how do you cope with missing a pet that is no longer here?

I'm just.. struggling recently.

I'm sure many of you remember the little grey/blue idiot who I owned, who caused me to join this forum in the first place. he was very unwell with dental issues.. eventually after a long & hard battle, I made the decision to hold his little paw to the rainbow bridge.

that night at the vets he was much poorlier than the rest, no sign other than a tiny spur in one side, so his teeth were likely growing wrong deep within his jaw. he was so weak with stasis he couldn't stand, the only thing to starve off the pain was steroid injections...he couldn't eat anything. he just looked at me with such pain in his eyes that said to me, please let me go. so I did..and that hurt. he wouldn't have survived an operation, he wouldn't have survived x-rays. it was just the end of the road.

its been a year now, he was PTS 12th May 2017.. yet today especially I feel so down about it.

I realise as a 14 year old at the time.. there was not much more I could do. I tried my best. I fought for almost a year with him I think, I'm not sure how long it is now. it was all such a blur. the sleepless nights, the 3 different medications that made up 7 doses a day. the critical care that I stunk of, he stunk of, my clothes stained with it. the panic, the stress. it felt like all of that was for nothing. to just hold his paw to say goodbye.

I realise that I did my best. I realise that many others wouldn't have done as much as I did. I realise that it was the kindest thing to do.

yet I still sit here, blaming myself. maybe I could have done something different. I didn't know enough. I thought I did. he had a poor diet at the start of his life, way too many pellets, low quality pellet. he didn't eat much hay at all. it was low quality hay from wilkos. I wasn't aware there was a difference. he didn't really like it. he didn't have a friend.. he was just alone in his hutch.

I should have gotten x-rays. maybe we could have discovered what was happening and solved it. but I didn't. I couldn't afford it. I didn't consider it.

but also it hurts what others have said to me. it only pushes the blame further in my face. I've been shunned for what I did. I've been told that I could have saved him. that I shouldn't have thought about the money. so much much more has been said too.

everything is a maybe. maybe if I did that, maybe if I did this. but none of that matters, he's gone

I miss him, I miss him so much. I've spent this afternoon crying over him for some reason. it doesn't feel like its faded with time, it still feels like a punch in the gut.

I always imagined me moving in a apartment with him, and his sister Luna. I will be, just he will be there in the form of ashes and not a blue little ball.

I have Orion now, but its not Snoopy, he will never be Snoopy, no rabbit will ever be Snoopy. I know.

it feels so unfair. why? I did all I could. the time, heartache, love, stress & money I poured into him & him alone. all for it to end in a veterinary room, holding him, telling him how much I loved him, how much of a good boy he was, how much he had helped Luna, how much he meant to me, for all life to fade from his eyes and for his body to go limp. for Luna to nudge his body, try to keep it warm, licking him, as if to say "we're going home now". for him not to come home, for Luna to go home alone. for it all to end as a rabbit who was barely two years old and probably fought more than half his life unwell. for me to collect "him" two weeks later in a box.

I miss him so much, no words can describe it.

Hugs. They say time heals. It doesn’t, but your life gradually expands to cradle that pain so it isn’t so all consuming. Please forgive yourself for everything that you think you did wrong, you did the best you could at that time and that’s all anyone can ask x

Binkycodie - I myself, have touched upon this issue a few occasions during my replies to various posts. Firstly, I would like to say to you that you are absolutley NOT alone in feeling like this. I am 52 and I still shed a tear each and every single day for the loss of my 2 bridge buns from last year - Ben & Georgina. They are at rest in the garden and I say good morning to them every day as I pass their favorite spot. Does it help me cope? I don't think it does, but it gives me a sense of respecting them and at least knowing they are there together. Georgina struggled with arthritus for about 9 months of last year and I cared for her hock wound caused by the arthritus each and every day. She was so tightly bonded to her husbun, Ben, that it was just a beautiful relationship to watch. Both so loving and gentle. Ben was rescued from a centre and had helicopter ears. He was the softest and most gentle of rabbits. He loved life and loved Georgina. He'd groom me every night as I put them in their hutch. He'd go upstairs, have a lick of his salt stone, get a facial massage from me and then lick my face in reciprocation before tucking into a carrot. Then he'd clatter down the ramp and snuggle up to his wife bun for the night. I'll never forget the day we lost him and I still don't know why. He was grieving as Georgina had passed 2 weeks earlier, but I don't know if it was more. The memories of that sad day haunt me and I've never felt the same way since. I've had rabbits before Ben & Georgina and I've got 2 rabbits now, but like you, none were as powerful as Ben & Georgina. They were special - as Snoopy was to you. And that's the price we pay for loving pets. We all get that special pet and when they leave us, they leave memories and huge holes. Not a day has passed that I don't remember Ben & Georgina and not a day has passed that I don't shed a tear and it's 11 months on. I would give my soul to share another moment with Ben & Georgina, I really would. And it's not that Lillain and Henry (my current buns) don't entertain me and it's not that I don't love them in that way. They're just not Ben & Georgina and I understand how you feel when you say the same about Snoopy. We all have to live with that pain of loss. And we can't explain why. But know that you are not alone in feeling that way - even us 'oldies' feel the same sense of loss and same sense of grief about losing loved pets.

Please don't blame yourself

I know how you feel tho I'm still struggling with losing Fleur earlier this year, and my last dog around 6 years ago.

My last dog haunts me the most, she lost control of her back legs, due to cancer all throughout her body, she was only 6 years old. We took her to the vets limping they miss diagnosed, two weeks later she had no control of her back legs and I took her to a place in Potters Barr, some big animal hospital because it was a Sunday, and because she couldn't use her back legs and she was a huge German shepherd I carried the back part of her and she walked forward using her front legs, and the nurses asked me to help get her out the back so I did, but as she was walking forwards and focused on that when it was time for me to go I set her down, turned and left very quickly, and never looked back. Now I did this because she used to get extremely distressed being apart from me. So in that sense I know I did the right thing by her. But I never got to say goodbye and it breaks my heart everyday honestly. They did an mri and found so many tumours that they said they could operate but they'd grow back within 4 months, so I had her put down. I wasn't there as they didn't want to stress her out, by bringing her back around etc. The next time I saw her she was in a box. I've never really talked about this before, but trust me, I know what it feels like to fail an animal. I've been unable to have a dog since, and we've had them my whole life, I just can't rn, I think maybe in a year or so I may be able to, but for now I just can't. It's too painful and I know I was much younger, but I'll always feel like I let her down, to say she was my world is an understatement. So I know exactly how you feel

We can't all be perfect all the time, and we can only do our best with the information we have at the time, your best has changed, it's the same for everyone, mine has too, but try not to beat yourself up for past mistakes.

Missing them is so hard, I wish I had answers on how to deal with that, but I think everyone struggles and hopes it'll get easier with time always here if you wanna chat xxx

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BC I totally get this. I go over and over, round and round how my bunnies life's ended. Could i of done more? Did i make the right decsions? Millie absolutely cripples me when I think of her. I still have her in her PCS cremation box and can't bear to get her urn out. I just cannot face it.

Group hug

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Big hugs, I still feel same sometimes about my soul bun, I get flashbacks and this no if only I'd stayed in with him, could I have saved him, then remember picking him up,hugging him and Mabel running onto landing worried, if only a kiss of life would of worked. I also still get reaccuring dreams same one of me being on holiday and nan looking after him and him getting out and being run over by a car, me not be leaving it and searching for him, I don't know why as that's not how he died, its just is weird dream all the time
Few weeks ago I sat and he was in my head and I was crying like id just lost him all over again

BC, you can see by the above posts that you are not alone in this feeling. I don't know if that helps you, but I'll add my two cents.
Mimzy was 10+ years old when I lost him. He was my first bunny and I was well into my forties at the time we got him, had enough money to take care of him and subsequently his housemates, Pip and Fiver. And I also put my all into their care, as much as I was able and researching as much as I could.

Mimzy wound up with early onset arthritis at the age of three. I believe he was back yard bred for 4H or some such, maybe just as a county fair prize...he and his two REW companions were left loose in my husband's business parking lot...the REW's didn't survive the summer, but we brought Mimz home despite one of the other rabbits looking very ill indeed and it never occurred to me they had a hidden pathogen. Mimzy got head tilt at 5 and I believe he had E.C. In the end it was complications from that original illness that took him from me, despite how well I cared for him.

Fiver also had some kind of arthritis, probably due to being a caged bun who was handled roughly by the 8 year old boys he was bought as a pet for, then returned to the pet store because he didn't "play" like a dog. :roll: He couldn't eat a lot of the healthier foods that may have been better for him than pellet diets and would get awful mucky bum till I fed him only hay and water, and I felt terrible for not being able to give him treats. Should've been a fine diet for a wee bun. However, before we left Alaska, he had developed a bladder stone the size of a small rock which was lodged for 8 hours one night till I could drive him to hospital next day. He barely survived the procedure to rid him of it, but he was a tough little muffin. In the end, no matter how well I cared for him, Fiver threw a clot due to some heart ailment that rexes and minirexes are prone to and there was nothing I could do but say goodbye, despite how lively he seemed. I will never forget how he watched me as he left and it still is like a knife to the heart almost a year later.

Pip was the healthiest of the three but also a "meat rabbit"...we think she had liver problems in the end which may have developed one horrible night into torsion that appeared to me to just be stasis, but by the time I realized what kind of trouble she was in it was too late and she died in my arms. I was on the phone with the vet at the time who could do nothing for me or her...I've never felt so useless.

After we'd moved here and all three bubs had to endure a 6 hour plane flight and another 6 hour drive in tiny carriers, I thought at last they had a garden to run in, but then realized there were skunks and raccoons and cats getting into it and messing it and there were a billion flies all the time...so they never got to go in the garden. I was heartbroken for them all because I felt I'd failed to get them a nicer place to live in their golden years.

I will probably never get over the feeling that no matter what I did, I failed them. They didn't live the happy bunny lives I've seen some owners give their rabbits. I did what I could and it wasn't enough to my reckoning.
How do I cope with it? The simple answer is, I don't.

My point to take home is this...we love them. And if our love alone could cure them they would live forever. And yes, it's perfectly normal to hurt this much...because we love them. And the most important thing we do for them is love them and spend time with them and care for them...

And when the last day comes we have no choice but to be brave and let them go. And it sucks. But it's most important that they know we love them. I don't think anyone here can say they didn't love their rabbits/dogs/cats/other pets enough. And if we've done that, we've done our very best, and hopefully we can take comfort from that.

(((((((((((((((((Huge hugs)))))))))))))))))) to you as you remember dear Snoopy today and every day. xxxxx

It’s very sad and I agree, grief over furry friends I’ve lost over time, is still there. Sometimes it’s easier, other times there’s something that triggers it all off again, and sometimes I go over the events running up to losing them to examine if I could have done something different. But even if there was something different that could have been done, we can only do what we can do with the knowledge that we had at the time. And beating ourselves up about it won’t bring them back

I agree, a group hug is in order xx

I'm sorry for your loss, grief can hit at any time and goes up and down when we lose a loved one, human or animal, and that's ok.

I also think it's really natural that we can tend to blame ourselves when we lose treasured pets. They were our responsibility yet in the end we couldn't help them.

It really sounds like you did everything you could though, and stuck by your little friend admirably and with a lot of maturity considering your age.

I went through this for approaching two years with my two rabbits, one of them is still with us and the other like Snoopy sadly is not. People who have never been through nursing a long term significantly sick pet don't know how challenging and wearing it can be. It does take over your life a bit.

Snoopy was well cared for and knew that he was loved. None of us can take away your sadness but whilst death is a part of life that can also be really hard. You're allowed to be sad and while I'm not a regular poster here I think I can safely say that so many people here understand in their own ways, and are here for you. xxx

thank you all for your words.. it sounds cheesy but I have been touched by your responses.

I know deep down it was the right choice to let him go.. but it just hurts.

I felt like I could have given him a better life. I thought I knew everything. I thought I knew what to do. I didn't, he lived a pretty **** life.

I still feel that way with my current rabbits who are with me. I see others with huge outdoor set ups, with an entire room to give them, hundreds worth of toys. yet I can not give them that. I can't even give them close to the recommended requirements. sometimes I question if I should just give them up to somebody who can. but at the same time I know if I didn't have them, I wouldn't be here. and I don't feel anybody would really want Luna.

in that moment when I took Luna home - I was called an idiot. I took home a "problem bunny". she came from a 60cm cage, no hay, no toys.. nothing. she didn't even know what grass was. she was terrified. her claws were over grown, beginning to curl around. I had no proper claw clippers, so that night I did my best to make it a bit more comfortable. I had prepared a dog crate for her. she just sat there - terrified. I promised her that night that everything would be okay now, she had me & I had her. I promised her I would do my best to make everything good.

she had been abused more than likely. she would run from me when I approached her, and hid, as if she was in trouble. once she was so scared she peed on my bed when I walked into the room. I didn't know then what I knew now, I didn't know she was blind.

how she was treated is likely why she has arthritis now, no sunlight, no room to move. its sad. I can only try to fix it, but I'll never fix it completely.

Luna loved Snoopy, I think back to how she followed him everywhere. if Snoopy was somewhere, Luna was there too. I never realised she was blind but it makes sense now. after Snoopy was no longer with us, she went back to hiding. she fell out the door once as it was a step down, I don't think she realised she was at the edge. I sat there crying into her as I felt so bad for her. after that we figured out what had happened, that she had no retinas.

I just sometimes feel like I'm trying my best but my best isn't enough.

I know the reality is is that I know what I have isn't enough, and I'm trying to fix that. they have things to do, a good diet, play time, toys. I know in reality, they have a better life than a lot of other rabbits out there. I'm aware of my mistakes and I'm trying to make it better. it doesn't make it right, I know.

I spent yesterday crying holding his ashes, just apologising to him. I feel so guilty. I can only think of what I should have done. maybe he'd be here with me still. it hurts.

BinkyCodie - Snoopy IS with you - he will always be with you in that big heart of yours. All our pets take pieces of our hearts with them and we give them our love freely. We all do the best we can for our pets - they don't come with instruction manuals. What we do is care for them as best we can. We have to adpat and I suppose if it wasn't for the internet, we'd have a lot more problems understanding our pets. So we move forward and we bring our pets into our lives. We give them that second chance - as you did with Luna. You gave her that friendship that she wouldn't otherwise have had with Snoopy. I can't speak for others but I know from reading the posts above that we all feel the same. It hurts each one of us and we all have special pets - rabbits that we miss every day. I've lost count of the times I've sat and wished I had the power to change things. I wished I had some super power that would turn back time or prevent our pets from dying. It frustrates me enormously.
It's ok to shed tears over the loss of a loved pet. If you didn't, there'd be something wrong. It's because you care and you love your pets. You're giving them the life they truly deserve and that's what we are all trying to do. I hope this helps. x