Following the announcement of the New Years Honours list, Mallow is thrilled to acknowledge he has been awarded an OBE (Order of the Bunny Empire) for his services to the production of fertiliser. The BBC recognized the importance of this award by rushing their reporter directly to Mallow’s home, shoving Ronnie Corbett and other such minor celebrities out of the way in their hurry.
Interviewer: Mallow, it has taken a long time for the establishment to recognise your achievements, would you like to tell us more about why you have been given this award?
Mallow: It was a complete surprise. Of course, my friends have been telling me for years that I should receive something like this, but I was not expecting it at all.
Interviewer: What did you have to do to get this award?
Mallow: Well hoomins think it is easy but I can tell you it is not. I had to do alot more than just sit in my litter tray for hours on end. I had to monitor my nutrition like other athletes do, sampling large quantities of many different types of hay, greens, pellets etc to ensure the maximum production, I had to sacrifice hours of snoozing time to sit around eating everything that was available. I’ve had to supplement my diet by munching on boxes and wood items that were left on the floor, just to maintain a healthy pooing regime.
Interviewer: Is your hoomin proud of your achievements?
Mallow: No, she has told me to stop nibbling the furniture and magazines but I don’t think she really means it, it’s just sour grapes cos she hasn’t been mentioned in the Honours list. I don’t know what sour grapes are but she should eat hay instead then she would be as popular as I am and get an award.
Interviewer: What did your friend Storm say when he heard your good news?
Mallow: Storm has gone off in a huff. In fact you could say he stormed off, ha, ha, ha. He’s jealous of the attention I am getting and thinks he should have got an award for his services to the destruction industry. He wanted to get a KBE and be a Knight of the Bunny Empire like those knights of Camelot but he’s just been watching too much tv on Saturday nights. He’ll get over it.
Interviewer: And what are your plans for 2012?
Mallow: I want to build on my achievements and break down the barriers across society to achieve greater equality.
Interviewer: Are there any particular barriers you would like broken down?
Mallow: Yes, that barrier in the garden that separates me from the flowers. They only bloom so beautifully because I work so tirelessly to produce the fertiliser for them. It is a sign of the Capitalist inequalities in our society that the workers work hard on the production line and those hoomins get the, err, fruits of the bunny labours. David Buneroon said ‘we are all in it together’. Well come 2012 I will make sure we are all in it together, in the flower garden together.
Interviewer: Mallow can I thank you for your time and wish you every success in the future.
Mallow: You’re welcome. I will be available to sign pawtographs when I have finished my next few Carotinis.
Interviewer: Mallow, it has taken a long time for the establishment to recognise your achievements, would you like to tell us more about why you have been given this award?
Mallow: It was a complete surprise. Of course, my friends have been telling me for years that I should receive something like this, but I was not expecting it at all.
Interviewer: What did you have to do to get this award?
Mallow: Well hoomins think it is easy but I can tell you it is not. I had to do alot more than just sit in my litter tray for hours on end. I had to monitor my nutrition like other athletes do, sampling large quantities of many different types of hay, greens, pellets etc to ensure the maximum production, I had to sacrifice hours of snoozing time to sit around eating everything that was available. I’ve had to supplement my diet by munching on boxes and wood items that were left on the floor, just to maintain a healthy pooing regime.
Interviewer: Is your hoomin proud of your achievements?
Mallow: No, she has told me to stop nibbling the furniture and magazines but I don’t think she really means it, it’s just sour grapes cos she hasn’t been mentioned in the Honours list. I don’t know what sour grapes are but she should eat hay instead then she would be as popular as I am and get an award.
Interviewer: What did your friend Storm say when he heard your good news?
Mallow: Storm has gone off in a huff. In fact you could say he stormed off, ha, ha, ha. He’s jealous of the attention I am getting and thinks he should have got an award for his services to the destruction industry. He wanted to get a KBE and be a Knight of the Bunny Empire like those knights of Camelot but he’s just been watching too much tv on Saturday nights. He’ll get over it.
Interviewer: And what are your plans for 2012?
Mallow: I want to build on my achievements and break down the barriers across society to achieve greater equality.
Interviewer: Are there any particular barriers you would like broken down?
Mallow: Yes, that barrier in the garden that separates me from the flowers. They only bloom so beautifully because I work so tirelessly to produce the fertiliser for them. It is a sign of the Capitalist inequalities in our society that the workers work hard on the production line and those hoomins get the, err, fruits of the bunny labours. David Buneroon said ‘we are all in it together’. Well come 2012 I will make sure we are all in it together, in the flower garden together.
Interviewer: Mallow can I thank you for your time and wish you every success in the future.
Mallow: You’re welcome. I will be available to sign pawtographs when I have finished my next few Carotinis.
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