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Feeling like a failure as a bunny parent

bunny momma

Wise Old Thumper
It was difficult enough to lose my sweet lap bunny Madelyn two weeks ago, yet I cannot help to feel like I am a failure at being a bunny parent due to the lose of four bunnies, none of them old, since December 2018. First I lost my adorable Evan, the tiniest adult bunny I ever saw, in December 2018, which was followed by the loss of his entertaining brother Dash in September 2019, and exactly one week later the lose of my friendly Gemini also in September 2019, and then July 24, 2020 my sweet and gorgeous lap bunny, Madelyn.

The last time I lost multiple bunnies in a short time they were all elderly bunnies who where with me over a decade each. This latest situation is also unlike the time I lost multiple bunnies within weeks from the same pathogen.

I feel like I am doing something wrong and I am worried that if something happens I will lose my mini rex Heidi (age 6) and dwarf Raven (age 5).
In recent years I am trying to do all the right things with better diets and exercise, plus close monitoring of behavior, eating, drinking, peeing, and pooing. Yet I keep ruminating on what I could have done differently that would have resulted in my bunny friends being with me today.

It is hard for me to make sense of these latest loses. When I lost Dash and Evan I told myself it was because they had chronic digestive issues and each day they survived was a victory. Then I lost Gemini and thought I may not have noticed he was ill soon enough because I was so distraught over losing Dash the week before, though he deserved better. Now I lost Madelyn and wonder if she would still be with me if I insisted on blood work hours before her quick downhill descent when she had the X-rays/dental.

How can I get my confidence back?
 
Firstly, you are NOT a bad bunny parent. You are a wonderful bunny parent and those rabbits in your care have benefitted from the life you have given them. Without your help, those rabbits would not have had that enrichment, love, care, support and quality of life.
Confidence comes from support - and I promise you that you will have plenty of that from the forum. You just need to believe in yourself. Your not harming your rabbits. They are incredibly complex little beings and because they hide ailments so well, we as carers have a much harder job than say dog or cat owners because of that. So your doing a very hard caring role, extremely well.
Sending you loads of hugs and I for one believe in you, and I have complete faith in you and you are a wonderful bum parent.
 
losing bunnies is awful and I have suffered the same feelings of guilt in the past. it's so hard :(
Maddie's passing was so sad & I really felt for you. they are such delicate creatures and so dependent on the care of their 'owners' that it's so very easy to unjustly blame ourselves when something goes wrong. unfortunately death is a part of life and we will most likely outlive our buns. please be kind to yourself and remember the wonderful times you gave them all and the lesser lives they may well have had without your loving care.

xxx
 
It is definitely not your fault. I have had similar experiences myself and felt similar, unfortunately they are so fragile. But you always do everything right for them and you give them the very best of care. Sadly it’s very bad luck I think. And if you have lots of pets then it seems like you are more likely with probability to suffer losses. Very sad :cry:

They all had the best life possible and had whatever they could wish for, so try to take comfort from that :love:

Thinking of you and sending hugs xx
 
I think we all feel a great sense of responsibility toward our Rabbits so it is understandable to feel 'to blame' when a series of untimely losses occur. A few years ago I lost 11 Rabbits in about 6 weeks. I really thought I could not carry on and of course I felt I had failed. But my Vet and friend made me see the situation more rationally, what happened was tragic, yes, but each Rabbit died of a different condition and/or very old age.

No matter how careful we are and how hard we try to do everything right for our Rabbits none of us can prevent every single illness and/or loss. It is the fragility of life, especially a Rabbit's life

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,
never fully understanding the necessary plan."


Irving Townsend.
 
As a rabbit carer I know I am not perfect. I accept that I know more than lots of people, but not as much as others. I think that, to a greater or lesser extent, is how most of the regular members on this forum are. What I think we all aim to do is to do the best we can, to provide our rabbits with the best possible lives whilst we have them and when it comes to making decisions, we do what we think is best for them at the time. I don't think that you, bunny momma, or any one of us could ever be considered a failure in that regard. I try to retain that view when I have experienced losses.

I guess it's because rabbits' lives are fragile, that people consider that they must be 'doing something wrong' if their rabbits have died at a young age. And yet, babies and very young children are also very dependent upon their parents for their care, but I don't think that when they die at a young age, the parent necessarily feels they have done something wrong. It's accepted that some members of any species will experience shorter lives than others. I think we should try to view rabbits' lives in the same way.
 
I feel your pain bunny momma and this is something that tormented me for a few years. I lost four bunnies in around the space of two years, I had lost some chickens and my tortoise. My mum had lost two childhood dogs and then When Toby died it knocked my confidence badly. To loose so many animals you feel like you are being punished.

After the losses, I bonded Maple and Dennis. They would be happy minding their own business and I would convince myself something was going to go wrong and it would be my fault . I used to watch them for hours in the silence just waiting to see if there would be an emergency. I was so scared to leave them Rihanna (RU one) came to bunny sit them just so I could get some fresh air for abit. I couldn’t bare to have the tv or music as my brain was going 100 miles an hour. I was in a proper mental place and there is only so much death, hurt and loss a person can take

In recent times I have had a few issues with Dennis and Maples recent emergency and I have coped a lot better because time has given me time to reflect. Every decision I ever made was by love and what my heart felt like was right at the time so I had to stop questioning everything I did. I used to blame myself for every stasis episode but I have come to learn that where there are rabbits there are losses and illnesses as they are so fragile.

Anyway what I am trying to say is that what you are feeling right now will go away with time and nothing is your fault so please don’t blame yourself. I found inflicting everyone on the forum with my worries and woes helped xxx :love: hugs


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Bunnies are far from easy pets.I lost my bridge girl Cleo to bloat years ago.She always was prone to digestive problems.She was an otter blue lop.I got her through various stasis episodes with vet care.One day she stopped eating and was laying flat,stasis again,off to vet all the meds given,sadly it developed in 24 hours to bloat.She was literally splayed out and couldn't move. The vet said she was too far gone to recover and was suffering,she was put to sleep.She was only four.So despite our best efforts ,sometimes it's just not enough.:(
 
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. It means a lot that you all understand how I feel.
Maddie was my special lap bunny and I feel lost without her to give me the reassurance and comfort she always provided when I lost my other bunnies. Heidi and Raven are trying to comfort me in their own way, and I am trying to spend more time with them when I am not obsessing over their health.
 
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