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missing matt so much

biscandmatt1

Wise Old Thumper
i always miss him and think of him, but this last couple of days i am just aching missing him, if that makes sense. i feel like i keep catching him out the corner of my eye.

don't know what i want anyone to say. just needed to type it down - how much i miss him and love him.

it hurts to even type this.
 
I totally empathise

(((((((((Hugs))))))))))) xx

thank you jane. i had a horrible nightmare about him going the other night, and it's really got to me. what makes it worse is it was the same nightmare i have already had and it's so horrible. :cry: i know it's not real, except the part where he is gone anyway.

seeing bisc asleep without matt cuddled next to him just looks so wrong. sometimes bisc leans to the side, like he is still leaning on him. :cry:
 
What are your beliefs about death?

Because in some places they believe that when you think you see them out the corner of your eye, that is their spirit coming and if you don't look at whoever it is, they will come closer.

If you can, next time, maybe try not to look toward him when you see him, just wait and see what happens.

I really, really do believe they aren't ever as gone as we feel they are- they are 'just' gone physically, but are around somewhere. Makes me think of that invisible bunny poem.
 
What are your beliefs about death?

Because in some places they believe that when you think you see them out the corner of your eye, that is their spirit coming and if you don't look at whoever it is, they will come closer.

If you can, next time, maybe try not to look toward him when you see him, just wait and see what happens.

I really, really do believe they aren't ever as gone as we feel they are- they are 'just' gone physically, but are around somewhere. Makes me think of that invisible bunny poem.

well i saw him after he passed. i feel like i see him alot out the corner of my eye. i didn't post on here but the other day i saw him near the hut and told my o/h. later on, bisc went into the hut to sleep. he has never done that. he stayed there for ages and i could see something infront of him. it looked like matt grooming him. even o/h thought it was strange that bisc did that. he hasn't seen matt but i feel him around.

i'll not look next time and see what happens. sometimes i think bisc is doing something and then he will be across the other side of the room and i think it might be matt that was doing certain things.

i hope he is here. i know i have said already but that night he passed, i have never felt anything like that before. it was more than worry and panic. it was like i could feel him leaving. i can't explain it.

sometimes bisc seems to act like matt is still here. learnt behaviour maybe, but who knows.

i saw ches aswell when he passed. but not much. matt i have seen quite alot. maybe i am crazy, maybe it's grief, but maybe it was/is them.

i like the thought that he is here though. x
 
i appreciate the hugs. can't stop crying. :roll: :(

i guess you can't love so much and not hurt when they go, but it hurts so much. :cry:
 
Just wanted to send some hugs.

In Memory

Those we Love remain with us,
for Love itself lives on.
Cherished memories never fade,
because a loved one is gone.
Those we Love can never be,
more than a thought apart.
For as long as there is a memory,
they’ll live on in our heart.

~Author Unknown
 
either i am losing it or i can really see him, because i can again. he's next to the tray, nose twitching and doing a hay eating motion. i see him, watch him, and he looks at me, then he will just not be there. then randomly i will just see him again. sometimes minutes later, sometimes days or weeks.

maybe that is why i haven't grieved as everyone expected, because i know he isn't gone.


it makes sense he wouldn't want to leave us, and especially bisc. :love: i hope he doesn't feel like he can't go though.

i wish my o/h would see him, because then i would know he's really there. o/h doesn't believe anything like that so if he saw him, someone who doesn't have mh issues, then maybe people would think that maybe it could really be matt. my family think i'm hallucinating through grief, or look at me like i am losing it. but i don't deliberately look for matt. i never expected to see him after he went.
 
I totally empathise

(((((((((Hugs))))))))))) xx

This.

I've read all through this thread and just wanted to add my hugs for you.

I wish I could see my Poppy. She sadly left us in July and I find it hard to visualize her as her happy feisty self. I have loads of pics and videos of her, but when i try to see her in my minds eye, I can only see her poor little body convulsing and then kissing her poor little still warm but rigid body goodbye when we got back from the vets.

It's why if i see a thread with DBF in the title i don't read it. I know lots think they're cute but i can't bear to see them.:(
 
Sending big hugs xxx

You were the first to send kind words to me when I lost my Wilbur. I haven't seen him but talk to him on a regular basis and I always talk to Otis about him. I have re-bonded Otis with a wonderful little lady called Miranda now and she has really helped both of us to be happy again :love:

There's nothing wrong with grief. Just remember the reasons you loved Matt so much and take the positives from it :love:
 
When my 17 year old black cat, Peep, had to be put down due to VAS I had it done at home. The vet was so kind and caring and as Peep left us I felt her physically go thru me...and at that instant before I could draw breath all the dogs in the yard began wailing. She was an indoor cat and never had contact with them.
Since my Bridge dog Shadow has been gone I've dreamt of him no less than five times that I've seen him young and strong again scattering rainbows as he walks...then one time that he passed in front of me again and the grief came back like a flood.

I think it is not having to do with mh issues...but perhaps those of us that are more finely tuned to the mind can see what others cannot. If you are seeing Matt then you are seeing him...he is continuing to let you know he is okay and he wants you to be okay too. :love:

Thinking of you and sending (((((((((huge hugs)))))))))) xxxx
 
thank you so much everyone.

i remember things he did, but then they get taken over in my mind and all i can see is him at the vets, weak and tired. then at the crematorium. :cry: i hope in time the good things will be more prominent in my mind. it's still very painful to look at pics and vids of him.

mimzmum - that feeling was something i just can't explain. i felt he was slowly leaving this world and i could feel him going. i can't even describe it but it's nothing like i have ever felt before. sounds like the same feeling you felt. the thing that comforts me is knowing that bisc was right by his side and was never upset or stressed according to the vet nurses. bisc didn't groom or encourage matt to eat or drink like he had done at home. he just sat right by his side all night, right up until matts temperature dropped so low that they had no choice but to move him to an incubator. knowing bisc was so calm and accepting makes me feel that they both knew and knowing they were together at the end means alot to me. i know how much of a comfort that would have been to matt. i just wish that myself and o/h could have been there aswell. we got there an hour after he passed. :(

i do believe that other pets sense things because when we brought him home, maisie piggy came over and she just acted differently. i can't explain but she knew. definitely.

i need to stop talking about being crazy or finding reasons for seeing him and just believe what i can see and feel. it's amazing really isn't it. my fluffy sheep being here. i wish he didn't have to go when he did.
 
i had a horrible night. couldn't stop crying. then at about 4.30am, bisc decided to become ecstatic! he was sprintin and binkying so much. i then couldn't stop laughing instead. just what i needed. :love:
 
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