I feel like I've lost a part of me..

Hey guys, I'm new to this forum and I just needed to talk to people that have perhaps been in the same boat as me.

Yesterday (3rd of June) I had to have my beloved continental giant Aurora PTS.






Now I do have a number of buns it was six but it's now down to five [emoji22] and obviously I love them all to pieces but Aurora held a special place in my heart. She was my everything, always by my side, my big teddy bear and the most loving animal I've ever had to pleasure of knowing. I'm finding it ever so hard to not feel guilty about having to let her go to bunny heaven. That I made the right decision. Deep down I know I did, she was in a lot of pain and her body was giving up on her and I couldn't stand to see her suffer (forgive me for not wanting to go into detail about her illness) but I can't help but think what if? What if I'd caught it sooner? I've lost pets before when I was younger but I was too young to fully comprehend what was going on if you can understand that? As an adult and building this bond with something only to lose it so tragically, it's well and truly left me heartbroken.

I think I just need someone to talk to me about their experiences and how you coped? I'm finding it very hard to come to terms with the fact that she's gone..

MotherOfBunnies said:

Hey guys, I'm new to this forum and I just needed to talk to people that have perhaps been in the same boat as me.

Yesterday (3rd of June) I had to have my beloved continental giant Aurora PTS.

Now I do have a number of buns it was six but it's now down to five [emoji22] and obviously I love them all to pieces but Aurora held a special place in my heart. She was my everything, always by my side, my big teddy bear and the most loving animal I've ever had to pleasure of knowing. I'm finding it ever so hard to not feel guilty about having to let her go to bunny heaven. That I made the right decision. Deep down I know I did, she was in a lot of pain and her body was giving up on her and I couldn't stand to see her suffer (forgive me for not wanting to go into detail about her illness) but I can't help but think what if? What if I'd caught it sooner? I've lost pets before when I was younger but I was too young to fully comprehend what was going on if you can understand that? As an adult and building this bond with something only to lose it so tragically, it's well and truly left me heartbroken.

I think I just need someone to talk to me about their experiences and how you coped? I'm finding it very hard to come to terms with the fact that she's gone..

Click to expand...

Welcome to the Forum, and I am so sorry you've lost your beloved Aurora.

Questioning if we did the right thing, and if the timing was right and if we could have done more is something we all do quite a lot here. It's part of the grieving process, and even if you know you did everything as best as you could, it doesn't stop those niggling thoughts coming in.

People cope in different ways. Post here about it as much as you want. Ask questions, post more photos.

I have a friend who also described losing her rabbit in the same way you did. She lost a part of herself. Losing human friends isn't the same, she said that part of her was ripped from her the day she took her rabbit to the vet for the last time

It's painful. It gets easier. Please talk and keep talking.

Sending hugs

I'm so sorry to hear of Auroras passing. She was a really beautiful rabbit, I've never seen such gorgeous moult lines

I don't think I will ever quite get over the death of my most beloved rabbits but it does get easier. As hard as it is i think "it is better to have loved & lost than loved at all" fits perfectly. I also feel it is totally normal to question if you helped her pass at the right time. When I agonised about this to my OH he said the fact that we were questioning it in both directions probably meant we judged it ok. I think this applies to you. You stopped her suffering & allowed her dignity.

For me it helps to keep a little book where I tell their story...how they came to live with me, their quirks & habits, I add photos & little cartoony drawings. It helps me to immortalise them

Welcome to RU too xx

MightyMax said:

Welcome to the Forum, and I am so sorry you've lost your beloved Aurora.

Questioning if we did the right thing, and if the timing was right and if we could have done more is something we all do quite a lot here. It's part of the grieving process, and even if you know you did everything as best as you could, it doesn't stop those niggling thoughts coming in.

People cope in different ways. Post here about it as much as you want. Ask questions, post more photos.

I have a friend who also described losing her rabbit in the same way you did. She lost a part of herself. Losing human friends isn't the same, she said that part of her was ripped from her the day she took her rabbit to the vet for the last time

It's painful. It gets easier. Please talk and keep talking.

Sending hugs

Click to expand...

Thank you so so much. I'm in tears replying to you now, it seems you think you've cried all the tears you could possibly cry and then more just come flooding through.

It's just so hard to come to terms with the fact that I'm never going to see her beautiful little face again or receive my morning licks in return for scratching her back and giving her fresh veggies! She honestly was my entire world, I'd tell everyone about her and show her off with pride. She was my baby. I honest to goodness thought of her as my child.

I feel relieved to have somewhere I can come and talk to people and not get the whole 'oh it's just a rabbit' conversation. She wasn't just a rabbit. She was, still is, forever will be, the best friend I've ever had.

joey&boo said:

I'm so sorry to hear of Auroras passing. She was a really beautiful rabbit, I've never seen such gorgeous moult lines

I don't think I will ever quite get over the death of my most beloved rabbits but it does get easier. As hard as it is i think "it is better to have loved & lost than loved at all" fits perfectly. I also feel it is totally normal to question if you helped her pass at the right time. When I agonised about this to my OH he said the fact that we were questioning it in both directions probably meant we judged it ok. I think this applies to you. You stopped her suffering & allowed her dignity.

For me it helps to keep a little book where I tell their story...how they came to live with me, their quirks & habits, I add photos & little cartoony drawings. It helps me to immortalise them

Welcome to RU too xx

Click to expand...

Thank you, she truly was a beautiful bun. And I'm off with the tears yet again. I think maybe this is helping me a lot. I perhaps need to cry more, let it all out.

I did spend a fair amount of time contemplating over what to do in the vets surgery. I think what's bothering me is the fact that the vet did give me the option to try a medicine with her but the chances of it working were slim to none and that the kinder thing to do would be to let her go to sleep. Yes, she was in pain, yes maybe the kinder option was to have her PTS but what if the medicine would have worked? I'm riddled with guilt thinking that it would've worked and I'd still have her here.. But then it might not have worked and then she'd still be in pain? It's always a what if.

At the end of the day I just want her back [emoji22]

MotherOfBunnies said:

Thank you, she truly was a beautiful bun. And I'm off with the tears yet again. I think maybe this is helping me a lot. I perhaps need to cry more, let it all out.

I did spend a fair amount of time contemplating over what to do in the vets surgery. I think what's bothering me is the fact that the vet did give me the option to try a medicine with her but the chances of it working were slim to none and that the kinder thing to do would be to let her go to sleep. Yes, she was in pain, yes maybe the kinder option was to have her PTS but what if the medicine would have worked? I'm riddled with guilt thinking that it would've worked and I'd still have her here.. But then it might not have worked and then she'd still be in pain? It's always a what if.

At the end of the day I just want her back [emoji22]

Click to expand...

What usually happens in cases where there's a possibility (but not much chance really) of another medication working is that it never works sufficiently well and the suffering is often therefore prolonged.

The other thing to bear in mind is that it probably wouldn't have kept her in a good quality of life for very long, and to let her go in peace and dignity is a very brave decision.

You would be blaming yourself now whatever route you chose. She doesn't blame you, and never did. She's at peace and probably creating havoc with the angels

Can you light a candle for her? I sometimes find it helps to bring them closer ...

I'm sorry for your loss. You've found the right place.

I am so sorry that you have lost Aurora She was a truly stunning rabbit with beautiful markings. Keep posting on the forum. We'd love to hear about your other rabbits when you feel able.

It's hard, I know. So many of us here have experienced the same thing, and it's pretty normal to second guess yourself. I know I have, but really it's impossible to know if making a different decision would have changed things and made them better or worse. We all just have to make the best decision we can in the moment and trust it's the right one. I think when a rabbit is truly suffering, pts is the kindest gift we can give them, despite how difficult it is for us to have to let them go.

Letting yourself cry helps some, and accepting the hurt instead of trying to push it away. Having to focus on caring for my other rabbits has been of help too. Still it's never easy, especially when you have a really close bond, and that just takes time for the hurt to not be so acute. But what helps me the most is believing that I'll see them again one day. I imagine all the bunnies that I've lost running up to greet me, and that thought makes me happy.

So sorry you have had to let your beautiful Aurora go, many of us have been where you are, we question our decisions and have a bunch of what if's however in the end we must know that we do what we can when we can, and we make our decisions with love and kindness. Sending you lots of healing vibes at tis most difficult time.

MotherOfBunnies said:

Hey guys, I'm new to this forum and I just needed to talk to people that have perhaps been in the same boat as me.

Yesterday (3rd of June) I had to have my beloved continental giant Aurora PTS.

Now I do have a number of buns it was six but it's now down to five [emoji22] and obviously I love them all to pieces but Aurora held a special place in my heart. She was my everything, always by my side, my big teddy bear and the most loving animal I've ever had to pleasure of knowing. I'm finding it ever so hard to not feel guilty about having to let her go to bunny heaven. That I made the right decision. Deep down I know I did, she was in a lot of pain and her body was giving up on her and I couldn't stand to see her suffer (forgive me for not wanting to go into detail about her illness) but I can't help but think what if? What if I'd caught it sooner? I've lost pets before when I was younger but I was too young to fully comprehend what was going on if you can understand that? As an adult and building this bond with something only to lose it so tragically, it's well and truly left me heartbroken.

I think I just need someone to talk to me about their experiences and how you coped? I'm finding it very hard to come to terms with the fact that she's gone..

Click to expand...

I am so sorry for your loss I can totally understand how we can have several Rabbits all of whom we love, but that sometimes there is one who proves to be extra special. I refer to them as a 'Soul Rabbit'. I lost my Soul Rabbit, Inspector Morse, just over 2 years ago, so I can empathise with the pain you are feeling. I wont lie, I cant say that 'time heals'. I think we simply find ways of living with the loss of our 'one and only'.

Letting Aurora go shows just how much you love her. You put her needs first, knowing that to do so would break your own heart. Aurora knew she could trust you to do right by her and you did.

RIP Aurora xx

I'm so very sorry that you lost Aurora x

I'm so sorry you lost her I'm sure you did the best thing for her, it's so hard for us but the kindest thing for them.

Binky free Aurora xx

MightyMax said:

What usually happens in cases where there's a possibility (but not much chance really) of another medication working is that it never works sufficiently well and the suffering is often therefore prolonged.

The other thing to bear in mind is that it probably wouldn't have kept her in a good quality of life for very long, and to let her go in peace and dignity is a very brave decision.

You would be blaming yourself now whatever route you chose. She doesn't blame you, and never did. She's at peace and probably creating havoc with the angels

Can you light a candle for her? I sometimes find it helps to bring them closer ...

Click to expand...

Thank you. You've managed to put my mind at ease a little. I didn't know how much talking to folk that understand what I'm going through would help me feel that bit better about my situation. I can imagine her doing so many binkies with her also passed brothers! Tonight I plan on lighting a candle and sitting by her grave and talking to her for a while.

happybun said:

I'm sorry for your loss. You've found the right place.

Click to expand...

Thank you. It's only been a couple of days but I feel that everyone here has helped me so much already.

Omi said:

I am so sorry that you have lost Aurora She was a truly stunning rabbit with beautiful markings. Keep posting on the forum. We'd love to hear about your other rabbits when you feel able.

Click to expand...

She was, bless her. Thank you, when I'm ready I will.

MotherOfBunnies said:

Thank you. You've managed to put my mind at ease a little. I didn't know how much talking to folk that understand what I'm going through would help me feel that bit better about my situation. I can imagine her doing so many binkies with her also passed brothers! Tonight I plan on lighting a candle and sitting by her grave and talking to her for a while.

Click to expand...

So she has brothers that have passed, and also other rabbits that are still with you. I look forward to hearing more about your bunny brood in due course

In the meantime, sending love and healing tears

Jbun said:

It's hard, I know. So many of us here have experienced the same thing, and it's pretty normal to second guess yourself. I know I have, but really it's impossible to know if making a different decision would have changed things and made them better or worse. We all just have to make the best decision we can in the moment and trust it's the right one. I think when a rabbit is truly suffering, pts is the kindest gift we can give them, despite how difficult it is for us to have to let them go.

Letting yourself cry helps some, and accepting the hurt instead of trying to push it away. Having to focus on caring for my other rabbits has been of help too. Still it's never easy, especially when you have a really close bond, and that just takes time for the hurt to not be so acute. But what helps me the most is believing that I'll see them again one day. I imagine all the bunnies that I've lost running up to greet me, and that thought makes me happy.

Click to expand...

Yes, it is very hard. I can only hope I did make the right decision. Seeing how much she was suffering and even the vets reaction to her condition, I know deep down that best and kindest decision was for her to go to sleep. But I still need time to come to terms with that fact.. It all seems too much to take in right now is all.
Ah yes, I'll most definitely be the resident crazy bunny lady upstairs when the time comes.

Riggs said:

So sorry you have had to let your beautiful Aurora go, many of us have been where you are, we question our decisions and have a bunch of what if's however in the end we must know that we do what we can when we can, and we make our decisions with love and kindness. Sending you lots of healing vibes at tis most difficult time.

Click to expand...

Thank you, I'm starting to come round to the fact that I probably did make the best decision I could for her. Thank you.

Jack's-Jane said:

I am so sorry for your loss I can totally understand how we can have several Rabbits all of whom we love, but that sometimes there is one who proves to be extra special. I refer to them as a 'Soul Rabbit'. I lost my Soul Rabbit, Inspector Morse, just over 2 years ago, so I can empathise with the pain you are feeling. I wont lie, I cant say that 'time heals'. I think we simply find ways of living with the loss of our 'one and only'.

Letting Aurora go shows just how much you love her. You put her needs first, knowing that to do so would break your own heart. Aurora knew she could trust you to do right by her and you did.

RIP Aurora xx

Click to expand...

I like that. She definitely was my 'Soul Rabbit'. I'm also so sorry about Inspector Morse, you have my sympathies [emoji17].
I did, her and the rest of my buns always come first, they're the most important. I held her and stayed by her side when her time came, I couldn't let her go through it alone, it'd break my heart even more if I'd left her alone with a complete stranger. It put my mind somewhat at ease that she knew I was there and I wasn't leaving her side. She was so calm when it came down to it. Thank you x