Yes, I am terrified.
We had a dog when we were kids, who gave birth to pups when I was about 12 (sorry to those who have heard the story). As she was giving birth to the pups they were cold as she had 10. I took one with a little white flash on his head and put him on my tummy under my dressing gown for warmth.
He was the most special animal I have ever owned (sorry to Biscuit!). He was wonderful, and I am still crying as I type this. I grew up with him, and he was my shoulder to cry on when I went through the worst of my times, he would sit with me and cuddle me when I cried and lick my face or nibble my chin until I laughed. I had the most incredible bond with him.
Almost two years ago he was diagnosed with leukemia. By that time I was living down south, and used to go home as often as I could. Everytime I went home I thought it would be the last time I saw him and I lay with him for hours holding him, stroking him and crying.
He passed away just over 18 months ago. I cannot watch the videos I have of him, I am finally able to put a picture of him on my wall. He is still the screensaver on my phone.
I have never felt loss like it, and I have lost family members, grandparents, friends. It still hurts like hell, and I can't imagine a day when I can think of him and not weep for having lost him.
I vowed when I lost him that I would never get another pet. But if I were to go through my life without loving again then what sort of life would that be.
He will always be my special, special boy, he is one of the main reasons I am still here. If it wasn't for him when I was low, I would not be here today. My life is so much the richer for having loved him, and for all the pain I would not give that up for a single second.
I am now blubbing uncontrollably, and I am sorry to have hijacked the thread!