I understand why you feel scared of getting attached again. But you have so much love to give to all your creatures Nicola, and they all deserve it and are all so different.
I dont know if this helps at all but this is one of my favourite lines from a song "In the end all you can hope for
Is the love you felt to equal the pain you've gone through"
I think it shows that if you felt that much pain, then hopefully it has been balanced out with pure love and happiness.