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am i being selfish??? shocked by what a friend said......

shell1805

Mama Doe
a friend came over the other day and said something that has shocked me and also got me thinking.

she knows i have bella and jasper, she knows they wont bond, she knows i love them both to bits. so when she came out with this i was stunned:

'why do you still have them both?'

'huh, still got who?'

'the buns'

'ummmm... what??'

'well they wont get along, so why have you still got them both? surely it would be better just to have the one and that way that one can have all your time, instead of you having to split your time between them.'

'becasue i love them. i care for them and i could never do that. it works for us. neither suffers, they do tolerate each other as long as we keep an eye on them and how dare you say something like that!'

'personally i think you are being selfish. keeping them both for YOU, not whats best for THEM!'

:shock: :cry:

i cant get her comment out of my head :cry:

am i being selfish???? :cry:

xxx
 
So it'd be unselfish to dump one in a rescue where it would only have attention split between it and 40 others? :roll:
Situation may not be perfect but you're hardly being selfish.
 
I don't think you're selfish. In theory, buns do best in pairs (admits the owner of a single rabbit), but in practice this isn't always possible. At least you've tried. :thumb:
 
No, not if like you say they both get time and love, I suppose they might like to live/snuggle with another bunny but you could end up with 3 or 4 single buns whilst looking for the perfect partner for them both! :shock:
 
:(i think she has touched a nerve more than anything. i so wish i had known better and let bella choose a hubby as aposed to getting jasper on impulse (which i will admit is what i did.)

but our family is our family and it works for us. the fact sh called me slefish is what has upset me the most and i guess, im now worried that my love for them has blinded me from what they NEED.

maybe bella is lonely??

maybe jasper is??

maybe i stress them out being near each other??

maybe im a useless bunneh mum??


:cry:
 
Ceratinly not useless! :no: The buns would soon let you know if they weren't happy, and I'm sure you would adjust things to suit them.
 
Ceratinly not useless! :no: The buns would soon let you know if they weren't happy, and I'm sure you would adjust things to suit them.

im pretty sure bella would let me know, being the madam she is but i guess her comments have shaken my confidence. ive always prided myself on my animal care, i know its far from perfect but i cant believe someone would think i should have just one! for a start how on earth would i ever choose!!!! :cry: bella is my bubba and jasper is my mr fluffs!!!

how could someone say this to me....

maybe they are seeing something im not.....

:cry:

and why stop there.... maybe all my animals would be better without me :cry:
 
Of course not- your bunnies are clearly 100x better off than the majority of bunnies out there! Plus their i the house, so they'll receive much more attention than the average family rabbit does. You're definitely not being selfish :wave:
 
a friend came over the other day and said something that has shocked me and also got me thinking.

she knows i have bella and jasper, she knows they wont bond, she knows i love them both to bits. so when she came out with this i was stunned:

'why do you still have them both?'

'huh, still got who?'

'the buns'

'ummmm... what??'

'well they wont get along, so why have you still got them both? surely it would be better just to have the one and that way that one can have all your time, instead of you having to split your time between them.'

'becasue i love them. i care for them and i could never do that. it works for us. neither suffers, they do tolerate each other as long as we keep an eye on them and how dare you say something like that!'

'personally i think you are being selfish. keeping them both for YOU, not whats best for THEM!'

:shock: :cry:

i cant get her comment out of my head :cry:

am i being selfish???? :cry:

xxx

My parents and all of my friends said the same thing to me when Buster and Lola wouldnt bond. Everyone just asked who i was getting rid of. people dont see it the way we do, to be honest in the early days i was getting so stressed over their fighting and having to split pens and cages and free range time that i was nearly talked into it quite a few times but now we just do the best we can in the situation we have. I know they would both like company but just not each other, i cant get more buns so they will have to be happy with the human company they have. When ever you feel bad just think that your bun could be one of the many fogotten ones, in a dark shed alone, in a tiny hutch with no one thats really bothered about them. That was my buns previous life before i got her so i dont feel bad about it at all anymore. Its 5 star luxary compared to where she was before. Your buns are fed and warm and loved and thats all that matters, im sure they are very happy with their lives :)
 
My parents and all of my friends said the same thing to me when Buster and Lola wouldnt bond. Everyone just asked who i was getting rid of. people dont see it the way we do, to be honest in the early days i was getting so stressed over their fighting and having to split pens and cages and free range time that i was nearly talked into it quite a few times but now we just do the best we can in the situation we have. I know they would both like company but just not each other, i cant get more buns so they will have to be happy with the human company they have. When ever you feel bad just think that your bun could be one of the many fogotten ones, in a dark shed alone, in a tiny hutch with no one thats really bothered about them. That was my buns previous life before i got her so i dont feel bad about it at all anymore. Its 5 star luxary compared to where she was before. Your buns are fed and warm and loved and thats all that matters, im sure they are very happy with their lives :)

thank you so much, that has meant so much to me xxx
 
You're an amazing bunny mummy!
Your buns are happy because they have you. I think you're being very un-selfish. The selfish thing would have been getting Jasper, finding Bella didn't like him and going "nope, have to get rid of one of them now".
You've done right by your bunnies and your friend is being an eejit.

**big squishes**
**nose wubs for Bella and Jasper**

You're keeping the promise you made to Bella and Jasper that they would always be safe, loved, and cared for in your home.
 
So it'd be unselfish to dump one in a rescue where it would only have attention split between it and 40 others? :roll:
Situation may not be perfect but you're hardly being selfish.

This.

Clearly your friend has not thought everything over :?
 
Poor you, your friend doesn't sound very nice at all.

I don't think you are being selfish in the slightest. Some buns prefer to live alone, sometimes it is too stressful for them and for you to keep trying and failing with bonding. As long as both has love, attention, fresh water, food, hay and exercise I am sure they are as happy as can be xxx
 
I have three single buns- I have numerous times been told I am doing wrong by people on here.

When mine refused to bond I didn't want to get three more bunnies. I thought hard about rehoming but they get loving homes here and are happy. I do wish I could give them a friend but I don't have either the time,space or money for three more bunnies.

You know what is best for your bunnies. I know mine should be here with me free ranging in my garden and being happy and not in a hutch in rescue.
 
I have three single buns- I have numerous times been told I am doing wrong by people on here.

Yeah me too (i do plan on bonding them, it's just taken longer than it was supposed to). Not that people tell me I'm wrong, just that I have 3 singles - no one should tell anyone they're wrong for having singles. It's not like its a choice. You just have to do the best you can...if you have a bun that won't bond i don't think dumping them in a rescue is the right thing to do in most cases. In some cases, maybe, it really depends on the circumstances. But there's a lot of buns that need homes so the more there are in rescues the worst the situation is.
 
I too have a single rabbit with no plans to get another.

Yes, he may prefer to have another rabbit for company but he has a better life than so many rabbits that I really believe that he is totally happy the way things are.
 
What I'm about to say is based on what you've said about this, how you feel about this and how you have reacted, not about what your friend has said.

I think you're right that she has touched a nerve and that's why it's upset you so much. So, in which case I would say you need to look at what, if anything, you can change to improve their lives. The only reason I say that is for a variety of reasons but mainly for your inner peace; if you are reassessing and looking for ways to improve their lives then you will know it is about them, not about you (whether you can find a way to improve it or not).

All that said, having single bunnies isn't the end of the world, doesn't necessarily mean they are sad or missing out, it just means that they have a slightly different life from somebunny else. I have three singles (not for want of trying to bond them) and a single foster. They look no less happy than those in pairs or groups, to be honest.

Really though, it comes down to trusting your gut instinct on it once you're calm. If you feel you're doing the right thing and your gut instinct is telling you you're doing the right thing, then no one else and their opinions matter.
 
:wave: thank you everyone for all your replies. they have meant alot and sky-o, thank you for your frank opinion.

strangley its jasper that has made me feel better. this morning he had the biggest binky fest and i mean MASSIVE. he was flipping this way and that and doing a circuit around my front room. he looked in his elements and you know what thats all that matters. my buns are happy, i know that. i guess i see people with pairs and so wish that had worked out for us. maybe im envious.... i dunno. that said, i know i am a person that takes peoples opinions way too seriously even if i know they are not true and that is something i need to work on. anyhoo slightly gone off subject :oops: :lol:

bottom line: buns are happy, i love them and this is MY little family. i will always have their best interest at heart and if something changes then i will do whats best for them but under no cicumstance will i give up on either of them! that i am adimant about. i understand them more than anyone and thats because as they are singles i have had to spend more time with them and so i know their little quirks and personalities. my bubba buns mean the world to me and 'said' friend just happened to hit me when i was already down.

again thank you all for your replies (big virtual hug to all)

xxx
 
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