Feeling guilty after loss

As we have been grieving lots for Kenco for the last three days we have started to analyse what happened and we are feeling consumed with guilt today that we could and should have done more for our little man sooner.

When we first noticed he had lost so much weight, he just didn't look himself, he had lost condition, looked visibly aged and his left eye looked strange. I couldn't put my finger on it. Kenco did lose weight when a dental was needed so our first instinct was to get him booked him for a dental with our rabbit vet and to arrange diagnostics at the same time, but we had to wait over a week to see her.

In hindsight we feel we should have taken him in to see any of the vets straight away and insisted on treatment for EC which we suspected, not waiting around for him to see the rabbity vet. During this time he could have started treatment and the outcome for him may have been totally different.

Even when he did have his teeth done though, the vet didnt suggest putting him on treatment, because she wanted to take bloods and he would still have been waiting now to have his bloods as she was going to do them on New Year's Eve. Also he saw a 2nd rabbity vet for a more thorough dental on Christmas Eve and this vet didnt pick up his loss of condition and the eye problem either, another opportunity missed to have started him on treatment.

We are beating ourselves up because we feel we have failed him at the end of his beautiful life, just when he needed us most. We both feel inconsolable abot it and are wracked with guilt. How do we cope with knowing we failed him? I can't bear that we let that litle man down, the most gentle happy-go-lucky soul you could ever meet. We've been so distracted by preparing for our baby and I feel horrible that I didnt push soon enough for him. And I am worried that how I am feeling is affecting the baby as I can't stop grieving for him.

Guilt is a natural part of grief i know it's hard to accept but you didn't fail him. You WERE getting him treatment. Give yourself some time to grieve and try not to expect too much of yourself for the time being. Thinking of you. Xx

Please don't feel guilty. From your description of what happened it sounded like Kenco's time, along with with weight loss and eye problems.

I know its not easy not to blame yourself, I sometimes think about my bridge bunnies like Nancy and think, what if I had the right vet, she might still be with me today. Before Nancy , I had the what if I had my other bunnies inside, GB wouldn't have died of a heart attack from being scared by a fox. I really put myself through hell over that.

When Sunshine died in my arms and I still went to the vets, it was - what if I went in straight away ? The vets did say that even if I did, it would have been very unlikely he would have survived anyway. They said Sunshine was an old man, there was little that could have been done.

Really hope this gives you some comfort. (((((Hugs)))))

The way Kenco passed must have been so distressing, but I don't think you should blame yourselves at all. Although it is a busy time of year, and you have the added excitement of a baby on the way, you took Kenco to the vet and were posting on here for advice.

I don't have experience of elderly or EC buns, but consider you and your OH to be exemplary rabbit owners.

Try to focus on Kenco's happier times with you, there must be lots of lovely memories to treasure.

I think the 'what if's are normal and are part of the grieving process. It is really hard - I still get them from time to time over Brownie who's been gone over a year.

I doubt your feelings are affecting the baby, but the baby (and the raging hormones in pregnancy) could be affecting how you are feeling and your ability to process your grief. Try to take it easy on yourself and whilst I know it's not easy to put the feelings of guilt and grief aside at least try not to worry about the fact you are feeling them.

Helen and Colin - Just stop it, please don't beat yourself up, you did NOTHING wrong, you are fantastic bunny parents and you give your bunnies a fabulous forever home, guilt it all part of the grieving process, I should know I still feel guilty about Lily-Hope, please, please don't feel guilty, you gave Kenco a fabulous forever home with everything he needed for a wonderful life, I would entrust any of my bunnies to your care, you are brilliant with everything you do for them

I wish I could ease your pain, I know how horrible it is but please rest assured that you have nothing to feel guilty about xxxx

I too know all too well how guilt can mingle with over-whelming grief

Even *if* Kenco's issues were EC related, giving him Panacur would not have reversed any damage already done. To me it sounds as though he was in acute renal failure and if so there really was nothing more you could have done for him bar prolonging his life for a few days. Days whereby he would have felt more and more unwell.

I am not in the position to say 'dont blame yourselves' as I am still blaming myself about Sir Victor's death. The rational part of my mind acknowledges that no-one could have saved him, but the emotional part of my mind keeps telling me I should have done just that and that I in some way failed to pick up on his cancer until it was too late.

Grief is awful, just awful. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to deal with it. We all just have to ride the waves as they hit us and try not to go under


(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) xx

Thank you so much everyone, your words are helping enormously, I am reading through the tears. I know what you are all saying is right and makes sense, its just so painful. Colin is bearing up better than me but I know from when we lost Fay that we both grieve in totally different ways, so we are just muddling through together but I think he is finding it a bit hard to help me when it keeps hitting me like a ton of bricks every half hour or so.

Thank you all xxxx

Slightly off-topic, but I like the haiku you have written for Kenco. xx

Guilt is a natural part of grief, I know I still feel guilt and "what ifs" when I think of my Steffi who died 4 years ago, and my dog who died 12 years ago. Try to think about the happy, loving times you had with Kenco. He was a cherished bun and you did what you could for him and he knew you loved him. You just need to give yourself time <hugs>

Thank you Susie Bun about the haiku, Colin wrote it when he was in hospital 18 months ago, he wrote Fay's one at the same time and we managed to find them in his notebook

Thank you fruitandnutcake, I know in time the happy memories will outshine the shock of the last few days.

xx