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Really struggling now

kaths101

Warren Veteran
I'm sorry if this all sounds a lot of waffle but i thought I need to write it down..

I'm still away and really feel like I need to go home now to see if Charlie really has died? I have grieved but not properly as I still don't believe it. The only 'proof' I have is my mum ringing to say he was Pts! I can't believe it, it went from him running laps round the aviary when I left to now not being here. :cry:
I didn't say goodbye, I didn't give him a cuddle or nose rub before I left..which he loved...I was rushed and went on holiday.. I went and fed and cleaned them that morning and talked but never said goodbye, didnt know i needed to! And now this..
He was on his own while he was Pts just with the vet.. This makes me incredibly sad :cry:
I won't ever see him again :cry::cry:
 
:cry:

Am so very sorry for you. Your message made me well up. It is so sad you couldn't be with him. Sending you lots of hugs
 
How horrible for u :cry: perhaps when u get home u could plant a bunny friendly tree/bush like a rose bush in his memory, if u mum got his ashes u could scatter them around it. Then u and ur other bunnies will have something nice to remember him by. So sorry :(
 
I am so so sorry Kath - I know how it feels to not be there at the end - especially with a very very much loved bun.

I am afraid it may take months to stop thinking of it all the time, years to get over fully - and always be an ache in a corner of the heart. But really if you have fully loved then to forget would be an equal tragedy.

Charlie was so very much loved.
 
im so sorry Kath i wish i could say something that could take the pain away.
I know how you feel not getting to say goodbye, we lost my Manny while i was in america, so i sympathise.

Do you know if hes been cremated or Buried, Maybe while your away you could get him a nice memorial statue ?
xxx
 
Thank you, he was very much loved by us and the other bunnies.

He has been cremated, so we will get the ashes back so that's a great idea to do something in the garden. I keep wondering if I made the right decision and whether I should have seen him one last time and buried him! (though not practical with a jack Russell who loves to dig) :?

I also didnt think that would have been a nice memory and at the moment all I have is nice memories of him so maybe in a few weeks /months when it's not so raw I will be glad I didn't see him that last time. So many different emotions at the moment, though mostly sad ones :cry:
 
I am so you have lost Charlie, especially in such difficult circumstances :( I can only begin to imagine how you must be feeling.


I never, ever say goodbye to any of my bunnies even when I know that they wont be coming home. I only ever tell them that I love them. Even if you didn't have time to tell him that you loved him before you left, you know that they say, actions speak louder than words, so he would have known he was loved even at the end as he had a life time of love and that is what is really important, not saying goodbye xx
 
Thank you, he was very much loved by us and the other bunnies.

He has been cremated, so we will get the ashes back so that's a great idea to do something in the garden. I keep wondering if I made the right decision and whether I should have seen him one last time and buried him! (though not practical with a jack Russell who loves to dig) :?

I also didnt think that would have been a nice memory and at the moment all I have is nice memories of him so maybe in a few weeks /months when it's not so raw I will be glad I didn't see him that last time. So many different emotions at the moment, though mostly sad ones :cry:

I know everyone feels differently about these things but one of worst things I did when I had a bun pts was to bring him home and look at him after he'd gone :cry: Unfortunately it was made worse as I realised there was no suitable place in my garden where I could dig deep enough so had to take him back to vets to be cremated :( I think it's best that u can remember him as the happy bunny u left behind.
 
Awww its upsetting that you couldnt be there and I know its hard to come to terms with it as you were on holiday and couldnt be there. I'm sure he knew that you loved him and i'm sure the vet did all they can. I can't really say much apart from remember the good times you had and sending a hug x
 
Thank you, he was very much loved by us and the other bunnies.

He has been cremated, so we will get the ashes back so that's a great idea to do something in the garden. I keep wondering if I made the right decision and whether I should have seen him one last time and buried him! (though not practical with a jack Russell who loves to dig) :?

I also didnt think that would have been a nice memory and at the moment all I have is nice memories of him so maybe in a few weeks /months when it's not so raw I will be glad I didn't see him that last time. So many different emotions at the moment, though mostly sad ones :cry:


Cremation is by far the best bet. I have a constant battle with a determined fox in our bunny 'graveyard'.

At least with not seeing him before he went you never saw him when he was poorly.
I keep telling myself that not seeing Manfred before he passed was probably a good thing, but i will always have the what if's.
My inbox is always open to you, and just remember one small step at a time, :cry:
 
I am so sorry. There is no way you can enjoy a holiday after such terrible news. I know how useless I felt when one of my bunnies became very ill when I was in Australia. Even when he did come home after 4 days at the vets I was worried sick.

I know you are heartbroken about Charlie. It will take time for the pain to go.
 
Aww - hugs!

I can understand how you feel - I got to the vets just too late to say goodbye to Brownie (she'd been in overnight) and the last update I'd had from the vets was that she was doing a bit better so it was a huge shock.

We've planted a beautiful apple tree in B's memory - it's a small variety so is in a big planter on the patio near all the buns and it's nice to think that her tree is providing treats for the bunnies & apples for us. Although it's officially B's tree, it's kind of being a memory tree for all our pets at the Bridge.

It's way too soon for you to decide on these things, but adopting Goose as Willow's new partner has also really helped - we can see how much happier Willow is with a new friend, and I think B would have been pleased that he's happy & that another rescue bun has a forever home.
 
Oh Kath, I feel so sorry for you not being able to be at home at a time like this, it must feel so surreal and heartbreaking for you.

I didn't get to say goodbye to Miss Fay one last time when she went either, I thought because she had been in and out of the vets that there was no reason to expect that she wouldn't be out again. My OH took her and she was admitted, we had to make the heartbreaking decision to let her go while she was in surgery. I did however get to say goodbye after that, but she wasn't there anymore, one of the hardest things I have ever done as I had not lost a bunny before this (well not as an adult). What I have to remember is that we made all the decisions in her best interests, and on the advice of the vets, so that she could not suffer anymore and you will hopefully be able to take some comfort from knowing that this was the same for Charlie.

We have Fay's ashes in the garden and planted up bunny-safe plants there - a carefully chosen rose bush along with rosemary and thyme, and the other bunnies nibble on it when its free-range time and we tell them that its Miss Fay's area. My OH talks to the rose as if its Fay. :oops::cry: It is nice to have a place to remember her.

I think when you get back it may hit you hard, but please remember we are here for you to talk to, my inbox is always open or just keep posting, that's what I did, and it helped just knowing there were people who understood

Huge huge hugs xxx

PS Really hope my saying this doesn't upset you more. :(
 
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I am so so sorry, this must be terrible for you (((hugs)))

I firmly believe that all animals know when they are loved, and you obviously loved him very very much indeed, he will have known that.

Also whilst I know that it won't lessen the pain of not being there at the end please don't discount the vet as company at the very end. I have not yet met a vet that did not honestly care about the animals in their care, I have no doubt that your Charlie was being held securely and gently and that he was stroked and talked to lovingly.

He knew he was loved and he was not alone in a lonely cage at the end. You being there was not your fault.

Xxxx
 
I am so so sorry, this must be terrible for you (((hugs)))

I firmly believe that all animals know when they are loved, and you obviously loved him very very much indeed, he will have known that.

Also whilst I know that it won't lessen the pain of not being there at the end please don't discount the vet as company at the very end. I have not yet met a vet that did not honestly care about the animals in their care, I have no doubt that your Charlie was being held securely and gently and that he was stroked and talked to lovingly.

He knew he was loved and he was not alone in a lonely cage at the end. You being there was not your fault.

Xxxx

Yes I believe this too, I could tell by my vet how much she cared about Fay at that moment in time.
 
Charlie knew you loved him Kath. Thinking of you. It must be very hard not being there.

We decided to bury Mischa. My dad lined it with some bricks and put a slab on top to stop the foxes. I'm not sure if it was the right thing or the best thing but we needed to bring the body back, for Mini's sake and I think for mine too. Also the idea of ashes creeps me out a little for some reason. It's a personal thing and what's best for us won't necessarily be the best thing for you. I'm going to get a rose that will be happy in a pot and put that on top, that way if we ever move I have the rose in memory. I'm also getting a engraved box for some of his fur I kept.
 
Aww, bless you :cry: I don't even know what to say. I'm away from my two at the moment too as have moved and don't know if I can bring them here yet, and I know I'd feel exactly like this if something happened to one of them. I'm terribly worried about my wee man who's very snuffly atm, and I pray every night that he'll be ok. I can't do much else at the moment and that makes me feel so useless :(

Sending you tons of vibes xxx :(
 
So so sorry about this Kath - you must be heartbroken. From experience - it will take some time but you will be able to move on without the memories turning you into mush (having said that - don't get me talking about my dog who was pts over 20 years ago when I've had a glass of wine too many ;)...

It is terribly sad when we lose one of our babies - you miss them so much. But someone once told that animals are lent to us. And like anything that is lent to us - we have to take good care of it, and when it's maker wants it back - well, we have to give it back. All we can do is provide the bestest possible care we can and give them all the love in the world - and be grateful that we had that time.

Charlie knows you love him...he doesn't have to be here to know that either. You gave him so much in life and he had such a happy one. Be grateful for the time you had together - it was precious to both of you. And I firmly believe that one day you will see him again (probably giving my dog a hard time :). Don't feel bad you weren't there at the end - but be at peace knowing that he had the best care possible. Charlie wouldn't want to see you sad would he?

But don't expect to feel better straight away - give yourself time to grieve properly - that is very important! And remember - there are loads of other bunnies that need the love you can give them...in time!
 
Aw thank you so much everyone, your replies really have helped, though they Make me cry all over again!! You are all so kind.

I know the things you have said are right, liz even if I had been there I probably wouldn't have said goodbye, in fact I would have been a wreck and would have been no help whatsoever so maybe it was better it was the vet. My mum said he was lovely so that's nice.

I will sort out a little plot in the garden when I get back. Burying him wasn't really viable, we have nowhere to do it but it's the just the issue of whether I wanted to see him again. Probably not, its just a body and no longer 'my Charlie'.

No one has upset me with your comments, you have all helped so much xxxxxxxx
 
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