View Full Version : To My dearest Nan,

05-12-2005, 07:29 PM
Dear Nan

It's year today you left my life and not a day goes by without me thinking about you. If only we could go to your Nan's for a sandwich, Bryn said to me the other day.

I'd spent the day with you in the hospital that day but you were fine, it was a false alarm and were coming home the following day. I went home and two hours later you were dead it was so sudden you died alone.

I was just watching top gear when I found out, I had to ring my mom in Vietnam and tell her, her mother was dead. I felt so guilty because I had choosen not to tell her you had been taken into hospital on the Friday night and I still do, but nobody would of none you were going to die. You were happy and joking and we shared biscuits together before I left the ward. I miss coming for my tea every Thursday night, you were always the first person I turned to if I had trouble. When I had no where to live you took me in straight away, while I bought my house you were so excited for me. I was going to take you to Wales this year, me and Bryn to the places you went to with my Granddad from when he was alive, but we never got the chance.

I still go to your house, well I sold it to Shaun and Beks and they've done some lovely things to it, but it's not the same now you're not there. I've not managed to come and see you at the crem yet, I was going to go yesterday, I was all prepared, but in the end I couldn't do it.

I love you always and always.


Your only grandchild

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

05-12-2005, 07:47 PM
Tree your Nan will be there waitin' for when the time comes to meet again. She will be wanting you to live a happy fulfilled life and to carry the love you shared in your heart. I lost my nan long, long ago.....1969.....but she will ALWAYS be the most important person in my life, above my parents and other family. Even tho' you were not physically beside your Nan as she passed away she will have held your love in her heart and will not have felt alone because of that. She will love you forever and will be there for you whenever you think of her. Love Jane and Bunsxx

05-12-2005, 07:57 PM
Thank you that's a lovely way to look at it.

05-12-2005, 09:48 PM
sorry ts the aniversary of your nans death tree, dnt feel guilty you were not to know i did a simular think and left my grandad a few hours before he died when i was suppossed to be with him but i was so tired frm all those night shifts of care and still having to take care of the children in the day time, i popped home for 40 winks i justnever got to go back and see hm conscious again, so i do know what you are feeling....

take care

Eve x

05-12-2005, 10:00 PM
Awww, Tree (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

Nan sounds like she was a lovely girl, and she will be waiting for you xxxx


05-12-2005, 10:01 PM
Eve says

Awww mate, so sorry. It is hard isn't it, death is so cruel. :(

05-12-2005, 10:01 PM
Awww, Tree (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

Nan sounds like she was a lovely girl, and she will be waiting for you xxxx


Thanks you.

05-12-2005, 10:02 PM
Awww mate, so sorry. It is hard isn't it, death is so cruel. :(

yep sure is! :cry: :cry:

06-12-2005, 08:50 AM
Tree - thats a lovely tribute to your Nan - she was obviously a very special person. My Nan, like Jane's, passed away when I was 14 (34 years ago) but she will always be with me and its her face I see when I need to. She coloured my life with the brightest hues and made special memories for me.
The new Narnia film will be special to me cos I would take the book from the library and read it when I stayed with her - which was often - magical memories :D

06-12-2005, 07:44 PM
Tree ... that is so sad and was so sudden but perhaps take comfort in the fact that your beloved Nan did not suffer. So hard for the ones left behind and I feel for your Mum who could not possibly be there. Please do not feel guilty as you were protecting your Mum and did not want to give her worry when she could do nothing about it.

My Gran shared a bed with me and was my friend and confidant. she died a horrible prolonged death and we were praying for her to be released. I was 21 and still miss her now as you do your Nan and you always will. I still think my Gran looks down on me. Just think on your Nan having a good laugh at you and Beatrix on TV....she will be saying "that's my girl"


06-12-2005, 09:26 PM
(((((hugs tree))))))) :cry:

09-12-2005, 04:37 PM
aww mate big hugs it was an awful day i will never forget when i received the call from Bryn :cry:

10-12-2005, 12:18 AM

It is a lovely tribute to her.

Sadly I never really knew my only Gran. My fathers mother died in WW2. And my Gran, Mum's Mum was ill for years and died when I was 8.

The first year is the hardest.
She would have wanted you to be happy as others have said.
And although you were not there, I trust she went peacefully.
You did what you thought was right in not telling your Mum sooner.
You should not feel guilty. She would have been stuck on a plane worrying and arrving to found out it was too late anyway.

I sometines feel the same about my Dad.
I did not see him for 2 weeks before he died.
I was a student nuirse and lived in the nurses home.
Only about 5 miles from home.
I was to have gone home on the eve of his 65th birthday and told a lie that I had got to work, and went out for a Chinese with my mates instead.
I was then going home the next day, I was working till 7.30 pm and he was coming to pick me up and were all going out for a meal.

He never woke for his birthday.
He said to my Mum at midnight this was a birthday he did not want.
His 65th. He hated thinking of being called an OAP.

Mum and he had seperate bedrooms as she had restless leg syndrome and it drove him nuts.
She went up to his bedroom to go through his trouser pocklets for change for my brother for his ride to work on the bus.
And knew as soon as she looked at him.

I obviously was called and came home in a taxi immediately.
Mum by this stae was in shock.
She had Parkinsons Disease adn had gone into a freeze.

I am amazed she stayed calm long enough to have been able to have rung me. Normally you are not called down for a phone call and the receptionist bought a chair in for me. I should have twigged then that it was not good news. A chair in the box was big no no.
She had obviously told them why she needed to talk to me as the Senior Nursing Officer was there hovering when I came down in my dressing gown, for when I came out of the phone box.
Anyway it was Mum on the phone, and she started off all cheerful.
I thought perhaps the plans for the evening had changed then she just dropped it into the conversation "Your Dad is dead."

My brother too was numb and unable to speak. He had not gone to see him as he had never been around when someone had died.
He was 20 and I was 22.

I laid him out. He looked very peaceful.
He did not suffer.
My Mum did not think it was right for me to see him or to lay him out, but I was a nurse and I had seen death many times.
I needed to see him and spend some time with him alone.
And that was what I felt I had to do.
A time for me to be with him alone, where I could say Sorry for never having got to see him before he died.
I had not been home for about 2 weeks.

I feel guilty I did not go home and at least have said a Happy Birthday to him at midnight.
And been there in the morning when she found him.
But he went very peacefully. We knew it could have been at any time. He had a massvie aneurysm right by his heart and back in 1976 they could not operate on it. From when it was diagnosed 3 years earlier every day was a gift.

You were speical to your Nan.
I was special to my Dad.

I have Guardian Angels.
We all do but not all of us get to see our Angel or get to talk with them. And I have been priveleged to talk with Barak (That is his name) many times, and one time I asked my Angel if my Dad was OK, I do not know why I aked it, and he then asked me if I would like to talk with him.
I had the privieledge of actually talking to him.
It was real. A silent conversaton. I actually was in hopsital at the time.
But it was defintely him.
He spoke about things only he and I knew.
Things that I had to remember, things I had forgotten.
I had not been thinking of them.
He told he knew when I rang that I was not working and was going out.
But he wanted me to enjoy life.
He said that things may have been different if I had been there.
But those are things I cannot talk about here.
He said that he felt privelged I had laid him out and put him in his favourite blue pyjamas.
I had had a tough childhood. He had been away a lot.
And my Mum and I never really got on.
He knew that if I said that I wanted to go out he would have felt obliged to come and pick me up as he had this thing about me being out at night and getting home safely. And he knew I was always embaressed when my friends were there at 22 to be picked up by Daddy.
So he let it go.
I know if I want, I can call my Angel Barak and talk with him again.
It was a real priveledge.

It is 29 years ago now. October 12th.
Time slowly does heal. But the pain nver toally goes away.
Dad told me in our conversaton not to think of the sad things like the argeuments that had happened etc...but to remember the happy times we had had together and remember him like that.

Your Nan would want you to be happy.
I am sure she would say the same thing.
And you can bet your bottom dollar she is watching over you, even now.
She understands how you feel, how you could not go to the crem.
And as Jane said, she knew you loved her as she loved you, and that love will always be there.
Even though you were physically not there, your love was there with her in her heart.

Do not be afraid to cry and grieve a bit- sometimes.
But try to remember the happy times the majority of the time.
I am sure that is what she would want to tell you if she could.

Thining of you.

10-12-2005, 12:46 AM
I am so sorry :( You will see her again one day.

12-12-2005, 01:04 PM
aaaawwwwwww :( Tree thinking of you at this tim.
Your Nan must have been so proud to have had such a lovely Grand Daughter as you.

Lots of love and hugs

12-12-2005, 06:04 PM
awww Tree that was beautiful.... my thoughts are with you hun xx
Big hugs from me and the bunnies! xxxxxxxx