rachylou
Warren Veteran
My grief is really weird.
When Jims died in my arms part of me was relieved for him cause I knew he wouldnt be in pain anymore and part of me wanted to die with him, I had to try not to scream as the kids were in bed.
The days after he passed I think I kind of went into auto pilot or maybe denial maybe, I wondered why I wasn't crying and wanting to be dead like I thought I would be when I were to loose him, I felt guilty feeling like the amount of grief you feel was indicative of how you felt about that person/pet, then it changed and i started to sob for him every single night wishing I hadn't questioned my level of grief, crying myself to sleep, then there was one night here or there where I wouldn't cry.
But I just find things trigger me like trying to go into pets at home one day I just burst into tears in the car park and drove home in tears, I sometimes hear a sad song like over Christmas it was 'all I want for Christmas' I would sing the lyrics as 'all I want for christmas is Jims' I cried christmas day cause it wasn't right to be celebrating without him.
Now I randomly cry, like now I'm in tears and I said to Dan aren't you sad and he said 'well its sad yes but it's been a while now'
It could be 10 years and I will still miss him, time will not change that.
When Jims died in my arms part of me was relieved for him cause I knew he wouldnt be in pain anymore and part of me wanted to die with him, I had to try not to scream as the kids were in bed.
The days after he passed I think I kind of went into auto pilot or maybe denial maybe, I wondered why I wasn't crying and wanting to be dead like I thought I would be when I were to loose him, I felt guilty feeling like the amount of grief you feel was indicative of how you felt about that person/pet, then it changed and i started to sob for him every single night wishing I hadn't questioned my level of grief, crying myself to sleep, then there was one night here or there where I wouldn't cry.
But I just find things trigger me like trying to go into pets at home one day I just burst into tears in the car park and drove home in tears, I sometimes hear a sad song like over Christmas it was 'all I want for Christmas' I would sing the lyrics as 'all I want for christmas is Jims' I cried christmas day cause it wasn't right to be celebrating without him.
Now I randomly cry, like now I'm in tears and I said to Dan aren't you sad and he said 'well its sad yes but it's been a while now'
It could be 10 years and I will still miss him, time will not change that.
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it is so hard. I hope you remember him in happy times too 
