biscandmatt1
Wise Old Thumper
if the pet was on pain relief, a drip and a blood transfusion but afterwards you found out they had continued to bleed? and they had been left another night like that.
It's not your fault.
thank you but it is. he needed me and i got it wrong.
all night though, just left like that. he must have bled to death mustn't he. if they were giving a transfusion but it was making no difference. what if he was waiting for us to come back. we got there too late. i just didn't think pts when we saw him, even though i knew he wasn't coming home again. why couldn't i see it. i bet everyone else who saw his pic saw it. and i was the person who knew him best. they said he wasn't in any pain, just sleepy and unaware but they wouldn't tell me if he was would they.
i should have got there for when they opened instead of waiting to phone and then setting off. i would have been there then.
what if he felt like i just left him there to go slowly.
i love him. i need him back.
sorry. i shouldn't post when i get into these kind of states. ignore me. i need to try and calm down. thanks for the replies. x
Oh my God that poem is lovely but so sad I am in tears!I am so sorry you feel this way, I had no idea that this happened to Matt. I don't think you shouldn't not post these kind of threads when you feel this way as hopefully it helps you to know that we understand here and that we sympathise. We all love our animals, we wouldn't be here if not, and I'm sure everyone here has lost a beloved pet at some point.
I know it probably won't help, as it didn't when I lost Dexy, but it's really not your fault. You didn't know, you're not a vet and you trusted them to do what was right for Matt and tell you so you could make the decision. We all have to make decisions at a specific moment of time with the information we have there and then. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. As part of the grieving process, we always try and find something to blame ourselves for and beat ourselves up about. "Shoulda, woulda, coulda" I believe it's called. I know when Dex died I spent almost two years beating myself up and going over and over things in my head to blame myself for. Finding this forum and talking to you lovely people here has helped me so much. That's not to say I don't still miss him and if I go into the rainbow bridge section, I often find a post that sets me off crying about Dex.
You are at the beginning of this process and what you're feeling is a normal reaction to losing your beloved Matt. But I can now honestly say that the pain does fade after time. You just have to give it enough time, and try to be kind to yourself. Different people take different amounts of time to heal, so don't worry about that. But I promise you the pain will end eventually. You will always love Matt and miss him, but it won't hurt so much and that's not disloyal.
I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but this little poem helped me when I lost Dex. It's so sad and I cried my eyes out, still do when I read it, but it helped me. I imagined Dexy being with me everywhere, like an invisible friend when we were children. And it helped me. I know it sounds crazy, but it helped me.
http://www.rabbits-online.co.uk/Bunny_Heaven.htm
Gosh, I'm crying now reading that again.