On Tuesday this week Badger was struggling and he was tired. I took him to the vet and asked if it was possible for him to have oxygen for a while, but then said that I didn't know if that was best and maybe having him put to sleep would be best for him.
She said it was worth a go putting him on oxygen therapy (with Rosie) and giving it to him overnight. She said that sometimes the laryngeal area can tighten so they have to breathe harder which can make it tighten more, etc, and sometimes the oxygen can help ease it and calm things down. She did say though that if it didn't improve then the kindest thing for him was to let him go.
All I've ever promised my crew is to do whatever I think is best for them and try to live by that, no matter how much my heart may break.
I spent that night so upset because I was so sure that he wouldn't spend his last night at home, but would spend it at the vets and he would end up being put to sleep the next day.
On Wednesday, after speaking to the vet, she said that he was much better but still struggling, and suggested a steroid just to see if it could help. Its his last chance anyway, so I said yes.
She then said that he could come home overnight and we would reassess the next day. I even booked the appointment to let him go.
I was so happy that night. Whatever happened the next day he was going to be at home on his last night. I could play with him that night, feed him all the treats in the world, take pictures and videos, and just show him just how much he was loved. If it was best to let him go, at least he would go out with a bang.
I was up with him into the early hours, and then crawled into bed, wondering what the rest of the day would bring.
I woke up and Badger was Badger. He was his old self. I put him out on the lawn with Rosie to, once again, enjoy his last day. To spend his last hours basking in the sun and happy.
Looking at him though, I was having such a deep inner debate. Is it best to have him put to sleep? Is he ready to die? If I didn't have an appointment to let him go, would I call up and make one? Eventually, after seeing him bounding around and generally being 'Magic Badger' I knew deep down the answer was 'no'. He was not ready to die. His body was not ready to die. He wanted to live. So I cancelled the appointment.
Two days on Badger is still holding his own. He is still 'Magic Badger'. Still the bunny who runs between and around your feet, appears instantly wherever he thinks you are, sits outside doors waiting for you, follows you wherever you go, begs for food, begs for nose rubs, bashes you to let you know he is there and what he wants. His breathing is maybe a 7-9 out of ten, but on Tuesday it had been a 2 when I took him to the vet.
Today we also started him on a steroid to see if that did help more than the vet realised.
Badger is one of my most special. He is so close to my heart. He's second only to Sky. Since the day he chose me, Badger and I have been connected on a very deep level (I didn't really appreciate it though when for the first few weeks of having him, and him being in quarantine, he was at eye level and I would get sprayed maybe 4 or 5 times a day in my hair, on my face, everywhere).
He is my bunny, but more importantly, he is my friend. Had it been best to let him go, I would have cuddled him and let him go because he deserves the best and he deserves never, ever to suffer (same as all of mine).
But it wasn't best for him to go and I am so, so happy about that. I have my Badger Waggle for longer. I don't mind how much because its already longer than I thought. I feel like the luckiest person in the world for having this time. Having these days.
He means the world to me. I'm so grateful for that slice of hope. For that extra day.
More though, I'm so grateful to him, for him wanting to live, for him never giving up, and for him having just the biggest spirit and the biggest want to live.
I'm so lucky.
She said it was worth a go putting him on oxygen therapy (with Rosie) and giving it to him overnight. She said that sometimes the laryngeal area can tighten so they have to breathe harder which can make it tighten more, etc, and sometimes the oxygen can help ease it and calm things down. She did say though that if it didn't improve then the kindest thing for him was to let him go.
All I've ever promised my crew is to do whatever I think is best for them and try to live by that, no matter how much my heart may break.
I spent that night so upset because I was so sure that he wouldn't spend his last night at home, but would spend it at the vets and he would end up being put to sleep the next day.
On Wednesday, after speaking to the vet, she said that he was much better but still struggling, and suggested a steroid just to see if it could help. Its his last chance anyway, so I said yes.
She then said that he could come home overnight and we would reassess the next day. I even booked the appointment to let him go.
I was so happy that night. Whatever happened the next day he was going to be at home on his last night. I could play with him that night, feed him all the treats in the world, take pictures and videos, and just show him just how much he was loved. If it was best to let him go, at least he would go out with a bang.
I was up with him into the early hours, and then crawled into bed, wondering what the rest of the day would bring.
I woke up and Badger was Badger. He was his old self. I put him out on the lawn with Rosie to, once again, enjoy his last day. To spend his last hours basking in the sun and happy.
Looking at him though, I was having such a deep inner debate. Is it best to have him put to sleep? Is he ready to die? If I didn't have an appointment to let him go, would I call up and make one? Eventually, after seeing him bounding around and generally being 'Magic Badger' I knew deep down the answer was 'no'. He was not ready to die. His body was not ready to die. He wanted to live. So I cancelled the appointment.
Two days on Badger is still holding his own. He is still 'Magic Badger'. Still the bunny who runs between and around your feet, appears instantly wherever he thinks you are, sits outside doors waiting for you, follows you wherever you go, begs for food, begs for nose rubs, bashes you to let you know he is there and what he wants. His breathing is maybe a 7-9 out of ten, but on Tuesday it had been a 2 when I took him to the vet.
Today we also started him on a steroid to see if that did help more than the vet realised.
Badger is one of my most special. He is so close to my heart. He's second only to Sky. Since the day he chose me, Badger and I have been connected on a very deep level (I didn't really appreciate it though when for the first few weeks of having him, and him being in quarantine, he was at eye level and I would get sprayed maybe 4 or 5 times a day in my hair, on my face, everywhere).
He is my bunny, but more importantly, he is my friend. Had it been best to let him go, I would have cuddled him and let him go because he deserves the best and he deserves never, ever to suffer (same as all of mine).
But it wasn't best for him to go and I am so, so happy about that. I have my Badger Waggle for longer. I don't mind how much because its already longer than I thought. I feel like the luckiest person in the world for having this time. Having these days.
He means the world to me. I'm so grateful for that slice of hope. For that extra day.
More though, I'm so grateful to him, for him wanting to live, for him never giving up, and for him having just the biggest spirit and the biggest want to live.
I'm so lucky.
