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A tough decision...no judging please.

Pip&Milo

Warren Scout
So I posted yesterday about molly and milo fighting. We've tried to help them get on but she's behaving very aggressively with him. The rescue has offered to attempt to bond them again and we are calling Tuesday to see if there's a space. In the meantime they're in the same room separated by a puppy pen. We swap them around every few hours. But then When my oh got home he says he thinks we should give up and wait for an easier bond, and give molly back to the rescue. Don't get me wrong the very thought of this makes me feel sick with guilt and sadness and I cry everytime I think about it. But he has some good points.
1. This is horrid for Milo he's desperate to be her friend grooming g her through the bars but she just bites him. As our initial pet he feels it's our responsibility to put him first.
2. My mental health is seriously suffering and yday after all the drama I couldn't even face being out of bed I just lay crying all evening.
3. Luckily we were there when the fight broke out but we both work so next time we might not be so lucky...and neither could milo. Her bite hurt me never mind him.
4. She seems so much happier when separated from milo she plays and eats and flops which she rarely does when he is there.
5. Were not around enough to attempt slow bonding effectively
My reservations...
1.i made a commitment so she's as much my responsibility as milo
2. I can't bare the thought of her being stuck at a rescue forever.
3. What if milo pines for her :(
4. I love her
I genuinely don't know what to do. Any advice without the judgement of how awful I am for even considering giving her up would be appreciated
:'(
 
I think this is the problem we all face with rabbits if a bond seems to be working and then suddenly doesn't - or even if an established pair suddenly fall out.

You've got the choice of owning an ever growing number of rabbits as you split them and get new partners, or make the hard decision to return her to rescue and try someone else for Milo.

If you know it's a good rescue then I don't think you need to feel bad about returning her, they will make sure she goes off to a good home where she will be happy, and in the meantime you give a different bunny a chance at coming home with you and Milo.
 
Oh what a horrid difficult situation :(

If it were me I would see it as a possible mistake by the rescue in thinking that they were bonding well. It can't be easy to determine whether any rabbit couple are going to bond long term and sometimes misjudgements will be made. I think you said (I may be wrong here) that Molly had had a couple of tries at bonding previously, which hadn't worked out.

If you can't bear to part with her, then it seems you could be faced with trying to bond her with another rabbit and that could be difficult.

I think I would have a heart to heart chat with the rescue. It's certainly not worth making yourself feel unwell with the stress of it.

So, bearing in mind what the rescue say, I think I would get them to try Milo with another of their rabbits and (sadly) return Molly.

Sending hugs. No-one is going to think badly of you for being in this situation.
 
Everyone has their own opinions and their own circumstances but if it was me personnaly I would keep both rabbits,
bond Milo with another rabbit and either try to bond Molly with another rabbit too or keep her as a single bunny (you did say she seams happy on her own)
That way Milo has a chance of happiness with a new bunny and you don't have to stress.
Of course I understand that you may not be able to own three rabbits and have two seperate from the other but I was only saying what I would do if I was in that situation.
Good luck with whatever you decide and no one is going to judge you whichever decision you make.
 
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What Omi says is exactly what I'd like to say.

It doesn't "feel" like it is going to work out for Milo & Molly :( I wouldn't continue as you are where nobun (including you) is happy. I find bonding really stressful (fascinating too) & I don't think I'd ever be brave enough to take on a difficult to bond bunny. I do believe every bun deserves repeated chances to find their match but that really is the domain of the fearless bonders & rescues.

Don't be hard on yourself, its obvious how much you care
 
So I posted yesterday about molly and milo fighting. We've tried to help them get on but she's behaving very aggressively with him. The rescue has offered to attempt to bond them again and we are calling Tuesday to see if there's a space. In the meantime they're in the same room separated by a puppy pen. We swap them around every few hours. But then When my oh got home he says he thinks we should give up and wait for an easier bond, and give molly back to the rescue. Don't get me wrong the very thought of this makes me feel sick with guilt and sadness and I cry everytime I think about it. But he has some good points.
1. This is horrid for Milo he's desperate to be her friend grooming g her through the bars but she just bites him. As our initial pet he feels it's our responsibility to put him first.
2. My mental health is seriously suffering and yday after all the drama I couldn't even face being out of bed I just lay crying all evening.
3. Luckily we were there when the fight broke out but we both work so next time we might not be so lucky...and neither could milo. Her bite hurt me never mind him.
4. She seems so much happier when separated from milo she plays and eats and flops which she rarely does when he is there.
5. Were not around enough to attempt slow bonding effectively
My reservations...
1.i made a commitment so she's as much my responsibility as milo
2. I can't bare the thought of her being stuck at a rescue forever.
3. What if milo pines for her :(
4. I love her
I genuinely don't know what to do. Any advice without the judgement of how awful I am for even considering giving her up would be appreciated
:'(

To be honest, I would contact the rescue, and talk to them about it. In my experience of (many) bondings, once a pairing looks good between a male and female, it doesn't usually go 'wrong'. Which makes me feel that perhaps the Rescue may know more about Molly's behaviour that would influence what's happening?

You can't continue this. I don't believe Milo will pine for her, he will adjust and adapt to a new female easily. I know you love her for who she is, and that's fantastic. It will be so hard to give her up, but it may be the very best thing for her and your situation.

I am sure no one could even think of judging you for what you posted :)
 
Please don't feel bad about giving her back to the rescue. Not all buns will get on, and if they've had a big fight then I wouldn't continue to try to bond them. There are so many buns available that it won't be long before they find the right match for both of them. I know having to say goodbye will be heartbreaking now you've bonded with her though. Hope you can find the right solution for you all xx
 
I think you are doing the right thing. Some females are just unbondable or so it seems. They really are their own worst enemy!
 
I had to give a bunny back once. The rescue had already tried bonding her with several different partners and they weren't actually going to try again as they didn't feel it was fair to send her off with someone they didn't know as she did have quite odd behaviour. We tried her with Tully as a last shot because he is very laid back. Despite his best efforts to be friends and no real scraps after about a week she bit him and he became afraid of her and I had to draw the line at that point.

I felt awful giving up on her knowing it was her last shot but she went back to the rescue and into foster initially and her fosterer has kept her as a house rabbit. So it has worked out for her. :) She didn't really behave in a very rabbity way and I think she found interaction difficult. She was lovely around humans though.

You have to do what's best for all concerned and only you can know what that is x
 
I obviously don't know the whole story but it sounds a nightmare.

How long wiere they with the rescue being bonded? Did they then go into a completely neutral area?
 
I obviously don't know the whole story but it sounds a nightmare.

How long wiere they with the rescue being bonded? Did they then go into a completely neutral area?

They had 2 weeks at the rescue and while they were gone we deep cleaned everything. It was a difficult bond to begin with and the rescue were close to giving up when it suddenly improved and they sent then back with us
 
We attempted to put them together again twice today. This morning she went straight to attack mode. This aft they both seemed ok. She had an aggressive stance but we calmed her and she flopped out. Milo flopped next to her and it seemed ok but suddenly there was a massive commotion and she started mounting him. We left them for a second but then it got really aggressive so oh separated. She then started lunging at him through the bars and sort of grunting and thumping. Then she turned to me made a weird angry sound and stood up on her tiptoes tail up thumped and has been thumping since. :(
 
They had 2 weeks at the rescue and while they were gone we deep cleaned everything. It was a difficult bond to begin with and the rescue were close to giving up when it suddenly improved and they sent then back with us

You've confirmed what I thought. Straightforward pairings are usually quite painfree and stay the course. It's nothing you've done/not done. It seems to be fate more than anything else.

So sorry :(
 
Everyone has their own opinions and their own circumstances but if it was me personnaly I would keep both rabbits,
bond Milo with another rabbit and either try to bond Molly with another rabbit too or keep her as a single bunny (you did say she seams happy on her own)
That way Milo has a chance of happiness with a new bunny and you don't have to stress.
Of course I understand that you may not be able to own three rabbits and have two seperate from the other but I was only saying what I would do if I was in that situation.
Good luck with whatever you decide and no one is going to judge you whichever decision you make.

I would love to keep molly but sadly as you guessed our situation just doesn't allow for that. We've had to keep them as indoor rabbits as our garden isn't big enough for a big enough run and we also have fox issues. So they have the house but are free ranging (or would have been had it worked out) and we wouldn't be able to realistically have 2 separated spaces x
 
From my own experiences i would put your health first, if you cannot manage and it is affecting your mental health being able to see that and let the bun go back to again with another family may be a kind thing to do, not only for the bunnies but yourself. Ive gotten so stressed out and anxious in the past trying to introduce buns that it led to panic attacks and serious bout of depression that lasted a while, while i thought keeping hold of them was the right thing they actually suffered because i could barely look after myself, let alone my pets. Luckily my partner stepped in but if she hadnt.. They really would have suffered neglect simply from poor mental health. I get told often... You cant save them all and sometimes it just isnt meant to be, and that.. is ok. x
 
I would definitely try rebonding and everything to try and settle them down, but if that doesn't work and you're not able to adopt 2 more rabbits and have two pairs (which is understandable) I would sadly give her back to the rescue. Some bunnies just don't get on and it is no failing of yourself. It is understandably very sad for you, but honestly there should be no judgement towards you... you have only tried to do what is best. If they are not loved up it is best for all involved to try another pair.
 
I wonder how long the Rescue kept them after they had 'turned the corner' - perhaps they came back to you before the bond was strong enough and so they became unsettled again due to the move?

I think I would be inclined to give it one more go with the Rescue, just to satisfy myself I had tried absolutely everything. Not sure whether you think this is a good idea or whether you feel it just isn't going to work. Horrible situation to be in - but sometimes you just have to admit defeat.
 
have you tried one of those 'soothing ' plug ins?

We used one to do a group bond where one of the buns was very nervy and became aggressive with it - and it worked amazingly. They were all SO relaxed they just flopped out on top of each other asleep for several days - and we gradually took the plug in further away so there was less of it - but by then they were all used to each other and alls smelt of each other. Have used it again since on another bond!

Our vet recommended it!
 
have you tried one of those 'soothing ' plug ins?

We used one to do a group bond where one of the buns was very nervy and became aggressive with it - and it worked amazingly. They were all SO relaxed they just flopped out on top of each other asleep for several days - and we gradually took the plug in further away so there was less of it - but by then they were all used to each other and alls smelt of each other. Have used it again since on another bond!

Our vet recommended it!

God that sounds wonderful.
 
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