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Multiple Losses- How to 'Cope' ?

Jack's-Jane

Wise Old Thumper
Obviously losing any Rabbit is devastating, they all mean so much to us. But how can it be possible to mentally/psychologically process the loss of several Rabbits within less than 2 weeks ?

I still just feel shell shocked and to be honest I cant seem to grasp the fact that this is not some sort of bad dream. I still feel as though I am on the outside of myself ; that I am watching it all happen to someone else. Then all of a sudden 'WHAM' I am hit with the awful realisation that the 'someone else' is me

This is so, so hard to cope with

:cry:
 
I haven't had this to cope with yet, but my four are all minilops, all eight years old (eight years two months, even) and so there's a possibility they will all go at a similar time. I think its like any very difficult or tragic time. You describe it similarly to the way my daughter describes having a very serious illness - some of the time she's carrying on as normal and sometimes she's in despair at the horror of what is happening to her. I don't think there is a solution. Its more a case of 'keep going because there isn't much else you can do'.
 
I wish I knew the words that would bring you comfort. Or give you the coping tools. But I cannot. I've never experienced the type of loss you have. I hope someone who has been through this will post.
I've lost 3 of my beloved bunnies and it still affects me. I never knew I could love like I love the rabbits.

The only thing that helped a little during that time was spending time with my other rabbits. I became quite needy of their company, poor things! Even in the good times, it can be quite meditative sitting in with them, watching them. I'm sorry its such simplistic advice. Just...if being with them helps you reconnect or gives a smile or unburdens your heart the tiniest bit, then do that. Just sit with them and be.
 
You are in a very sad and hard time right now but all I can add is that you ARE coping. You are hurting and feeling overwhelmed but you are still here looking after your remaining pets and even found the strength to reply on another person who is having a hard times' thread.
So as difficult as your time is right now give yourself the praise you deserve for keeping going. xx
 
I guess just getting through each day is a sign that you are 'coping', whether you realise it or not. I am so sorry you are having to go through such a traumatic time, Jane. Believe it or not, you are obviously made of tough stuff. Xxx
 
Jane, I'm sorry that you're going through this. What you describe sounds how I felt when my younger brother died suddenly without warning (undiagnosed heart condition). You're describing the feeling of grief.
I hope you will find it reassuring to know that as each day passes it eventually feels more manageable. It will take time and you need to be patient with yourself. The days when you feel so bad or feel numb will reduce and the days when you don't feel sad (and feel something more positive) will increase until one day you'll reach the evening and you'll realise you've felt alright for most of the day.
It still very early days for you and you've had too process a lot. The fact that you recognise what's happening to you is a positive thing.
You may want to consider grief counselling. My pet insurer offers specific pet counselling, I'm not sure if you could access something similar (or if you'd want to).
I don't want to sound patronising, but want to say that I think you're doing remarkably well. x
 
It's very grim, and detaching yourself from it, is a coping strategy. I'm a month past losing three in two weeks, and that's hard and weird enough. I'm still finding myself making up meds and checking enclosures for how Candyfloss and Dusk are, and the intrusive images are really still intensive.

It's a trauma to deal with so much loss in such a short space of time.

The only answer I can come up with is 'moment by moment'. It's very, very early days for you and you need to be kind to yourself.

Sadly, I have nothing of use to add, but you're doing brilliantly in a horrendous situation.
 
I'm still finding myself making up meds and checking enclosures

This, EXACTLY this. What prompted me to start this thread was that I drew up 3 lots of medication before I realised that the Rabbits for whom each dose was for are no longer here. All 7 of them were on longterm medication, Jo and Harry had physio and massage several times a day. Flynn needed his bladder expressing, Lydia needed her hocks treating. Bobbie needed ALOT of hands on care as she had become unable to wee without getting soaked herself, Jessica needed physio/massage/ear cleaning. Dermot was on lots of medication

They all required a huge amount of hands on care several times a day. The void they all leave is huge

I remain 'stuck' back at the loss of my Soul Rabbit Morse. I have still not come to terms with that in any shape or form.

I am certain of one thing, I am never having any more Rabbits. Not that I am in a position to anyway due to my poor health.
 
Dearest Jane, I wish I could help you in the same way that you wish you could help me. I am very touched that you could post on my thread when you are having so much to deal with yourself. If only we had magic wands................

I have done the rounds of my friends, sitting on their sofas crying. They all say, 'I am so sorry, what can I do to help?' The answer is that no one can actually help, but for me sitting, crying, talking about what has happened, and how I feel helps to share my distress, even if it is only temporary.

Keep talking to us here Jane, keep helping others with their problems - bunnies or otherwise - and please share with us some pictures and stories of your fur family. I know that we cannot do anything of practical help, just try and take some strength from all of us who care about you so very much. We continue to need you here Jane, and every day that you are is another day's battle won.

As ever, sending love, strength and support xx
 
I completely feel your pain and shock Jane. After a month, the shock of losing Meggie is only just wearing off. It took a good 3 weeks before it made sense that this wasn't just a bad dream. I couldn't quite believe that any of it was real and I wasn't living in some sort of alternate reality. I had a really bad night where I just howled, standing in the middle of a room, clutching her photo to my heart, sobbing and sobbing. I needed to do that - have that moment of reality that this HAD happened.

The pain of her death is still just as bad, but without the added complication of 'shock', the brain can start to function better and I can begin to learn to live without her.

Just know that we all understand how you're feeling right now. None of us can make you feel any better, but we understand.
 
Hi, I want to second what the others said about you coping. I've lost four rats in the last month, and I have done before. It seems never ending when they all go close together and keeping going minute to minute is all you can do. You might find grief counseling where you can email them instead of phone, if that would be easier.

*big hug*
 
Jane youre going through such a sad time at the moment.As you know I lost my soul bunny Harry earlier in the year and every morning when I wake, *wham*it just hits me so hard so to have lost multiple buns in such a short space of time and never forgetting your beautiful Morse it must feel absolutely terrible.I also believe that the feeling of being "distant"is a coping mechanism-I have felt that at bad times in my life.It feels abit like you've stepped into someone elses life ans everything around you is familiar but nothing feels the same as before or as it should.

All I can do is send love and hugs to you.Just words but they are heartfelt.

Thankyou for your message today.xx
 
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Oh yes, I know that unreal feeling of not being "connected". I think the idea of a grief counsellor is a good one, or perhaps there are websites with exercises you can do yourself if that would be better for you?

All I can say is that time does help eventually, and the pain will lessen. It's hard to see that when you're hurting so much though, and it feels like it'll hurt forever. I don't think the pain of loss ever goes away completely, but it can get to the stage where it's possible to live with it.

Interesting that you say you're "stuck" in grief for Morse. Could you have a ceremony for him to help you process the loss? Like a funeral, celebration of his life kind of thing? Maybe get some kind of memorial like a stone or plaque, and say goodbye to him properly. It would hurt of course, but then maybe you could start to heal - like opening up an access so you could clean it, if you don't mind the comparison.
 
I lost my 15-year-old dog just after Christmas and still part of me expects for a second that she'll be there when I come downstairs in the morning or when I come home, and I'm surprised every time to remember that she's dead and I won't see her again. The difference is, now the realisation that she's gone just makes me a bit sad rather than physically hurting me like it did when the grief was new.

It still hurts and I miss her every day, but I can cope now.

It takes us different amounts of time to process grief though, so don't think I'm saying that there's a prescribed time allocated to grief and anything more than that is a personal failure. It's not. It depends on your personality, your relationship with the deceased, what else you have to deal with, what support you have.
 
Thank you everyone

I would never ever ever embark on any form of 'Counselling' again, too much damage done from a past horrendous experience when I trusted a so called 'professional' counsellor. The damage that caused was catastrophic

I guess all I can do is try to exist minute by minute. I realise that many people, even some who do have pet Rabbits themselves, will think I am simply being an attention seeking drama queen. But since losing Morse I have just floundered about slowly drowning. It may be pathetic, eccentric, 'sad' or any other adjective people may care to use, but since having my first Rabbits in January 1998 they became my life, literally. The only reason I have fought against the ever present 'final self destruct' thoughts that haunt me day and night. They provided me with something I had never had in my life. 100% unconditional acceptance of who I am and how I am.

With Morse, he listened to things I have never told another human and never will. Yes, to the world he was 'just a Rabbit', to me he was an irreplaceable soul mate. He made it possible for me to cope with all the chaos in my head and with things that happen in day to day life that frequently act as a trigger to the 'chaos'. My decline back into severe AN started after Morse died on 2nd February 2014 and has continued unabated. I guess it is my only way of trying to manage the pain.

It really does seem unreal to have lost these 7 Rabbits in less than 2 weeks.













Thank you for 'listening' RU xx
 
I wanted to say how very sorry I am for your current difficulties and the recent losses of your furry family. I don't often visit the rainbow bridge threads as I find it too difficult for me, but I have seen what has recently happened and wanted to let you know of my support and thoughts for you at this time. I haven't gone through the amount of loss you recently have, but I know the terrible heartache that is felt from losing a bun that you are closely bonded with. Just the loss of one rabbit that I dearly loved, was extremely difficult for me to cope with. I can only imagine how difficult this has been for you.

What you are going through at this time, is not unlike a mother who has lost some of her children, but still has children left that depend on her. You have lost part of your family, which has been very heartbreaking and devastating to you, but you still have family left that relies on you and needs you. You are unique and precious to the lives of your remaining rabbits, and irreplaceable. If you weren't here, yes your rabbits would be cared for, but it won't be you, and that does matter. Your life matters to them. You are their guardian and their protector. Focus on them. Focus on what you have left. They are the ones that still need you, your love, your caring, your protection. Your rabbits that you have lost will be there waiting for you on the other side when your journey here is complete, but for now you are still needed.

Jane, I know that I don't know you well, only from what i have read here on RU. But I like many others here, care about you. My hope for you is that you will find some peace, comfort, and happiness in this life.
 
I'm sorry to have implied "counselling", I was thinking more like Sams or a pet grief helpline where you can just talk and they listen, no counselling involved. But this is from someone who took about a month of looking at the phone to call a helpline, so .. No pressure from me. I know that your coping methods aren't ideal, but that doesn't mean you're not doing the best you can. Be proud of the daily victories, however small.
 
Sending you hugs this morning, Jane. Your world has been torn to pieces and I can understand what you're saying. I can't physically help, but I can send hugs and virtual support and I hope that somehow you can find a way to process all the pain you are feeling. Xxx
 
I'd never associate the words pathetic, eccentric, 'sad' with you Jane. Instead I think of adjectives such as strong, caring, intelligent and loving. x
 
What someone has just said to me when they asked how I am and I actually told them rather than saying the usual 'I'm fine thanks'.

' I suppose with having so many disease is inevitable, still at least they didnt all die from it. What was it by the way, that Myxomatosis thing I expect'.'

What the :censored: do they know about my true situation

The reasons WHY the 7 were euthanised

Jeez, if I were not so weak I'd have smacked the stupid :censored: in the face
 
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