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winnies angel
10-07-2011, 08:58 AM
As you know we lost winston, but I cant move on I need answers, I need to know why.
Yes he had hip problem which he was on meds for but in his last week he was coming down off his meds in fact for 2 day he refused to have them (vet knew and said she would prefer for him to not be on them if possible and just have high metacam but he could stay on the vetergesic if needs be) he had just recovered from bloat the previous week.
The day he died we had just start his high meds the night before again as he seemed a bit uncomfortable and he had some more morn and at dinner time. He only ate a small amount of food that day and was sitting around a lot like when he has bloat. When I came home from work I found him lying on the floor unable to move he couldnt pick his head up or move his legs and dragged himself along on his belly so we rushed him straight to vets she put him on the floor, he had now perked up and was moving everything again although his back end was stiff. And she asked about his problems etc and siad he was suffering and it was time to let him go it would be cruel to allow him to carry on.
Of course we agreed but now I wonder
if it was his hip why couldn't he move his head?
He always walked funny because of his feet how could she tell it was the end without a full examination?
I knew he had a problem when our vet was treating him for ec and he went 10 weeks before his hip was diagnosed would it have made adiff if it was caught sooner?
Did I do everything I possibly could to help him and make his life better and will he know I never gave up on him and I love him so much and I didn't want him to go but we let him go because she has more qualifications than us and we didn't want him to suffer?
I know looking back at pics his body was starting to look tired and his muscles had wasted but what happened that day when the previous days he ran hopping like he hadn't done in months.
I just need comfort im being very selfish but I need some ideas what it was that happened. My vet said it sounded neurological and that some vets wont keep small animals on life meds they say its cruel what does she mean he may have lived but needed meds I dont understand?
Its killing me I want to know I didn't kill my little boy.:cry:

Jack's-Jane
10-07-2011, 09:24 AM
It sounds as though he may have had a spinal problem aswell as a hip problem. Possibly degeneration/collapse of the vertebrae. This would be excrutiatingly painful and could eventually involve damage to his spinal cord, leading to paralysis.

The episodes of bloat may have been a secondary symptom of the chronic pain, or he may have had other issues going on within his GI tract too. Issues unrelated to his arthritic problems.

I think letting him go was absolutely the right thing to do as he was clearly in a huge amount of pain, pain that would only get worse in a short time. You gave him release from the constant pain and allowed him to pass with dignity.

I wish there were someone who could do the same for me when my time comes

Sky-O
10-07-2011, 09:30 AM
Bless your poor little heart.

I'm really sorry but I'm not sure you will get answers that will satisfy your needs because you can't ever know for sure and you may always have/look for 'what if' questions and answers.

You're going through a very deep grieving process and it's tough and it's difficult, and it's understandable you have questions that you need answered and stuff.

The only thing that you can go on is that in that moment you did what you felt was best for Winston, and that is all any owner can do at any one time. That is the part you have to focus on.

Blackberry & Co
10-07-2011, 09:47 AM
Bless your poor little heart.

I'm really sorry but I'm not sure you will get answers that will satisfy your needs because you can't ever know for sure and you may always have/look for 'what if' questions and answers.

You're going through a very deep grieving process and it's tough and it's difficult, and it's understandable you have questions that you need answered and stuff.

The only thing that you can go on is that in that moment you did what you felt was best for Winston, and that is all any owner can do at any one time. That is the part you have to focus on.

This. You did your best for him, and as Jane says, there could well have been other underlying problems.

Hope the painful part of the grieving passes soon so that you can take comfort in all the good memories x

winnies angel
10-07-2011, 10:01 AM
thanks guys
It sounds silly as I know it was right at the time, he told me 2 weeks before hand that he was going and was just waiting for his holidays and I tried talking to him yesterdy and he told me (yes really) that if he had of shown me that he was hurting I would have looked for more ways to help him and that it was time to go and that his back had crumbled. So Jane what you have said has confirmed what he told me yesterday.
I am at that doubting stage I keep replaying it over and over and I just had to have another answer I also got the feeling the bloat was due to the pain of his back but my vet said it wasn't but again Jane I feel your right.
I just neede someone else to tell me that it was right so hopefully I can move on and look forward to his return, he already has been back in spirit although because of the grief I doubt everything that usually I take as norm so now I will look forward to his arrival and cheekiness.
Thankyou

Sky-O
10-07-2011, 10:03 AM
You have a gift that most of us would love to also have. He himself has told you it was right. You can't get more reassurance than that, that you have done the right thing.

Captain Helen
10-07-2011, 10:23 AM
:( I'm so sorry. Please don't think you killed him, you didn't, you released him. You did everything you could for him. Sending hugs xx

Lobo
10-07-2011, 10:55 AM
I am sorry you lost Winston. Any decision to put to sleep weighs heavily on all of us, with the inevitable question 'was the time right'? It is a natural part of soul-searching when the impact of the loss is realised.

We had to put to sleep our boy of 9 years over a year ago and there has not been a single day since where we have not missed him. He was the heart and soul of everything in our lives. I do know though that although we would have given anything to have not had to make that decision, it was made because we could let him go before his suffering would have made almost unrecognisable to us as the beautiful little boy who had ruled our hearts for those nine years.

As responsible pet carers we have to be careful we do not fall into the trap of loving them so much we cannot let them go. It can become more of a selfish appeasement of ourselves, whilst possibly allowing the object of this love to suffer unnecessarily.

Time will put your current sadness into a better perspective in the knowledge that you were willing to cease Winston's pain even though you knew the pain that decision would inflict on you.

prettylupin
10-07-2011, 11:14 AM
Bless your poor little heart.

I'm really sorry but I'm not sure you will get answers that will satisfy your needs because you can't ever know for sure and you may always have/look for 'what if' questions and answers.

You're going through a very deep grieving process and it's tough and it's difficult, and it's understandable you have questions that you need answered and stuff.

The only thing that you can go on is that in that moment you did what you felt was best for Winston, and that is all any owner can do at any one time. That is the part you have to focus on.

I agree with this totally.

I am so sorry and I know how you feel as I felt, and still do feel, much the same way about Nino whom we lost recently too. His arthritic pain when acute could easily push him into an acute bloat/stasis even with ongoing daily pain relief. The day we lost him something more catastrophic than normal had happened and he presented very much like Winston. We didn't have a PM and although the vets tried to pull him through he didn't make it. I am quite certain that a catastrophic event had occured in conjunction with his ongoing chronic pain. But more so, I have to remember that he was facing a long slow deterioration and a life where eventually the pain meds would not control his pain at what I would consider 'quality of life' levels. Winston was facing the same end to his life. We console ourselves here that it was far better that Nino went so quickly that evening considering the end he would otherwise be facing.

You absolutely made the right decision for Winston, if it had not been the right decision I don't believe you would have made it. You knew it was his time.

Hugs xx