinking of you
I'm sure there are many people on this forum who send you their love and hope you don't stay down for long.
Think of how lucky all your rabbits are and the sad lives many of them would have had if they hadn't come to you.
I know it sounds a bit OTT but a friend of mine once said she used to believe as a child that clouds were people who had gone to heaven ...so next time there is a lovely sunset or sunrise look at it as a lovely picture your Rainbow Bridge buns are painting for you to let you know they are fine

Thanks Nicola and Jill
Grief is, as you say, a very 'personal' thing. I think my way is just that I get frightened of feeling THAT sad... :?
But I guess it is actually more 'healthy' to allow oneself to 'feel' rather than to try to keep running away from it :?
Also, its difficult for those who are not 'Bunny-minded' to comprehend just how much we love them. Today someone came up with the classic 'Oh well, you have lots of Rabbits left'....She meant well BUT.... :roll:

Anyways, it helps to be able to talk with all of you as at least you all 'understand'

Janex

honeybunny said:

Jane we all deal with grief in different ways. I think the reason you are finding it harder at the moment is you have lost a few bunnies in a short space of time...you have also had other major worries to deal with.
Sadly anything others can say does not make a big difference to our personal sadness but there is always some comfort in knowing others care and are thinking of you
I'm sure there are many people on this forum who send you their love and hope you don't stay down for long.
Think of how lucky all your rabbits are and the sad lives many of them would have had if they hadn't come to you.
I know it sounds a bit OTT but a friend of mine once said she used to believe as a child that clouds were people who had gone to heaven ...so next time there is a lovely sunset or sunrise look at it as a lovely picture your Rainbow Bridge buns are painting for you to let you know they are fine

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I think that Jill is absolutely right in everything she said. You have had such a lot to deal with lately it's no wonder you're finding it harder. Personally I also try keeping busy but there are times when that doesn't work and I think you have to let the grief out. As a person who tends to bottle things up I know how destructive that can be, so my advice would be to let your grief out and have a good old cry.

As Jill said, there are loads of people on here who will be more than willing to offer support. Sending massive {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} to you and really hope you feel better soon. Vicki xx

i now how hard it was whn i lost rogue and i has only had him a few days so hadnt built up a really stron bond yet. i just cried for ages then sat in bed with a good movie and some ice cream and cried some more. some people dont realise how stronly animals affect your life. i am terrible though i start crying if i even think about when the day comes for cody (and he is only 4 so he easily has another 10 years!) upsetting myself now

anyway i would advise just to let it all out if neccasery swear a lot and scream into a pillow then cry some more, once that is all out get a relaxation (or guided relaxation) CD and chill for half an hour. always makes me feel better

Aww Jane .. It's so very awful having to say Goodbye to our little un's .. last week when we lost Boo, It was so sudden, that I just went into shock. Too much shock even to cry!! But I knew that she was ready to go, and her time on earth was coming to an end. Boo's the first bunny that I've been here when we lost them, with Biscuit & Charlie, We were on holiday both times, I think seeing that she was ready made it a lot easier. Loosing somebody as close as we are to our little buns is never going to be easy .. they are people to us! You have to think you gave them an amazing life, and think of the joy your buns give you whilst they were here. That, to me, is worth all the pain 50x over .. seeing them binky, cuddling up, sleeping, eating .. whatever, they were happy. I dont really think this makes much sense, but I'll post it anyway. You know where I am ... Xx

I think it's so much harder when it's been a long illness requiring lots of care from you and trips to the vet etc.

SarahP said:

I think it's so much harder when it's been a long illness requiring lots of care from you and trips to the vet etc.

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Very much agree! Xx

beckiboo186 said:

SarahP said:

I think it's so much harder when it's been a long illness requiring lots of care from you and trips to the vet etc.

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Very much agree! Xx

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Yes, longterm intensive 'hands-on' care means a very special bond develops
But it must be VERY hard to come to terms with a 'sudden death'
OMG I hope note to tempt fate but so far I have not had to cope with that.

Oh dear, feeling SO SAD tonight........

Janex

Jack's-Jane said:

beckiboo186 said:

SarahP said:

I think it's so much harder when it's been a long illness requiring lots of care from you and trips to the vet etc.

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Very much agree! Xx

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Yes, longterm intensive 'hands-on' care means a very special bond develops
But it must be VERY hard to come to terms with a 'sudden death'
OMG I hope note to tempt fate but so far I have not had to cope with that.

Oh dear, feeling SO SAD tonight........

Janex

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Oh Jane, I wish I could do something to help Xx

beckiboo186 said:

Jack's-Jane said:

beckiboo186 said:

SarahP said:

I think it's so much harder when it's been a long illness requiring lots of care from you and trips to the vet etc.

Click to expand...

Very much agree! Xx

Click to expand...

Yes, longterm intensive 'hands-on' care means a very special bond develops
But it must be VERY hard to come to terms with a 'sudden death'
OMG I hope note to tempt fate but so far I have not had to cope with that.

Oh dear, feeling SO SAD tonight........

Janex

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Oh Jane, I wish I could do something to help Xx

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You have Becki just by 'understanding'

So a HUGE thank you

Janex

Aw Jane, Im really sorry you feel down

I know for me, it was truly devestating to lose Esmerelda and Hann. The shock and grief will be with always I think. I dont talk about it much because I cant bear to, but it always makes me cry to think of them And every time i go in the garden I'm reminded of the morning I found them.

Bob was ill the whole time I had him and I was very very upset to lose him, but it was some comfort to know I had done all I could for him.

I hope you are ok xx

Jack's-Jane said:

You have Becki just by 'understanding'

So a HUGE thank you

Janex

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Aww Jane .. I think most people on here 'understand' .. It's awful, truley awful, but you get through. You have to, and you will do. XXx

mandy said:

Aw Jane, Im really sorry you feel down

I know for me, it was truly devestating to lose Esmerelda and Hann. The shock and grief will be with always I think. I dont talk about it much because I cant bear to, but it always makes me cry to think of them And every time i go in the garden I'm reminded of the morning I found them.

Bob was ill the whole time I had him and I was very very upset to lose him, but it was some comfort to know I had done all I could for him.

I hope you are ok xx

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I often think of how terrible it was for you to find poor Hann and Esmerelda
I will never forget losing Ronan to a Fox...

Janex

I don't have much experience when it comes to losing bunnies. I have only ever had 2 and 1 of them is still with me - albeit getting on a bit now.

I did lose one of my dogs a couple of years ago after nursing him for over year - and you are right- you build a very different bond with animals that you nurse. The complete devestation I felt when he passed was unbearable and even now, years later, I cry when I look at his photos.

I think that non animal people can not understand the bond that is made. I remember when my bunny Ben (the other rabbit that I used to have) was pts due to kidney failure, so many people said to me 'Cheer up, it is JUST a rabbit' :evil: . But for me, there was no just about it. All my animals are part of my family and I grieve for them when they pass.

I am someone who tries to keep busy also - I do tend to bottle things up and usually exercise myself to exhaustion to make sure I sleep and throw myself into everything else. There is no good way to grieve - I think you just need to do what works.....

Hugs to you Jane - I know it has been hard for you recently xx

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time of things at the moment Jane. I really feel for you, hang in there, you will get through. It's a cliche I know but time is a great healer and it does get easier. I'm like you, I try and keep busy / distracted when I'm hurting, but in the end I think you have to allow yourself time to grieve so you can move on. In time your bunnies will be happy memories rather than painful ones and you'll remember all the good times you had and know that they had the best lives possible while they were with you and you gave them the love they truely deserved.x

I have had a number of pets pass on to the other side. Most of which as I was growing up. All of them have been hard to let go. However, the absolute worst one, and the one that I seem to be unable to really get over is my first rabbit Biffo, a gorgeous pedigree netherland dwarf doe.

This is because it was my fault that she died. I can't remember how old I was, maybe 12, and I was at home ill with a cold and I wanted some company. So I brought Biffo in. She had a sticky bottom and I held her and went to grab some kitchen roll, but as I did so I sneezed and she jumped and hit her back against the fridge. It was broken and she had to be put down.

My dad got me another rabbit called Jasper, an orange netherland dwarf buck. Who I loved with all my heart and who lived a long happy life despite having malloclusion and having to have his teeth clipped every few weeks. As long as I don't think about what happened, I'm able to carry on as normal. But this is just repession. I've never been able to truly get over this and I don't think I ever will. I can't see how I could forgive myself for what happened.

I have actually found the sudden deaths harder.

I always think when I nursed my very sick rabbits (Violet and Zeus) towards the end that it was obvious they were ready to go - Violet was pts and Zeus went while I was away - that was the part that hurt because I wasn't there when it happened but they were both no longer enjoying life. For Violet I just felt relief for her as she was obviously dieing and would have gone that day without the help of the vet.

When I got the news that my first rabbit Fudge had to be pts he had only appeared to be ill for a couple of weeks but apart from the sneezing after drinking and the wheezy breathing he acted fine - ran around loads, was very cheeky and full of life. Then when the specialist diagnosed the abcess and said it was better not to bring him round from the anaesthetic as it would mean a long drawn out death from eventual suffocation he was only 15 weeks old and he was just too young to die in my eyes. That was the worst death as he had seemed so alive and I thought it was just a little infection.

My GP that got caught in his tunnel that I gave him and died was the second worst death because although an accident, it was my fault for giving him the cat tunnel and again he died so young.

Then Athena, who I just found dead one day with nothing wrong with her, no signs of trauma - no reason - that was very hard to take as I was left with so many questions.

Having had so many fish die when I was keeping 30+ tanks I found each death got easier, there was always a special one that got to me like my giant (edible) gourami that developed bloat even when the other more sensitive members of the tank were fine - he was very interactive and more like a pet than many fish - but now when an animal dies I find it hard to cry or get upset as I have had whole tanks wiped out and lost a lot of fish in one go that sort of mass death seems to have hardened me.

I am sad when they die but something seems to have switched off and I feel detached from them - I don't cry anymore.

I have yet to experience a dog's death - I know my OH took it hard when his old family dog died so I dread to think what it will be like when one of ours go.

For my sake I prefer the animal to be obviously ill and preferably old when they go - the worst is the sudden death of a youngster for me.

Caz