It never occurred to me to be honest. Roger constantly looked for me as I did him. When I got home from work he would be who I rushed to first, and his little face and eyes would light up, as I scoped him up and then often rushed to the loo :shock: At night when I went to brush my teeth, he would wait outside the bathroom to be taken to his night bed in my room, or if he was poorly, he would sleep on my bed. When he needed to pee he would fidget, and I would put him in the litter tray, wait for him and then put him back to bed. He was always comforted by things that smelt of me, and whenever he was his poorliest, he would always settle and sleep well on my pillow. At meal times Roger would sit up with me, and I would cut my food up beforehand, so that I could eat with one hand and hold him with the other, and he always liked trying bits of my dinner as well. In the evening he loved 'knobbly bobbly' ice lollies, and we would share one, each having our own side, but Roger often ate mine as well. When I kissed him and fussed him, for every kiss I gave him, he would give me several back. Roger was a severely disablded bunny, paralysed down his right side. He had over the 7yrs I had him, various ways he liked to sleep on me, the last being stretched out on my arm that was resting on the arm rest of the settee, and he liked it even better when I would then feed him strawberries as he lay there. On the night I lost Roger (Sept 13th last year, at 2102hrs) which was a Thursday, he had an appointment at 1600hrs, and the clinic closed at 1900hrs, but Roger didn't leave until much later. My vet was amazing and gave me loads of time to spend with Roger, in his office, and one of the nurses made me cups of tea, and everyone was really kind and looked after us. Everyone knew how hard this would be for me, even though the last 3 yrs. had been spent taking every day a day at a time, and just treasuring what time I had with Roger. I can never thank my vet enough, he worked tirelessly for Roger, and even came in when he was on holiday, if Roger needed seeing. Simon was very attached to Roger, and god only knows how on 3 previous occasions he managed to save Roger when I know others wouldn't have been able too, and the odds were always so heavily stacked against Roger. He was finally beat by a brain tumour, but he left, warm and cuddled in my arms, with just Simon present which was how I had always wanted it, and when the injection was halfway administered, amazingly, somehow Roger found the strength to lift his little head and give me his final bunny kisses, which I knew meant 'Thank you for letting me go, I love you so much and Goodbye', and then his head went back and he was gone, and my heart shattered and will never be whole again. I ordered a big box of hand made chocolates to be delivered to the surgery for everyone, because I know Simon is a chocolate monster just like Roger was, and I just felt I really wanted to do something to thank everyone especially Simon and his wife Kim, who he runs the practise with, for all the kindness, care and support they gave me over the years.
This year on the first anniversary, it is going to be a very hard time for me, as the days still are, and the world just seems very bleak without Roger in it. I'm going to have another box of chocolates delivered to my vets, with a note asking them to all eat chocolate on Roger's anniversary, and if they would spare him a thought, but I know Simon still thinks about Roger and he often still mentions funny things that he used to do, and it means a lot to me that he really knew him so well, and remembers him. I'm planning a 'chocolate party' in Roger's memory, as I am going to need people about me on that night, and a candle will be lit for my 'special little man', and I'm sure many tears will flow, because Roger touched so many people's hearts.
His property is still as it was and unwashed, and I still have some of his fur and his grubby sock, under my pillow when I sleep at night. I don't have my partners photo next to my bed, I have Roger's face in a heart-filled frame, and I have nearly saved enough for a gold rabbit pendant, that will contain some of his ashes, and then he really will always be close to me. His ashes are in the cabinet next to my bed, but I rarely open the drawer, because just the sight of them makes me break down. I know Roger visits, and I still talk to him daily. Sometimes, I suddenly get a sense of overwhelming happiness which is pretty rare for me these days without Roger, and often at the time I have been busy and not even actively thinking about him, but for the happiness I feel, I instantly know Roger is here, and I sit down and start chatting away to him, and I feel better for a little while. On one occasion I was brushing my teeth, and the door was open, and a movement caught my eye, and I turned and looked and swear to god, can even see it in my head now, a white rabbit ran across the doorway, which was strange, because as you can see from my signature, Dipsy is black, and Pippa is brown and white, but it was bigger than Pippa, and a real fluff ball and Persil white bunny, so can only actually have been Roger
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On a final note, as the tears are flowing now, yes, they do most definitely know. This what a friend emailed me, and it is really true and has happened.
You did good Julie. You wait, soon, on a quiet day or when you least expect it, or when you think of him in passing whilst you Hoover, don't be surprised if you catch a glimpse of him hoping around a corner or hiding by his pillow. Roger will stop by to let you know he is fine and to check on you. Bonds like the one you have with Roger transend the physical barriers of death. Don't search him out, he will stay in the corner of your view, and you will know he is there. You'll see.