[U/D found a place!]My Dad's making me 'get rid' of the rabbits

I am utterly distraught. I tried to explain to him what they mean to me but he just said that they are 'just rabbits' and to 'get over it and grow up'.

Currently I lodge cheaply, as I have a low-paid job and only just get by. But I have to move out by the summer holidays. My Dad had said that, as I don't have the money for a deposit, that when I get my own place after uni (I graduated last summer) and a decent job, he will give me the deposit so I can rent somewhere and help me with getting furniture etc. Great, I thought, until I got offered a job yesterday. I was really happy, especially at the prospect of being able to get a flat and have the buns indoors again (I'll only just afford it, but still) and so accepted the job and handed my notice in straight away. But now he is saying that he will only help me if I 'get rid' of the rabbits. I have no choice. If I refuse then I can't take the job, and I'll be in exactly this situation again in a couple of months, when I have to move out of here, but with much less money and no job.

I don't know what to do, I tried reasoning with him but he won't listen. He knows he is holding all the cards and is using them to manipulate me - he has been trying to make me rehome the rabbits since I got them, and he finally has me backed into a corner. 'Find them a good home,' he says, and maybe I could do that for Annabella, who is healthy and pretty.... but Barney? Noone will want him, he has longterm health problems that require vet visits every month and for the foreseeable future medication every day. Plus, he needs a good rabbit-savvy vet and an owner with a fair knowledge of gut problems and snuffles, someone able to spot it if he is having trouble... I love him dearly and pay for his treatment, but I doubt anyone else would be willing to take him on knowing his problems...

This is basically a death-sentence for Barney, and I told my father so, but he just said that if he needs ongoing vet care he should be put down. Perhaps I could find a fosterer that has experience and a good vet, but it would take so long to save up the money for the deposit myself, and would that be fair on him, or the fosterer? Perhaps I could get him into a sanctuary, but even if he qualified they are likely full to bursting, like rescues, and I doubt they would take Annabella too, so they'd have to be split. And a rescue... he might have small accommodation and not a lot of attention, and he needs lots of love and space and gets stressed without them..... and what if he was rehomed to someone that wouldn't go that extra mile for him? And if I can't find a solution or if I trust someone with him that doesn't take especially good care of him, well then he is as good as dead.... I can't seem to find a solution that is right for him.

And to top it all off, I start this new job in just 4 weeks and so have to move before then. I have fought tooth and nail to both keep him and keep him healthy for nearly 3 years... and now I have to lose them both. I promised them that they would stay with me forever.... I just can't see any hope in this... I feel as if the ground has been pulled out from underneath me. I know I should be grateful that he is helping me out, but the price is so dear...

Edit: I'm really upset and maybe not thinking so straight, so if someone sees a solution that I've missed then please tell me... Because at the moment I just can't see one.

Can I offer a suggestion? I know lying is wrong. BUT.

How about you ask someone on RU to foster them for you. But you tell your dad you have rehomed them.

Then, you get the flat and the job and get them back once settled?

And I don't know what you'd tell your dad at that point.

Again, I know lying is wrong, but it's an idea.

Sorry he is putting you through this hope you are ok x

I don't know what to say other than sorry such a bad situation :/ I'm genuinely gutted for you !!

I don't have any advice or anything, but didn't want to read and not reply. I'm sorry your Dad's trying to get you to get rid of them, I have no idea what i'd do if that was happening to me. Has your Dad had pets he's really loved before? Maybe you could try comparing it to them.
I know my Dad was a bit confused when I got house rabbits, but I told him they're just the same as any pet, like a dog or cat.
Hope you can sort something out.

Try talking to CAB about other possibilities for the deposit, there are various schemes in different areas so there might be something that could help you

Whereabouts are you Nessar in case someone can help to foster for you or even if it comes to it take the bunnies in for you.

I hope you can find a solution that means you can keep them, but if you can't, there are people who will take on bunnies that need vet treatment. Yes, they are difficult to find, but not impossible to find.

I wish I could offer some helpful suggestions but he does seem to have got all the cards in his hands.

Why oh why don't parents understand how important pets can be in a person's life :-(

I don't understand why your dad would want you to get rid of them when they're obviously so important to you?! :? It's like taking your children away! Well it is to me. I'm so sorry he's putting you in this situation, it's very wrong of him. It's not like they affect him even, if he's not living with you!! I hope you can sort something out and make him see sense xxx

Thank you for your replies everyone, I'm on my phone now and just exhausted so going to bed to try and sleep in the hope that morning will bring some hope. I will reply properly to some of your posts tomorrow, but just wanted to say thanks and that I will be moving to Hampshire, or rather back to Hampshire as I lived there as a child. I am currently in Horsham, West Sussex.

If I was you, I would find some kind people to foster the rabbits and find my own place, without your Dad's help. It will be difficult, but there is absolutely no way you should give in to your Dad. Why on earth should he have ANY say about what animals you have? How could he make you choose?

You can declare yourself homeless and contact some organisations, who can put you in touch with places you may be able to afford, or emergency accommodation. If you start now, maybe you could find somewhere by the summer and save you having to foster the bunnies.

So it sounds like you just need money for a deposit from your Dad? Go to the bank, see if they can help - credit card, loan, overdraft?

I hope you manage to get something sorted out, and I am so sorry your dad is being like this.
I would be so angry and upset xxxxx *hugs*

Vegan_Bunny said:

If I was you, I would find some kind people to foster the rabbits and find my own place, without your Dad's help. It will be difficult, but there is absolutely no way you should give in to your Dad. Why on earth should he have ANY say about what animals you have? How could he make you choose?

You can declare yourself homeless and contact some organisations, who can put you in touch with places you may be able to afford, or emergency accommodation. If you start now, maybe you could find somewhere by the summer and save you having to foster the bunnies.

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Agree 100%

He will use the hold over you again in the future. To me it does not sound like the offer of financial help is being made out of generosity but out of a need to control you and make you beholden to him. This may just be my cynical interpretaion of things, obviously I dont know him. But to dismiss the way you feel about your Rabbits so easily tells me all I feel I need to know

I wish I were in the position to offer a Foster Home for them, but I am afraid I am not. Hopefully between all of us we can come up with a solution for you.

I'd rather live in a tent than be beholden to your Father !!

Jack's-Jane said:

Agree 100%

He will use the hold over you again in the future. To me it does not sound like the offer of financial help is being made out of generosity but out of a need to control you and make you beholden to him. This may just be my cynical interpretaion of things, obviously I dont know him. But to dismiss the way you feel about your Rabbits so easily tells me all I feel I need to know

I wish I were in the position to offer a Foster Home for them, but I am afraid I am not. Hopefully between all of us we can come up with a solution for you.

I'd rather live in a tent than be beholden to your Father !!

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My opinion, too.

What a horrible situation. It sounds as though your dad is blackmailing you and I can't see why - have you talked to him about his reasons for wanting you to get rid of them? It just sounds completely illogical. I think you need to try and have a calm non-confrontational chat with him (I know that will be really difficult) and try and reach some common ground. He'd offered to help you before and you've met his conditions but now he's changing them - discuss why and explain why you don't think he's being reasonable and how unhappy it would make you to have to give them up. Surely no dad would want to make his child unhappy without a good reason? I know it's probably a slim chance.

I would also definitely look in to other ways of getting the deposit money. As people have said he's likely to try and use the same tactics again.

I really wish I could offer some help but I'm so far away. I'm sure there will be lots of people closer to you who will feel the same though.

Let us know what your plan is when you've had some time to think things through. Hugs.

Jack's-Jane said:

Agree 100%

He will use the hold over you again in the future. To me it does not sound like the offer of financial help is being made out of generosity but out of a need to control you and make you beholden to him. This may just be my cynical interpretaion of things, obviously I dont know him. But to dismiss the way you feel about your Rabbits so easily tells me all I feel I need to know

I wish I were in the position to offer a Foster Home for them, but I am afraid I am not. Hopefully between all of us we can come up with a solution for you.

I'd rather live in a tent than be beholden to your Father !!

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this.

why do people only offer help in return for something. :evil: either help because you genuinely want to, or don't bother. :evil:

i would be so much more determined after this to do things by myself, with my pets alongside me all the way! :thumb:

I don't have anything to add really over what everyone else has already said but I agree I'm sure someone nearby would look after your rabbits whilst you got on your feet, but I think it would be good to try to talk to your dad to tell him how you want to keep them because you love them and it will be some stability in your life at a challenging time. Having said all that if it was my dad it would be a complete waste of time :evil: sending hugs xx

xx-snowball-xx said:

Can I offer a suggestion? I know lying is wrong. BUT.

How about you ask someone on RU to foster them for you. But you tell your dad you have rehomed them.

Then, you get the flat and the job and get them back once settled?

And I don't know what you'd tell your dad at that point.

Again, I know lying is wrong, but it's an idea.

Sorry he is putting you through this hope you are ok x

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This. He probably wont even notice they are the same rabbits. Then when he kicks off pay him what you can afford each month until you are no longee in his debt :wave:

Yes I would try and find some other way, could you house share for a few months, get a bedsit? Foster the rabbits until you're settled and then get them back. Could you get a loan from someone else? A friend? Another member of the family?
Try and get some outside advice as someone else suggested from CAB, I certainly wouldn't be bribed which is what your dad is doing!

P.s what would your dad say if you turned the tables and said ok I won't take the job or the flat then as I want to keep the rabbits. Surely he doesn't want that for you??.

This

Jack's-Jane said:

Agree 100%

He will use the hold over you again in the future. To me it does not sound like the offer of financial help is being made out of generosity but out of a need to control you and make you beholden to him. This may just be my cynical interpretaion of things, obviously I dont know him. But to dismiss the way you feel about your Rabbits so easily tells me all I feel I need to know

I wish I were in the position to offer a Foster Home for them, but I am afraid I am not. Hopefully between all of us we can come up with a solution for you.

I'd rather live in a tent than be beholden to your Father !!

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Tamsin said:

Try talking to CAB about other possibilities for the deposit, there are various schemes in different areas so there might be something that could help you

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I would do this first before looking at a foster home. If you get a deposit from elsewhere, you are showing him that you will not be manipulated financially, it sends a very clear message. If you can't get any financial aid with your deposit then I'd look at having them fostered. Good luck.