The prospect of getting another bunny after losing your soul bun :(

Hi all,

a bit of a melancholy post if you'll excuse me, but this is one of the few places I can 'speak' so candidly!

I'm really struggling with feelings of guilt/upset about getting another husbun for my girl Patsy after we lost our old Fred a couple of months ago. We lost Fred after a short illness, at the age of 7. Although I got him when he was already mature, the bond we had was incredible, my soul bun for sure. I am still in a mess about it and dare say I will be for a long time.

The problem I'm having now of course is dealing with feelings about the prospect of getting another husbun for my dear Patsy. Patsy is almost 3, and her and Fred were very close. Patsy came from a troubled background and had some issues. Fred's steady, confident character definitely helped her. She has become much more confident around people and thrived after they were bonded.

After losing Fred, Patsy was subdued for a couple of weeks but then really seemed to turn a corner and had been doing very well, showing cheeky behaviour and binkying again. However this past week she has gone back again, and in my heart I know she is not happy She is a house bun so has been getting lots of extra fuss and supervised time in the garden, but I know we can't replace what Fred gave her. She is a little more withdrawn, but when she does come out is scatty and jumpy, easily startled by things. She has also started shredding the newspaper in her litter tray and repetitively gnawing the plastic sides of the tray She is usually very clean and non-destructive.

I knew the day would come where I had to get another bunny, and need to put her needs first, as her welfare is more important than my grieving. I have already enquired at my local rescue about a boy. But I am really struggling to deal with my feelings on it. I feel like I don't want another bunny, and just want my Fred back I feel guilty like I'm replacing him. I know getting her a companion is the right thing to do, but I also feel like the new bunny deserves all my love and attention, which I don't feel I can give at the minute as I'm still so heartbroken and it feels too soon.

How have you guys dealt with this? I know you shouldn't humanise rabbits (but we do lol)....I Keep trying to tell myself Fred wouldn't want his Patsy to be lonely, and that every bunny deserves the chance of the life he had.......but is is very hard.

Any thoughts and reassurance would be appreciated x

It is always difficult to judge when to get another partner for your bun.
Have you looked at the rabbits available in the rescue? I found seeing all the rabbits which desperately needed a home made it much easier for us to accept a new friend for Hailey

I'm not usually very helpful when it comes to this kind of thing (I apologise if I come across cold, I've just been so desensitised to all this).

It's good that you are feeling this grief. It's good that you're not trying to force yourself to be okay as that'll make it worse for you when you get another husbun.

Ultimately you're right, no rabbit would want their bonded partner to live alone after they pass. They'd want their bonded partner to find someone else and be happy.

But equally, he'd want you to be happy too.

I wouldn't rush your choices. Take your time to visit the potential new companions and get to know them.

Fred will know he's not being replaced. Fred will know you're doing it to honor him and look after his wifebun.

Ultimately, do not rush the process. Definitely look for a new husbun, but take your time choosing. You don't want to rush and regret your choice.

If possible, maybe allow Patsy to choose her new husbun so you know it's as much her choice, as it is yours.

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I never had to do this with bunnies, but I have had to quickly get a new piggy companion many times. The reality is that you would far rather have the old one back than the new addition that you really don't know. But I'm sure you will find that, whilst you'll never forget Fred, you will love the new bunny, and build a real bond given time. And you'll gain so much from seeing Patsy happy and relaxed.

Horace the Bold said:

It is always difficult to judge when to get another partner for your bun.
Have you looked at the rabbits available in the rescue? I found seeing all the rabbits which desperately needed a home made it much easier for us to accept a new friend for Hailey

Click to expand...

I agree with this. The only problem may be that your female rabbit won't accept another bunny into her territory so, if and when you decide to get her a new husbun, you will need to introduce them on neutral territory as far as your female is concerned. Your rabbit could live for another 7 years and it's worth trying to find her a friend. :thumb:

After my Murphy died i didn't keep another rabbit for over 10 years and when we got Aubrey I got all these feelings of guilt then .
Guilty that I knew more about rabbit keeping and got a bigger set up this time .. guilty I didn't spend enough time with him.
He was a big happy bunny so most of that guilt was over thinking !

Unfortunately Aubrey wasn't well from day one and we tried for him but he passed and because he wasn't just my bunny he's my sons also when we was offered one of his brothers we said yes .

I was so anxious at 1st watching him eat and poo like a hawk but now he's settled in I feel like I have been missing out for years not having a rabbit .

Watching him helps my anxiety.
I think it's natural to feel guilty they become our family !!
But like with our family we would want them to move on when ready and be happy xx

I'm really sorry you lost Fred

I'm sure many of us on here can identify with how you're feeling. You're torn by guilt two ways: the guilt for the loneliness of your remaining bun and the guilt that you feel that you're replacing the one you've lost.

I went through it myself when I lost one of my buns Peanut Butter leaving his friend Snoopy alone. Snoopy prefers the companionship of rabbits so I knew I would have to get him a friend quickly. I arranged to take Snoopy to a rescue to choose a new friend just a few days after we lost Peanut Butter. To be honest it felt too soon for me personally but I felt strongly that I needed to do it for Snoopy. In a weird way part of me felt it was happening too soon and part of me felt it wasn't happening quickly enough for Snoopy's sake.

I have to admit I felt apprehensive on the way to the rescue. I was worried I was going to resent the new bun for replacing Peanut Butter. In actual fact when I met her I just saw a little girl who needed a home and who would bring Snoopy the happiness he deserved again. I fell in love with her almost straight away.

As others have said, new buns can never replace the ones we've lost, our hearts just grow a little bit bigger.

Lots of hugs to you, this is one of hardest bits of owning rabbits. And nose rubs for little Patsy too xx

Thank you everyone for your advice and support, really appreciate it. Patsy had been doing very well, but I think the past few weeks she has been noticeable unhappy. Although my grief is still very raw, my feelings about looking after Patsy are much stronger and her welfare is my top priority.

We have actually seen a little boy at my local rescue who on paper sounds perfect for her, we are going to look at him next week. I know ultimately it will be Patsy's decision, but I feel better that we are starting the process. I know Fred would approve!

Thank you again for all your support, it's good to know other people feel the same!

Joanne & Patsy xx