Fostering - my moral dilemma :(

So after Oliver being on his own for nearly 5 months and being obviously lonely, the sanctuary has got in touch to say they have a 1 year old girl (who was dumped and has to be neutered ) available that they would offer me to foster. They wold cover vet costs but with her being so young I would hope she would be heathly for a lon time. Anyhow my husband who has been sooo supportive in the past with my babies through all their sicknesses and vet bills said I can only foster if I agree to hand her back when Oliver goes to the bridge. I don't think in theory his request is unreasonable as he has been soo amazing with all the support ,health issues and bills . He is concerned about the emotional toll that it takes on me and I agree it has been hard but I loved them all so much and made sure they got the best of everything. He knows I go to pieces when they r sick - I don't eat until they do !

My dilemma is , is it going to be harder to watch Olivery alone for the next 3- 4 years (he is 7 now) or harder to let a bun go back to what appears to be a very caring sanctuary in 3-4 years ??, I have to make my decision bases on the fact that I want to break the bunny cycle. I am just not strong enough to deal with loosing more to rainbow bridge.

The stress of this situation is awful. I don't know what to do for the best.

nickybunny1 said:

So after Oliver being on his own for nearly 5 months and being obviously lonely, the sanctuary has got in touch to say they have a 1 year old girl (who was dumped and has to be neutered ) available that they would offer me to foster. They wold cover vet costs but with her being so young I would hope she would be heathly for a lon time. Anyhow my husband who has been sooo supportive in the past with my babies through all their sicknesses and vet bills said I can only foster if I agree to hand her back when Oliver goes to the bridge. I don't think in theory his request is unreasonable as he has been soo amazing with all the support ,health issues and bills . He is concerned about the emotional toll that it takes on me and I agree it has been hard but I loved them all so much and made sure they got the best of everything. He knows I go to pieces when they r sick - I don't eat until they do !

My dilemma is , is it going to be harder to watch Olivery alone for the next 3- 4 years (he is 7 now) or harder to let a bun go back to what appears to be a very caring sanctuary in 3-4 years ??, I have to make my decision bases on the fact that I want to break the bunny cycle. I am just not strong enough to deal with loosing more to rainbow bridge.

The stress of this situation is awful. I don't know what to do for the best.

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Hi Nicky

I know you and I have discussed this before, but reading your post here I am considering it realistically now, as it's a possibility.

My thoughts would be - if you really and truly want to break the bunny cycle - look after Oliver as a solo bun for the rest of his days. It sounds bleak, and harsh on Oliver and the little rescue girlie, but I really don't think you'll be able to hand her back after any length of time, and caring so much for them may take it's toll on your health eventually (if it hasn't already)

Bless you for caring. I know you'll make the right decision, and please don't feel guilty whatever that is.

Lots of love

MightyMax said:

Hi Nicky

I know you and I have discussed this before, but reading your post here I am considering it realistically now, as it's a possibility.

My thoughts would be - if you really and truly want to break the bunny cycle - look after Oliver as a solo bun for the rest of his days. It sounds bleak, and harsh on Oliver and the little rescue girlie, but I really don't think you'll be able to hand her back after any length of time, and caring so much for them may take it's toll on your health eventually (if it hasn't already)

Bless you for caring. I know you'll make the right decision, and please don't feel guilty whatever that is.

Lots of love

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Totally agree with this. Sending lots of hugs.

I hate to say this, but has you're husband considered what giving away a bonded rabbit would do to the pour thing imeadiatley after losing a partner? Rabbits bond for life, and that also means with you! In reality he'd be loosing two people he loved at the same time! I know I probably sound a little harsh right now, but it's not meant to be. Perhaps what you really need to do is just be there for the bunny you have right now as much as you can, and give him as much love as you have. I know how you feel, I remeber every friend I've lost, and it still makes me cry sometimes, but I don't think I could live my life without them! If the next life is kinder than this one then one day when it's my time perhaps they will all be waiting for me on the other side to help me when I need them the most.

Good luck

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Thanks guys for your honest thoughts, very helpful.

Newstreetphoto - aw I know what u are saying, but I would not have planned to give her up immediately when Oliver passed but you have made me think about her being parted from me and I never thought of that. I know when strangers come to our house Oliver hides from them and only comes our when they r gone. So it would be handing a bun who knows and trusts me to a stranger so that's not fair on her. It's not just about Oliver but this poor girl as well.

This is such an emotional situation I am in and it hurts so much no matter what I decide. But you guys r right, handing her back is wrong.

Thanks for your hugs and honest thoughts x

Such a tough decision but I think I would go with having the foster. If it comes to it and you can't give her back then maybe your bun cycle will have to continue but cross that bridge when you come to it. I fostered a guide dog puppy from when he was 7 weeks old up until he was 11 months. Giving him back was hard but I knew all along he was never really mine.

Aw good luck with whatever you decide, it's not easy is it x

There's no way I could foster. I could never hand an animal back. It's different if you look after a pet when their owner goes on holiday, the attachment is different. But a rescue animal that has no one to love it is totally different. Then it messes with your emotions.

Mischief and Tinker's Mum said:

Such a tough decision but I think I would go with having the foster. If it comes to it and you can't give her back then maybe your bun cycle will have to continue but cross that bridge when you come to it. I fostered a guide dog puppy from when he was 7 weeks old up until he was 11 months. Giving him back was hard but I knew all along he was never really mine.

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This is what I would suggest also. Who knows, in 3 or 4 years time you may feel strong enough to cope better.

I personally think that Oliver could live very happily with you as his career.

My own rabbit, Ghibli, was a single rabbit for a very long time [since his birth and long after I got him].

I used to worry that he felt lonely. When I went to bed he'd fallow me to the edge of the carpet, but wouldn't ever go beyond, so wouldn't come into the bedroom.

In the morning he'd be waiting for me, sitting on his favourite cushion.

I decided that he needed a friend, and bonded him with a female rabbit [Twinkle ] but the thing is he's still there in the morning waiting for me when I get up. He's very happy with Twinkle , but basically he's the same rabbit.

Getting Oliver a friend might not necessarily do what you think it will, especially if he's used to having you as his career.

He could bond to another rabbit and never look back, or he could equally just become friends, and still crave your attention just as much as he always did.

Ghibli's definitely happier and less lonely at night than he was, but he's still very much bonded to me, and it's actually caused some problems with Twinkle ! They both get jealous of each other, and it's become complicated.

Perhaps if you could make some arrangements for Oliver to be arround you at night he might not be as lonely? Maybe just giving him more time with you is what he really wants? This is obviously just a theory, and a great way to find out if he'd be happy with another rabbit is to take him on a bunny date and see how it goes.

Again, good luck and hope it all goes well. Whatever you do I have a feeling that Oliver probably loves you very much.

P. S. Is he a house bunny?

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Alfie is 8 now and lost his partner early last year. We were in the same situation and trying to break the bunny-owning cycle. He was ill at the time too (battling ear abscesses) and was very run down. We took on a slightly younger doe who'd also recently lost her partner from our vet on the agreement that, should Alfie be first to go, the vet would take Muffin back and find her a new partner. It was the best thing we could have done - the change in his overall condition was remarkable.

It will be difficult if/when the time comes for me to give Muffin back but I've gone into it knowing that she isn't mine to keep (although I love her like one of my own). Knowing that she has a great home to return to, along with a new friend for company, will make it that much easier (I hope).

Nicky, I've been thinking of you. Are you OK? :wave::wave:

I would take the foster. It's what I'm sort of doing with Imogen. Georgeypudding lost Sebastian leaving Imogen alone. She decided to take a break from keeping bunnies so looked for a new home for Imogen. I'm in the same situation. Benji lost his partner and I also want a break from bunnies but Benji was only 7 so I din't want him alone all that time. So Imogen now lives with me and when Benji dies, Georgeypudding and I will together find a new home for Imogen. There's no easy answer to this problem sadly. Yes, it will be VERY hard to give Imogen up but I do not want any more rabbits and this was a temporary solution for both of us.