I dont know what to do for the best :(

Hi Everyone:wave: I could use some help!

Im in a bit of a dilema and im just going round in circles

Basically I had two house rabbits Shadow who i had for 6 years and Bailey who I got from RSPCA about 4 years ago. Shadow was my pride and joy and a huge part of my life but was sadly pts a month ago due to a jaw abcess. I was utterly devastated. I never really bonded with Bailey, hes a nice enough rabbit but i simply dont feel alot of love for him, he was always a companion for shadow. I had always said that when i lost Shadow i would return Bailey to the RSPCA but its a month later and I still have him.

I feel guilty at the fact that he is now on his own which i dont think is fair but I feel guilty about calling the RSPCA and sending him back!

I thought about getting another rabbit but I just cant do it. Shadow meant so much to me in so many ways I simply cant bring myself to get another yet. Ive had alot of changes in my circumstances recently and I could do with being rabbit free for a while tbh!

I just feel like such a terrible person for giving Bailey back but I dont think that him being in my flat on his own for most of the day and night is fair. Im worried about the response ill get from the RSPCA too, i feel like such a bad bunny mummy! I dont know what to do

Thanks

Hi

You're not going to like my reply - but you took on the responsibility for Bailey and IMO you can't just hand him back because you don't like him. There are so many rabbits in rescue that not 'bonding' with a rabbit you've owned for 4 years isn't a sufficient excuse to give him away. Sorry

You are probably still grieving for Shadow, but Bailey is also your responsibility, and he really does need another friend. I understand it can be hard to bond with some rabbits, and it isn't wrong to maybe love one rabbit more than another. But really you have to do what is best for Bailey and maybe the best place for him would be with someone who could really love him. I know this may seem wrong to others ( and I personally couldn't do it ) but he may be better off being re-homed.

Edited to add that maybe first you should try to get to "know" Bailey better....maybe spending more time with him you may realise you do love him more than you think.

You will grieve for Shadow but remember Shadow loved Bailey. You didn't say whether Shadow was a boy or girl but if she could speak to you don't you think she would want you to get another friend for Bailey? There was a beautiful picture someone posted once of a dog's will and all the dog wanted was for another homeless dog to have the loving home he had. You're never replacing Shadow, but now you have the ability to care for another rabbit, don't you think that's what she'd want?

But also if you return Bailey he might end up alone in a smaller space for a long time. He's an older rabbit now so not many people will want him. He would also be taking up space that a really needy rabbit might need, a rabbit what is being abused or neglected. I think you should keep him, you're caring for him, you're just grieving for Shadow and he is probably too.

:? That seems very unfair on Bailey. If you got him with the intention of giving him back then why did you get him in the first place? If you don't want him then I think you should take the responsibility to rehome him yourself instead of dumping him back into a rescue. I know how you feel regarding your bond with your bridge bunny; Fiver is my pride and joy and I love him so much that I don't know what I'd do without him. If anything happened to him, however, I would NEVER simply say to his bonded partner, Xena, "I don't want/need you anymore so I'm giving you to a rescue". I took her on with the intention of giving her a loving home for the rest of her life and that's how it should be. Obviously circumstances change but my animals always come first and I would never give an animal to rescue just because I didn't like them.
Is he neutered?

You can post up on here in the rehoming section and find a home for him. If you do this then you need to make sure that you do a home check on anybody interested in him.

Vegan_Bunny said:

:? That seems very unfair on Bailey. If you got him with the intention of giving him back then why did you get him in the first place? If you don't want him then I think you should take the responsibility to rehome him yourself instead of dumping him back into a rescue. I know how you feel regarding your bond with your bridge bunny; Fiver is my pride and joy and I love him so much that I don't know what I'd do without him. If anything happened to him, however, I would NEVER simply say to his bonded partner, Xena, "I don't want/need you anymore so I'm giving you to a rescue". I took her on with the intention of giving her a loving home for the rest of her life and that's how it should be. Obviously circumstances change but my animals always come first and I would never give an animal to rescue just because I didn't like them.
Is he neutered?

You can post up on here in the rehoming section and find a home for him. If you do this then you need to make sure that you do a home check on anybody interested in him.

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She will have signed a contract to say she will return him to the RSPCA, so that's what she should do if she is going to surrender him.

I do find this very sad though. I think it's unfair that Bailey be 'punished' for not bonding with you as well as Shadow, but then probably no bunny could. Now that he is by himself you have the chance to get to know him and bond with him. He had no need for you before, but now you're both grieving for Shadow and yes, he does need you. I feel exceptionally sorry for Bailey that his care and love was only conditional and that you couldn't just accept him for the bunny he is. If you surrender him then personally I feel that it would be unfair to ever take on another animals unless you can commit to being there for life, not just when you feel like it, to return when you have 'had enough'.

Ah yes of course, I didn't think about the contract :?

You could possibly ring the RSPCA and ask them if you include them in the rehoming process (if you choose to rehome) then you could choose where he goes. I say this because the RSPCA aren't very good at choosing new owners for the animals. They obviously need to get the animals rehomed as quickly as possible so they have more room for other animals. I would also be very concerned about what would happen if he didn't get a home. I'm not slagging off the RSPCA but I've not had good experience with them in the past.
This way you could make sure he goes to a FOREVER home and isn't passed from pillar to post. Obviously you can't know for definite but you will be able to follow up on his progress etc.

likkibunni said:

Hi Everyone:wave: I could use some help!

Im in a bit of a dilema and im just going round in circles

Basically I had two house rabbits Shadow who i had for 6 years and Bailey who I got from RSPCA about 4 years ago. Shadow was my pride and joy and a huge part of my life but was sadly pts a month ago due to a jaw abcess. I was utterly devastated. I never really bonded with Bailey, hes a nice enough rabbit but i simply dont feel alot of love for him, he was always a companion for shadow. I had always said that when i lost Shadow i would return Bailey to the RSPCA but its a month later and I still have him.

I feel guilty at the fact that he is now on his own which i dont think is fair but I feel guilty about calling the RSPCA and sending him back!

I thought about getting another rabbit but I just cant do it. Shadow meant so much to me in so many

ways I simply cant bring myself to get another yet. Ive had alot of changes in my circumstances
recently and I could do with being rabbit free for a

I just feel like such a terrible person for giving Bailey back but I dont think that him being in my flat on his own for most of the day and night is fair. Im worried about the response ill get from the RSPCA too, i feel like such a bad bunny mummy! I dont know

Thanks

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awww poor bailey he might love you for giving a home

Sky-O said:

She will have signed a contract to say she will return him to the RSPCA, so that's what she should do if she is going to surrender him.

I do find this very sad though. I think it's unfair that Bailey be 'punished' for not bonding with you as well as Shadow, but then probably no bunny could. Now that he is by himself you have the chance to get to know him and bond with him. He had no need for you before, but now you're both grieving for Shadow and yes, he does need you. I feel exceptionally sorry for Bailey that his care and love was only conditional and that you couldn't just accept him for the bunny he is. If you surrender him then personally I feel that it would be unfair to ever take on another animals unless you can commit to being there for life, not just when you feel like it, to return when you have 'had enough'.

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:thumb:

I personally think the thing to do 'for the best' is adopt a new companion for bailey.

My sapphire was alone for a week after her brother died and she was sO sad and down. As soon as Rupert came along she was herself again

Vegan_Bunny said:

Ah yes of course, I didn't think about the contract :?

You could possibly ring the RSPCA and ask them if you include them in the rehoming process (if you choose to rehome) then you could choose where he goes. I say this because the RSPCA aren't very good at choosing new owners for the animals. They obviously need to get the animals rehomed as quickly as possible so they have more room for other animals. I would also be very concerned about what would happen if he didn't get a home. I'm not slagging off the RSPCA but I've not had good experience with them in the past.
This way you could make sure he goes to a FOREVER home and isn't passed from pillar to post. Obviously you can't know for definite but you will be able to follow up on his progress etc.

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It's probably worthwhile being very careful with generalisations, especially if the RSPCA Branch happens to be on here.

We actually work our socks off with rabbits to get them the best homes we can ad provide support after, and many other Branches do the same. Yes, somethings go wrong, and some people/Branches are not as good, but some are good and do care and try their best. We aren't tha Branch, but everyone seems to be worried that long termers are PTS, but I don't know of a Branch that happens at (not saying it doesn't happen, just that I don't know any that do). One of my fosters is coming up to 2 years looking for a home and he's ok and we have others that have been here for well over a year too.

I think it's unlikely that they will be able to give her updates because if she surrenders then they can't release info on the new home for Data Protection, they will just give a general overview. Essentially, if she surrenders him then he is nothing to do with her anymore and she has no rights to any info about him.

Sorry it looks like I'm picking on your responses, I just wanted to ensure this wasn't turned into a bash the RSPCA thread and also correct any inaccurate info

I understand how upset you must be over Shadow. And I do not envy your situation, but are you sure that you don't feel bonded because somewhere deep down you wish it had been Bailey with the abscess?

If I were you then I wouldn't take any action yet, it would be unfair to take on another rabbit if you were just to 'return' them down the line. You had 2 years with Shadow before Bailey and you bonded very strongly with Shadow, remember that Bailey will be grieving even more than you, he has just lost his only companion as you admit to not being bonded so I'm assuming you don't spend much time actually with him, just tending to his physical needs. Think back to when you first had Shadow, and try doing the same with Bailey, you can never replace Shadow, nor should you try but you have a little guy in your house who needs you. If you turn your back he has lost everything that he has. Help him, you never know, you could bond over your mutual heartbreak.

Did Shadow love Bailey? Can you love him for Shadow's sake?

It just sounds like poor Bailey is a commodity rather than an animal with feelings. You cannot just return him like a dress which is out of season. You took him on, you've looked after him for 4 years, it is your responsibility to care for him as you did Shadow. IMHO.

Thanks for all the replies guys. Its what I need to read. Its why ive still got him because I felt so guilty for placing another burden on the RSPCA who already have so many needing homes and yes I did sign up to give him a forever home.

I dont dislike him but sometimes you just dont click with an animal and we havent. He has a good home, is healthy and never wanted for anything, has free run of the flat most of the time and i do fuss him and spend time with him but i dont love him the way i loved shadow and i never will.

Thanks again folks I think I knew i needed to keep hold of him to live out his days.

I know i came across as a heartless cow but i was so devastated about shadow i wanted to push him away. I got Shadow shortly after losing a baby I guess you could say i was replacing. My relationship ended 6 months ago and then to lose Shadow I felt such a huge loss. Like i said I didnt feel that I could replace shadow but i didnt want to be on my own so I felt i was selfishly keeping Bailey.

Sky-O said:

It's probably worthwhile being very careful with generalisations, especially if the RSPCA Branch happens to be on here.

We actually work our socks off with rabbits to get them the best homes we can ad provide support after, and many other Branches do the same. Yes, somethings go wrong, and some people/Branches are not as good, but some are good and do care and try their best. We aren't tha Branch, but everyone seems to be worried that long termers are PTS, but I don't know of a Branch that happens at (not saying it doesn't happen, just that I don't know any that do). One of my fosters is coming up to 2 years looking for a home and he's ok and we have others that have been here for well over a year too.

I think it's unlikely that they will be able to give her updates because if she surrenders then they can't release info on the new home for Data Protection, they will just give a general overview. Essentially, if she surrenders him then he is nothing to do with her anymore and she has no rights to any info about him.

Sorry it looks like I'm picking on your responses, I just wanted to ensure this wasn't turned into a bash the RSPCA thread and also correct any inaccurate info

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No no I understand, I don't think your picking at my posts! I didn't mean to put the RSPCA in a bad light and I know they differ from branch to branch. What I really mean about them is that the RSPCA isn't specifically a bunny rescue and so generally won't be as clued up on bunnies as a rescue that deals with rabbits and small animals. Obviously some branches will have brilliant people like you who help them out and know a lot about bunnies. I just always worry when it comes to any animals (especially bunnies) going into rescues such as the RSPCA, Dogs trust and places like that because they are so "big" that they can't always follow up on the rehomed animals and I know that they don't always rehome to ideal homes. They do pretty good home checks for dogs and cats but aren't very good with the small animals.
I used to foster/rehome rats for the RSPCA a while ago and they do genuinely care about the animals, it's more that they run like a business rather than a rescue and while the staff do as much as possible they are restricted by the budgets and laws etc.

Vegan_Bunny said:

No no I understand, I don't think your picking at my posts! I didn't mean to put the RSPCA in a bad light and I know they differ from branch to branch. What I really mean about them is that the RSPCA isn't specifically a bunny rescue and so generally won't be as clued up on bunnies as a rescue that deals with rabbits and small animals. Obviously some branches will have brilliant people like you who help them out and know a lot about bunnies. I just always worry when it comes to any animals (especially bunnies) going into rescues such as the RSPCA, Dogs trust and places like that because they are so "big" that they can't always follow up on the rehomed animals and I know that they don't always rehome to ideal homes. They do pretty good home checks for dogs and cats but aren't very good with the small animals.
I used to foster/rehome rats for the RSPCA a while ago and they do genuinely care about the animals, it's more that they run like a business rather than a rescue and while the staff do as much as possible they are restricted by the budgets and laws etc.

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Thank you for explaining Sorry if I misunderstood.

likkibunni said:

Thanks for all the replies guys. Its what I need to read. Its why ive still got him because I felt so guilty for placing another burden on the RSPCA who already have so many needing homes and yes I did sign up to give him a forever home.

I dont dislike him but sometimes you just dont click with an animal and we havent. He has a good home, is healthy and never wanted for anything, has free run of the flat most of the time and i do fuss him and spend time with him but i dont love him the way i loved shadow and i never will.

Thanks again folks I think I knew i needed to keep hold of him to live out his days.

I know i came across as a heartless cow but i was so devastated about shadow i wanted to push him away. I got Shadow shortly after losing a baby I guess you could say i was replacing. My relationship ended 6 months ago and then to lose Shadow I felt such a huge loss. Like i said I didnt feel that I could replace shadow but i didnt want to be on my own so I felt i was selfishly keeping Bailey.

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I think you've done well to hear all that's been said here, to take it on board and respond so well.

It's ok to have a different relationship with him than you had with Shadow- chances are, you'll never click with another bunny like you did with Shadow, and that's ok too. You can still all be happy together, just in a different way.

You can't ever replace such a special bunny. Ever.

However, your heart can expand to add in more friends and love into it, and maybe, when you're a bit further down the process and have worked to bond more with Bailey, you could allow your heart to expand a bit more and find a friend for Bailey.

I can relate a lot to what you're dealing with, I truly can. Just be kind to yourself.

Sky-O said:

I think you've done well to hear all that's been said here, to take it on board and respond so well.

It's ok to have a different relationship with him than you had with Shadow- chances are, you'll never click with another bunny like you did with Shadow, and that's ok too. You can still all be happy together, just in a different way.

You can't ever replace such a special bunny. Ever.

However, your heart can expand to add in more friends and love into it, and maybe, when you're a bit further down the process and have worked to bond more with Bailey, you could allow your heart to expand a bit more and find a friend for Bailey.

I can relate a lot to what you're dealing with, I truly can. Just be kind to yourself.

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Completely agree. I will never bond with a bunny like I have with Fiver and it will be very hard if I lost him and was left with Xena because although I love her so much, I don't have the bond with her that I do with Fiver. You need to spend time with him and focus on him, understanding him and his personality will help you bond with him.
Let yourself grieve but don't punish/shun Bailey. I know it's hard but it will help you heal if you can bond with him, you both have lost someone very close to you and helping each other through it is what you need.

likkibunni said:

Thanks for all the replies guys. Its what I need to read. Its why ive still got him because I felt so guilty for placing another burden on the RSPCA who already have so many needing homes and yes I did sign up to give him a forever home.

I dont dislike him but sometimes you just dont click with an animal and we havent. He has a good home, is healthy and never wanted for anything, has free run of the flat most of the time and i do fuss him and spend time with him but i dont love him the way i loved shadow and i never will.

Thanks again folks I think I knew i needed to keep hold of him to live out his days.

I know i came across as a heartless cow but i was so devastated about shadow i wanted to push him away. I got Shadow shortly after losing a baby I guess you could say i was replacing. My relationship ended 6 months ago and then to lose Shadow I felt such a huge loss. Like i said I didnt feel that I could replace shadow but i didnt want to be on my own so I felt i was selfishly keeping Bailey.

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Maybe you are just too afraid to allow yourself to connect with Bailey. If we dont allow ourselves to feel a connection, to feel love, we cant be hurt by loss. It is understandable that after all your losses you may be, albeit it subconsciously, trying to protect yourself from more hurt. But in doing that you could also be denying yourself the chance of getting to know a Rabbit who, whilst he cannot replace Shadow, could very well find his own place in your heart.

I got my first Rabbits when I knew that I was about to loose my 16 year old Dog. I knew I had to have another pet to be responsible for, to force me to keep going. But I did not want to let myself love the new Pet as I loved my Dog. The pain of loosing her was just too great. So I obtained two 'impulse buy' Rabbits thinking that I could never feel much love for 'just a Rabbit'. When I lost them I would not feel the same pain I felt when I lost my Dog

Oh how wrong I was..............................................................


BUT my Rabbits have given me more than I could ever have imagined. Dont close the door on getting attached to Bailey. You may miss something wonderful.

I honestly think you need to give yourself some time to heal and move on from shadows loss. Once you are you may bond with Bailey as you were so connected to Shadow you may not have given Bailey a chance.

Once you have grieved and bonded with Bailey I think it may be an idea to get Bailey a partner