What would you do? UD haha I was right!

Stupidly, a few weeks ago I agreed to let my step sons half siblings rabbits come to stay whilst their mum moved house (I know, it's extremely complicated!! :roll

These bunnies are the typical sad story of impulse pet shop buy for a birthday present for children. On this case, 6 year old twins! I did post about tons when I heard they'd got them and my worst fears have happened. They couldn't afford to neuter them & I didn't even waste my breath on vaccinations.

So anyway, out of pity for the bunnies, I said they could stay here temporarily & I'd get them neutered & vaccinated & hopefully rebounded as I knew I'd have to immediately sepRate them as they were fighting.

But, a couple of weeks ago, Blackavar suddenly fell ill & to cut a long story short, he now is a dental bun & I'm £600 worse off (his insurance don't cover dentals until I've had the policy for two yeRs - I've only had him since September) and another long story short I had to take a pay cut at work at January & have been having to take a minimum of £200pm out of my savings since then just to buy food and petrol etc. which are rapidly running out now. So I told my OH last night that I don't want to spend approx £200 getting these rabbits neutered & vaccinated then return to his ex wife. The twins are fed up of them & they've been left to my OH's son to care for them. He now lives with OH and doesn't want them either. I feel so sorry for the rabbits, but given what's happened (I haven't even touched on the stuff that's happened with me, OH, his son, his ex wife :roll I don't really want to have to pay out more of my savings (which I only have because my nan left me some money in her will) for someone else's rabbits who don't want them & won't thank me for it & don't like me when they were stupid enough to get them in the first place and I desperately need that money to take care of myself & my own rabbits. It's still early days yet got Blackavar, we have no idea how often he'll need dentals and I need to pay that myself rather than claim from his insurance so rightly or wrongly, I'd prefer to save my money for my own rabbits. If I have surplus cash it wouldn't be a problem, but I don't.

However, when I told OH this last night, he wasn't impressed as he said I'd agreed to do it & so I have to do it regardless. I said yes & if Blackavar hadn't gotten ill, I could've done it, but he did & I'm not psychic & now I need that money for Blackavar.

Is he right and I have to do this because I said I would before everything that happened, or I am I perfectly reasonable to say no, I can't afford it any more?

You are perfectly reasonable.
blackavar being a dental bun is unforseen circumstances.
i think your oh is the one being unreasonable imo.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.
your rabbits come first.

Normally I would say you should do it, but this time you've kind of been blackmailed and your own rabbit needs you. I would explain the situation to them.

The circumstances are not as they were when you accepted to look after them ..

I would feel exactly as you do. Poor you, but stand fast :wave:

Me personally what would I do? Save the rabbits (because I would feel s*** otherwise if I heard something nasty happened to them) and ditch all the other people in the story, (OH, OHs son, OHs ex wife, OHs ex wifes friends, etc etc etc) and then live happily ever after in control of my own life and destiny and surrounded by rabbits.

parsnipbun said:

Me personally what would I do? Save the rabbits (because I would feel s*** otherwise if I heard something nasty happened to them) and ditch all the other people in the story, (OH, OHs son, OHs ex wife, OHs ex wifes friends, etc etc etc) and then live happily ever after in control of my own life and destiny and surrounded by rabbits.

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I so wanted to say that but I'm not brave enough! Xxx

parsnipbun said:

Me personally what would I do? Save the rabbits (because I would feel s*** otherwise if I heard something nasty happened to them) and ditch all the other people in the story, (OH, OHs son, OHs ex wife, OHs ex wifes friends, etc etc etc) and then live happily ever after in control of my own life and destiny and surrounded by rabbits.

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Yes, yes, yes! :thumb:

parsnipbun said:

Me personally what would I do? Save the rabbits (because I would feel s*** otherwise if I heard something nasty happened to them) and ditch all the other people in the story, (OH, OHs son, OHs ex wife, OHs ex wifes friends, etc etc etc) and then live happily ever after in control of my own life and destiny and surrounded by rabbits.

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Yes ^^^^ this - with my dog of course!!

I would ask them to pay towards the costs tell them it's too much for you to afford and if they say they can't afford it then tell them maybe it's best for you to rehome the rabbits for them. It's not fair for you to pay for them and give them back.

Lady Logamorph said:

I would ask them to pay towards the costs tell them it's too much for you to afford and if they say they can't afford it then tell them maybe it's best for you to rehome the rabbits for them. It's not fair for you to pay for them and give them back.

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golly gosh yes - had not even dreamt that they would be given back!!!

stargrrlclaire said:

I so wanted to say that but I'm not brave enough! Xxx

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I am a bolshie cow - at 56 you just dont care anymore!! Its great!

parsnipbun said:

golly gosh yes - had not even dreamt that they would be given back!!!

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I wouldn't want to give them back either knowing the owners were not willing to pay for them!

I would of said no from the start.

ive only ever had bad bunny experiences so I certainly wouldnt take on someone else's for any period of time.

now they are in your care I guess it is up to you to fund the care or find a new home for them if they are not wanted at the original home.

The agreement was you've pay for the neutering/vaccinations - that's fair enough. I'm sure you'll be happy to go ahead with that as soon as they've paid you back for the vetcare the rabbits that they own needed.

What's going to happen to the rabbits long term - that's quite an important question. If you're taking ownership you'll probably need to get those done anyway, if they are going back to them, then asking for the vet care costs seem fair, if you need to rehome, maybe chat with a rescue - even if you give some money towards neutering/vaccination often it costs them less than you'd pay privately as they 'bulk buy'.

Do they actually want the bunnies neutered and vaccinated? From what you say you have offered to look after them and get them sorted because you would like them to be sorted.

I can see both sides but would they really care if it did not happen? If they did then they would have done it themselves unless money was an issue.

Is it likely they are going to ask you to keep them?

I would just be honest with them, you had every intention of doing it but circumstances have changed money wise. While you still feel that vacs and ops are needed you can not spend money on them when you have needy bunny.

Sorry Sarah but I'm with parsnipbun all the way on this one. If I'm correct you and your oh don't live together officially, so you're not responsible for him or his son financially. I hope you're only dipping into your nans money for yourself and not to fund your oh's social life.

Back to your original question, I know there's no way you'd let those buns suffer, so ask for the money up front for neutering and vacs, and offer to get them through the neutering and the rebonding. If they not prepared to do that you either have to harden your heart and give them back now or have a chat with a rescue about taking them.

If your oh feels so strongly, suggest he stops drinking so he can fund their care.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, its not meant to, I just hate the thought you're being taken for granted or used.

parsnipbun said:

golly gosh yes - had not even dreamt that they would be given back!!!

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Oh yes they'll be going back. I'm not keeping them. No room at the inn here and the twins want them back.... Probably for about 5 minutes & then they'll be fed up of caring for them again. That had fallen to my step son but he doesn't live with them anymore so I don't know what'll happen to them. I knew this would happen as soon as I heard they'd bought the rabbits. They have no money at all. They can barely afford to keep themselves, let alone anything else. I said they need neutering as two intact males together will fight & sure enough they did. Here they've been separated - I was going to get them neutered & eventually try & rebond. Then this happened with Blackavar and I don't want to get into (worst case scenario) is Blackavar gets I'll again & either dies or has to be pts because I just spent my last £200 getting these rabbits neutered. I'd never be able to live with myself. The guilt I feel over Badger & Dexter's deaths is crippling enough if I let my guard down enough to feel it.

Tamsin said:

The agreement was you've pay for the neutering/vaccinations - that's fair enough. I'm sure you'll be happy to go ahead with that as soon as they've paid you back for the vetcare the rabbits that they own needed.

What's going to happen to the rabbits long term - that's quite an important question. If you're taking ownership you'll probably need to get those done anyway, if they are going back to them, then asking for the vet care costs seem fair, if you need to rehome, maybe chat with a rescue - even if you give some money towards neutering/vaccination often it costs them less than you'd pay privately as they 'bulk buy'.

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If I was keeping them, it wouldn't be a problem. They'd become part of my fluffy family & have everything that comes with it & I'd deal with it. But they're not. They're temporary guests only. I'd love to see these bunnies go to a rescue where they'd find a wonderful loving home, but I honestly don't see how I can work that. It'll be a case of the evil stepmother taking bunnies away and I'll get no end of grief & insults for "poking my nose in" and "throwing my weight around". I really hate the position this has put me in as I offered to help out of concern for the bunnies but then circumstances changed & my own bunny needs me. There's not resource enough to go around and I can't put someone's else's bunny ahead of my own, however selfish I may sound for that

There is no way they'd pay me back. If they could afford to have it done, they would. But it's just not a priority to them so it's not like they'd save up for the ops. If anyone have them money for the ops, it'd be spent on something else

happybunny said:

Do they actually want the bunnies neutered and vaccinated? From what you say you have offered to look after them and get them sorted because you would like them to be sorted.

I can see both sides but would they really care if it did not happen? If they did then they would have done it themselves unless money was an issue.

Is it likely they are going to ask you to keep them?

I would just be honest with them, you had every intention of doing it but circumstances have changed money wise. While you still feel that vacs and ops are needed you can not spend money on them when you have needy bunny.

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They say they want them neutering because they're fighting & one is badly bullied, but it's not enough of a priority for them to actually get it done themselves. I said I'd do it as I knew it'd be the only way they'd ever get done. Now I can't really afford it.

If they ask me up keep them, I'd say yes then contact a rescue & send them there. I can't take on two more bucks as they'd need two more does and I have 5 of my own & a buck alreaDy needing a doe. I do not have the time, space or money for 10 bunnies & I certainly don't want 10 bunnies. I wouldn't be able to cope.

That's what I'm hoping to do, I just hope they understand and not go mad at me I acted with the best intentions but now through unforeseen circumstances out of my control, I now cannot do what I said I would. Not without a major cash injection like a lottery win anyway