Louis&Willow
New Kit
Hi all I'm sorry if this is too long, bums anyone out or anything similar but I don't know where else I can post this. As some of you may have seen in an earlier post my baby bunny Louis was put to sleep on New Years Eve but since then I've been having serious doubts about the decision and can't seem to cope with the loss. I never thought I could get myself in such a state. I've experienced loss before, my little mini lop Lottie who was only 2 who left me on July 26th 2013, my cat Mango and even grandparents but for some reason this loss has effected me in ways I never thought possible. I didn't eat anything in the first 3 days or drink until the 2nd day after Louis died and had my first meal since then today. I can't stop crying, I feel winded and my heart feels broken. Not in the way people say "Oh it breaks my heart every time I see that" but there is an actual raw pain in my chest that feels like it's never going to go. It's made worse by the fact that I seem to be the only one that cares. My parentsHi all I'm sorry if this bums anyone out or anything but I don't know where else I can post this. As some of you may have seen in an earlier post my baby Louis was put to sleep on New Years Eve but since then I've been having serious doubts about the decision and can't seem to cope with the loss. I never thought I could get myself in such a state. I've experienced loss before, my little mini lop Lottie who was only 2 who left me on July 26th 2013, my cat Mango and even grandparents but for some reason this loss has effected me in ways I never thought possible. I didn't eat anything in the first 3 days or drink until the 2nd day after Louis died and had my first meal since then today. I can't stop crying, I feel winded and my heart feels broken. Not in the way people say "Oh it breaks my heart every time I see that" but there is an actual raw pain in my chest that feels like it's never going to go. It's made worse by the fact that I seem to be the only one that cares. My parents and friends were nice enough saying how sorry they are, but the way they say it just sounds completely conditioned and in a way an empty response. To make matters worse many use the phrase "at least it was just a rabbit" as if to cheer me up! What they don't understand is to me he was much more than "just a rabbit" he always hopped up to see me and would lick me like a puppy. I hate to say it but he was much more attentive than my dog who, as much as I love, just seems to be purely "cupboard love".
Louis had just turned 3 on December 17th and it seems so unfair that such a young loving animal had to go so soon in such a painful and debilitating way. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Even worse according to the vet he may not have even had a tumour. He seemed very sleepy a few days before we took him in and I decided to take him to the vets however the vet wasn't a rabbit savvy vet and just prescribed some meds that he had had before when he had had a case of GI Stasis which previously he had recovered from quickly. However the next day he stopped eating an would even eat any of his favourite foods - a cream cracker, curly kale or even a Bourbon biscuit. I decided to take him to a pet hospital where he was hospitalised and, if I'm honest, I expected him to make a full recovery and be home the next day. How wrong I was. He fought for three days but on the 31st the rabbit savvy vet said that his liver was enlarged, he wasn't making any improvement and was on the strongest painkillers possible and was still showing great discomfort. All signs pointed to an incurable liver tumour. However to confirm this he needed a scan that would cost £200. His treatment had already come to over £400 and he wasn't insured. According to the vet all the scan would do is confirm her suspicions and if he did have a tumour he wouldn't survive. She recommended the kindest thing was to put him to sleep which as you know I agreed to. But I can't stop feeling that if I had carried on with the treatment and disregarded the expense he might still be here. The vet might have been incorrect. It could have just been the gas in his tummy making the liver seem larger - couldn't it?? I can't get over it. Why didn't I go ahead with the scan? I should of carried on with the treatment! I was too selfish about the expense and all too ready to agree with the vet. He could still be here today.
I just can't cope. I rarely cry and haven't cried in public since I was very young (before I can even remember) but this has just got to me. I have no one to turn to and worst of all no one to greet me and stroke and cuddle with when I get home. I can't see how I'm going to recover the pain is completely unbearable and in a way I feel silly for letting it effect my life so much.
I'm sorry if this is long winded but I just have no where else I can express how I feel
Louis had just turned 3 on December 17th and it seems so unfair that such a young loving animal had to go so soon in such a painful and debilitating way. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Even worse according to the vet he may not have even had a tumour. He seemed very sleepy a few days before we took him in and I decided to take him to the vets however the vet wasn't a rabbit savvy vet and just prescribed some meds that he had had before when he had had a case of GI Stasis which previously he had recovered from quickly. However the next day he stopped eating an would even eat any of his favourite foods - a cream cracker, curly kale or even a Bourbon biscuit. I decided to take him to a pet hospital where he was hospitalised and, if I'm honest, I expected him to make a full recovery and be home the next day. How wrong I was. He fought for three days but on the 31st the rabbit savvy vet said that his liver was enlarged, he wasn't making any improvement and was on the strongest painkillers possible and was still showing great discomfort. All signs pointed to an incurable liver tumour. However to confirm this he needed a scan that would cost £200. His treatment had already come to over £400 and he wasn't insured. According to the vet all the scan would do is confirm her suspicions and if he did have a tumour he wouldn't survive. She recommended the kindest thing was to put him to sleep which as you know I agreed to. But I can't stop feeling that if I had carried on with the treatment and disregarded the expense he might still be here. The vet might have been incorrect. It could have just been the gas in his tummy making the liver seem larger - couldn't it?? I can't get over it. Why didn't I go ahead with the scan? I should of carried on with the treatment! I was too selfish about the expense and all too ready to agree with the vet. He could still be here today.
I just can't cope. I rarely cry and haven't cried in public since I was very young (before I can even remember) but this has just got to me. I have no one to turn to and worst of all no one to greet me and stroke and cuddle with when I get home. I can't see how I'm going to recover the pain is completely unbearable and in a way I feel silly for letting it effect my life so much.
I'm sorry if this is long winded but I just have no where else I can express how I feel