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Mixed Feelings about my new bun Nancy

Den

Mama Doe
I really hope I don't get slated over this, but need to get it off my chest. I lost my lovely Poppy just over 3 weeks ago and she left behind her brother Will. I could not tell if he was grieving or not. He didn't go off his food, when he was out on the lawn he was his usual binkying self, but when in his hutch and run he seemed sad and lonely. It didn't seem right seeing one bunny in bun corner. The only thing he did different was that he stopped using one of the litter trays - he only used the upstairs one. He didn't make a mess downstairs, just did all his toileting upstairs.

I also noticed what a tidy bunny he is, no stray poops at all from him!

OH asked me the week after Poppy died about getting him a new friend, but I couldn't do it. After a bit tho I realised I wasn't being fair to Will - he's a buns bunny, not a humans bunny.

So I called the rescue and was told there were plenty of single buns looking for homes with other rabbits. I couldn't even look at the pictures. My only stipulation was that any new bun wasn't to be too big - not because Will is a little Nethie but because my hutch and run have ramp.

So we took Will who chose Nancy. She is bigger than him - a medium cross breed. We have had her just over a week but I feel guilty for getting a new rabbit so soon after Poppy died and then I feel guilty in case Nancy thinks I don't love her - I do, but she's not Poppy. I hope you can see what I'm trying to say - I feel bad for starting to love Nancy in case people think im forgetting poppy,but Nancy needs our love too.

I think it was definitely too soon for ME to get another bunny but Will needed someone.

Thanks for. "listening"
 
Don't feel bad, these things take time! You are still grieving the loss of your last bun and it's going to take a while to recover from that. Remember Nancy will never replace Poppy but you can love her too! And in the mean time whilst you are waiting for that love to grow you can know that you did the best you could for your boy and were a selfless owner... and you also saved a rescue bun who otherwise would still be homeless and alone in a shelter right now.

Good luck with both of them!
:love:
 
She's not a replacement, she's a different bun who needs some love, and she'll stop Will from feeling sad and lonely. I'm sure Poppy knew how much she was loved. When you've grieved for Poppy you will be able to start bonding with Nancy and in the meantime she's much better off with you than in a rescue and Will is still happy. Putting his needs above your own feelings like that makes you a lovely selfless owner.
 
Sorry you lost Poppy :( Getting a new bun is not "replacing" her - you can love a new bun without forgetting the ones who have come and gone. I'm sure Will is grateful to have somebun to snuggle up with. And Nancy will soon feel like part of the family for you.
 
As others have said there is no need for you to feel guilty. I don't have experienced of bonded pairs, but I know from reading other threads on here that it is not unusual for a bereaved bun to need a new partner long before the owner feels ready. It is only natural for you to have mixed feelings, but as you get to now Nancy better it will be easier to love her for herself and separate this from memories of Poppy.
 
She's not a replacement, she's a different bun who needs some love, and she'll stop Will from feeling sad and lonely. I'm sure Poppy knew how much she was loved. When you've grieved for Poppy you will be able to start bonding with Nancy and in the meantime she's much better off with you than in a rescue and Will is still happy. Putting his needs above your own feelings like that makes you a lovely selfless owner.

Perfectly put :thumb:
 
I know exactly how you are feeling as I went through the same thing recently after losing my Inca and getting Hollie. Hollie is a feisty wee madam so it also made it hard to get to know her!

Anyways, I have had her for over three months now and she is getting on better. I realise that I am helping her and deffo not replacing Inca.

I also felt like this when I lost my Kermit and got Herbie & Inca.

The feelings of doubt pass and you realise that there is space in your heart to love all the bunnies :)
 
Nancy will soon feel like part of the family for you.

This exactly. I can identify with you completely. When I first got into rabbits, I got Bunny but quickly realised he needed a friend, so I adopted Poppy. I have always had a really strong bond with Bunny so to start with Poppy was 'his friend' rather than my rabbit if that makes sense. She came into our family because I wanted him to have somebun, and I found it harder to bond with her because Bunny was always my special bun. But after a few months I'd got to know her for her, and now several years on I love her so much!

I'm sure you will also come to love Nancy for who she is. They're all different and you just need to get to know her, which takes time.

x
 
It will take time to bond with her yourself. When I lost Ellie, Fiver (her husbun) was distraught. He stopped eating and kept going into stasis every few weeks. Only a few months after I lost her, I got Xena. I felt horrible, especially when I had my dog pts the day after I got her. I just felt that I was replacing Ellie, but I knew that if I didn't get another rabbit asap, I'd lose Fiver too.

Over a year later and I love her to bits. I have never forgotten Ellie (I still have her ashes on the shelf in my room) and I no longer feel guilty. Fiver has been so happy and has only had tummy trouble once, he's been eating and playing and binkying and happy flopping. I got Xena for Fiver and it did take a while for me to see Xena as more than Fiver's wife. :oops: Now, I love her just as much, even if she a bit of a handful. :lol:
 
I rehomed George very soon after my foster bun Justin went to the Bridge and I thought I had made a mistake for a short time as George wasn't Justin and I felt bad because I kept noticing differences. I soon learned to love George for George and now have just as close a bond with him as I had with Justin.

It's slightly different but I bonded Fran to Faye very soon after Furby died. It was far too soon for me and I felt really bad seeing another bun snuggling with Faye and worried Furby would feel replaced. It still seems odd seeing Fran and Faye together but they are both very happy and the bond was one of the easiest I have ever done - they were both ready and it was for the best - for them, although I found it painful to do.
 
Fred had been on his own for a year when we got Freda. They're just bonding at the moment even though I got Freda a few months ago because Fred got ill. It had been a long time so I didn't feel guilty about putting them together but now they are together I keep calling Freda George, because that's what my bridge bunny was called and I feel bad when I do that :oops:
 
Thank you, all of you, who have taken the time to reply and share your own experiences. It is very reassuring to know my feelings are "normal". I think I can empathise with what each of you have said. Feeling guilty for having feelings for Nancy, calling Nancy Poppy, to quote just a few. It does seem strange seeing Will with a different, bigger bun but he certainly seems happier. At least Nancy sits and lets us stroke her! And she's definitely better off with us in a nice big home. Also Will chose her, we didnt, and she's a black bun with a white nose and one white paw. Kerry at the rescue told us that people often over-looked black rabbits!! So chances are she may have been there a long time.

I am feeling a bit better about all this now. Poppy is buried in the garden and I often talk to her, but I can do so now without crying and I told her about Nancy and how she was lovely but that didnt mean I would forget her as she is so different. I think I feel cheated that she (Poppy) was just getting to trust me when she died so suddenly.

So thank you all again for your support, it means a lot.:love:
 
Hi Den,
Your not alone. I took my recently bereaved bun Javier to the rescue yesterday and he chose a new lady bun, with 10 mins of meeting her he was grooming her and happy flopping next to her so I knew it was the right thing to do for him. I almost cried when I saw this because I'd been so worried that he was missing Coco, and it may be too soon for him. Turns out it was maybe just too soon for me.
I looked out into the run yesterday and saw new bun there and a voice in my head said "you've just replaced Coco" and I pretty much cried on and off all night.
We have both done the right thing for our buns and we will grow to love the new buns too, but loving is something that grows and takes time but there is room in our hearts to love all our animals without replacing the love we already have for ones that are on the bridge.
For now just think you have given Nancy a lovely home and a friend to play with and the rest will follow.
 
I know how you feel, when I lost Dexter, I couldn't stop crying at all and my OH didn't know what to do with me so he took me to the pet shop and told me to pick another a rabbit. I felt even worse as I didn't want another rabbit as nothing could ever compare to Dexy and it felt like I was betraying him choosing another rabbit the day after he'd passed :cry:

It's taken me ages to love Slipper and I don't love him the same way as I do Dex, nor with the same intensity, but I do love him now and I'm very attached to him. He's got a great little character on him and things that I used to hate him doing now make me laugh. Like the throwing of his food around seconds after he's received it and the lengths we have to go to to avoid being bitten when feeding him. I'm very protective over him and totally paranoid after losing Dex - he'd been ill most of his (regrettably short) life, but it was still a huge shock when I finally had to give in and have him put to sleep. The slightest sneeze or uninterest in food from Slipper and I'm terrified he's going to die. I'm hoping this will pass as I don't want to be a time waster at the vets or a hypochondriac, but my motto is better safe than sorry and I will be very upset when Slipper's time comes :cry: But he's healthy (touch wood) and almost two, so fingers crossed we have many more years together. None of this means I love Dexy any less - I think about him at least once a day and I have his picture as my screen saver on my phone, plus a note on it keeping track of how many days it's been without him.

I wish you all the best with your new bunny, and the pain of losing Poppy lessens in time, though you will never forget her, hopefully you will remember the good times instead.
 
I too have been through this.

My rabbit Moss lost his partner Hattie very suddenly and he showed signs of loneliness meaning we had to get him a new friend a couple of weeks later. I have struggled to bond with Molly, particularly as she came from a really rubbish background and is nervous and not really into strokes and didn't want to know us to begin with. It's been a few months now and last week she came up to me and let me stroke her nose for a few seconds. :love::love::love: It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
 
Hi

I recently had my Daisy put to sleep and now I am bunny-less. At the time I swore I couldn't go through it all again and was adamant that I wouldn't get anymore as I felt no bun could measure up to Daisy and Denzil, my last bonded pair.

I spent a few days at home and me and the OH couldn't bear to look at Daisy's room empty, so much so that we're now bunny proofing it again and are looking in to adopting a bonded group of 4!!!

They will never be Daisy and Denzil but they are bunnies who need a loving home and I can give them that. I needed grieving time but now I realise that I have the space, love and attention to give other rabbits but Daisy and Denzil will always hold a special place in my heart.

You'll bond with Nancy, it will just take time as she is new to your life at a very difficult time.

Xxxxx
 
The feelings of doubt pass and you realise that there is space in your heart to love all the bunnies :)[/QUOTE]

Absolutely. Give yourself time to grieve and be glad that you love Will enough to get him a friend.
 
I will be in exactly the same situation before long, having just lost Mango and now having Tulip all alone. I fully expect to feel everything you describe, but hope it is getting easier for you by the day.
 
I know how you feel, I lost Harris in May and I still don't like his replacement Lewis. Ailsa loves him and that's what matters I suppose, but there's nothing between me and him. I think it will change in time though.
 
I would like to thank everyone for sharing their thoughts with me and being so encouraging and supportive. It is getting easier. Nancy is different to Poppy in looks and character and she's a bunny so I can't not love her.

I think I felt guilty as we got her so soon after Poppy but needed her for Will. Its confusing as I feel Poppy will think she's forgotten about and then I think Nancy may think she's second best. I still cry about Poppy (randomly as the memories of when she died just sneak up on me). But I've more or less got my head sorted out that Nancy is a bunny to love in her own right and not just Wills wifey.
I'm so glad I found this forum as everyone understands and doesn't care about me keeping on about it.

I'm ready to put pics of Nancy and Will on here now and also share my bonding experience as we were complete novices. Also I have a few more questions about Poppys sudden death, but can't do all that from my phone and when im not at work I'm outside with my bunnies.

Thank you all again.:love:
 
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