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deeply sad with grief

biscandmatt1

Wise Old Thumper
since the shock and denial of losing bisc has worn off, i am left with the deepest sadness i have ever felt. i don't know what to do. people say it takes time to heal but i know this never will.

i have flashes of intense anger amongst the sadness. i can't believe how wrong i got things at the end. when it mattered the most, i let him down. i HATE myself for it.

i don't really know what i want anyone to say. but i know that at least on here people understand. and i've been avoiding 'talking' about it all. i can't even do his rainbow bridge tribute.

:cry:
 
This could be me talking about Meggie's death nearly 18 months ago. Yes, the initial shock and anger wears off but, like you, I still have an intense sadness and feelings of despair that I let her down when she needed me the most. It doesn't matter how many times people tell you it wasn't your fault and you did everything you could, nothing changes the fact that you feel huge guilt and it clings to you, dragging you down when you least expect it. I can now go a few days between bouts of tears but they're only ever millimetres from the surface, springing forth at the most inopportune moment. I totally feel your pain. Don't be afraid to sit down and sob - it does help. Don't be afraid to say their name - talking about them keeps their memory alive. Look at photos, talk to them, remember the good times. But most of all, be kind to yourself. Massive hugs xx
 
This could be me talking about Meggie's death nearly 18 months ago. Yes, the initial shock and anger wears off but, like you, I still have an intense sadness and feelings of despair that I let her down when she needed me the most. It doesn't matter how many times people tell you it wasn't your fault and you did everything you could, nothing changes the fact that you feel huge guilt and it clings to you, dragging you down when you least expect it. I can now go a few days between bouts of tears but they're only ever millimetres from the surface, springing forth at the most inopportune moment. I totally feel your pain. Don't be afraid to sit down and sob - it does help. Don't be afraid to say their name - talking about them keeps their memory alive. Look at photos, talk to them, remember the good times. But most of all, be kind to yourself. Massive hugs xx

thank you for this x
 
since the shock and denial of losing bisc has worn off, i am left with the deepest sadness i have ever felt. i don't know what to do. people say it takes time to heal but i know this never will.

i have flashes of intense anger amongst the sadness. i can't believe how wrong i got things at the end. when it mattered the most, i let him down. i HATE myself for it.

i don't really know what i want anyone to say. but i know that at least on here people understand. and i've been avoiding 'talking' about it all. i can't even do his rainbow bridge tribute.

:cry:


Sending you love and hugs. You know I think of you a lot x
 
Sending you lots of hugs.

It's been a while since I lost my ferrets. All of them were my true loves and I still struggle when thinking about them. I'm never going to get over losing them, I'm always going to wish I done things differently but I hope when they see I have their pictures in my home, and a painting done by a friend displayed they'll understand I did my best. They'll understand I'll love them even after I've left this body.

Sent from my SM-G903F using Tapatalk
 
I'm so sorry, I really do feel for you. I lost my little Toffee in July, and I still feel guilty about letting him go, I keep asking myself "what if" or "if only", but we do the best that we can, at the time.
I've also never been able to post in rainbow bridge, maybe one day. What did help though, was writing everything down. I sat and wrote all about his life, right from when I first got him, and his sister. I wanted to be able to remember everything about him, the daft things he did, his cheeky antics, how he made me laugh out loud. I wrote about six sides of A4, just for me, no one else will read it, so that in years to come, I won't ever forget. I found it very therapeutic, and it keeps my memory of him alive.
Big hugs for you xxxxx
 
This could be me talking about Meggie's death nearly 18 months ago. Yes, the initial shock and anger wears off but, like you, I still have an intense sadness and feelings of despair that I let her down when she needed me the most. It doesn't matter how many times people tell you it wasn't your fault and you did everything you could, nothing changes the fact that you feel huge guilt and it clings to you, dragging you down when you least expect it. I can now go a few days between bouts of tears but they're only ever millimetres from the surface, springing forth at the most inopportune moment. I totally feel your pain. Don't be afraid to sit down and sob - it does help. Don't be afraid to say their name - talking about them keeps their memory alive. Look at photos, talk to them, remember the good times. But most of all, be kind to yourself. Massive hugs xx

I can really relate to this :( It's something I struggle with and it's like, even if it wasn't my fault, I was the one responsible for them so it's hard to not feel like I let them down. But I want to remember the good times with them so all I can do is try to shake away the guilt and think of happy memories.
 
It is so painfully hard & I don't think the pain, doubt or questioning ever leaves us completely. It doesn't for me - its rare a week goes by when I won't question something i did / didn't do with one or other of my bunnies. I'll cry tears of joy or sadness often. I think more it is something you learn to cope with / manage over time.

I like to compile a little book too that tells their story, quirky habits with little drawings & photos. I found it really therapeutic, not only in getting my emotional mess out of my head & down on paper, but also In immortalising them :love:
 
since the shock and denial of losing bisc has worn off, i am left with the deepest sadness i have ever felt. i don't know what to do. people say it takes time to heal but i know this never will.

i have flashes of intense anger amongst the sadness. i can't believe how wrong i got things at the end. when it mattered the most, i let him down. i HATE myself for it.

i don't really know what i want anyone to say. but i know that at least on here people understand. and i've been avoiding 'talking' about it all. i can't even do his rainbow bridge tribute.

:cry:

Firstly I send you many hugs. The loss of an extra special Rabbit is a pain like no other. This is just my opinion and no doubt some will shoot me down for thinking this way, seeing it as 'wallowing in grief'. When we loose our Soul Rabbit we never get over it. The loss is a void that will remain forever and trying to fill it is futile. So what do we do? Again I can only speak for myself, we are all different after all. I take each day at a time. I no longer try to 'pull myself together' or to deny how utterly devastated and heartbroken I am. I allow myself to feel the pain rather than trying to push it away or to distract myself from it. I allow myself to keep posting about The Inspector on here and to 'speak' about how I feel now his physical being has gone. Those on here who truly understand and care will offer support. Those who think it's all attention seeking need not open the thread and if they do it's their own fault if the get pee'd off !

The pain does not go away if we allow ourselves to feel it rather than trying to push it away. But somehow the intensity of the pain becomes less terrifying. The intensity does not lessen, but the fear of it does. I also try to remind myself of how Morse lived, not that he died. Like Bisc Morse battled longterm health problems with remarkable fortitude and courage. Both Rabbits knew they were greatly loved and that they were always safe. I am sorry that you were not able to be with Bisc as he passed and I totally understand how wretched you feel about it. Of course it was NOT your fault and you did NOT let him down. But as I have said, I do understand that you feel you have. Self blame can become very destructive though, so try as hard as you can to forgive yourself. Not that I think you have anything to forgive yourself for. I am just trying to acknowledge how you feel and not tell you that you should not feel as you do.

I would be lying if I said that time heals, in some cases it does not. But perhaps it is possible to find ways to live with the pain and to manage it as best we can each day.

There are many cliches that can be expressed when a person is broken by bereavement. But in my opinion they seldom help. What helps me (although it may be different for you) is to have my feelings acknowledge and to not hear any attempts to put a positive spin on it all. Basically to just do this

 
I understand how you feel and you are not alone. I haven't been able to make a rainbow bridge post for Billy either... I have various posts about him on here but it just doesn't feel right to put one there. I'm not ready and I'm not sure that I ever will be.

I'm sorry that you are a feeling so much pain. My only advice to you would be to have a good cry and not to hide from your grief. I'm sure that people think that I'm very dramatic because I cry all the time. I look at the photo album that I made for him and I bawl. It feels like torture when I start but by the time i've finished flicking through the album I am usually smiling. How could I not be?! He was a little ray of sunshine and I was lucky to have him in my life, even if it was just for a little while.

This quote sums it up perfectly for me



Sending you lots of love and hugs and if you ever need to chat, my inbox is always open. Xxx
 
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I understand how you feel and you are not alone. I haven't been able to make a rainbow bridge post for Billy either... I have various posts about him on here but it just doesn't feel right to put one there. I'm not ready and I'm not sure that I ever will be.

I'm sorry that you are a feeling so much pain. My only advice to you would be to have a good cry and not to hide from your grief. I'm sure that people think that I'm very dramatic because I cry all the time. I look at the photo album that I made for him and I bawl. It feels like torture when I start but by the time i've finished flicking through the album I am usually smiling. How could I not be?! He was a little ray of sunshine and I was lucky to have him in my life, even if it was just for a little while.

This quote sums it up perfectly for me



Sending you lots of love and hugs and if you ever need to chat, my inbox is always open. Xxx


This is lovely Roxy :love:

The hurt certainly runs very deep but we have to believe it's worth it or we'd never have the little critters in our lives.
 
i really appreciate the posts. thank you.

i know it was the right time for bisc, and that is the most important thing. all his problems were coming to a head. they were getting too much for him. but i just think he could have been made more comfortable in the days before, and we should have maybe let him go as soon as we got to the vets. my head was a mess and i didn't even think about it. i think the out of hours should have at least talked through it with us. i should have stayed there too to ask if i could see him once they'd got him settled. i always planned to do that when the time came but it just went out my head. he didn't like being at the vets.

i feel like when we took him in, he wasn't going to last much longer, and it's like we prolonged his death by hours :( just before we took him in, i felt like i was pushing and shoving him around to try and get his medicine in, but he couldn't swallow so he must have been so upset with me :( i saw in his eyes that he had had enough and i didn't even think to let him go when we got to the vets. in hindsight, i think we shouldn't have set off to the vets at all and let him go at home.

i don't want to sound ungrateful because i got to spend over ten years with him. and i know the time was right for him. i just wish he could have been more comforable and not spent his last days being picked up for meds and feeding.

he was the best thing in my life and i just can't adjust to life without him x
 
Hi Biscandmatt1,

I too have recently lost my soulbun so I really do understand how you feel. I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but thank you for writing down your feelings, it has brought some comfort to me to know someone understands how I feel too.

I don't think we will ever truly 'adjust' to life without our buns but with some time hopefully we will learn how to live with the sadness and guilt we feel.

No matter when our boys moved on, there will have always been things that we think we should or should not have done. Something that has helped me cope with this is that having these feelings show how much love we have for them.

I know there's nothing I can do or say to make either of us feel better, but wanted to send a virtual hand to hold your way.
 
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