I can't get any comfort from them

I am really struggling to understand how people get comfort from getting their bunnies ashes back.

We very rarely get ashes back but I collected Elwoods on Tuesday. I really hoped they would make me feel better but they don't. I also got Timmys ashes back and I hated having them here. It took me 5 months to put them in a pot in the garden. So I thought with Elwoods I would be prepared and plant them straight away. I bought a plant and a lovely white planter and put the ashes straight in the pot. Its a lovely house plant that is now on a shelf in the lounge.

I really wanted to feel like he was back home where he belonged and i would gain comfort from having him here. But I feel nothing, it just looks like a pot plant I cannot get my head around the fact that, that is Elwood now

I miss him so much, I really wanted it to make me feel better

I think it is also so much harder because we have lost so many in recent weeks and we are now not taking any more in. Before we always had new bunnies arriving which I could focus on and put my head down and just block out the pain and grieving. But now I can't do this. So although we stopped taking in bunnies to give ourselves a break and make it a bit easier for awhile I am actually finding it is making things harder for me :?

Ashes are just ashes, his soul is free. He will be watching over you, and I'm sure will visit you in some way.

Enjoy the plant pot, remember the happy times when you look at it, but Elwood's spirit is free now. x

Blackberry & Co said:

Ashes are just ashes, his soul is free. He will be watching over you, and I'm sure will visit you in some way.

Enjoy the plant pot, remember the happy times when you look at it, but Elwood's spirit is free now. x

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I have some lovely photos of him on the wall and they bring me happy memories, then I look across at the pot and think its just a plant. I am actually quite jealous of people who are able to find comfort in having their pets back with them in whatever form. It must be nice to feel they are close.

I'm the same, Liz. I've never had them back before but because she was such a special little angel I got Santa's ashes back. Like you, it hasn't brought me any comfort at all. The life and essence of Santa was all about her personality and soul; with that gone, all that's left is the shell that she lived in. I get much more comfort and joy out of looking at all the photos and remembering all her little ways. I will plant a beautiful plant with her but I haven't done it yet as it's so dry I'd probably kill it. But I don't really feel that it will make any difference.

Hugo's There said:

I have some lovely photos of him on the wall and they bring me happy memories, then I look across at the pot and think its just a plant. I am actually quite jealous of people who are able to find comfort in having their pets back with them in whatever form. It must be nice to feel they are close.

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I'm not sure I would ever have ashes - it would make me feel too sad, whereas photos bring back happy memories.

Enjoy the plant for what it is- a nice pot plant.

We are all different, and I know some people get great comfort from ashes, but not all of us do.

I hated having my nan's ashes in the house, but when we scattered them under her rememberance rose it felt so much better.

oh I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is for you and Steve.

I think the fact that they are with you and not randomly scattered by the cremetoriam would be comfort to me but I know what you mean in that the pot is just a pot, its no substitute He's there tho watching over you and he'll let you know every so often, just don't get too bogged down in the sadness so you miss them.

My mum's friend recently lost her partner very suddenly and was inconsolable for a long time, understandably, but it was when she started trying to pull her life together again that she started noticing things. The first time it happened she was going through his guitars and trying to decide if she should sell them so someone else could enjoy them when all of a sudden their song came on the radio, it was an oldie so very unusual to here, think he was just letting her know he thought it ok by him xxx

Thing is Liz and perhaps I'm wrong. But you have lost sooo many little lives. And of course the loss of Elwood is particularly hard to bear.
But Liz it's not going to be easy. And while the distraction of having more arrive to prepare for is good cos it blocks out the bad feeling, it is just that, distraction. And while it's hard and feels horrible, do you think perhaps it has to be gone through?
Hugs to you
ETA I'm really sorry I hope I havent been too insensitive.

I can understand where you are coming from, I don't think I would get much comfort with ashes. I do get comfort by buring them though- probably because it is done straight away, they get a goodbye pat and I know where they are. We have decided we won't bury anymore, we don't have the space. I found it upsetting to see them taken away by the vet for disposal though and think having ashes back would give the same feeling, by the time they came home the presence of the animal has gone anyway.

I also understand what you say about no new animals coming in, I think the challenge of getting to know and finding out the needs of another stops you from dwelling on the loss. All recent arrivals have settled into their routine as have we and I am dwelling on losing Samson, much longer than normal. I usually manage to block the grief out by concentrating on the latest arrival.

halfpenny said:

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I also understand what you say about no new animals coming in, I think the challenge of getting to know and finding out the needs of another stops you from dwelling on the loss. All recent arrivals have settled into their routine as have we and I am dwelling on losing Samson, much longer than normal. I usually manage to block the grief out by concentrating on the latest arrival.

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This is exactly it. I have a nice easy routine now with no new challenges. But what is strange is that since Elwood has gone, despite having over 5 less bunnies than we did a month or two ago I actually feel more ill and am struggling a lot more :? even Steve commented that I had deteriorated in recent weeks

Fairy13 said:

Thing is Liz and perhaps I'm wrong. But you have lost sooo many little lives. And of course the loss of Elwood is particularly hard to bear.
But Liz it's not going to be easy. And while the distraction of having more arrive to prepare for is good cos it blocks out the bad feeling, it is just that, distraction. And while it's hard and feels horrible, do you think perhaps it has to be gone through?
Hugs to you
ETA I'm really sorry I hope I havent been too insensitive.

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Its fine, I agree really. We have lost 17 so far this year and I have counted up another 11 we could loose at anytime. The problem is I think if I do stop and really think about all the bunnies we have lost in the past few years I would collapse in a heap and never get up again

Hugo's There said:

Its fine, I agree really. We have lost 17 so far this year and I have counted up another 11 we could loose at anytime. The problem is I think if I do stop and really think about all the bunnies we have lost in the past few years I would collapse in a heap and never get up again

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yes i understand that there are no easy answers. I'm really sorry. I wish there was something any of us could do to make it easier for you

Could you immerse yourself in fundraising for a while? I know it's not the same as a new bun but maybe doing something fun and productive may help? I'm more than happy to help with the site (well I'd get my techy bloke to!) and merchandising...

I have Kermit's ashes beside my bed. I don't know it's that i feel 'comfort' in having him there, but i do feel that he is meant to be with me and that's where he will stay. I felt that my house was the only place that he had ever been his whole short life, so i wanted him to stay were he knew he was safe.

I have them in a picture box, there is pictures of him on top of the box, they make me smile when i look at them.

I suppose i get more comfort from my painting of him, cos it is in my living room, which is where he stayed. I often talk to him there, and i feel that his wee face is looking at me when i look at the pic.

Great - after writing this out i am now struggling to hold back the tears.....i am at work aswell!

Jenefina said:

Could you immerse yourself in fundraising for a while? I know it's not the same as a new bun but maybe doing something fun and productive may help? I'm more than happy to help with the site (well I'd get my techy bloke to!) and merchandising...

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Thats why I did the book, but its finished now. I have plenty to do really, I don't know..... I guess I am just disappointed that having Elwood back didn't give me what i thought it would. maybe my expectations were too high :?

Hugo's There said:

Thats why I did the book, but its finished now. I have plenty to do really, I don't know..... I guess I am just disappointed that having Elwood back didn't give me what i thought it would. maybe my expectations were too high :?

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You could always make some more bunny biscuits to take your mind off things

Hugo's There said:

Thats why I did the book, but its finished now. I have plenty to do really, I don't know..... I guess I am just disappointed that having Elwood back didn't give me what i thought it would. maybe my expectations were too high :?

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I think in that situation its expected, you do anything and everything you can to try and stop it hurting so much. So sorry it hasn't helped, I really do hope you feel better soon xxx

Ashes don't bring me comfort, only closure.

Jenefina said:

I think in that situation its expected, you do anything and everything you can to try and stop it hurting so much. So sorry it hasn't helped, I really do hope you feel better soon xxx

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I agree completely here. Everyone is different.
Personally I'm a burial person, but not for comfort, it's to let it sink in that they've gone. The comfort is from the happy memories, & thinking about the joy the joy they gave in life. (Not claiming to be good at bereavement here, I even miss my little fella when he's having a dental )

I do think it's important to let the pain out bit by bit, & have a rant in private, or it just builds up into a big amorphous blob of heartache, & we don't know which bit of pain belongs to which death. If that makes any sense.:?

Sorry you're finding things so tough, but Elwood was so special maybe it is to be expected. Perhaps it's just a bit too soon for you to feel comfort, but I hope it does come - you deserve it and it sounds as if you need it. :wave:

I've never had any ashes. I have a few pets burried in the garden, but these are the pets that have died unexpectedly at home. The other have gone via the vet and the pet crematorium. I'm told that the ashes from each cremation are scattered in a garden at the crematorium but I've never visited. I just kind of think, they're gone. They're not in that garden, just their dust and shell.

I was thinking about what I'd do when Thistle goes oops the other day as he's so big and I love him sooooo much. I did think after seeing posts on here, that it'd be nice to have his ashes and plant them with a rose or a nice tree... but then I think I'd get upset if the plant died.

Getting to the point, I don't think they'd bring me any comfort at all, only sadness when I thought about them. I don't like the fact that I have a bunny and a few birds buried in the garden either. I find myself avoiding walking on that particular bit of lawn.

I don't think you're unusual in feeling the way you do. I'm quite jealous of people who can find comfort in such things to be honest.