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I'm a failure. I'm in a mess.

Sky-O

Wise Old Thumper
I just can't abide this anymore, and I'm sorry this is so self pitying.

I 'got stuck' with a bunny that I knew I could never ever take on, but 'moral blackmail' (as my dad called it), was used against me (in no so many words, but meaning 'if you don't take her I will have her put to sleep') and I've ended up with her.

It's too much. Seriously too, too much.

I know my limits, and this is beyond my limits. She is not in ideal accommodation (but gets out for a big run every day). She is getting all her physical needs met and having a marvellous time (if her binkies are anything to go by), but it doesn't change the fact she is one too many.

Every time I look at her I get so angry at everyone who let her down (which is every single person that has 'cared' for her up until I took her on), I feel sad for her that she has gone through this, and I feel so guilty for not wanting her, and then I just hate myself for not wanting her when none of this is her fault.

Unfortunately it's spreading to my others. They have all their needs met, they are spoilt rotten and very happy if their behaviour is anything to go by (with the exception of Angel, who seriously needs a friend right now), but I just feel I can't cope with them.

I'm shutting off from them, starting to resent them, even sometimes hate them, yet still do everything for them, cuddle and snuggle with those who want it, get them vet attention when they need it, I mean they seriously have my all. I don't want to hate my bunnies because they are the ONLY things in this world that give a damn about me. I know that deep down I love them so, so much and would move the world for any of them (including my newest addition), but at the same time, it's all being blighted by bitterness, guilt and anger.

I just feel like I'm failing them. And I'm seriously overwhelmed.

I have no intention to rehome any of them because any that come here as a permanent, stay here. The only one who may go, if a suitable, experienced owner is found, is my foster 'Baby', but he has upper respiratory issues and looks like he will develop spurs (the ironic thing being when I take him out on the harness is the only time I get any happiness from them at the moment bcause he is just so, so happy and funny on the harness with ridiculous binkies left, right and centre, and lots of running and fun.).

None of this is helped by the fact I am physically pretty unwell right now (part of the reason I've not been about). My iron levels in my blood are still dropping and are now just above the threshold where they can kill you at any time (I had a blood test last week, which I had to ask for, and when the results came back the doctor decided-without talking to me- 'that if he was doing his job properly he would admit me to hospital but he knows I don't want that', and that was that). I'm so tired, so rundown, and I'm just failing the most important things in my life, I'm failing those who are my world.

I hate myself so much for it. I just want to be a better bunny mum.
 
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I am so sorry you feel so awful. You are not a bad bunny mummy, quite the opposite. All your buns are loved and cared for even though you feel so bad. So is the doctor prescribing anything to help you? Have you got someone who could look after the bunnies to give you a break?

I hope you feel better soon, thinking of you. X
 
Sorry to hear this. I would personally suggest rehoming this new girl - yes, you may have been emotionally blackmailed into taking her but you're not forced to keep her, and if having one less bun would help with the others then I think it's definately worth considering. Do you have rescue backup for Baby? A rescue may be able to find just the right owner, willing to take on a bun with respiratory and teeth problems, which would be another burden off your back.
It's lovely to help so many animals but your health and your own buns should be your priorities
 
Thank you for being kind :)

No. I can't take iron tablets because they upset my stomach and I'm phobic of being sick (and struggle with anxiety issues that would compound that), but I'm open to other things like iron injections, or iron IV, but as far as that doc is concerned, that was it. He didn't even talk to me, he relayed it via whoever I spoke to on the phone (a nurse or receptionist I guess).
 
Btw, my friend was diagnosed anaemic, and iron tablets made no difference, and on further investigation it turned out she has Caeliac's and that was stopping her absorbing nutrients properly. She's much less tired and in much less pain now she's gone gluten-free. I really would persevere for a diagnosis, can you see another doctor at the same practise?
 
Thats dreadful treatment from the GP....is there anyone in the same practice you could see to try and get injections maybe?
 
Massive sympathies to you feeling this way, especially when you are not well in yourself.

I think no matter how many buns we have, and how much work they are, sometimes everyone resents them at some point. but clearly despite how you feel right now you are taking exceptional care of them and thats brilliant. dont forget to pat yourself on the back that your buns are so happy and well cared for, a lot of people who are ill and stressed dont manage so well (for understandable reasons).

You say you dont want to rehome any buns - not even the new girl? or could you bond the new girl with angel as you said she needs a friend? If someone was willing to give them a forever home, could you bond the new girl and the foster to ease your work load?

i dont know where you are, but perhaps you need some time off to get better and you could get someone else to come in and help with the rabbits? even for a few days? Can you find out what they want to do in hospital and explore home therapy?
 
I think alot of you lasses on here deserve medals.You are one of them.
May I ask,have you had any experience with buns that have Kyphosis of the spine????
 
Sorry to hear this. I would personally suggest rehoming this new girl - yes, you may have been emotionally blackmailed into taking her but you're not forced to keep her, and if having one less bun would help with the others then I think it's definately worth considering. Do you have rescue backup for Baby? A rescue may be able to find just the right owner, willing to take on a bun with respiratory and teeth problems, which would be another burden off your back.
It's lovely to help so many animals but your health and your own buns should be your priorities

My new girl came to me with spinal injuries and her care if pretty high maintenance. I have adopted her from the rescue where she sustained the spinal injury. The only option other than me was being PTS-the rescue would have done it a couple of weeks ago. Their contract says if I want to rehome I have to send her back to them and she was abused and neglected enough there. My foster is through the RSPCA, but would not trust them to look after him there and ensure he is as healthy and happy as possible. A home will be found for him through the RSPCA though, but I have no trust for them at all, which is adding to the conflict.
 
I'm so sorry you feel like that. You aren't a failure though - I think it's normal to feel that way. When I have had several ill buns, or too many here at once I have felt eaxtly the same. It's tiring, & emotionally draining, you can't always tell what's wrong, & they just won't get better. There's the constant round of drugs & vet visits, & the worry over the well-buns - which you can't find time to enjoy.

When I lose one, I often don't want to be near the others, to the point of only seeing them to feed/water/clean etc - it takes me a few days to come round again. I think it's a kind of self-defence & it isn't hate - it just feels like it at the time.

I do think you need your foster or latest bun to move - perhaps another Rescue can take them on?

One thing I've learnt is you aren't repsonsible for them all -you can only do so much:cry:
 
I think you are doing an amazing job and you have fought so hard for one particular bunny which is going to take it out of you emotionally.

If you are feeling ill yourself it always so much harder to cope and feels like nothing is good enough when in reality it is probably a lot better than you think :D

If you still need our help you know where we are :wave:
 
<hugs>

I'm not sure I can offer any help beyond what others have said.

Eating dark greens is supposed to help iron absorption I think!
 
May I ask,have you had any experience with buns that have Kyphosis of the spine????

No, sorry. Her spinal problem was caused by an injury, and I think that Kyphosis is a deformity? I may be wrong with that, though.

Also just wanted to add that my new bunny is inside and needs to stay inside, at least until the spring. I think she would bond nicely with Angel, but that can't be done until spring. I could try and bond my new girl with one of my indoor buns (I have three single males-all of whom think I am their bonded friend), but then I still have the issue of Angel being a loner bun.

I did consider bonding Baby and this girlie, but again, Baby is currently outside, and I considerede bonding Baby with my inside girl (but that's probably just a pipe dream because she actually hates anyone who crosses her path).

This new girl's current accommodation would not be ok for a healthy bunny. She is in a 4x1ft hutch (enforced rest for her back), and then comes out for a run during the day (moderate exercise), and this regime is actually working wonders for her. If we can get her off the medication then you would never believe that she has any problems-but obviously the medication may be masking her problems. She also has some sort of issue with her anus-not sure what yet though, but likely to be how matted with poo she was allowed to get at the centre because they were neglectful of how ill she was.
 
By the way, thank you for all your replies and for not tearing me apart. I really do appreciate that. I think I know in a few days I'll bounce back and be able to cope better because I always do. I think I really just need to tell everyone who let this new girl down exactly how I feel, how disgusted I am, how neglectful they were, etc, but that's not practical, because I have to be professional, so it's just eating me up inside.
 
<hugs>

I'm not sure I can offer any help beyond what others have said.

Eating dark greens is supposed to help iron absorption I think!

Spinach, kale etc are a good source of iron but high in phosphorus which binds with iron and makes it hard to absorb, so it's not such a great source. Vitamin C helps absorption though so drinking a glass of orange juice or eating a kiwi for pudding (meant to be more vit C in kiwi than orange!) may help
 
I can sympathize with how you're feeling too...it's hard enough work to look after multiple rabbits, but can feel totally overwhelming if one is sick or if you are unwell yourself.

I reckon that once you settle into a routine with the new bun, you'll wonder why you ever felt you couldn't cope...I know I usually panic for a couple of weeks when a new rabbit arrives, and constantly soul-search about whether I've made the right decision or not...but after a while it just becomes 'normal' to have the newbie around and you learn to muddle along :)
 
Oh no I really feel for you. You are doing an amazing job with your buns.

You need to get yourself up to a hospital if your iron stores are that depleted. This happened to me once after being on an immunosuppressant drug, my haemoglobin level dropped to 6.8 and my iron stores were virtually depleted, I had an IV iron infusion. That was a year and a half ago and I haven't been anaemic or had an iron problem since.

I never had to be admitted to the hospital, I just got the iron infusion as a day procedure.

I really would advise you to go up to the hospital, you need your health to be able to care for your bunnies. They would miss you terribly if anything happened. :(

Cerys :)
 
I am so sorry you have having a bad time at the minute. Just keep focused on that your bunnies get everything they need and have a wonderful life with you.

I would go back and see the doctors again and explain how you are feeling.

*Hugs*
 
You are not a failure! You are a sympathetic human being and you need to give yourself a break. Literally and figuratively. Is there anyway you can take a break? Have some you time? Just to clear your thoughts and let the anger go? Anger is poison and a waste of energy. Those fools that let your little bun girl down so badly are not worth wasting your emotional energy on.

I would not give up your foster, Baby. If he makes you laugh and brings you joy then you need that in your life right now.

Hugs to you. Hang in there and things will get better. A good vent to sympathetic ears on RU helps as well:)

And {{{vibes}}} to your little girl for quick healing. She is lucky to have you, you know!
 
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. You're an amazing bunny mummy and you should never doubt that.

I've been anaemic for a while now, I have tablets but they do very little, but instead I eat alot of spinach, cabbage and broccoli as all are very rich in iron. Thinking of you.x
 
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