Feeling guilty about not having ashes back?

Someone else started a cremation topic, it got me thinking,

tho ive never lost a bun, I know when the time comes (hopefully not for a good few years yet) I could never ever, have a rabbit (or any animal) sat in a pot/box on a shelf in my house!

Makes me shiver just thinking about it, I feel guilty for not wanting that tho, but just the thought of it makes me feel abit sick! I make memory scrapbooks, with photos of them in and decorate it with gems and sequins and glitter etc, and I remember them that way, through pictures of them being alive!!

anyone else feel like this? or is it just me x

I think this topic might be better suited to rabbit chat

I agree though, I'm a firm believer in returning my rabbits to the earth, the ground where they had so much fun in life.

I completely agree with you, I could never have the ashes of an animal in my house. It would feel strange to me I think. But having said that, I haven't lost a rabbit yet so it's possible that I'd change my mind once I did experience it for real. But right now the thought doesn't appeal to me.

I get my animals cremated but I never get their ashes back. It brings me no comfort whatsoever to have remains nearby

I am the same, I personally couldn't bear to have them back as ashes. I know they go to the same crematorium either way. Whatever they are following that process is not what I want to remember, I want to remember them running around, munching and causing havoc.

It is an entirely personal decision and noone should feel they have to do the same as others.

I've not had a rabbit die yet but I buried my mice and past dogs. I don't think I'd want to keep ashes either but I would want to scatter them rather than them being rubbish for the vets to deal with.

I've always thought it's just a body and your pet's gone so really it doesn't matter what you do with the remains, but when my OH came out of the vet after having one of my mice pts and hadn't bought her body out I was unbelievably upset. I couldn't believe he'd just left her there (we did get her back in the end). So you never know, when the time comes you might feel totally differently.

Before I lost a pet I have never wanted ashes back etc but when I lost one of my oldie dogs 2 years ago I was filled with a panic leaving her at the vets. It was strange (grief?) but I dint rest until I got her ashes back. I also thought that I would bury her in the garden but I cant do it, she is on my bedside table next to the pillow where she slept. It might sound odd but she brings me comfort and I get upset at the thought of her being else where.

Poppy (bun) loves being outside and I think I would get a nice rose and put her ashes under it We had to make arrangements this weekend for one of my foster dogs as she is near the end of her time, she will be cremated and ashes returned to us. My son has also said that another of our fosters (who loves him the most) will have her ashes returned to him and she will sit on his window sill. That probably sounds morbid to some but to us it seems to help.

emmiiee said:

I could never ever, have a rabbit (or any animal) sat in a pot/box on a shelf in my house!

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We're all different and find comfort in different ways but...

...having had two dogs cremated (3 and 4 years ago) and still not having got around to deciding where to spread their ashes (currently stored in a container at the bottom of a cupboard) I am absolutely determined that next time anything dies that needs cremation, I will do it the cheapest way possible and donate what I would have spent getting them individually cremated and returned to me to a charity instead.

Even with humans I sincerely believe (having seen three dead bodies now) that the body is a meaningless shell without life and soul to animate it so I don't want to waste money on that sort of grief-driven sentiment with my animals again. Far better for a relevant charity to benefit from a donation and a donation is a better way of honouring a creature I've loved. And has loved me.

But that's just my thinking and I know it won't be right for everyone.

Tatihou, I like your idea of donating the fee to an animal rescue.

I'd never had to deal with the death of a pet that I was solely responsible for, before Beatrix. As I don't have a garden to bury her in, cremation felt like the only right thing to do, and I ordered it without going through a reasoned decision-making process - though I did know that I would probably regret anything else.

She was very young and it feels right that she is in a way still here. (Also I am not convinced that I and the vets did everything possible to save her, so it feels right for me to have a physical representation of that concern / burden.)
At the moment I think it probable that I won't bury or scatter her ashes for several years, until after the duration of a decent rabbity lifespan has passed.

But I can also be detached and cynical about how a process like pet cremation may work, and so I think of the ash-box as "probably Beatrix" and a representation of her rather than definitely her remains. I didn't collect the ashes until I was at the vets with Ada anyway as I would have considered it a wasted journey, which some people would find awful, but I knew they weren't going anywhere. Also, it is only a cardboard box rather than an engraved wooden casket.

Glad to have the opportunity to write about this as I have more things to process (like this) before it will feel like the right point to write a Rainbow Bridge post.

I think there is absolutely no need for you to feel guilty, emmiee.

I sometimes feel embarrassed by my emotional irrationality, and sometimes by my coldness, on matters like these, depending who I am talking to. But in the end I think it means I have chosen a way that is inbetween and right for what I needed.
You just need to do what is right according to your beliefs and feelings

Tatihou said:

We're all different and find comfort in different ways but...

...having had two dogs cremated (3 and 4 years ago) and still not having got around to deciding where to spread their ashes (currently stored in a container at the bottom of a cupboard) I am absolutely determined that next time anything dies that needs cremation, I will do it the cheapest way possible and donate what I would have spent getting them individually cremated and returned to me to a charity instead.

Even with humans I sincerely believe (having seen three dead bodies now) that the body is a meaningless shell without life and soul to animate it so I don't want to waste money on that sort of grief-driven sentiment with my animals again. Far better for a relevant charity to benefit from a donation and a donation is a better way of honouring a creature I've loved. And has loved me.

But that's just my thinking and I know it won't be right for everyone.

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That pretty much sums up how I feel. I've never asked for the ashes back for any animal. The empty body means nothing to me once they've gone.

Captain Helen said:

That pretty much sums up how I feel. I've never asked for the ashes back for any animal. The empty body means nothing to me once they've gone.

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I'm exactly the same. If my animals die at home they are buried, if they die at the vets I leave them there to be cremated. It wouldn't comfort me at all to have their ashes back.

If keeping the ashes helps someone with the grieving process then that's great but you certainly don't have to feel guilty just because you don't feel that way!

I bury my animals.

If I didn't have that option, I'd have the ashes back and scatter them somewhere nice

Everyone is different and we all deal with loss in different ways. You feel the way you feel, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I have Oidhche cremated and keep her in the house, as she was a house bunny. I would like to bury my buns but I rent and don't want to bury them somewhere that I can't go back to. I like to have her there as she was a great comfort to me and I still miss her a lot. It consoles me to know I can always watch over her and protect her at rest.

Coineanach said:

Everyone is different and we all deal with loss in different ways. You feel the way you feel, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I have Oidhche cremated and keep her in the house, as she was a house bunny. I would like to bury my buns but I rent and don't want to bury them somewhere that I can't go back to. I like to have her there as she was a great comfort to me and I still miss her a lot. It consoles me to know I can always watch over her and protect her at rest.

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I totally agree with this we have the ashes of a lot of our buns as they were all houserabbits and I find comfort of them being near also, I don't want to scatter their ashes here where we live now as we are not planning to stop here forever .