Feeling Guilty :(

I am still grieving for my Cody but I am worried about Oliver on his own. He was always the most needy of the 4 and loved to snuggle and groom. Now since Cody passed he is hiding away a bit more and isn't just as lively and I know he is lonely. He is nearly 7 but very healthy.

I feel myself and husband need a little emotional and financial break right now so couldn't consider another bun right now. However I have just today emailed the sanctuary to see if fostering in the future may be an option for us . I would be open to fostering an older female near to Olivers age. Though I am not ready for another bunny and wouldn't plan to foster for a while I feel I am being cruel and guilty to Cody's memory even sending the email I am grieving for Code and stressing for Oliver. We r giving Oliver alot more attention but we don't know if it's enough ?? How do we know he is happy. Does he need more time to adjust to single life?? This is so hard

Its a horrible dilemma & so difficult to get the timing right for you & Oliver - I think most long term rabbit owners find themselves in this situation & it doesn't get an easier.

You & your OH are the best judge of whether Oliver is happy & when emotionally & financially you are in a position to get him a friend. I would say there is nothing to feel guilty about, you won't be replacing Cody cos thats not possible but you would be helping another bunny in need & promoting Olivers happiness - I'm sure Cody would have approved. xx

nickybunny1 said:

I am still grieving for my Cody but I am worried about Oliver on his own. He was always the most needy of the 4 and loved to snuggle and groom. Now since Cody passed he is hiding away a bit more and isn't just as lively and I know he is lonely. He is nearly 7 but very healthy.

I feel myself and husband need a little emotional and financial break right now so couldn't consider another bun right now. However I have just today emailed the sanctuary to see if fostering in the future may be an option for us . I would be open to fostering an older female near to Olivers age. Though I am not ready for another bunny and wouldn't plan to foster for a while I feel I am being cruel and guilty to Cody's memory even sending the email I am grieving for Code and stressing for Oliver. We r giving Oliver alot more attention but we don't know if it's enough ?? How do we know he is happy. Does he need more time to adjust to single life?? This is so hard

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Hi Nicky :wave:

I think the key issue is you and your hubby needing a break. We care for them and it's a great emotional stress, especially when they are poorly. And you've had your share of the poorlies recently haven't you?

I think your instinct to care for Oliver in the best way possible led you to send the email. You know his needs and you put them above your own. It's very difficult when two lots have needs that are slightly at odds. You're very selfless as you never want your rabbits to suffer, even in a small way. It's extremely kind and generous of you However, your family life is also very important too

Cody would only ever approve of your desire to make life better for Oliver. How could he not? He's in a wonderful place now, as you know, with all his little limbs and organs working fine. He would only want for all of you to be happy.

Fostering seems like a good solution at the moment. It's a very kind thought for a rabbit needing a home.

Is Oliver happy? I think you know the answer, and hence the email. But be kind to yourselves, and if you need a break you *must* take it, for as long as you feel you can.

Sending mega hugs, as always

Aww, bless you, you shouldn't feel guilty, you should do what feels right for you and Oliver, at the time that feels right for you. You aren't forgetting Cody, you never will, you are just wanting to do what is best for Oliver.

When I have been in your position with other pets, I have found that getting a new companion for the remaining lonely one has provided some welcome positive distraction, and the lonely pet being happier has cheered me up no end. I never ever think of it as the new animal replacing the old one, they couldn't do that. They do become a loved member of the family very quickly

Fostering sounds a lovely idea

Hugs to you xx

I think a lot depends on how long a couple have been together. My 10 yr old lost his wifebun and never seemed to get over it as they had been together all of those years, yet others have got over losing their friend quickly, having not spent as long together. You could still have a break after finding a friend once they are settled down.

Thank you everyone for ur kind replies. They have been very comforting - made me cry but so lovely to have u all understand . They have also helped decide that its ok to have Oliver on his own for a short while. I have talked to Oliver and explained to him that me and my husband need just a little time before we could consider another bun for him. We told him we will try in a little while to get a wee girl for him but that we just need a wee break first. I hope he understands. I don't think I would have the energy to try bonding just right now anyway. Thank u all for your kind words and reassurance that. Cody would approve. Max I do believe too that Cody is now 100% the little bun he was born with everything working as it should. At least when the rescue gets back to me I will know what is and isn't possible in the future. Thanks for advice and hugs. Always appreciated x

Sorry for your loss.

Barn Yard Bunnies has a doe on permanent foster as a friend for her bunny, Bandit.

Might be worth PMing her for an insight?

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